I did feel like I was living like a failure, but I didn't know if I wanted to plan to live like a shut-in forever. Deep down, I knew that I didn't want to continue living like this forever. I just didn't know how to take the first step outside.
I gazed around the room, taking in every detail. The same furniture, the same curtains, and the same walls that had surrounded me for so long. It was suffocating. I had been disowned by my grandfather two years ago, and ever since then, this room had become my entire world.
The small bookshelf, the bathroom, and the walls that surrounded me were my only companions for the past two years. I had become so used to this routine that I had forgotten what it was like to live a normal life.
As my eyes fell upon the small bookshelf, I couldn't help but let out a small sigh. All the books there had already been read, and I had even asked Tessia to get me more books. Yet, despite my love for reading, it wasn't enough to fill the void that was growing within me.
I cast my gaze towards the bathroom, where I could practice my water magic. Though it wasn't just about practicing, it was also a way for me to feel connected to reality. If I didn't use my magic, it felt like I was slowly slipping away from the world around me.
And now, I looked at the outside—the world that had become a foreign territory for me since two years ago. I didn't know how it would feel like to go outside, to breathe the fresh air, and to feel the sun on my skin. I wondered, how does the grass feel beneath your feet? What does it feel like to shower in the rain? I actually had no idea.
A sigh escaped. "I can't just stay like this, can I?"
I knew deep down that I couldn't continue to live the way I did. If I kept on this path, I was afraid that I would never be able to change. However, it was not that I lacked the desire to change, but rather the motivation. I felt lost and trapped, unable to break free from the comfort of my small world. Perhaps, I never had any true intention of changing.
As I thought that to myself, a knock suddenly came upon the door. I immediately recognized the familiar knock, which could only belong to one person. Despite being unable to see who it was through the door, I knew it was her.
With a heavy sigh, I slowly got up from my bed and made my way to the door. I unbolted it and opened it to reveal a tiny five-year-old girl standing in front of me, with her silver hair and piercing scarlet eyes.
"Brother!" she exclaimed excitedly, as she slammed into my stomach with all her might.
"Blugh!" I blurted out, my body unable to withstand the impact as I was thrown onto my back.
I couldn't help but wonder why she had to be so reckless every time she came to my room. Honestly, I couldn't get used to it no matter how many times it happened.
"Let's play a game!" she exclaimed, looking at me while still sitting on top of my stomach as I lay on the floor, gasping for air.
"Don't just jump at me like that, it's dangerous," I managed to say, my voice strained due to the pain.
Tessia didn't seem to hear my warning, or maybe she did and just chose to ignore it. "Come on! Let's go! I want to play!"
I couldn't help but feel amazed by her boundless energy and enthusiasm, even as I winced in pain. "Okay, okay. I'll play with you," I said, finally giving in. "So, what game do you have in mind today?"
"Hmm?" she stuck her finger under her chin, as if in deep thought, while still sitting on top of my stomach. Suddenly, she exclaimed, "Oh! How about playing sword again?!"
Playing sword, huh? I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but it had been three days since we last played, and I didn't want to disappoint her.
"Alright," I said, "just get off of me for a second. I won't be able to get the wooden sword if you keep straddling me like that."
"Okay!" she stood up and moved away, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
When I tried to stand up as well, I felt a sharp pain in my side. I knew immediately that she had broken one of my ribs with her reckless behavior.
***
Just like the last time, we moved the small bookshelf, the bedside table, and the bed—which were the only pieces of furniture in this room—out of the way to create some space for our sword play. The wooden sword I held was just a toy sword made of wood. These were not intended for sparring or training, but we used them to play sword. Tessia was also holding a toy sword, and she had assumed a strange stance. I mirrored her stance and smiled at her, "Are you ready?"
"Yes!" she exclaimed.
"Then come at me!" I commanded.
At my words, she leaped at me and swung her sword when she got close. I managed to dodge by a hair's breadth, and I was impressed by how much her movements had improved since the last time we had played sword.
"It looks like you're becoming great with the sword. Have you been practicing?" I asked curiously.
"Yes! I remembered always watching you swing your sword back then, so I tried to do the same," she replied enthusiastically.
"Oh? Is that right?" I smiled at her. She had always been observing, even when I wasn't aware of it. "I'm glad to hear that. Keep it up," I encouraged her.
But then, she dropped a bombshell on me. "I also learned how to use magic!" she exclaimed.
At her revelation, my eyes widened in disbelief, and I was sure that my expression must have looked comical, judging by the way Tessia laughed at me. I must have looked ridiculous with my eyes bulging out of my head and my jaw hanging open, but I couldn't help it. I was completely taken aback by this revelation.
But wait! "You learned magic? From where?" I asked, bewildered. There was no one here to teach her magic, and according to the norm, magic was supposed to be taught to children when they turned six. But Tessia was still only five!
"I heard you muttering something sometimes, and when I tried to say the same words, something like water appeared in my palm!" she explained excitedly, holding out her hand. As soon as she did, a water ball appeared, without her even speaking an incantation.
I was speechless. The use of magic typically involved an incantation that served as a trigger for the magical effect to manifest. However, Tessia seemed to be an exception to this rule, as she had somehow managed to conjure a water ball without uttering the incantation. Perhaps, with proper training and guidance, she could become a powerful mage one day.
It was incredible to think that Tessia had learned all of these skills without the help of a proper instructor. She had only watched me swinging my sword and muttering the water ball invocation, and yet she had managed to copy them effortlessly. Moreover, I was surprised to learn that she was even a silent caster, meaning she didn't need to speak the incantation to cast spells. It was a rare ability, even among talented mages, and yet Tessia had somehow acquired it at such a young age.
I couldn't help but be envious of her ability to pick up these skills with such ease, and without having to put in the countless hours of practice that I had. It wasn't fair, but I knew that my envy was unfounded and petty.
"Th-That's great, Tessia. I knew you had it in you," I said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. But unfortunately, the lump in my throat did nothing to hide the tremble in my voice.
Why was it that she seemed to excel at everything effortlessly, while I struggled to find my own path? Why was I the only talentless one in the family? Why was she good at everything despite being younger than me? Envy was starting to erode my heart, creating an even darker emotion within me.
I gritted my teeth, frustrated with myself for even envying my own little sister. I wanted to feel happy for her and proud of her achievements, but instead, I felt a burning sense of jealousy within me.
Suddenly, the window opened.
"Kyah!" Tessia shrieked in surprise.
I rushed over to the window, but then I felt a chill. It wasn't the kind of chill you get when a cold breeze washes over you, but something like a premonition. It was as if my brain was warning me about something
I looked outside, and for a moment, I thought I saw something move. I closed the window as the rain suddenly intensified, and drops of water began entering my room.
"Something was there," I muttered to myself so that Tessia wouldn't hear. "Something was definitely there."