My heart hammered in my chest and my cheeks became inflamed at just a simple question. My heart wanted to scream out 'YES!' as loud as I could but all my courage could muster was a shy nod.
P'Nodt did the shouting for me. He jumped up and called out happily before pulling me up and wrapping me in his arms. I felt safe and happy for the first time ever. He was being ridiculous but I couldn't help but smile too.
----
A month later, we still hadn't told people we were dating. P'Nodt wanted to but I was reluctant. Not because I was ashamed or anything but the minute people started finding out I knew things would change. Some would be for the better but mostly it would be bad.
The Queen Bee had continued to show up no matter how many times she was rebuffed. It was like she was too thick to understand he didn't want her. I still felt bad for her.
Currently, P'Nodt and I were heading out for a date. We'd spent almost every moment together since he asked me and I still couldn't get used to it. However, most of that time was spent with the others, we were rarely alone.
When it was just the two of us he took every opportunity to touch me, taking my hand, wrapping his arm over my shoulders and kissing my cheek. I'm not sure if my heart could handle much more.
"Shall we go see the movie first? or should we eat?" P'Nodt asked as he pulled into a parking space.
"Well I'm not hungry right now but if you are, we can eat first."
"Movie first then," he laughed.
The movie was good but I couldn't concentrate on it, I really wanted to hold his hand. P'Nodt held his arm on the armrest obviously wanting the same thing but every time I went to reach for him someone walked by or made a sound so I would jerk away.
I heard a sigh so I turned to face him. He looked, maybe upset, or angry, I wasn't sure. He turned to me and gave me a small smile and then turned back to the movie. I couldn't concentrate even more now.
After the movie, P'Nodt was quiet as we made our way to the restaurant. The silence continued as we ordered and started eating. He barely looked at me as he picked at his food.
"P'Nodt?" I asked after the silence became unbearable.
"Yeah," he smiled but it looked forced.
"Are you ok?" I asked though I think I knew the answer.
"I'm fine, really."
The silence continued until he pulled up at my condo. P'Nodt got out and opened the door for me like normal, he walked me to my door like normal and kissed me. Though it was on my cheek this time not my lips.
"Goodnight Lai," he said before walking away.
"Goodnight," I whispered after him.
---
A week passed and I barely saw P'Nodt, well at least alone. I've hung out with him at lunch with both of our friends and he sits next to me like always but something's different, something's off.
Today was Friday and I knew P'Nodt didn't have any classes in the afternoon. So I was going to skip mine and meet him, surprise him with a date.
I dressed as well as I could and went to his building. Many called out in greeting as I passed them, thanks to hanging with him and his friends everyone knew me.
Kit and Jun were standing near their classroom and I paused for a minute. It looked like they were in their own little world, I hated breaking it.
"P'Kit, P'Jun!" I called out.
They turned and smiled at me as I approached.
"Hey Lai! You're looking great, you got a big date?" P'Kit teased playfully and I blushed.
"Something like that. Have you seen P'Nodt?"
They stared at each other and my heart started to sink.
"Sorry Lai, but he's already gone. He said he had an important appointment he couldn't miss."
"Oh ok, thanks," I said before turning away and going home.
Leaving the elevator on my floor I felt so low, that I didn't bother to look up. I felt so dejected that I called out in shock when I collided with a hard wall. Strong arms wrapped around my waist and stopped the inevitable painful fall onto my ass.
"Woah there!"
I stared up into the deepest brown eyes I've always loved looking into.
"P'Nodt!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around his neck.
He laughed into my neck as he wrapped his arms around me even tighter. I was so happy to see him that I thought I was going to cry.
"I've been so worried …" I started but he stopped me with a small kiss.
"Let's go inside, I've brought dinner," he pointed to some bags next to my door and I smiled.
We ate dinner in silence again but this time it wasn't like before, it was pleasurable and nice. It felt just like it used to. After dinner, we sat on my sofa and he held my hand. The silence continued and I couldn't take it any longer.
"P'Nodt?"
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Well, it's just … this past week … you've been … I mean …"
I couldn't get it out. I had no idea how to even bring it up.
"I've been distant," he finished for me and I nodded. "I'm sorry Lai. After our date last week, I was worried that I was pushing you too much. Every time I'm with you I just want to touch you and hold your hand. I guess I made you uncomfortable and nervous so I thought I would try and keep a bit of a distance."
He moved so that he was now sitting in front of me.
"I wanted you to feel so comfortable with me that you felt ok to take my hand."
A wave of feelings swept over me. First guilt, for making him think I was uncomfortable. Then love, that he would be so concerned about me that he would try to control himself.
A warm feeling spread within me and I made a decision. Before I could second-guess myself I gripped his hands and pulled him closer. My lips captured his tentatively and he kissed me back.
I moaned into his mouth as he moved even closer forcing me to open my legs to accommodate him. His hands gripped my face as he angled my head the way he wanted so he could devour me.
Eventually, he pulled back and we were both panting hard. I watched him close his eyes and swallow a few times. A smile graced my face at the thought that I was doing this to him. I was making him feel so out of control that he needed a few moments to regain himself.
The feeling, that knowledge, ignited something inside me something that heated my body up.
"P'Nodt!"
His gaze snapped open at my heat-filled voice. Even I was surprised at how sensual I had sounded saying his name.
"Lai, I… We should stop!" he groaned.
His eyes blazed with a lust I'd never seen before and I felt emboldened with it aimed at me.
"I don't want to stop!" I breathed out before grabbing his face and bringing it back to mine.
Our tongues battled and I groaned into him. I could feel our bodies shaking with need and want but I knew he was still holding back.
His hands remained on my waist and I wanted them to move, to explore me. My hands moved down his neck, chest and to the hem of his t-shirt. P'Nodt jerked slightly when I finally made contact with his heated skin.
He pulled back and stood moving to the kitchen. I stared dumbfounded as he started to wash up the pots from dinner. My hands felt like they had touched fire as I stood there. A feeling of shame and guilt flashed through me like a tidal wave and I raced to my bedroom, shutting and locking the door as I slumped down and started to cry.
Hot tears surged down my face as my heart beat frantically. I could hear the loud thumps in the quiet room. My arms wrapped around my legs and I curled into as small a ball as I could. I wished the ground would swallow me whole so I would never have to face him.
I was sure he was disgusted with me, why else would he have run so quickly when I finally touched his skin?