'Light scars from his scratch marks still linger on my back; when I brush my fingers lightly on top of them, the residual pain and memory play at the back of my mind, teleporting me to that night.
Does he even know what he did to me? Or perhaps I'm imagining things, trapped in speculation from that very night.' Rey sighed. He'd been sitting alone in the open office, swirling his chair, his mind submerged in memories of the past.
'He looked normal, standing next to Sir Ned as one of his secretaries. Indeed, they are hiding their involvement very well. Maybe that is why he's been ignoring my messages too.
Mun advised me to keep off of him. However, I'm still on edge over what happened between us. All I wanted that day was to have a word. I needed confirmation for myself. I would never fancy a fellow man... I never thought I would...'
"Mr Rey, Did you have lunch?" The sound of a female voice brought Rey back from his thoughts. He then noticed a group of other staff entering the office while chatting about the day's special delicacies at the cafeteria.
"I did not. I have a lot to finish on my desk."
"Ah, yes! The project is due in two days. Manager Mun seems to be out a lot lately these days. I heard the former manager was responsible for the new workload and profits we've been getting recently. Manager Mun is just a shadow of..."
'There she goes again with the gossip. Whatever makes people think I'm comfortable with backbiting others, especially Manager Mun, who has been very kind to me. I wonder how he does it, though. Doesn't he fear being pounced on in the middle of the night? If he were me, I'd be sleeping with my trousers on whenever around Manager Ari.
Talk of calling the kettle black. Why am I even sitting here waiting for him to reach back to me? I'm sure he's been seeing all the messages I've been sending him and purposely ignoring them. It's infuriating that it bothers me.
Still, that night, I saw things I never thought a man's body could do. I need to know why it turned me on to begin with. I had a lot of chances to walk away, yet I kept on at it as if he were some girl and myself a horny high-school teenager.
Darn. This is why I don't enjoy drinking. I've kept to myself all these years, my peaceful life and then one night, I'm ramming my hardened member into another man's...'
"Did he approve of the final draft?"
"Who?" Rey asked, seeming confused.
"Are you even listening to me? Who else?"
"I told you I had a chance to learn a few tricks from former Manager Ari," Rey responded, then shifted his gaze towards the monitor, hoping the woman would read his body language. But, unfortunately, she still lingered on with her chatter.
"Yea. I forgot you were his favourite before he left. How you were selected to go on that trip, I don't know, but you took one for the team. None of us wanted to accompany former Manager Ari. Imagine sitting before that aristocratic client and Manager Ari breathing down your neck about deadlines. It must have been difficult, Mr Rey, too pensive for new staff like us."
"I admit I had a hard time initially but caught on well. That's why I requested to transfer back to this department."
"You're lucky. Last time we failed to send the last project to print, Manager Mun was the team leader then, and he scolded us. We almost thought we were going to get fired. You've had it the roughest of all the recruits, yet the two managers seem to like you quite a lot. Rumour has it you are the office pet. I'd hate to be in your shoes. You're always vamped with work, hardly have time for lunch, and always work overtime till late. It's not healthy neither are you getting paid for this."
"I don't mind it at all. It's good for the experience."
"Look at you being optimistic. No wonder they like you, but don't just keep on allowing them to use you as a doormat. You have to speak up when overworked, Mr Rey. There were also rumours of you being abused in the other department. Perhaps that's why Manager Mun took you back again. My advice is for you to stop giving extra. Remember, you are an employee, and extra will always be expected of you when you decide to work for only what you are paid for, okay?"
"I'll keep that in mind."
'Well, that conversation was annoying.' Rey thought to himself as he watched his colleague finally walk away from a side-eye angle. Whatever people said behind his back was indeed true. He'd often leave work late to catch the last train and be the first to report to work as if he were being paid extra for it. He had hoped to catch Ari if he'd pop in to see Mun, but he never did. It had been a month since their unplanned intercourse, yet no sight of him except when he caught a glimpse of him in media coverage that featured Ned at an official function, which involved his engagement, but that had been weeks ago.
'I should leave work today, settle my monthly debt and retire early. But, still, how can I sleep with this constant and strange sting bothering me.'
Leaning back on his chair, Rey lay his head on the headrest and stared at the ceiling. 'I've pondered over what happened and revisited every moment of that night, what I was feeling... Ari's sexual expressions... His voice, the texture of his skin, his jaw, his lips, hips... Voice...
I neither felt unpleasant nor used.
He must be dying of guilt thinking he took advantage of me in my drunken state, but I fear I'm the one who took advantage of him, knowing how he felt about me. I also openly loathed his unwarranted affections. Well, winter shifted to summer overnight in my life.
What I'm I supposed to do then?
For some unknown reason, his struggles feel relatable, as if I'm experiencing an identity crisis in my adult age, knowing full well it serves no purpose in avoiding the trigger judging from what Mun said. Ari has lived alone; therefore, he must have undergone extreme loneliness to find comfort in seeking men instead of women.
Who I'm I kidding, though? I can't lie to myself, even if I were to pretend nothing happened. I know what I did. I remember every intention behind each act.
I held him like I would a lover, exploring how heated his breath felt, his kisses and tender skin... I remember how he felt inside and how his face twisted with every move I made to the point of tears. I was rough, as if I was mad at him when in fact, I was mad at myself. The reason, I do not know.
I just wanted to eat him up... And I did.'
Rey chuckled and shut his eyes briefly. 'There is no doubt I want to do it again. Sex with him wasn't as bad as I thought.'