When my past self finally stood up and started walking, he caught sight of the girl's instinctive blue hair.
As he looked at her and made eye contact, the girl turned around and walked away.
I didn't know what emotions were running through me when I saw her walk away at that time, but I remember feeling the urge to chase after her. Even now, even if this was just a memory, I felt the same urge.
"Hmm, I thought I might find something intriguing in this memory of yours, but it seems I was mistaken. How disappointing," she said with a tinge of disappointment. Her sigh caught me off guard as she always had an amused expression.
"So? How does it feel to know that you're still in denial, despite thinking you've accepted everything?" she suddenly asked, her tone probing and curious.
I didn't know how to feel about it. All I knew was that I wanted to get away from this place as soon as possible. Buried memories had been resurfacing since we arrived, and it was taking a toll on my mental state. I was actually on the verge of rage and felt like punching this girl in the face.
"That's a bad temper you've got there. How could you even think of punching a girl's face like that?! How cruel!" She pulled back as if the thought of me actually hitting her scared her, but then she quickly reverted to her amused smile, as if her earlier expression never happened.
So she really could read my mind...
"But, ahhh... how pitiful," she said, turning her head towards my past self who was walking out of the courtyard. "This seems like the moment everything collapsed for you. Everyone was belittling you everywhere, and you could only look down at the floor. What were you feeling at that time, Leon?"
I didn't answer her question, but I remembered feeling helpless at that time. I felt like I was worthless, like I didn't deserve to be there. It was as if everyone was looking down on me, judging me, and I couldn't do anything about it. I just wanted to disappear, to be anywhere else but there.
It seemed that even if I didn't respond verbally, she could still see my answer by reading my mind.
"That's correct," she said with a big grin. "You are worthless, and you don't belong there. You've never belonged there, and you never will. It's time to face the reality, Leon. You're not meant for greatness. You'll never be a hero or a leader. You'll always be the weakest and the least important person in the room. That's just who you are."
I glared at her, but she was still smiling that same, amused smile. It was like she was enjoying my pain, relishing in my misery. The thought made my blood boil, but I knew that I was powerless to stop her.
"What do you want from me?" I asked, my voice shaky in anger. "Why are you doing this?"
The girl's smile grew wider, and for a moment, I thought she was going to say something else. But instead, she simply shrugged and said, "I'm just here to guide you, Leon, to help you see the truth. Look at this," she snapped her fingers, and in an instant, the memory that had been playing changed into something else. It was a memory of mine as well, but different from the one that had been playing since we arrived here. This was the time when I murmured that I wanted to die.
As soon as the memory changed, I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. I remembered the pain and sadness that I had felt at that moment. The girl standing beside me seemed to be reading my mind. She looked at my past self with a mix of pity and empathy.
"Look how pathetic you look," she said, shaking her head. "Look how low you have become. You thought that your life had no value anymore. Despite being only eight years old at that time, how could you even think that? How pitiful you are..."
I tried to block out her voice, but it was like she was speaking directly into my mind. Her words echoed in my head, taunting me, mocking me. "Stop… Don't say any more…!"
"I believe I'll keep going," said the girl, "because you need to hear this."
My heart sank as I braced myself for what was about to come. The words that followed pierced through me like a sharp dagger, and I felt a burning rage within me that I couldn't contain. "You are a failure," she said with a venomous tone. "Despite having parents who were great adventurers and swordsmen, you didn't inherit their talents. Even though your grandfather had high expectations for you, you did nothing but betray them. And worst of all, when that girl depended on you the most, you chose to stay away from her and abandoned her."
I gritted my teeth, feeling the anger rising within me. How could she say such things? Did she even know how hard I had tried to live up to my family's legacy, how much pressure I had felt to be the best? And as for the girl, how could she accuse me of abandoning her when I had only done what I thought was best for her?
"What could you possibly know about me?!" I spat out, my voice trembling with anger and frustration. "You have no idea what it's like to live up to other people's expectations, to carry the burden of your family's legacy on your shoulders. And as for that girl, you have no right to judge me. You don't know what happened between us."
My hands trembled as I spoke, and I could feel the heat rising in my face. Despite my outburst, she didn't seem fazed by it; instead, she seemed amused by my display of anger.
"No, no," she said, shaking her head slowly. "I know you very, verrrry well, Leon. In fact, I know you more than you know yourself." Her voice was dripping with condescension, and it grated on my nerves.
I glared at her, unsure whether to be angry or afraid. How could she claim to know me better than I knew myself? Was she trying to mess with my head?
"Stop messing with me," I growled, my voice low and threatening. "I don't know what your game is, but I'm not playing it."
She just chuckled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Oh, Leon," she said, still smiling. "You really are quite amusing when you're angry. But I assure you, I'm not playing any games. I'm just speaking the truth."
I narrowed my eyes, studying her face for any signs of deception. But all I could see was a smug, self-satisfied expression that made me want to punch her in the face.
"I know another truth about you," she said, placing her fingers in front of her lips playfully. Then she leaned closer to me, bringing her face just a few inches from mine, and whispered in my ear, "The truth is, you are weak, Leon," she whispered, her voice low and cutting. "And you are nothing but a burden to your family."
Her words struck me like a bolt of lightning, hitting right on the mark. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, and a wave of shame washed over me. She was right, of course. I had always felt like I was living in the shadow of my family's greatness, never quite measuring up to their expectations. And despite my best efforts, I had never been able to shake the feeling that I was a burden to them, that I was somehow holding them back.
I pulled back from her, feeling a mix of fear and curiosity. Who was this girl, and what did she want from me? It seemed like I couldn't get an answer to that question, no matter how many times I asked.
"Why are you saying these things to me?" I asked instead, my voice shaking with anger and frustration.
She just smiled, a sly and knowing expression on her face. "Why does it matter?" she replied. "The truth is the truth, no matter who speaks it. And deep down, you know that I'm right."
I glared at her, wanting nothing more than to wipe that smug look off her face. But even as I seethed with anger, a part of me knew that she was right.
"Aside from being weak," she continued, "you also lack the qualities necessary to become someone like the hero in your mother's tale that you so greatly admire. You could never be one because you are weak, talentless. You are worthless."
I closed my eyes and cupped my palms over my ears, trying with all my might to block out the sound of her annoying voice. It was so irritating that I couldn't stand listening to her for another second.
"Don't avert reality and substitute it with your own," she said. She sounded far more serious than she had up until this point. "Don't avert your eyes─open them and take a look."
Her voice echoed through my skull. I opened my eyes. As I did, I saw myself—not my past self, but my current self—standing before me.
"Do you realize how pathetic you looked at that time? And do you understand that you still look just as pathetic now?"
That's right. My current self remained in the same state as my past self, which was evidence that I was still in denial about my situation.
"You think I don't know that?!"
I already knew that I hadn't changed. Even after two years, I've remained in that same room, unable to leave and unable to move forward. All I've done is wallow in my misery, surrounded by darkness. I didn't need anyone to spell out what I already knew about myself.
"If you already know that, then why haven't you tried to change?" she continued, her eyes piercing into mine. "Did you think you could live like that forever? Live as a failure your whole life?"
"I know that I can't continue living like this," I replied. "But it's not as if I could just magically change myself. I've tried, believe me, I've tried. But no matter what I do, I never seem to measure up to the expectations of others. I'll be a failure no matter how hard I try, and I'll always be one."
"That's just an excuse, Leon. If you really wanted to change, you could have. But it's easier to just wallow in self-pity, isn't it? To give up before you even try."
I went quiet. She was right. I had nothing more to say to that.
"If you want to survive in this world, you have to be strong. The twilight is coming, and you need to be ready for it," the girl said, her voice low and ominous.
I furrowed my brows. "Twilight?" What was she even talking about?