Mom was buried a week after her death. Her grave was decorated with beautiful flowers. Friends and family, I have never seen, attended and everyone was just so nice. Her burial was traumatic for me. It still is.
That morning, it rained heavily again and when her coffin was lowered into the grave, I suddenly dashed forward, and if not for quick hands that held me back...
"No... No, leave me alone! I want to go with her. She's my mom, my... She can't leave me here!!!", then I broke down. Loud sobs. I watched through teary eyes as red earth covered the coffin. It was like a dream. Reality dawned on me when I dipped my hand in the mud and tossed some into her grave.
"That's it mom", I whispered. "I'll miss you. Dad will miss you. AB will miss you too... I know you're resting but what about the promise you made...?"
The tears gathered again but I forced them back. I don't know how I got home that day. The rain was really heavy and people tried to put an umbrella over my head but I gently pushed it away. I thought the rain could wash away the pain and fill the emptiness inside of me. None of that happened
Life was never the same after that. What were we ever going to do without mom? Who'll tell me stories? Who'll tell me to go to school and make her proud? Who'll let me lie on her lap and smooth my black braids? Who'll tell me stories and sing me a song?
I know many people can do that but I just wanted my mom.
I missed school for almost a month, and my grades dropped drastically. I also lost a lot of weight and our doctor advised dad to let me see a psychologist or a therapist, which he agreed to.
Dad, on the other hand, barely spent the night at home. And anytime he eventually did, he would be drunk too stupid. Did I think he often preached against these things? When did he suddenly become an alcoholic?!
AB and his mom helped me. I spent the night at their house whenever dad stayed out. I was really scared of being alone at home. She fed me a lot of nutritional meals and put me on a diet sometimes, I began to bounce back to health in no time.
When I saw my first menstrual flow, she was there to put me through.
Days rolled into weeks and weeks rolled into months. Before we knew it the year came to an end and we moved peacefully into the new year, feeling hopeful.
I resume school and a few people had stopped being stupid, they stopped pointing at me. Some still did, though, "she'll end up like her mother", they'd say. I just smiled and walked past them.
AB always defended me till I asked him one day to stop. I didn't care about what they said anymore because mom was dead and the dead have no feelings.
So, one day, dad came home drunk as usual and this time, I had to help him to his room. I pulled his shoes off his feet and left the room in anger. I was getting fed up with his drunkenness. I wondered what mom would have said or done if she had seen him.
I went to bed and shortly after, I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in". I knew it was dad but how did he manage to make it to my room in his drunken state when he couldn't even locate his bed?!
He came in and sat on my bed. He was breathing too loudly, so to say, and there were traces of tears on his face.
"I miss your mom", he said
"I miss her too dad", I replied
Then he looked directly into my eyes, I felt awkward and had to look away.
"You look just like your mom"
I sat up while he placed his hand on my head and pulled me closer. I could sense danger.
"Karen...", he whispered as he drew closer again. I started to panic and move away. I tried to step down from the bed but since he was stronger, he pushed me down and pinned me with his hands. I started to scream but got a responding slap on my face that shut me up for some seconds.
"Dad! Daddy... Wh... What are you... No dad!!!!"
I screamed as he tore off some of my clothes. He muffled my scream with his lips. I pushed and kicked but it was just like caressing a rock with a feather. Then I felt a sharp pain between my thighs and I screamed so loud he was scared.
The houses on my street were built far apart, and well-spaced, so no one heard my voice.
He got up from my body and he looked like a demon repossessed.
"Oh my God, I just took my daughter's innocence... What have I done!!!?"
He picked up his clothes, frantically, and ran out of the room. I got up and tried to walk to the bathroom. The pain I felt down there was unbearable. I had been forcefully penetrated. I managed to get to the bathroom and pull off the remaining clothes he left on me. Then I saw it...
"BLOOD!!!!", I screamed and passed out.