I almost get arrested again.
I mean, when Sena finally arrived in the dungeon, she arrived just in time to see me, giving orders to Megumin and Aqua to kill Lalatina. If it weren't for the death threat earlier, she would've probably summoned her knights to arrest me again.
Thankfully, the guild sorted out this matter after processing Megumin's adventurer card and telling us that she managed to kill The Duke of Hell, Vanir. I was a bit skeptic at first, since Vanir is a type of guy who would definitely cheat death, but I take it nonetheless.
So, Sena apologized to me and told me that she will do everything in her power to absolve me of all my crime. I also have Aqua bless her with her magic to protect her from any evil mind magic. Hopefully, the next time we meet, she's a much better person.
Now, there is one matter to take care of… That is…
"Look, I'm not sure how close those two are, but I don't think you have to go as far as bringing Aqua along," Megumin said. "I don't think Wiz is the type of person who would hurt anyone out of grief, she will be sad, yes, but that should be it, right?"
"Megumin's right," Yunyun added. "Wiz has been so nice to me, she lets me work at her shop during weekends to help me get used to dealing with people."
"This is just a back up plan, I have no intention of hurting Wiz," I told them. "Besides, Aqua is getting better at behaving, right?"
Aqua nodded in agreement. "Yeah, leave it to me! The moment she tried to hurt you, I will punch her back to heaven with God Blow!"
"You can leave the talking to me Kazuma. Although it was extremely brief, I did get to talk with Vanir, he did get inside my head. I… I don't hate him, really…"
With that, we opened the door to Wiz's shop and saw…
"Hehehe… Welcome! The girl who gave an embarrassing monologue while looking into the distance in front of the door, I want to tell you something too. I don't hate you, but devils like moi have no gender, so I can't accept your embarrassing confession… Oh, my, that's an intense swell of dark emotion! It's delicious indeed. Hmm, why are you curled up in a ball? Did you really think you defeated moi? Hahaha!"
"Oh and you! The crimson demon who's only been peeking through the door at night because she was curious if her rival was lying to her only to get more than she expected. Listen, since moi is the devil of foresight, I can tell you just how exactly you can join in on the fun!"
"Oh and you! The guy who was worried that he will get in trouble with moi harmless friend here because he thought he could kill moi. I have something to say to you, no Wiz isn't going to kill anyone out of grief, in fact, the perpetually horny girl because of succubus magic standing next to you was right! She will just cry like a baby."
"Oh, what an exquisite dark emotion! Thank you so much everyone!!!"
Wiz walked towards us, smiling kindly as she did so.
"Oh, welcome, Kazuma-san! I heard your false accusation was cleared after you defeated Vanir-san! Congratulations!"
Darkness is hugging her knees in the corner. Megumin is glaring murderously at Vanir. Aqua just stared at Vanir in distaste. Yunyun is curling up into a ball. I just turn around and silently banged my head on to the corner of the shop.
Oi, oi, I thought I'm supposed to always have the last laugh!? Paradox, I want a refund!
I turned back to Vanir and sighed a little. "So, should we take it outside again then?" I asked him. "We certainly haven't killed you enough."
"What are you saying? Even moi didn't make it out unscathed after taking such a grand attack. Look closely at this mask."
He pointed to the forehead of his mask. Looking at it carefully, a 'II' was written on it.
"Because of the explosion spell, I lost a life. I'm Vanir MK II now."
I brandished my sword and filled it up to the brim with divine magic, doubling its size. "Aqua, cover me," I said.
Wiz rushed over to stop us. "Wait, Vanir-san was already planning on resigning from the post of Demon King's General. Coincidentally, he was 'defeated', giving him a new lease of life. Vanir-san is no longer maintaining the Demon King's castle barrier; he's a harmless existence now."
I lowered my sword and motioned Aqua to stand back.
As I thought about that, the door behind us opened. From there, came a little girl with white hair and bright yellow eyes.
It's obvious who it was…
"Lady Paradox?"
---
Paradox ushered everyone but me, Megumin, Vanir, and Aqua. Apparently, this is a private matter that only us could hear.
"Alright, Kazuma, Megumin, Aqua, meet Vanir," Paradox reintroduced the demon to us. "The Duke of Hell and the one who summoned me to this world."
We're already quite acquainted with the demon in front of us. So we just waved our hand at him. Vanir returned the gesture with an exaggerated nod.
"Now, Aqua, tell Kazuma your age,"
Aqua tilted her head a little. "I lost count, I've been in the heaven for hundreds of years."
"Time works differently between heaven and in this world," Paradox said.
The goddess shrugged a little. "Well, around Kazuma's age I guess,"
I blinked a little at that. Aqua, an actual goddess who has a job to manage this world, is the same age as I. "Wait, if Eris is your junior then… She's younger than me?"
"Yes," Aqua said like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Why? Is there a problem?"
"I can name a dozen at the top of my head!" I turned to Paradox. "Whose bright idea was it to employ teenagers on a world managing duty!?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "Are they, are they even experienced enough to deal with the consequence of their action? I mean," I gestured wildly at Aqua. "HER!?"
Paradox just chuckled in response. "That is the same line of reasoning that made Vanir summon me to this world," she explained. "Unlike Aqua and Eris, I got a few hundred thousand years of experience under my belt."
I see… So that's why Paradox seemed much more mature despite her looks. Aqua here is actually as old as she looks.
Also, I guess I have to admit that Vanir isn't such a bad person.
"What's this? Art thou finally accepting moi as a good person? Thou hath flattered moi!"
Okay, scratch that, he's a horrible person, but not a bad demon.
Paradox cleared her throat a little. "Alright now, you might know me as Lady Paradox, the Goddess of Wisdom and Trickery. What you do not know is my title before I became a goddess," she looked at me in the eyes. "I was once known as Haios Paradox the Bane of Fate. Vanir made a contract with me after he summoned me, that is to change your fate."
"Change my fate?"
"The goal is the same, you will kill the Demon King in the end. But how you get to that goal and what happened after…" Paradox averted her gaze for a moment. "Vanir… you uhh, you can tell him…"
The Demon cackled madly at that. "In the alternate world where I fail to summon Paradox, in this exact time and place… Thou art a level twelve adventurer with a reputation as scum on earth. No one here in Axel city has any respect for thou and no one ever came to your defense,"
"In fact…" He pointed at Megumin and Aqua. "Those two tried desperately to put the blame on thee so that they won't get arrested! That's right, it's not just the townsfolk, even your teammates barely tolerates thee!"
Yeah, I owe this demon a lot apparently…
"Then, in the end, long after thou hath defeated the demon king, thou shall gain a tremendous power! The power that thou use to become the next demon king and put this uncaring world into chaos!"
Like, owe him more than just my life, kind of a lot…
I looked at Vanir who has his arms held out in the air after he finished his story.
I lowered my head in front of him. "I'm sorry for everything and I thank you from the bottom of my heart…"
Paradox nodded at his explanation. "Thank you Vanir," she turned towards me and smirked. "Now, you might be thinking, what exactly is the difference between this world where you become an actual hero and the world where you become a scum on earth?"
I nodded mutely at that.
"The difference is simple," she pointed Aqua. "You were welcomed by Aqua in the afterlife. She ridiculed your death, destroying your self esteem and making you hate her. Then you take her with you, just to spite her, as a thing to be brought to this world."
"W-wait!" Aqua exclaimed suddenly. "What do you mean ridicule? He sacrificed himself for someone else, I can't ridicule something like that!"
"Yeah," Megumin added. "I saw it myself in his memories, he lost his life trying to safe a girl from his school…" she averted her gaze. "Even if… he was just a useless neet… before that…"
Paradox shook her head. "Kazuma, you didn't save anyone, you just died with the intention to save someone," she looked at me flatly. "You fell unconscious from shock after thinking that a tractor is a truck that's going to hit that girl. The tractor, by the way, was moving at a snail pace. You then soiled yourself before being brought to the hospital. The doctors were all too busy laughing to save your life and you died of cardiac arrest. Then your parents visited you and they too laughed before they even feel a modicum of sadness from the loss of their useless son."
Vanir cackled gleefully, putting his pointer finger and thumb on his mouth, before saying.
"Ah! What a wonderful feast today has been! I give you my thanks, Kazuma! Oh, what an exquisite taste!!!"
Please, just stop, just kill me already, I don't want to hear it…
"Kazuma…" I heard a soft voice that has always supported me since the beginning. I turned to my beautiful girlfriend and found her giving me a patient smile. "I think, it's the thought that counts…" then she giggled a little. "Though, you were pretty much a loser weren't you Kazuma?"
Megumin…
"Puhehehe~ to think that Kazuma was a useless neet who died in the most ridiculous way possible! Fufufu…"
A certain goddess ridiculed my death. Exactly how Paradox would have predicted.
"Alright, that's enough, you three," Paradox said, saving me from this endless shame. "There are lots and lots more embarrassing and humiliating situation that happened to you since you landed here. But I'm guessing you don't want to know, right?"
"Please don't…"
Paradox smiled in response. "Good, now, there is one more thing I need to tell you," she held out her hand and a bright flash of light filled my vision. When it dies down, nothing seems to happen, but why do I feel like Megumin is staring at me a lot?
"Kazuma, I just released all of your 'curses' you should stop your passive charm skill before Megumin couldn't hold herself," Paradox warned.
I did exactly that and Megumin quickly averted her gaze.
"Good now, take out your card,"
I took out my card and hand it to her. True to her words, the curses has disappeared replaced by all sorts of buff. From 'Bottomless Wallet', 'Lady Killer', 'Reliable Teammates', and many more. I couldn't help but grin in satisfaction after seeing all that.
"Can you guess, why I released you from all those curses?" Paradox asked.
"Because I'm not a useless slob and I am hell bent on killing the demon king,"
"Bingo! That's exactly it. These 'curses', most of which aren't even a real thing, are used to motivate you in your early days to kill the demon king. Now, however, you don't think much about the curse, opting instead to do your heroic duty, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I understand what you mean…" I smiled at Lady Paradox. "Thank you for everything, Lady Paradox, if you need anything from me, your champion will do his best for you."
The little girl blushed a little after hearing that. "St-stop with a cheesy lines! I'm doing this because of Vanir's contract,"
Ah, so Paradox is a tsundere, I see…
"A-anyway! With that out of the way, there's an even more important matter we need to discuss," she pointed at Aqua. "You, Aqua, you need to fix your cult's doctrine ASAP! They're getting out of hand."
Aqua gasped and glared at Paradox. "How dare you! The Axis cult are a perfect picture of a human being! And it is a church, not a cult! You damn LOLI!"
You could hear a pin drop in the silence that ensues. The air turned heavy and a sense of vertigo washed over me. It was until Vanir put hand on her shoulder and whispered something to Paradox that the pressure vanished in an instant.
Then, Paradox glared at Aqua who didn't even look bothered at her near outburst.
"Fix your cult or I swear I will end it…"
"My followers are perfect examples of mankind! Their faith is second to none, they follows my scriptures to the T, and they are happy as they can be! I see nothing wrong with them."
I was tempted to cover Aqua's mouth and drag her out of the room, but it seems I was too late…
"You were DRUNK when you made your holy scriptures! Your followers are FANATIC FREAKS who worshiped wine! And you made them actively antagonize all believers of the Eris sect, which is your own junior and the MAJORITY of all religion. Just how fucking lower do you want them to fall you sorry excuse of a goddess!?"
Yeah, I saw that coming from miles…
"sniff… sniff… Waaaaahh!!!!" Aqua burst into tears before crying on my shoulder. "Kazumaaaa!! Paradox, she… Waaaah!!!"
"Oh stop crying you sniveling mass of debt magnet! If you weren't a drunken idiot who put all your responsibilities on your junior, this wouldn't have happened. HECK, at this point, I'm seriously considering if I should warn you about an attack on your holy city, because goddamn it… The Demon King is doing us a favor for wiping out that hell on earth!!!"
Paradox, stop, please, she's already dead…
"There is not a single one of your cultist that I could categorize as a decent human being. Even the best of the Axis Cult is worse than the WORST of Eris cult. You know who's the worst of the Axis Cult? That personification of depraved fetish waiting outside this building. Yes, your entire cult is worse than Darkness. Now let. That. Sink. In..."
Silence followed her rant. Even Vanir, a devil who literally feeds on negative emotion, couldn't say a word at what just transpired. It was as if Paradox has been holding it back all these years and now she has her chance to blow it out.
"Ano… Paradox sama…" she looked at me and I flinched under her gaze. "Umm, you said something about an attack on the holy city?"
"It's an optional side quest, you shouldn't bother with it."
No, that sounds really important, actually. It sounds like a story mission or an urgent event.
"Yeah, we'd like to accept that quest, please…"
I said that while doing the best I can to comfort the crying girl on my shoulder. Even Megumin who's quite apathetic at times, couldn't help but whisper words of encouragement to Aqua. Seriously, I never knew that Paradox can be such a merciless brute.
"You want to save the city?" Paradox turned towards me. "Unlike your other mission, if you fail this, you are doing this world a favor. Axis Order is a cancer and their goddess is an ungrateful brat who's nothing more but a burden to those around her."
Aqua cried louder in my embrace as I simply nodded at her.
"Okay, fine, you have two weeks to prepare," Paradox took out a piece of paper containing a list of objective. "You are forbidden to kill the demon king general attacking the city before you finish all the item on this list."
I took one look at the list and cringed a little.
1. Save Alcanretia from Banana Republic Economical collapse
2. Teach the Axis Order how to become decent human being
3. Do something about Axis Order's system of belief
4. Break the curse of Permanent Intelligent Debuff of anyone who joins the Axis Order
5. Make the entire Axis Order respect the Eris Sect.
I have to figure this out in two weeks? This is impossible no matter how you look at this!
Okay Kazuma, deep breath, calm…
"Paradox sama, can I see Axis Cult's, I mean, Order's credo?"
Paradox handed me a crumpled up piece of paper. Inside of it are a bunch of sentences that should belong in a de-motivational poster.
The Axis Church can get things done.
And because you can get things done, even if it doesn't go well, it's not your fault!
It's society's fault that things don't work out!
You can run away from unpleasant things!
That doesn't mean you lost!
Because, as they say 'Sometimes running away is winning'!
The answer you come to after being in doubt is usually something you'll regret, no matter what you choose!
If you're going to regret it anyway, do whatever's easiest for you in the moment!
Do not fear growing old!
Not even God knows whether you will be happy in the future, so you should, at least, be happy now!
I gulped a little and turned to Vanir.
"Vanir san… Is this even possible?"
Vanir looked back at me with a gloomy expression.
"I have looked into four billion different branching paths and possibilities…"
"And how many in those did we won?"
The demon held up one finger.
"One. To which cannot happen if I tell you how,"