[this a memory and I wasn't able to write it in the original but it's here now
Triggers: mental illness and physical harm and torture and pain and acceptance- sexual content ]
P.o.v Callus
"f*ck Zavi that was amazing- I really missed you-" I replied
"I haven't been gone that long we've been kissing like this for awhile-" he replied
"Well it was a long time for me- and I have lost you twice- and the first time I didn't even get a kiss-" I replied
"I barely knew you" he replied
"yet you licked me-" I replied
"You tasted really good and I was hungry" he replied
"hungry huh? you really wanted more than my blood didn't you?" I replied
"I already told you- I wanted your body too and to use you but I was already scared of what I had done and I hoped you were dead-" he replied
"but I wasn't and you found out you regretted it- because I loved you despite it- and you didn't understand it and you wanted to try it out- but you rushed things and I got hurt- but I still love you and I hate to lose you again" I replied
"even after everything you still love me?" He replied
"Of course I do you love me don't you?" I replied
"Yes- I love you very deeply and I hate seeing you hurt like this- and I want to protect you from everyone- and keep you forever-" he replied
"Zavi are you sure you're alright?" I replied
"I'm not alright you know that-like I said before I'm not a good person- I'm a monster-" he replied
He still thought about hurting me
"You're not a monster you just have trouble controlling your actions-and you always act before you think- and there's nothing wrong with that- but you still need to control yourself- and that takes time- and I'm here to help you through it- because I love you Zavi" I replied
"but Cal- I really am a monster- I only cared about Lorain -and I didn't care if you got hurt-
I never cared - and I ended up hurting you-" he replied
"Zavi that isn't true you did care when I asked you if you didn't you told me that you did- that I was the most important thing to you and you didn't want to lose me- that's true isn't it?" I replied
"Yes you are the most important thing to me and I don't want to lose you but- I still hurt you-" he replied
And still do
"Zavi you still aren't a monster you have a good heart- I may not be Lorain
but I can see it-" I replied
"do I really have a good heart?- aren't I a bad person?" He replied
"What makes you think you're a bad person?" I replied
"I know it deep down- yes I cared about Lorain but I couldn't care less now- she could die again for all I care- she didn't love me- and I couldn't treat you right- I used you and abused you-" he replied
"but you loved me deep down didn't you? and you never physically hurt me" I replied
"I know but it still wasn't right-" he replied
"Well on the brightside you didn't r*pe me" I replied
"I- what- I wouldn't do that-" he replied
"You sure? because that seems what you're implying-" I replied
"I- couldn't do that to you-" he replied
"but you wanted to use my body didn't you?" I replied
"Yes but I don't want to do that anymore I care about you-even if I made it seem like I didn't-" he replied
"I know but Zavi never think those things again-" I replied
It scared me seeing what he imagined
I-would I even enjoy that? If I did than who is the f*cked up one?
"What do you mean?" He replied
"Nevermind-" I replied
"What is it?" He replied
You f*cking sadist-
"nothing- it doesn't matter" I replied
"why can't you tell me? what are you hiding?" He replied
"do you even know- yourself?" I replied
"Yeah- like I said I'm a terrible person-" he replied
"a part of you enjoyed hurting me didn't it?" I replied
"I-f*ck-maybe-?" He replied
"You f*cking sadist" I replied
"You're the one who woke it up-" he replied
"Well you woke me up too-" I replied
I am a Masochist- sort of
"nothing-" I replied
"What are you hiding? come on Cal you can tell me-" he replied
"I-sort of liked it-" I replied
"liked what?" He replied
"I like when- you do things to me- and it makes me want more- even if you- devoured me and ate whole- and I liked it when you bit my fingers- and gave me- hickies- and bit my neck and told me I was yours-" I replied
"You-did huh?-wow Cal-I was apologizing for nothing-" he replied
"You always do how many times I have told you that you could do whatever you want to me?" I replied
"Oh- you're a Masochist-" he replied
"You just realized that?- and it's your fault" I replied
"does that mean you liked it when that woman beat you up?" He replied
"No- only you- I hate that woman- and you could beat me up if you wanted-" I replied
"I don't want to beat you up at least not anymore" he replied
"You wanted to? when?" I replied
"when you took my girl-" he replied
"Oh- yeah and like I said before I'm sorry- but hey- you have me now-" I replied
"that's true and you taste much better" he replied leaning in
"taste?that's very like you Zavi-and how do you know what she tastes like?" I replied
"I- tried to tongue kiss her and she tasted gross- so I pulled my tongue back and I didn't like it- I couldn't go through with it so I gave up" he replied
"You didn't fully tongue kiss her- good-" I replied
"You could just read my mind- can't you?" He replied
"I know- but I don't like invading your privacy" I replied
"liar- you always invade my thoughts- especially the ones I don't want you to see" he replied
"Hey- its not like I'm going to judge you- I imagine you in a dress remember?" I replied
"f*ck I forgot about that- what the hell-" he replied
"didn't you promise me that you would wear one?" I replied
"I- realize that now-do you still want me to?" He replied
"only if you're willing- I won't force you into my fantasies-" I replied
"What the heck is inside your head?" He replied
"a lot of things- but you are quite f*cked up yourself-" I replied
"will you stop it?-" He replied
"Nope-you're fun to read-" I replied
"I thought you didn't like invading my privacy?" He replied
"I lied-" I replied
"I knew it-" he replied
"so do you want to beat me up now?" I replied
"nah- you've been in my head for so long- and most of my thoughts are about you" he replied
"it's either me or Lorain you always think about her- even when you think of me-" I replied
"I'm pretty sure she wasn't there when I was f*cking you-" he replied
"I- but you- haven't-" I replied
"Yet- but I meant in my imagination and I do want to do it so bad right now-" he replied
"Then do it-you're a f*cking sadist- but I still love you- and I want you to do those things to me- even hurt me- I want it badly- beat me- punish me- eat me- f*ck me- push me down-" I replied
"Well- if that's what you want Cal- I'll do it-" he replied
"go ahead- I'm ready-" I replied
Xavier stripped himself and then stripped me down and pushed me down not holding back he pushed into me and Rocked against me
hitting my sweet spot over and over again and I let out a moan but the pleasure didn't last and it started to hurt when he pushed deeper but I told him that it was OK
But it wasn't it hurt way too much
And then he bit down really hard
The hickies were rough and painful
I felt tears go down my cheeks
And I told him that I enjoyed it but
I didn't I f*cking hated it -it was pure torture,and I thought that it was meant to be that way I told him that I would tell him to stop but I never did no matter how much I wanted it I tried to convince myself that this what I asked for so why was I complaining? And I loved him- and he loved me too- so it was alright right?
He then layed me down on the bed and then kissed my forehead and layed with me but when I woke up he was gone and it felt like a bad dream
It was the worst night ever [Memory end]
tears came down the real Callus's eyes
had that really happened? it truly felt like a nightmare but things were different now
Xavier loved him right? he didn't mean to hurt him - but they weren't the best at communicating- and that's why they ended up hurting eachother- but he knew that things were different now and that Xavier would never hurt him again and he wouldn't either
he hopes that everything will work out in the end even with the doubts and the close approach of death