The car soon pulled up to various flashing lights, almost blinding me. The carnival was in full swing as we walked towards it, the persistent guilty feeling still in my stomach. There were lots of rides that most people would ride until they were sick.
But the situation between Caleb and I made me feel even more sick, which didn't need a ride at all. "What do you want to go on first?" James asked as he intertwined his fingers with mine. I tensed against his hand before relaxing it again, ensuring that he wouldn't notice.
It all felt wrong.
I felt like an absolute cheater, and it was eating away at my body like a virus. I needed to tell James to get it off my chest, but I didn't have the ability to. Caleb strolled next to us as if nothing had happened, whilst I could hardly breath around him after his lips had been on mine.
I remember the day James' father had died. I couldn't stand to see him so hurt and damaged. It was as if everything in his life had gone, and he didn't want to see another day. In no way am I comparing our situation to him and his fathers, but I just couldn't see him that hurt again.
My head spun sideways as the spinner we were currently on shifted from left to right making puke slide up my throat. I was feeling sick with guilt and this was just an added bonus.
As soon as the ride stopped, I rushed off to the bushes, only to be met with mushed up food on the ground from what I'd eaten earlier. One hand rubbed my back and luckily, it was James, and not Caleb or anyone else of that matter. He handed me some napkins and some water.
"You never throw up from rides?" He asked me, still making me feel bad for kissing Caleb. I could barely look at James without the thought eating me alive. "I was feeling ill earlier anyway," I lied as he nodded hesitantly.
It may not have been a complete lie as I genuinely felt sick with guilt and regret but it's not really an illness, although it felt like one. It feels like the lie is eating me up from the inside and eventually, it's going to want to come out. And I couldn't stop it.
"Let's sit down," James said as he led me over to some benches. I didn't deserve him. He could do so much better than the stupid cheater that I was. I couldn't even blame it on Caleb and claim that he kissed me, because I knew it wouldn't be right. Although he initiated it, I made no effort to stop it.
"We're going on some more rides," Flora shouted back as her, Clara, Caleb and Kylie ran over to a haunted house that looked fun, but my stomach wasn't feeling in the mood to be scared. I'd probably throw up on a zombie or something. I laughed to myself, receiving a strange look from James.
"James, I need to tell you something," I started, quite anxious for what his reaction was going to be. I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I was hoping that I could reassure him that it meant nothing and clam him before he were to see Caleb again.
"I've been angry with myself all day for knowing and not telling you," his face went pale and he listened to what I was about to say. I wasn't sure why he looked like he knew exactly what I was going to say.
I swallowed hard and looked down, not wanting to see his reaction. "Caleb kissed me." I whispered but he still heard as I looked back up to see his face red with anger and he looked like he was about to burst.
"That asshole," he shouted, getting up and marching towards the haunted house. I didn't realise how hard I had been gripping the bench until I lifted my hands to see a few splinter dug into my hands. But, the physical pain couldn't match the emotional pain I was seeing in James' face.
My stomach sunk again as he went on a rampage to find Caleb. He waited impatiently outside the haunted house with me hiding behind him like I didn't know what was coming.
"It was a mistake James, it didn't mean anything!" I shouted, holding onto his arm but he quickly shoved me off, nearly sending me sprawling to the ground. I was a delicate girl, I didn't weigh much so he does realise that when he shoves me off him, I could've flown away for all he knows.
Now is not the time to laugh to myself.
"Hey!" James shouted as Caleb stormed out of the haunted house, laughing at what I assume to be everyone else's scared reactions. "What do you wan-" He nearly said before another hand, for the second time, came crashing towards his face. And again, it was the left eye.
Caleb had better reflexes than I expected because he was back up on his feet, and he punched James back, stumbling back into me, pushing me over, and hitting my head on something. Clara, Kylie and Flora and a few other people were gasping as it all took place.
"Gabby!" One of the boys shouted. I didn't care who it was. I ran off in the opposite direction. Tears stung my eyes and ran down my cheeks. Instead of waiting by the car, I started walking. The walk was only ten minutes so I crossed my arms over my body, feeling the cold wind around my arms.
Suddenly, droplets formed on my dress.
I thought it was my tears until I was sadly mistaken when rain fell heavily on my head and clothes. That's when I started running. I'm not a runner so my legs ached with agony after the first five minutes.
• • •
I slammed the door shut behind me and took off all my wet clothes when I reached my bedroom, more out of anger than anything else. My head still ached from where I had hit it when I changed into some warm clothes.
About fifteen minutes after I'd arrived to the house, I was sitting comfortably in front of the television with a bag of frozen peas held against the back of my head. The front door opened then closed again as I awaited who would walk through.
"Where are Kylie and Clara?" I asked as I realised it was only Caleb.
"They stayed at the carnival," he told me, "they'll walk back a bit later." He pulled off his coat and hood, revealing an even bigger bruise forming with the other one on his left eye. Some blood had also fallen from his head.
"Oh my god, you're bleeding," I shouted out as I ran to where he was in the kitchen, "here, sit down!" He sat in the kitchen seat and I pulled out a first aid kit I frantically looked for until Caleb told me where it was, looking bored.
I held the pack of peas from my head to his face as he dabbed his head with a tissue to stop the blood. "You need to stop getting punched," I said, laughing as he lightly smiled. The first genuine smile I'd seen.
"Well, this one is kind of your fault since you kissed me," he returned back to his smirk, "and told him about it without warning me," my face was in shock at his reply.
"I did not kiss you! You kissed me!" I shouted back.
"Don't give me that bullshit, you kissed me and you know it."
"No I didn't!" I tried to argue back.
"We need to stop arguing," I said quickly, trying to calm him down as he was getting angrier with me.
"Well then stop being a little bitch that can't get her own fucking way all the time," he spat out at me, almost making tears fall once again from my eyes. I really needed to stop crying, it was wearing me out.
With that, he stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him, making me wince as he left. Resting my head in my hands, I sat at the kitchen table where he had just once sat.
Why was my life so screwed up over a couple of days from moving in with him?