/ayaka point of view/
"I can't see anything. That guy."
I was irritated, feeling like my head was about to boil over. I finished my meal early and went outside to feel the night breeze alone.
"Everyone was tired and feeling down."
We need to slow down tomorrow, or everyone will get exhausted and won't be able to continue. We can just ignore his opinion. But there was something that bothered me more than anything else.
"Those eyes, Those eyes..."
There was no hesitation in those eyes. Not just prepared to die, but already determined to die. He spoke about his own life so irresponsibly, as if he didn't care about it at all.
"He's an idiot. He's just drunk on his own power. That idiot."
He had always been saying stupid things anyway. I do think he's considerate of those around him, though... And that humanity of his was so down-to-earth that I couldn't help but like it.
I was mistaken. There was an abnormality hiding behind that humanity.
"I thought he was just an idiot, but I didn't realize he was this much of an idiot. He's a fool with a hero complex."
Fools who don't know the meaning of death easily risk their lives.
There were many people who would say "I don't mind dying" or "I don't care if I die." If it was just bravado, a joke, or a lie, it would be fine.
To boast about their reckless bravery, even though they can't actually do it. But that's fine. That's just how it is.
Everyone is afraid of death.
It's natural. Your own life is the most important thing.
There are foolish knights who say "struggling to live for honor is ugly," but that's a mistake.
True honor is "surviving no matter what."
There is no "honorable death" in this world. Struggling to live, even if it means being a little dirty, is much healthier.
Those who cannot prioritize their own lives are the most foolish. It's important not to mistake the priority.
But still, he had no hesitation, and there was no doubt in his eyes. His eyes were as if it was natural. He is a fool. He's crazy.
I thought that he, who could defeat me, could walk through life with me.
But it seems impossible. If he's someone who thinks little of his own life, he'll surely cause a big mistake.
It's over. My eyes were clouded. It's impossible for me to continue to associate with such a person. Because I have a mission.
I want to live, survive, and live with a smile in this world.
.
.
.
It was business as usual. Even though Chiaki yelled at me earlier, I continued with my usual routine. I can't afford to waste time. The journey to find the Metal Pepper continues. As a "Phantom" I can only cling to this "present."
"Let's go! Slash! Burn! Crush!"
I continued to strike with refined technique. I mechanically processed the monsters. Slash, throw, burn, and crush.
"I was really angry...I was labeled as a crazy person."
I am well aware that I am insane.
I have a secret ambition to risk my life for the people of this world.
No matter how much people mock me, I cannot lie to myself.
I have no intention of bending.
I don't mind being disliked. I don't mind being ridiculed.
Oh, but...being lonely in the end is a bit sad.
As I thought about such things, I sensed someone's presence behind me.
"Why did you bring me along? You need to rest," Maria said as she leaned against the wall and looked at me.
"I'll accompany you until Amachi-san takes a break."
"Really?"
Is that for real?
I had intended to continue the journey to find the Metal Pepper.
But Maria was exhausted.
I scratched my head.
"Let's go home for today."
"Is that so... Thank you for your hard work."
Maria let out a sigh of relief and smiled.
It was the way back home.
Perhaps due to the influence of hunting monsters all day long in the dungeon, there were no signs of monsters along the way.
"Why did you come with me when you're tired?"
I asked the same question again.
"Because I believe in Amachi-san."
"Huh?"
I was a little confused by her vague answer. After a moment of silence, she opened her mouth as if she had made up her mind.
"There is one... very important question."
"What is it?"
"Is Amachi-san planning to die?"
"What makes you think that?"
"In the conversation with Chiaki-san earlier, you used the words 'already made the decision to die' instead of being prepared. The word decision implies having made up one's mind. It's a simple question. Preparedness is a state of mind, while decision implies having made up one's mind. They have a similar meaning, but the nuances are different."
"Oh, I see. I must have said that without thinking."
"People will eventually die, you know?" I grinned at her.
"No, it's not like that. It means in the near future. Didn't it sound like you already know you're going to die?" She had a serious expression on her face.
"I give up. Hmm. Well, I guess so because I am." Yes, that's right. I might not be able to...exist in this world. That's because I'm already a dead undead. I chuckled to myself.
"What do you mean by 'because I am'?"
Maria looked down, her eyes lowered.
It seemed like she was waiting for me to continue.
That's because...my first goal is to make sure everyone has a happy ending.
That hasn't changed. But I'm a dead undead, and I won't be able to see beyond the final battle, whether I win or lose.
So, if we manage to clear everything, I have a dream of opening a thigh park in a quiet countryside somewhere, but I don't know if that'll ever happen. And, as Chiaki said, I'm already broken.
She nailed it. She knows it well because it's about myself.
That because I can't even remember my own name from my past life. The memory of a name, which is a crucial part of one's identity as an individual, had worn away and crumbled. Even though I could remember the history that I had lived through, and even though I knew about Megashuva... I didn't know who I was, or where I came from. I couldn't remember my face, my appearance, my name, or anything else. That's why I chose the name "Phantom of the Dead" to identify myself.
I made myself known as the "Phantom of the Illusion," the irregular who shouldn't exist, the one person who knows the future of this world.
"Well, maybe it's because I'm just a one-night illusion," I responded with a response that sounded like something a middle-schooler would say.
"Hmm? Um..." Maria's face showed surprise at my unclear response.
I cleared my throat and continued, embarrassed. "Like Chiaki said, I'm just an idiot."
Perhaps the atmosphere had lightened, as she covered her mouth with her hand and smiled slightly.
"Yes, that's right. Amachi-san is a bit unique. But that's fine. I think that's what makes you wonderful. Do you remember? I owe you a debt," she said.
"Oh, a debt? I didn't do anything..." I tried to play it off.
If she brought up a bill here, I would be bankrupt beyond measure. I thought I should quickly change the subject, but...
"No, you picked me up when I was down. That's why I trust you, Amachi-san. I believe that you've picked up many other people in the shadows. So I won't object. I can't. Even if you were abandoned by Chiaki... or Ayaka-san or Homura-san, or even by Kei-san or Hisui-san... I still want to walk with you," she said.
"You're flattering me too much."
"No, you have too low of a self-evaluation," Maria replied.
"Do you think so?"
"Amachi-san, I don't know what you meant by being a one-night illusion, but if you're doing something that puts your life in danger alone, I'll go with you. I'll risk my life too. I'll go with you to protect the life that was saved."
"Huh? Why would you do that?"
"Because we're comrades!"
"Um..." Amachi was puzzled.
"You're not alone. At least I'm here. I'm here to protect your back. That's why I strive every day to stand by your side. Amachi-san is strong, maybe you're trying to do something that nobody understands. Maybe a useless amateur like me is not necessary. Still, someday I'll become someone who's worthy of you. I'll become a stronger mage than you. I'll become a Meigus who surpasses you. I won't let you die. I'll do everything I can to find the best way to survive, no matter how harsh the situation may be!"
There was a powerful gaze in her eyes.
"I see. I understand now," I said, suddenly realizing something.
The truth was, without Maria, I wouldn't have been able to defeat Maniacs Yamamoto. Her magical support was the only reason I won.
I closed my eyes and smiled slightly.
"Do you know the phrase 'the future is now'?" I asked.
"No, I've never heard of it," Maria replied.
"That's not surprising. It's from my past life. An anthropologist once said, 'There is no past or future, only the present. The present is all there is. What we do now determines our future.' We don't live in the past or the future, only in this moment. So, let's stop trying to come to conclusions about a future that hasn't happened yet. Let's just focus on living in the present and making the most of it."
"What's important is not making the decision to die, but the decision to live," I added. "The future is now, and we only have this moment to live."
"Is that philosophy?" Maria asked.
"No, it's just a simple phrase: 'Don't live in the past or the future! Live in the now!' That's what it means, I think," I explained.
"You're saying something very wise," Maria said.
"I see, that's my interpretation," I said.
Maria clapped her hands. "That's right! When we get back, why don't we have a meal together with Chiaki-san and Homura-san?"
"Yes, it's gotten quite late. Let's adjust to everyone's pace a bit tomorrow. We could even take a break," I suggested.
"I was too impatient," Maria admitted.
"Maybe so," I agreed.
So, I'm not alone after all...Perhaps I had become too accustomed to being alone and had become numb to it.
It's not "I'm going to die anyway," it's "how will I live?"
My chest felt like it was filled with something, and I felt a sense of relief.