Fei Du's expression seemed to have been frozen by the five-degrees-below-zero temperature outside. He was still for a long time. But Luo Yiguo had finished lapping up the bit of milk in the saucer and went over waving its big tail to brush against his pant leg. He only then started as if waking from a dream. Luo Wenzhou's hand, clenched like an iron hoop, seemed to have some mechanism; it instantly loosened, letting him pull his wrist back.
Fei Du lowered his head and exchanged a look with the hefty Luo Yiguo. Then he laughed. "Seriously? You scared me to death."
The blood flowing like magma at Luo Wenzhou's heart cooled slightly, stopping its uncontrollable rushing, gradually falling to earth and becoming a thick pile of volcanic ash.
He realized he'd chosen the wrong time.
Ever since he'd brought Fei Du here, he seemed to have been impatient, unable to control his emotions; the slow and steady tempo he'd initially planned out had turned into a runaway wild dog—he hadn't been able to resist touching him, hadn't been able to resist feelings that were like a breached dike, hadn't been able to resist saying superfluous words…and not just a few.
Only a few days had passed, and his original tentative plan had been unable to keep up with the changes; it had sprung a hundred holes, becoming a rag that couldn't fill a crack.
And then his wretched parents had come to get their son into more trouble.
The so-called "skill and ease" assigned to age and experience were likely only a false front; much of the time, skill and ease were only the results of having seen it all before and being cold and fed up, unmoved.
Unfortunately, having come this far, it was impossible to turn back, however much he wanted to.
Luo Wenzhou felt he really had scared Fei Du, so he softened his voice slightly. "Is that all you want to say to me?"
Fei Du considered, backed up a few steps, pulled out a chair in the dining room and sat down, his elbows propped on the dining table, his fingers to his forehead, now and then pressing on his temples. Eyes half-closed, he said, "I thought you rather understood me."
Luo Wenzhou said, "Rather understood you in what respect?"
"Of course I don't mean that respect," Fei Du joked. Seeing that Luo Wenzhou wasn't about to applaud, he restrained his teasing smile, the weariness slowly coming up on his face. Fei Du was silent for a while. "I remember you warned me more than once to behave better so I wouldn't one day experience the inside of your prison transports."
"If I recall correctly, on the day we hunted down Zhao Haochang, under the Skyscreen, I apologized for that." Luo Wenzhou took out the warmed milk and pushed it across the table. The cup stopped precisely in front of Fei Du, not spilling a drop. "Do you have any other grudges?"
Fei Du temporarily closed his mouth, because there was a multitude of threads in his heart, flashing around dazzlingly; however glib-tongued he was, he still didn't know where to start.
After a good while, he raised his head.
"No, in fact there was no need for you to apologize. You weren't wrong. I didn't commit patricide because my abilities were limited. I couldn't manage it. When you were investigating Fei Chengyu, the other group of people you found following him really were my people. I went through some not very legal channels to employ them. Later, when you retreated, all those people disappeared in one night. They worked shady jobs, so no one reported it to the police, leaving their whereabouts unknown.—That was Fei Chengyu warning me that my wings weren't strong enough. I couldn't shake him. That's the only reason I stopped, not because of any moral or legal restraint."
Luo Wenzhou's heart began to sink. "So what?"
"Captain Luo, you've been working as a frontline criminal policeman for so many years. You've seen eight hundred if not a thousand psychopaths. You ought to trust your own first instincts. I really am that kind of person—the kind with a naturally flawed brain, a sense of morals and responsibility below ordinary levels, abnormal dopamine and phenethylamine secretions, the kind that can't feel ordinary human emotions or build stable long-term relationships…perhaps even incapable of feeling so-called 'love.'"
Luo Wenzhou was leaning against the wall next to the dining table, the wall clock hanging over his head constantly ticking forward—this thing had been broken for a long time; it had never been accurate. It was Fei Du who had taken it apart and fixed it.
At this point, he said coldly, "If you aren't interested in me like that, if you don't care for me, then you can say so clearly."
Fei Du opened his mouth for a moment, wanting to explain something, but he quickly forced himself to hold back.
Luo Wenzhou's heavy "spend a lifetime" was pressing down on him so hard he could hardly catch his breath. His most instinctive reaction was to lose his head and flee. Only using all his strength could he maintain his refined bearing.
He was like a vagabond trekking over thin ice through an endless night, having no idea which abyss or icy pool this so-called "lifetime" indicated.
Fei Du was silent for a while, then at last only said, "I'm sorry."
"Then why did you provoke me once and again, time after time?" Luo Wenzhou's voice was extremely quiet, as if his chest was piled full of rocks and that voice had to be forced from the fissures between the rocks, each syllable creaking. "I warned you, refused you so many times. Why did you still—"
Expression apathetic, Fei Du avoided his line of sight.
Luo Wenzhou stopped talking, suddenly feeling that this was pointless. He stood in silence where he was for a moment, heavily let out a breath, then strode towards the study and slammed the door.
Luo Yiguo was startled by this world-shaking slam. It howled and bristled, straightening its neck and looking over, not knowing what the litter box attendant's problem was. Its fur bristled for a while; seeing that no one paid attention to it, it ran over to Fei Du in confusion, leaping lightly onto the dining table, exchanging a helpless look with Fei Du.
Fei Du seemed to be entirely motionless. He looked back at it for a moment, the chaotic multitude of threads in his heart quieting once more. His chest was hollow and empty, without thought or voice.
After a good while, out of nowhere, he remembered what he'd said during the day in the City Bureau interrogation room to get Xia Xiaonan to talk—"You may never again in your life meet another boy who cares for you so much."
What Feng Bin had been for Xia Xiaonan was like what Luo Wenzhou was for him, a piece of accidental luck; probably a person could only ask for one such outrageous accident in a lifetime.
And later, in the life he couldn't see the end of, it would already be precious to have a memory. Even if the memory was rather short.
But that didn't matter. All the memories in the world were short.
Fei Du slowly reached out a hand towards Luo Yiguo. Luo Yiguo at first instinctively dodged away. Then it hesitantly drew close, tentatively sniffing Fei Du's hand hanging in midair, sniffing all around it in a circle. Then it finally lowered its defenses, put its head down, and rubbed it against the palm of his hand.
Fei Du's hand at last carefully came down, fitting snugly against Luo Yiguo's sleek back, stroking a few times from its head, following the direction of the fur.
So this was what a cat was like. Fine fur, very soft, different from a stuffed toy—the roots of the fine hairs were warm; with your hand on it, you could feel the lingering breathing and the gently struggling heartbeat.
A carefree little life.
Luo Yiguo narrowed its eyes, making a gurgle in its throat, now and then waving its fluffy tail, letting out a very tender purr.
Fei Du coexisted with it almost tranquilly for a moment. Master Cat had been satisfied by this treatment and thereupon curled itself into a ball. It slowly closed its narrowed eyes and went to sleep.
Fei Du silently drew back his hand, put away his phone, and went to the study door. He knocked three times. "Thank you for taking care of me these last few days."
Luo Wenzhou ignored him.
Fei Du didn't linger long. He turned away and got his coat and scarf down from the clothes rack in the entrance hall, preparing to go out and find a hotel nearby to make do with for one night. Tomorrow he'd think of getting someone to clean his long-unoccupied little apartment and then move back in.
Leaving a warm house to walk into a bone-chilling cold winter night truly did require a bit of courage. Fei Du sighed, feeling that just thinking about it made his hands and feet turn cold reflexively.
But when he'd just draped on his coat and hadn't yet put his arms in the sleeves, the closed study door was suddenly thrown open heavily from inside.
The unfortunate Luo Yiguo had just closed its eyes when it was startled awake again by a fierce wind sweeping over it. It didn't know who it had offended. It cried out indignantly and charged into Luo Wenzhou's lately vacant second bedroom like a streak of smoke and wouldn't come out again.
Before Fei Du could turn his head, he was suddenly seized from behind. Caught unawares, he stumbled half a step. The coat loosely draped over him fell to the floor.
Luo Wenzhou grabbed his scarf. In order not to become a hanged ghost on Christmas Eve, he had to back up following the direction of the pull. Luo Wenzhou pressed him against the wall of the narrow entrance hall.
"I'll ask you two things," Luo Wenzhou said heavily. "First, if you don't care for me, why did you have to get in front of me when the bomb went off on Zheng Kaifeng's truck?"
Fei Du said, "I…"
Luo Wenzhou wasn't listening to him at all. "Second, since you're a superficial psychopath who doesn't know love or hate, then why are there emetics and electric shock equipment in your basement? I've been a frontline criminal policeman for so many years, the number of psychopaths I've seen is eight hundred if it isn't a thousand, and I've never heard that any one of them turned themselves in because he was hankering after torment!"
Fei Du's pupils contracted fiercely. Then he instinctively struggled.
Holding him down wasn't any more difficult than holding down Xiao Haiyang. Luo Wenzhou twisted his hands behind his back, pulling the loose scarf off his neck and efficiently wrapping it three times around his hands and tying a firm knot. He laughed coldly. "President Fei, you don't get enough exercise."
Luo Wenzhou dragged Fei Du into the living room and nearly threw him onto the couch. His long legs hit the coffee table, and the bowl of tangerines prepared for Luo Cheng and Mu Xiaoqing rolled all over the floor. No one picked them up.
Luo Wenzhou pulled open Fei Du's shirt, which needed to be carefully handled at the dry cleaner's. The torn buttons brushed his chin as they went flying. Luo Wenzhou pressed his hand to Fei Du's chest—this body was young, after all; its ability to recover and its metabolism were both strong. Only faint traces remained of the years of old scars. Some hint of them could only be seen under a strong light.
"You used the tattoo to cover up the electric shock wounds. Weren't you afraid of burning your internal organs? Weren't you afraid of accidentally dying quietly in your empty basement?" Luo Wenzhou looked down on him from on high. "When we left Heng'ai Hospital that day, if I hadn't dragged you out, what were you planning to do?"
Fei Du had hung around with a crowd of rich kids since he was young. His sense of shame was very limited; sex and streaking were nothing remarkable. But it seemed that what Luo Wenzhou had torn open wasn't only a shirt, but the sack of skin containing his flesh and bones. For the first time in his life, Fei Du felt an indescribable panic; trying to flee by any means possible, he pulled up his knees and hit him. "Let go—"
Luo Wenzhou didn't dodge. He bore it, the hard knees hitting him and making a painful-sounding dull thump. Fei Du froze, losing the opportunity to counterattack, letting Luo Wenzhou hold down his knees and force them apart. Joints cracked. Fei Du subconsciously closed his eyes.
But while the two of them were locked for a long time in this posture that seemed to forebode violence, Luo Wenzhou didn't touch a hair on his head.
"I'd really love nothing better than to…" After a good while, Luo Wenzhou sighed, lowered his head, and gently kissed his dry lips, quietly saying, "Dig out your evil heart and rotten lungs and have a look."
Saying so, he relaxed his restraint, picked up a blanket from a rocking chair next to the couch, and dropped it over Fei Du. He rubbed the center of his brow somewhat wearily. "It's late. You should go wash up and sleep. I'll go back…go back to my own room…"
"That basement used to be Fei Chengyu's." Fei Du didn't move a muscle. He suddenly spoke very quietly. "Fei Chengyu was a sadist. If my mother violated any of his 'rules,' he'd drag her down into the basement to punish her."
Luo Wenzhou was at once seized with terror. His heart beat frantically, and he subconsciously held his breath. He secretly took two deep breaths and managed to keep his voice controlled, gently asking, "What rules?"
"Lots, I couldn't tell you clearly. For example not being allowed to talk to outsiders—including the housekeeper and the cleaners. She wasn't allowed to make eye contact with others, not allowed to touch books and TV shows outside of the ones he permitted… Her daily regimen was fixed. Get out of bed at seven, sit down at the dining table at eight, start taking care of the vases in the house at eight-thirty, swapping in new floral arrangements. If she missed by more than one minute, he'd drag her into the basement—electric shock is nothing, it's a very light method." Fei Du quietly said, "Fei Chengyu thought this was his way of showing love. You not only had to have a person's body, you also needed to have her mind, pack her into a glass vase and make each one of her branches grow according to your wishes. Only then would she belong to you. He didn't avoid me when he did these things. There was even a child's desk in his basement."
Luo Wenzhou suddenly found it hard to breathe. "Did he…did he…"
"Abuse me?" Fei Du paused slightly, then, his expression unchanging, he said, "No, I was his heir. Fei Chengyu even thought I represented a part of himself. He wouldn't have done anything to me."
Luo Wenzhou relaxed slightly, letting out a breath. He walked over softly and sat next to Fei Du.
"Ever since I was aware of things, I wanted to break free of him, but it was only wanting. I didn't do anything—until her suicide," Fei Du said quietly. "She was trapped in a demon's cage, with only me, aloof and unconcerned, beside her. After the long-term abuse, her psyche was abnormal. Apart from depression, she had a deep paranoia, thinking that the air was full of probes watching her. Even when she was alone with me, she didn't dare to say anything that was 'against the rules.' Fei Chengyu requested that she read to me for an hour before bed every night, and she spent two years mixing what she wanted to say into the reading topics, trying over and over to inculcate me with the idea of 'freedom'… My reaction must have been too indifferent? When she finished reading the last book, she finally demonstrated for me that if you couldn't be free, it was better to die.
"I'm sorry," Fei Du murmured lightly, "I actually knew from the start that she had killed herself. The reason that I persisted in disagreeing with the conclusion of suicide, not letting you off, forcing you to investigate again and again, was that I wanted to use you to make trouble for Fei Chengyu and them."
Luo Wenzhou said, "…them?"
"Do you know what a parasitic relationship is?" Fei Du said. "I supply you with nutrients and carbohydrates, and you supply me with protection and micro-elements… There was a parasitic beast behind Fei Chengyu."