In my head.
<< FBI WARNING >>
The words written in white inside the red warning silhouette on a black background kept replaying in my mind.
It's a terrifying magic word that brings male folks back to reality.
Don't show them that kind of thing first.
They won't be able to concentrate.
Oops, I'm getting off track.
Let's get back to the topic.
Lately, I keep thinking about this string of characters.
Especially during despairing mornings.
I named the word "melancholy" as <
That's what I call it.
Today, once again, I felt <
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Recently, I have been troubled. This problem has been wearing me down day by day. I no longer enjoy eating. I have developed insomnia. I have even started balding.
I've started to think
"I don't want to go to school."
In my past life, I also refused to go to work, but this time the situation is a little different. Going to school is essential for conquering the heroine's route and achieving a happy ending.
There are event collection tasks to do, and I also help Kazane, the protagonist, grow.
However, I feel sick when I enter the classroom. The way to the classroom seems endless. The motivation is intense.
It's all because of Maria's presence, always glaring at me like an assassin with a cold, contemptuous smile. When our eyes meet, I think,
"I want to die."
I never felt such hatred directed towards me even in my previous life. I never expected human feelings of hatred to weigh so heavily on my mind.
In retrospect, I knew it was only a matter of time before Maria discovered my true identity. Perhaps she already knows. I don't know. It shouldn't be possible.
However, if I consider the possibility that she knows, everything makes sense.
I don't show any signs of it. I play the role of a small fry perfectly. I'm allowed to use only the low-level wind magic "Levitation." I should be able to play the weakest mob role perfectly.
However...
Those eyes that constantly glare at me seem to be saying,
"Just spit it out already, you monster."
But I can't do that. In recent years, forced confessions have become an issue. If I confess, I lose. Even if it's a false accusation, I'll lose in court. And I don't have a lawyer.
Please call a court-appointed lawyer for me.
No one is forcing me to do anything, since I am actually doing this on my own. I don't need to turn myself in.
If things continue like this, I will lose the trial without any chance of leniency.
There is no room for consideration of extenuating circumstances.
...I was just putting off the problem.
It's too late now.
For example, if I were possessed by a demon and shoplifted from a convenience store, would I bother to say, "Um, I shoplifted from this store half a year ago"?
I wouldn't say it.
Maybe some people would, but I wouldn't.
It might not be honest, but I would swear in my heart to the gods that I would never shoplift again and then live with that resolve.
I know it wasn't good.
It was just bad taste.
It was a mistake to run away on that depression route.
If I had apologized sincerely on the spot, the situation might have been slightly better.
There must have been valuable documents and memories in that place where I went berserk.
What would Maria's deceased father think of the person who destroyed his precious possessions?
Let's think about it carefully.
What if my Megashuva data were erased...
...I would lose it.
I would lose it like a demon.
And the fact that I was wearing a ridiculous costume makes it even worse.
The Phantom Prototype is sloppy.
The clothing is shoddy.
"No, that's not the issue right now."
I, foolishly, destroyed almost everything in the underground workshop.
I thought it was a stepping stone to avoid the depressing route, but now I realize there was a smarter way.
"I was foolish," I said.
Yes, I was foolish.
I am not smart.
I am like a child who can only take foolish actions.
I am like a child who collects flags on a kid's meal tray.
Today, I went to school again, feeling nauseous and walking slowly.
The prisoner heading to the guillotine must feel like this.
The feeling of intimidation grows day by day.
I shudder at that tremendous gaze.
She always watches me.
She scrutinizes my every move.
I try not to think about it, but it's scary.
Hearing her voice makes my spine tingle.
My stomach starts to ache.
If this continues, I will never see the best ending or my dream of a single illustration.
Hatred arises from people.
This curse has caused countless conflicts.
Hatred, revenge, and madness born from it.
Even now, in the long history of humanity, there is no way to lift this curse.
It is the dark side of human nature that cannot be separated from being human.
It may be stronger than any final boss in any route.
But still, I cannot stop walking.
Crossing the Rubicon is what this means.
I cannot stop.
I cannot turn back.
I have decided.
"I ask myself, for what reason am I doing this?"
I motivate my heart.
--- In that moment ---
I felt as if I could see a picture of Kazane surrounded by the smiling faces of all the heroines.
"I see... the answer is already there, isn't it?"
My mind became clear.
I saw something that was invisible.
I clench my fists, grind my teeth, and put strength into my trembling knees.
I ignited the flame of my soul within me.
I have already exceeded my limits.
"I see. It was my heart that was losing. My way of being was losing."
First step --- I want to run away.
Second step --- I'm scared.
Third step --- I might die.
Fourth step --- My heart is screaming.
Even so, I will go beyond that point. I can still move forward.
Fifth step --- My lungs feel like they're collapsing.
It's okay. I can still breathe.
Sixth step --- I feel a strong dizziness.
Don't worry. It's just in your head. Don't stop.
Seventh step --- It's not about logic.
It's not about reason. It's not even about feelings.
This is... this dream!
Absolutely not.
Absolutely!
Absolutely!!!
"I can't give up!"
Today as well, I put strength into my knees, toes, legs, arms, and hands.
I catch my breath.
As if erasing the fog in my mind.
I opened the classroom door with great force.
"Hey, what's up!"