A human being goes through many phases, these phases may last long, some short, and others shorter or longer.
Currently, I, Dover Montano, am currently experiencing one of these phases.
It came to me in a manner of an event.
I was in that event.
I was just standing in one of the corners of the mansion in which the event took place. When suddenly, I hear a familiar song.
~'Shoot for the moon'. 'And they dont stop coming, and they dont stop coming. ~
The lyrics was so nostalgic and familiar that it made me remember the time when I were young. I have always memorized every line of the song. I tap the dvd to start it every time I remember my dreams of having surounded by enourmous piles of money. As you can imply by what I did, I did as many times that i remembered every line of the song.
Then, it hit me.
Not just a simple hit. It was a hit that gave the sudden realization that the fact that I did everything to this point is to be surounded by enourmous piles of money- well not like surounded by it but having as many amounts to be able to do whatever i want in my life. One that made me think the choices i made that lead to it to me being a white collar worker, that I had lost my path, the path that i want to take. I had drifted so far away from that dream as a youth of ambitious mind to a fully grown adult that made me lower my standard to being able to do anything in my life to being just able to have the minimum amount to just make me content of my position. A position that I had just for the reason of being able to do it, though the job has its perks, advantages, great salary, It was not the one that I had wanted in my dream.
'Not like this...' I thought as am contemplating my entire life to my current point, to my future. Some may just dismiss my thoughts as just some sort of existencial crisis, but no. It was a very strong feeling, like an electricity running through my veins, it gave me urge to give action to this feeling. More specifically, to act and fulfill my dream. I tried to think of it like just an impulse, an explosive thought that may do more harm than good.
'But....'
But as I thought more deeply into it, it was not an impulse, not an explosive that made more harm than good, it's a reminder of my subconcious mind to do something about this thought that still stands at the back of my mind to the front. To do and fulfill this dream. It may just have been stress piling up on me or a chain of negative events, people, idea, things or other more context that pulled me to a corner and made me thought about it, making my favorite childhood song the trigger, it made me having these burst of emotions to this point.
Whatever the reason, it still stands that my dream is not yet fulfilled.
Unbenownst to me, i was shedding tears outside. I only noticed it when it dropped on my glass, like a rain falling on a puddle i frantically observed my suroundings to look if someone saw me.
Much to my relief, no one did notice it, they were just chatting and having dinner. Held by my superiors to celebrate a birthday, I joined it, i mean I liked free food and snacks.
However, not today, i am having a very critical time now and need a more fitting place to thoroughly think of the things going on my mind.
As i wipe my drying tears, I was ready to get the hell out of this place when a woman in front of me when i had turned around asked me a question.
"Are you alright?"
Apparently, someone did notice it.
In that moment I had been ready to say 'Get out of my way woman" when in noticed her face. Having a jade white skin, blue eyes that have a very clear beautiful hue in them, coupled with wide eye lashes made me want to describe her a beauty.
It was distracting. I immediately tried to clear of my stupor that i did not notice most of the guests' eyes were on me, mostly because of a beauty interacting with me.
I could care less about that.
"I'm on a roll right now, please excuse me."
I didn't think adding 'please' was really necessary, but yeah, i was on a roll.
Walking through aside of her i made a beeline to the host and stated that i was about to leave and i have something urgent to do tonight, the host just simply bade me a farewell.
Stepping outside of the mansion then opening my car with my keys, i entered and drived it home. While i said that i had great salary i was able to get a car for just a cheap price.
Anyway, my house is the best place to think of this stuff. Opening the gate, entering my home, having no one waiting for me as i have no relationships to even warrant a child to wait for me at the door i was thinking of having a guard dog to meet it every day to just have something or someone to greet me home.
"Ha....." My mind is now racing with jumbled thoughts, i let out a foul breath. I immediately opened my computer to write something. Writing the things in my mind to a computer makes my thoughts more organized and clearer. It makes cohesive description of what is running through my head currently.
Writing pages and pages more it felt like my brain was on fire, it made me feel like I could continue on forever.
"Click Clank Tap tap"
The sounds of me hitting the letters and space bar on my keyboard rang continously that night.
"...and done."
I uttered these words as i hit the dot key on my keyboard to complete it. It was only when i noticed the light of the windows brighten that I was made aware of the time.
I could care less about the sun, then, weakly moving my body to sleep i closed my eyes and slept, my body was now tired, it was better for me to sleep for now and do the things I need to do for another day.