Chapter 15: 1970s
I couldn’t sleep, not that I needed to sleep, but after Zander dropped me off after our outing, I wrote and wrote and wrote, not about my past memories, or the ones after that. I wrote about us, him, him right now. I did not stop writing, as if I could not stop writing, almost like something was compelling me to inscribe every detail of us on paper as long as it was happening, a diary of us. The whole day passed as I continuously dragged the pen against the paper, recording every single detail, careful to leave nothing out, from the way he smiled with his lips slightly higher on the right or the army of butterflies invading my stomach whenever he performed his grand gestures of sincerity and passion.
I played the vinyl records we bought from our trip. At some point in the middle of writing I began to dance to the music, barefoot and in my nightgown, hair in all sorts of a disarray, spinning and swaying across the room to the rhythm and beat of the music. No specific steps, just letting my body move like it has life of its own, I had not felt this free for a long long time. Like nothing bad will ever happen, cocooned in my own little world of music and dance of words and ink. I danced until there was music to play on the vinyl player, and when the vinyl had run its course, I replaced it with another one of the vinyls we purchased, and this continued until all the vinyl had been played and the new collection of vinyls had joined my old ones.
I didn’t notice how long I had been writing and dancing and the music was playing, until the streets became noisy again and the sun was once again peeking through my windows. I showered as I prepared for my day. This will be the first day I am going to be back at the publication after being found hiding by the editor-in-chief and the altercation amongst the secretaries, not to mention Sarah Beth’s very public meltdown. After showering I stood before the mirror in front of my closet . I picked out an outfit from my closet, and held it up against me. When I started at the publication I knew I had to hide in plain sight, and the plain sight was in the middle of Sarah Beth and her clique, so I had to dress up as flashy as they were.
Looking at what I put on everyday now, I imagined I did a pretty great job at tolerating how I look day by day. I look exactly like a child who spent too much time idolizing a doll made to look like the idealized version of women, who have a scrapbook of collages of their ideal man and their ideal wedding and their ideal life. I looked like Sarah Beth, sans the blonde hair since I opt for color dyes as far away from my original hair color as much as possible. Imagine the look I received in the olden my hair color sticking out from the rest of the crowd. Some were fascinated, and some were disgusted, all of them did not want anything to do with me.
I threw the outfit on the bed, and started picking out clothes of the same style, piling it on the bed, all shades of pink, loud loud oranges, blouses, skirts, pants, dress purse, everything, left my closet until there was nothing reminding me of Sarah Beth within my wardrobe. I pulled out a soft black turtleneck sweater and a long black flowy skirt, pairing it with nude stockings and white T-Strap heels. I sat in front of my vanity and applied as little makeup as I needed, leaving my hair to free and putting on a plain thick white headband. I packed up my things in a simple black shoulder bag and collected every single item I had removed from my wardrobe in my spare luggage and rolled my way out of my apartment. I hailed a cab in front of my apartment and a kind gentleman pulled up in front of me to help me load my luggage in the compartment of his taxi cab.
“You looking to leave town there little missy?” the cab driver asked, after I gave him instructions pulling off of the curb and into traffic.
“I thought about it, but I guess, for now I’m just losing a few things to lighten some load make some space” I answered my smile pulling up into a small smile at the thought of trying something new, of letting new things into my life, of the already new things sitting with my old vinyl records.
“Good for you little missy, in the beginning it might be a little difficult, but I’m telling you, there’s nothing like letting go of old things, to make room for new things, new opportunities, no experiences, and new memories. You see that is what life is about, settling things with your past, keeping present within the present and moving on with the future.” Normally I would have brushed away words given to me by old sages who think they have all this wisdom in the world to advise me, but for now I think I’ll take it.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained”
“Exactly, let me tell you about the time I was in -” I listened to the cab driver tell me tales about his time serving the army during the second world war. Some of the stories he tells were pretty familiar, but his outlook in life was outstanding. I cannot imagine having to go through that much suffering in the front lines and still carry such fond memories and lessons, to be at peace with himself and all that he has been through to share these things to a complete stranger. That was one of the incredible things about the life of humans, their lives are so short, they do not have much time to get things done, yet at their finish lines, they are able to be at peace with what they have done, what they could not do and many more.
Maybe that was it, the serenity of being able to shut your eyes indefinitely. We made a stop so I could leave the things I took out to donate them, and resumed our way to the office, arriving there with barely enough time to spare.
“And remember, you have to forgive yourself for things you cannot control, unless you’re just gonna be lugging that old luggage around like it’s your own personal crucifix” I thanked the kind driver waving as I watched him disappear down the road, partly because I was dreading going up the office, but most of it was because I genuinely enjoyed his company. I didn’t know what transpired the rest of the day when the editor-in-chief commanded Zander and I to leave the office, so I did not know what to expect. On the way up listening to the jolly daunting soundtrack of the elevator. I tapped my heels impatiently against the floor. Should I have phoned Mary Anne last night instead of dancing myself away. The elevator ride was insufficient for me to berate myself when the doors opened.
To find everybody in their own respective posts, minding their own business, doing their work, keeping their noses clean, just like always. Well this is anticlimactic, I thought feeling absolutely stupid for working myself up in the elevator. Only now recalling the wisdom in the cab driver’s words.
“Laura! You’re here! And you look absolutely fantastic” Mary Anne jumped up from her seat and sped walked to me.
“I still work here, right?” I asked a little unsure of my place.
“Of course, now come along, we have a surprise for you” Mary Anne squeaked and linked her arm with mine and started dragging me along with her and I pretended to match her energy. I held my frustration in my throat as I allowed Mary Anne to lead me to the so-called surprise, which is right behind the door of Zander’s office.
“Alright here we are, but first,” Mary Anne stood behind me and covered my eyes with her hand, am I glad I did not wear that much cosmetics today. I stretched my arm to feel where I was going, but instead of feeling the wooden door, I felt nothing but thin air, then the feel of fingers intertwined with mine. I have held a lot of hands in my life, but this is a touch I can recognize in an instant, by instinct I clutched tight on his hand, pulling me close and forward
“Surprise” Mary Anne finally removed her hands from blinding me revealing Zander’s office only this time, the obnoxious couch was removed, replaced with another desk parallel to Zander’s desk. Although the furniture itself was identical to Zander’s own desk, the opposite desk was decorated with a vase of flowers along with the personal effects I have allocated from my previous work area.
“I don’t understand when did this happen?” I asked them.
“It was Zander’s idea, he bought the desk and had it moved here, throwing that lousy couch away and over the weekend me and the girls worked to assemble your office”
“I figured we are working together, we might as well be sharing this office” Zander raised my hand and kissed my knuckles. Zander then pushed me gently to sit in my new office chair.
“Now it’s official, no more hiding in the corners of the office, now, let’s get to work, and by the way you look extremely ravishing today, I like this look, it feels more authentic” Zander patted my shoulder one more time and moved to his desk. Thankfully Mary Anne knew my work enough to arrange my desk in a manner I can just pick up where I left off.
“We should really get a gift for Mary Anne, you know to thank her for all that she has done for us” somewhere between the working and I couldn't help how impressive Mary Anne arranged our files and stationery.
“Tell me about it, I don’t appreciate that girl enough”
“Zander, you’re not painting a very good picture of yourself” I gave him a sharp side eye before resuming work.
“I know, how about a paid vacation to the beach, all expense paid”
“That’s great, but can you manage without her for two weeks?” I asked him.
“I am working with you, I think I’ll manage, besides I am sure you’ll straighten me up immediately.” Zander winked at me. A little later, Mary Anne knocked on our door bringing a tray of our usual lunch order.
“Mary Anne, you don’t have to do this anymore, we’re not hiding from anyone now,”
“Please, I know how much the two of you are too focused on your work, if I don’t bring food to you you’ll probably forget that you have to eat, or that you have to leave” Mary Anne brushed off.
“Oh and by the way, you might want to steer clear of the outside and lock your doors, Sarah Beth is at the chief’s office right now” Mary Anne warned, remember to look at the door behind her. Dead awkward silence fell upon us after, I bowed my head to my work and kept busy. I can hear the chair move and the muted footsteps of Zander as he approached me and flicked my nose.
“Come on, let’s get some lunch, we can't waste what Mary Anne prepared for us to waste. Eating our lunch we talked about everything except what happened in the office last friday trying to keep our minds away from Sarah Beth, the scratched on Zander’s face was still visible. We both jumped up from our seats when something or rather someone kept banging on our door.
“Open this door, open this door, that should be me, he was mine and she stole him from me!” We can hear the hysterical cries of Sarah Beth on the other side of the door, repeatedly shaking the doorknob in hopes of it giving in and opening. When the door was fruitless, Sarah Beth shifted to looking against the glass through the partially opened blinds.
“Jay, please listen to me, she’s a bitch I am the one who's always been here, she’ll only hurt you please please, I’m the one you should be with me, not her!” The Sarah Beth before us was a far cry from the Sarah Beth known to us. Her blonde hair was wild and going in every direction, makeup hurriedly done now smeared from the tears and sweat, her clothes were mismatched and one of her stockings was haphazardly rolled down. Zander stood and marched to the blinds and shut then he walked to his desk and picked up his phone.
“Security, please escort Sarah Beth off of the premises” Zander walked to me and pulled me close to him. He gently pressed the palms of his hands against my ears in an effort to block out all the profanity and derogatory names Sarah Beth is calling me.
“You don’t have to listen to this, just listen to my voice” he pressed his lips on my forehead, giving it a small kiss before softly singing one of his favorite love songs, drowning out not only Sarah Beth, but also the commotion outside our office and even the traffic noises below us. He continued holding me like this and singing until the only person who had the key of this office unlocked the door and knocked on it before finally opening it.
Zander pulled away from me gently as Mary Anne opened the door, giving us the view of the extent of damage Sarah Beth had on the door. There were scratches and little bits of blood from her fingernails on the door along with smeared makeup and dried tears.
“Laura, the chief would like to speak with you” Mary Anne said, I looked to Zander who gave me a nod.
“Don’t worry, it’s fine” he kissed my hand one last time before sending me my way.
“Sir you asked for me” I asked as I heard the signal to enter.
“Yes, well I won’t be long considering that earlier fiasco already took up most of my day, sit down” the editor-in-chief instructed me and I did as I was told.
“I have seen the work you and Jay do, and I have to say I am pretty impressed. So I am giving you an assignment. There is a female breakthrough lawyer fighting for women’s rights in the professional world, and I thought who better to write about than you a woman written by a woman, now that’s a message we need going around the city”
“Are you saying sir, what I think you’re saying”
“You’re going to DC” the editor-in-chief dismissed me. On the way back to our office I was still in a state of disbelief, did I hear him correctly. I opened the door to verify this to Zander when he was already there standing by the door.
“Congratulations on getting your first assignment” He said, handing me the soft velvet box in his hands.
“Did you know about this?”
“Yesterday, when I got home, I got the phone call from the chief,” he said, grabbing my hand and placing the box on my palm.
“I don’t know if I can do this, you should have-”
“Hey you’re good, I know it, everyone else know it, this is your chance to show yourself that you are, now zip it and open the box”
“Ah ah ah” he pressed a finger on my lips when I tried to retort. Rolling my eyes, I swat his hand with my free hand and opened the velvet box, and in it was a string of pearls with matching simple pearl earring.
“It’s beautiful”
“Here let me put it on you” Zander said and took the box from me to remove the necklace and stood behind me to put it on my neck.
“I saw them before I visited you on saturday, and I couldn’t help but think of you, so the following day, I went back and got them for you when I heard the news of your first assignment”
“You have to stop before you turn this into a habit,” I warned.
“I will never stop showing you just how much you mean to me, so you’re just gonna have to get used to it” Zander winked as he twirled me around and hugged me close to him I sighed and simply surrendered to his hug, wrapping my arms around his torso.