My name is Kaedehara Minato, I live in Tokyo Japan, I am 46 years old, I work as a salary man, and I am.. a magical girl.
Coworkers gossiping during launch break
"Did you see the news!? Puri Puri Girl saved the day again yesterday! She helped a plane land after both of its thrusters malfunctioned!"
"Right! Isn't she amazing!? I heard that bird Man sent his birds to jump into the thrusters making them malfunction! How can someone be so evil! I hope Puri Puri Girl catches him soon!"
"Last time it was Bedrock Man and now Bird Man! Puri Puri Girl can't catch a break!"
~sigh~
'Tell me about it, not only do I have to work 8 hours a day, I also have to battle against "supervillais".'
"Kaedehara why are you so silent, don't you like Puri Puri Girl?"
Kaedehara swallows the bite he had from his sandwich and speaks
"Without her many would have lost their lives, of course I like her"
'That's a lie, I hate her with every fibre of my being'
A coworker slaps the back of Kaedehara and speaks
"Right!? How could anyone hate her!"
~sigh~
'Give me a break..'
Kaedehara then noticed something
"!" And announced a little rush
"I am going to the bathroom."
And left the lunch area only for a certain broadcast to start playing all across Japan, TVs, radio's, and anything alike all playing a certain message
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PURI PURI GIRL YOU WON'T STOP MY PLANS THIS TIME! I'VE BROUGHT MY ARMY OF BIRDS AND I HAVE TAUGHT THEM HOW TO PICK UP STONES! DO YOU KNOWW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A STONE FALLS FROM A HIGH ALTITUDE? IT GAINS UNIMAGINABLE FORCE! HUUUHAHAHAHAHA! AND I WILL INSTRUCT THE BIRDS TO THROW THE STONES AT EVERY VEHICLE THEY SEE! FOR THE PLANET!"
Kaedehara sighed as he heard Bird Man speak, someone had hacked many devices across the country to broadcast this
'obviously it was not Bird Man who did it, he has the IQ of a Pigeon. Someone else is helping him.'
Kaedehara had now made it to a public bathroom as his workplace's bathrooms were under renovation
He got inside checking to make sure there was no one else inside and soon let out his most powerful sigh he could muster, before he uttered some peculiar words...
"Puri Puri.. Transformation."
Kaedehara's body lit up and he started transforming while gusts of wind blew from all that power
Firstly Kaedehara's body build became smaller and became that of a woman's in her late teens, lavish and long pink hair started growing from his head and then, pinkish clothes stated popping out starting from his hands, then feet, and then his whole body
And lastly a pink Wand with wings appeared in his hand
Kaedehara Minato had completed his transformation, he was now Puri Puri Girl, a cute Magical Girl in her late teens
~sigh~
'Time to put on an act.'
He got out of the bathroom and flew up to the sky as a pink trail of light dragged behind him
Eventually he reached Bird Man
"VILLAIN! How dare you case trouble for the innocent civilians!"
'Ugh I want to kill myself.'
Bird Man was taken by surprise, he didn't expect Puri Puri Girl to came this quickly
"Huahahah! You think you can stop me Puri Puri Girl?! Never! With my birds by my side I'm unstoppable!"
It was true, Bird Man was standing on Birds in order to fly, he was surrounded by Birds that protected him as other birds attacked innocent cars
Too many birds to count in fact, it was truly correct to call them an army, but...
Puri Puri Girl snickered
"Hmf, we'll see about that"
After Puri Puri Girl took a look at bird Man, it was awfully obvious that the weird technology that wrapped around Bird Man's head was the cause of his bird controlling powers
Thus, the only reasonable course of action would be..
'Hmph, predictable'
"Take this! Puri Puri! Magical beam attack!❤️✨❤️❤️✨"
'Please kill me where I'm standing.'
Puri Puri Girl launched a magical beam towards Bird Man's head with her wand
~woosh~
but he and all his birds dodged it
"You think just a little beam will be enough to defeat me?!"
A smile formed on Puri Puri Girl's face
"Yes."
As soon as she uttered that a magical mirror appeared behind Bird Man and deflected the magical beam back to Bird Man
"Oh god damn it"
~BZZZT~
Puri Puri Girl was happy
"BULLSEYE!"
Her plan worked perfectly, her super beam hit Bird Man's head, frying the Bird controlling technology in an instant
"WAAAAAAA!"
As Bird Man's control over the birds faded, the ones supporting him got away and he started falling down from the sky
'God damn it'
Puri Puri Girl flew swiftly and grabbed Bird Man before he fell to his doom and gently let him down
"DAMN YOU PURI PURI GIRL! I JUST WANTED TO STOP THEM FROM POLLUTING THE PLANET!
Bird Man was furious
But Puri Puri Girl was having none of it
"Puri Puriiiii BIND!⭐✨"
Magically red indestructible ribbons appeared and tied up Bird Man
~Sirens~
"They are over there! Puri Puri Girl apprehended him!"
Puri Puri Girl had a smile on her face
'Heh, right on time'
"I leave him in your hands officers! I have a bird issue to take care of!"
'Do your goddamn job properly next time.'
Without a leader, the Bird flocks were in disarray and chaos
Puri Puri Girl flew up above them all and spread her magical power to all of the Birds
"Hear me and calm yourself, head back to your origins and you will be safe, DISPERSE!💫"
And so the birds started flying away towards their original home, without being controlled
'This is how you order natural life Bird Man, you amateur.'
Puri Puri Girl flew down only to find a few reporters wanting to ask her questions
'Oh not again.'
"PURI PURI GIRL! WHAT WORDS DO YOU HAVE FOR THIS SITUATION!"
Puri Puri Girl put on a fake smile and spoke
"It was an unfortunate event that could have ended badly, but worry not! I'll keep everyone safe!"
"PURI PURI GIRL WHAT WORDS WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY TO OUR VIEWERS!?"
Puri Puri Girl bit her lips and answered
"Always take care of nature and never treat animals as objects! Else you'll end up like Bird Man!
'Oh god why me.'
.CUT
.
Monologue
As you can see, I have mastered the powers of a magical girl, I had to learn the hard way, through fighting countless supervillais. You are probably wondering how things came to be like this.
Well, it all happened because of a wish I made in my adolescence.
Flashback:
Kaedehara was watching S@il*r m**n on TV
"Damn it! I wish I was a magical girl! I would save everyone!"
Flashback end:
As a child I was an avid fan of shows like P*tchy P*tch* P*tch and S**lor m**n, so I was constantly wishing to become a magical girl like them, But I never would have expected that the day my wish was going to be granted was 38 years later while I was working as a salary man. The moment I awakened my powers as a magical girl I got a flashback to the moment I made that wish, as if the universe was telling me "you asked for it".
The only conclusion I can make out of this is that the world needed a hero, so I awakened as a result of that. BUT WHY ME! WHY A MAGICAL GIRL! UGGHHHH!
Monologue end
"And remember to recycle!✨ That's all from me! I have puppies to save❤️! Goodbyeee!💫"
'I Can't do this for even a second more.'
Puri Puri Girl flew away
A reporter whined
"Oh sucks I forgot to ask her about what to get for my wife on Valentine's Day.."
A second reporter was perplexed
"What does that have to do with reporting?"
"Nothing, I just have no clue what to get."
The second reporter was now rubbing his forehead as he was getting a migraine from hearing the first reporter talk
"Eric, just get her flowers."
Back to Puri Puri Girl
She had now made it back to the public toilet and went inside
and outside two agents dressed in all black wearing sunglasses were stationed
"Visual confirmation acquired. We will finally learn about Puri Puri Girl's true identity"
"SHHH, WHAT IF SHE HEARS US!"
After a minute the door started opening
"Finally! Her secret identity!"
And a middle aged man came out
"MY ASS! WE HAVE BEEN BAMBOOZLED! PURI PURI GIRL MUST KNOW HOW TO TELEPORT OR USE ILLUSIONS! DAMN IT!"
"Hahh, base, we lost her."
Of course the middle aged man comming out of the bathroom was none other than Kaedehara Minato
'Heh, you thought I didn't notice you? I could have gone elsewhere to de-transform, but who would believe that a middle aged man was Puri Puri Girl? Heh, anyway.'
Kaedehara looked at his hand
He had a chip from Bird Man's bird controlling device
'With this, I'm only one step to catching "him", the mastermind behind all the supervillains, and quite possibly, the one behind my powers. I will finally find you. And put an end to all of this. Once and for all, Mastermind.'
-End