Jules' POV
Have you ever had a major dream you look forward to in your life? A dream so big it feels like it's impossible to achieve yet you still want to pursue it because it's what your heart desires? The sole reason why you're anticipating life?
Well… if you did have, then we're probably cruising the same yacht and if you didn't… then you probably gonna have a hard time relating to this story- kidding.
If you're wondering who I am, a completely random person who just asked you a silly question out of nowhere, then let me introduce myself.
Julian Rie Sandoval is the name but my friends and classmates refer to me as Jules. I am a freshly graduated high school student spending her whole summer vacation trying to figure out my life dilemmas.
Struggles on deciding what course to take in college sound easy and normal for some of you and that's cool.
BUT NOT FOR ME.
To be honest, this is not what I expected at all. I thought I had my life all planned and polished already. I even made a flowchart of how my life should be done but it's not going the way I wanted! The ambition that I had been excited about…
"no" Mom plainly said, her callus hands busy scrubbing the plates we used after eating dinner.
"Mom, listen, let me finish first- it's a good university to go to! Most of my batchmates chose it because it really serves a wide variety of choices and they're one of the top universities that offer superb teaching quality! I just need to take a qualifying exam and take my shot at getting a full scholarship… I know it's kinda far from here but I still have time to save money! I'll apply for a part-time job and…" I continuously go through my plans enthusiastically, too excited to even notice my mom's mood changing and her facial expression contorting into a grimace.
"That's enough" it's her first response but I still went on about it.
"Look, mom, I know you're worried about me being away but I will be fin-"
"I said enough, Julian!" I stopped speaking as disappointment and hurt surged through my body. It made me feel helpless.
"I said no, no one's gonna go to that university, no one's gonna have a part-time job, no one's gonna take entrance exams, you stay here and go to the local university just like your father said." That's what my mom worded before going back to what she was doing.
"But mom… it's my dream university… I… you know I really did my best so I can qualify for their bars! My hard work's going to be a waste if-"
"Julian… we already talked about it with your dad. You stay here until you graduate and that's it. Please stop whining and start helping me here, go wipe these plates and stack them on the rack" with that being said, I bit my tongue back not wanting to force my thoughts on her further. I knew there was no way I can change her mind.
After helping in the kitchen, I went back straight to my room. As soon as I closed my door, the last bit of the energy that was trying to keep me up left my body. Feeling my knees weakening, I threw myself on my bed. I didn't even notice that my tears had been wanting to slip out my lids not until I let them.
It's unfair. So unfair.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•
"that sucks"
"yes…" I let out a deep sigh looking at my childhood friend casually sipping her grande iced coffee after responding to me with the two most comforting words I heard from her as soon as I finished venting about what happened yesterday. That's sarcasm by the way.
"see…" she took off her expensive-looking, shiny, and glittery eyeglasses before proceeding to speak again.
"Why do you even tell them, you know how pain in the arse your parents can be"
"Yuan!" I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at her in disbelief.
"what? As if they can do anything if you already took the qualifying exams" Yuan rolled her eyes before taking another sip of her coffee again.
"Of course, they had to know, it's my parents we're talking about here, I love them, they deserve to know my decisions… Besides, they're my only support…" I let out another sigh.
"bitch, what do you take me for?" Yuan exclaimed, slamming both her hands on the table, startling some customers in the open café we were at.
"Financially, that's what I meant Yuan, I don't have work or any source of income. I'm literally broke" I rolled my eyes before taking a sip of my drink too.
"and you think I can't?" she fished a blue card out of her tiny yet sumptuous pouch and slid it in front of me.
"What's this?" I darted at my friend in confusion.
"hmmph, one of my cards those oldies at the mansion gave… it's the card I use whenever I feel like shopping, mostly designated only for my squandering." Yuan said while checking her nails.
"Why are you giving this to me? Are you flexing your money, huh? You cheeky brat? and how many times do I have to remind you that stop calling your grandparents oldies, have some respect-"
"blah blah, you speak like them too, I ain't listening to you. I need to go now, gotta do some school project with a classmate, bye~" and just like that, Yuan fled the scene leaving me alone.
I stared at the card in my hands. It must be nice to be financially able. Buy whatever you like, get whatever you need, spend whenever you want… Lucky people.
I sighed again. I did it many times today but even though I did, the heavy burden in my heart stayed still.
What do I do now?
•°•°•°•°•°•°•
'Congratulations! You are included in the top passers this school year. Your admission to Lilium University is approved. We are glad to take you as our student, Bloom little white lily!'
"What's this Julian?" I stood frozen at my spot as soon as I entered my room and saw my mom holding my phone.
I'm out of words, hands starting to sweat and my feet felt cold, still trying to formulate an explanation to my mom. She brought her hand to her head, brushing her hair in frustration.
"Didn't I tell you that you will not be going to this university?!" she exclaimed.
"Mom-" I was about to explain what was going on but my mom was far too calm to even listen to me.
"How many times should I tell you that you can't go to this university!" she yelled, her face was red in anger.
"But I want to study there-" again, she did cut me off.
"Are you listening to me, Julian?! Are you out of your mind while doing this?" she asked consecutively, dropping my phone to the table just in front of me.
"It's my dream university, mom! Can't you support me just this once!" I yelled back, silencing her for a moment. She might be surprised because it's the first time I raised my voice to her. My tears were on the brink of falling out of my eyes. Not long after she calmly walked to me and cupped my face.
"Sweetie, can you please listen to me? I know you really want to go to that University and if it's only me, I would gladly support you but have you ever thought of your dad? He will surely disagree and get mad at you, do you want that?" she said, her voice was calm mixed with sadness. I knew what she meant yet I kept my eyes stern, averting my gaze from her. She sighed, sliding her hands down on my shoulders, squeezing it a bit.
"Julian, listen to me… just do what we told you to do" she said as if she was pleading to me.
"Mom… I can't-"
"What's happening here?" my father asked, entering my room, looking at us confused.
My mom and I looked at each other, waiting for someone to answer.
"What are you two arguing about? I heard you yelling at each other a while ago so I checked on both of you" he said, walking closer to us.
Mom sighed before speaking.
"Your daughter registered and took an exam to this university without asking a permission." she explained to my dad.
"I did but you didn't even consider it" I reasoned out.
My father sighed as he sat on my bed. Silence reigned for a while. Tense atmosphere filled my room. After a moment of quietness, he shifted and crossed her arms, looking at me.
"Do you really want to study in the city? Do you think you can survive living there without us?" he asked, his voice was filled with seriousness.
"Y-Ye--" he clicked his tongue loudly.
"Julian Rie Sandoval, can you?" he asked again sternly.
"Yes…" I said, eating my budding hesitancy.
"That's how you convince me? How do you think I can let you when your face says nothing but fear?"
I hardened my face as soon as he said that. I should not show any hesitation, I need to stand on what I want and that is to study at Lilium University!
"Yes dad. I'll do my best to survive my life in the city"
"How sure are you?" he asked again.
"101%" I retorted.
My father chuckled then smirked. "What are you going to do after moving there?"
"Look for a part-time job" I quickly answered.
"And how are you sure that you can do both at the same time?" he asked again as if he was testing me.
I swallowed a lump on my throat before answering "I just believe I can if others could."
"Who's gonna cook for you? How are you gonna eat? Wash your clothes? Iron it? Clean your room? Can you do all that by yourself?" he asked unceasingly.
"I will do my best and work hard!" I answered bravely.
Pops stared at me for a while before removing his glasses. "If that's so... then I challenge you." he said.
"Honey!" my mother exclaimed as the scene unfolded in front of her.
"I'll give you a whole semester to do the things you want on your own. Things you want to prove to us, things you just said you will do a while ago. A whole semester it is. I'll pay you a surprise visit anytime soon and if I see you not keeping up with life in the city…" Dad stood up and faced me. "you will go home with us and continue your study at the local university." he finished his words before walking out of my room, shaking his head. For a second, I knew he was kind of upset but decided not to show it.
I turned to mom and she was baffled by what my father said just like me. She gave me a worried glance before following him.
"Are you just letting our child live in the city alone?" I heard my mom in the distance. I decided to follow them. I suddenly felt a wavering emotion.
Am I doing the right thing? Am I fighting for something that is really worth it?
They went inside the kitchen and I hid outside, trying to listen to their conversation.
"William, our daughter is still too young to live alone! She's too sheltered to even know anything around her, you think letting her live her fantasy about city life will keep her safe?" My mom sounded enraged but I could tell she was so anxious at the moment.
"Hon… the moment Julian chose to act on her own, she had already decided. We can't do anything about it. She indeed put an effort into her studies just to go to that university. I could see that she is dedicated to all of this. She is a growing child turning into an adult. The only thing we can do to help her is to support her decisions." I bit my lip as I heard what my dad said.
"dad…" I showed up and as they turned to me, I ran toward him and gave him a tight hug.
"thank you pops… I knew you were upset but I promise to take care of myself and prove that I can do it so you will not have to worry" I heard him sigh, pulling away from the hug and leveling himself to me.
"Yes, it's upsetting that you started rebelling already but then, I'm glad that you are trying to go out of your comfort zone now" he threw a smile at me which I mirrored.
"But just to warn you… it's not going to be easy Julian… the challenge is up but you can call us if you want to go back, I will fetch you right away" he added as he messed up my hair.
"but I can't stand my baby moving away from us" my mother cried out jumping towards me and embracing me.
"I'm going to miss her so much, I don't think I can sleep if she's away from us" she dramatically expressed herself.
I smiled and hugged my mom back. "Mom, it's not like I'm going to move to a foreign country! I can still visit here and you can visit me." I reassured her.
After a peaceful moment of us three just hugging each other, my mom faced me and then smiled. "My sweetie is a grown-up now"
▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪
"Don't forget everything that I taught you, please take care and do not tire yourself, Julian, my sweetie" my mom repeated at the nth time for today.
"Yes mom, I understand, please do not cry" I said as I entered the car.
"How can I not?!" she sobbed as pops pulled her into a hug.
"Hon, don't cry, you're worrying our kid." he said comforting my sobbing mother.
"Julian, please take care of yourself." he said, handing me a card. "Use that for yourself." he said. I nodded and smiled again for the last time.
"Both of you take care too" I said before the car drove away from them.
I sat in the back seat silently watching the scenery outside. I will miss these fields and trees. The pond, the playground I used to go to. I will miss everything in this countryside but I already made up my mind.
Honestly, I'm scared of what might I face as I leave this tranquil place and move into a busy buzzing city. Anxious about what would lie in front of me as I go out from my serene shell. There are a lot of possibilities but I shook my head to shake off all my worries. It's too late to entertain those what-ifs.
I will do my best and work hard! I will survive city life! I can do it!
This City Series: Ms. Heaven my Haven