Cooper milled around the kitchen, preparing his breakfast. His father sat at the table drinking his coffee while reading the morning paper. Coop ended up standing in front of the stove staring at the bacon sizzling with a blank expression on his face, lost in thought.
The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs brought him out of his reverie. His sister came bounding into the kitchen. She grabbed an apple before sitting down at the table. Cooper finished cooking his breakfast and carried his food and drink over to the table.
The three of them sat in silence for several moments before Jack spoke as he turned the pages of his paper. "Danielle's father called, they're running behind today. They'll be dropping her off at school later."
Coop sank a bit inwardly, his intrusive thoughts leaking out and telling him this was a bad omen.
* * *
Cooper walked the halls of his school; book bag slung over his shoulder. Other students moved through the halls around him making their way. Coop came round the corner near his class.
As he rounded it he clipped another boy. He spun quickly to apologize and noticed his teammate on the wrestling team, Odysseus Moore, Odys or Ody for short. Also lovingly referred to as The Hammer by his teammates.
Odys was black; if you asked him to categorize his exact skin tone he'd say chocolate. If you chose to press him on what kind of chocolate he would respond with 'What kind do you like?'.
He was also the same height as Coop, but had a little more muscle and definition. He was good looking, with a quick sly smile that many of the girls loved. He had a steady girlfriend though and didn't pay any of the others the attention they clearly wanted him to.
He wore a short fade haircut, partially for ease and also because he thought it made him look harsh. He had brownish copper colored eyes, with an unbelievably white smile which could look very welcoming when he wanted it to, and sinister when he needed.
Coop and he had gotten on well since he had switched schools. Odys was an amazing wrestler and was well on his way to becoming team Captain. He was abrasive though and didn't care much about pretending to be friendly with everyone all the time.
Coop was much the same, and ironically they bonded over the fact that neither one of them cared about making friends all that much.
Odys wasn't one for hanging out together outside of school, but he was affable during practice and supported his teammates. He didn't talk much about his family. All Coop knew was that he had lost his parents a few years back and had been taken in by a family friend.
Cooper grimaced at his friend. "Hey Odys, sorry man."
Odysseus looked lost in thought for a moment, then he put on a sly smirk.
"All good Coop, ain't nothing to it."
His signature catch phrase, like everyone's favorite four letter curse word, could be used in any number of situations, a one size fits all term. Why a high schooler needed a catch phrase, no one could say. Both boys walked into class and to their respective seats. Cooper got his bag situated and settled into his seat, casually glancing around the classroom and out the window as he did so.
The drop off area just by the front door to the school was visible. As he looked outside, he saw Danielle pull up in the passenger side of her mother's SUV. She got out in a hurry, spilling some items from her bag as she rushed to get inside.
Coop grinned like a lovesick jackass. Several minutes after class started Dany walked into the classroom. The teacher spoke to her briefly before Danielle started walking towards her seat. Coop kept nervously glancing at her, checking to see if she would look his way.
After she got settled in, she finally did look behind her and all the way across the room. When their eyes met he smiled and nodded at her. She smiled back faintly, he chalked it up to her being flustered about her late arrival. When the bell rang, she got cornered by some of the girls in class discussing something, so he didn't get to check in with her about the reason for her tardiness.
Most of the week they ate lunch together, but on Mondays she ate with the other students who were planning to go pre-med. He had a weekly meeting with the wrestling team, so he didn't get a chance to talk to her until the day was almost over.
Before their last class he managed to catch up to her and fell in step alongside.
"You sleep in today?" She jumped a little bit, glancing his way briefly before looking forward.
She didn't look at him as she answered.
"No, my mom was running behind this morning and my dad is still on duty."
Something still seemed off. Just before she reached her classroom door he softly said.
"Hey, is everything alright?"
She stopped just shy of the doorway, immediately having to step to the side to allow other students to pass her. She finally looked at him and he noticed her eyes looked tired.
She gave him a reassuring smile and spoke in a casual tone.
"Yeah, I just kind of flaked on some of my homework this weekend, so I had to stay up late to get it done and now I'm paying for it." Cooper nodded, cajoling their parents into allowing them to see a band on a school night might have been a bad idea, in hindsight.
Coop got a grip on his book bag and smiled. "Well at least you're on the home stretch now. Just try and soldier through this last hour and I'll see you after class."
She gave a quick head nod and forced a smile as they headed inside. "Alright."
* * *
Several students were using the rail system to get home, different groups of different sizes walked together. Coop had one teammate and a guy in his auto shop elective class that he was engaged in conversation with. Danielle had some teammates walking with her.
Eventually they got off the blue-line and found themselves alone, walking over to the red-line they climbed aboard and waited for the rail-car to get underway.
Coop stood instead of taking a seat and grabbed the pole nearest to her. Looking outside to calm his nerves before noticing her looking at him intently. "Been sitting all day, need to stretch my legs." Coop looked down the opposite end of the car.
Psyching himself up before turning back towards Danielle. "So, hey—."
Dany spoke at the same time "I heard—." Both fumbled an apology for interrupting the other.
Coop nodded at her. "What were you saying?"
Danielle tucked her hair behind her ear. "One of the girls in my prep study said she overheard that Emma Perrington has a crush on you."
Cooper stuttered, unsure how to respond. "Oh, wow, I don't know why she'd like me?"
Danielle smiled faintly and shook her head. "Why wouldn't she, you're a great guy Coop, any girl would be lucky to have you." There was the barest hint of sadness in her voice, but Coop was too elated to notice.
This had to be a sign; he took a breath before speaking. "Would you be?"
Danielle was lost in thought, her head snapped up at his question. "What?"
Coop straightened up and looked her in the eye, earnestly asking. "Would you feel lucky if you were with me? Because I would, feel lucky I mean." He continued before she had time to respond.
"For a while now I've known that I wanted us to be more than friends, but couldn't muster up the courage to tell you. But we're getting older, and I—."
Danielle's tone was harsh as she interrupted him, sounding hurt. "Why did you have to tell me this now?"
Cooper recoiled inwardly, confused, but he knew he had to be strong and see this through.
"I needed to let you know, because if there's any chance you felt the same, I had to try, before some other guy—."
She interrupted him again, still not raising her voice, but the anger in it was evident.
"So, you wanted to get at me before someone else jumped ahead of you, is that it? Who'd want a girl that's used goods, right?"
Her head shook as she lashed out at him. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and her chest started heaving with the breaths she was taking. Coop felt like he had walked into a nightmare.
He couldn't help but let his voice get lower as his wounded pride crept in.
"What are you talking about? You know I'm not like that, I've cared about you for—."
Danielle jumped up from her seat; the car shuddered as it prepared to leave the station. She stumbled slightly, reaching out to grab the same pole as him. She looked like she might break down. If he had to place the emotion written on her face, it was betrayal.
"Cared? I thought you were my friend, but this whole time you've just been waiting until you could get into my pants? Am I just supposed to spread my legs because you've waited so patiently."
Cooper couldn't understand what was happening, he scrambled for something to say to just stop this before things went any further.
Then Danielle continued, a mixture of venom and despair in her voice. "Why bother chasing after other girls when you can just fuck the one next door, right?"
The bottom of his stomach fell out and his throat went dry. Danielle turned away from him and started crying in earnest, covering her face with her hands. He felt so small, so incredibly small; he was worried he might just blink out of existence. He stepped back as if he had been scalded by a hot stove.
Desperate to be anywhere in that moment but in front of her. "Sorry to bother you."
He almost whispered it, afraid his voice would break if he said it any louder. He immediately went to the door, jumping straight to the bottom step and then to the ground. Barely making it through the door before it closed after him.
In his hurry to get off the car his phone came flying out of his jacket, bouncing off the last step before clattering to the ground. He didn't notice between the pounding of his heart and the sounds of the station, and strode away from the car.
Dany heard the hurt in his voice, and sobbed into her hands. 'Why am I doing this? None of it's his fault.' She thought.
But for him to say these things today, it had broken the dam on the emotions she had been holding in, since the talk with her parents this morning. If she should be true with her feelings to anyone it should be him.
"I'm sorry Coop, I don't mean it, I just…"
She was wiping the tears from her eyes as she turned around, stopping when he wasn't there. Suddenly there was a sinking feeling in her stomach. She immediately looked around, seeing him walk around the side of the next car over. She went to the window and pounded on it, calling his name futilely.
The railway cars began to move forward. Realizing she couldn't get his attention that way she grabbed her phone. She chose his name out of her contacts and held the phone up to her ear. Just outside the door to the rail car, the screen on Coop's phone lit up with the caller id, showing a picture of him and Dany together.
Coop went down the sidewalk with no destination in mind. He just had to get as far away as it took to not feel like this. When his mother died, he learned that tears do no good. So many nights he had cried himself to sleep, begging God or any deity out there to make her come back.
Losing a parent so young has a way of hardening your heart, preparing you for future heartache. But he hadn't let his mother's death make him bitter, because he still had people who loved him.
'That I thought loved me.' The thought made him squeeze his eyes and grit his teeth. 'She was so disgusted by the thought she broke into tears. How am I supposed to face her after that?'
Coop continued walking down the sidewalk, trying to clear his head. He passed a pool-hall, where a group of guys were hanging out at the front. He paid them no attention, so engrossed in his inner struggle. One of them called out to him, he stopped, turning to notice Anthony Farina.
Anthony strolled forward, flanked by three friends. "Well look who it is, you forget where you live Chicken Coop?"
Another of Anthony's nicknames that he hadn't heard since middle school. Coop didn't react, Anthony could fuck off and die for all he cared. He was done playing these games.
As he turned and started to walk away Anthony just had to open his mouth. "Where's Double D Coop, some other lucky guy taking his turn?"
It felt like the center of his being was white hot; like there was an inferno in his stomach. He spun around and started straight towards Anthony.
Anthony turned to look over both shoulders, assured that his friends were there he again taunted Coop. "Oh, did you finally grow a pair—."
Coop didn't say anything, once he got close enough, he delivered a front kick, or teep, to Anthony's mid-section. Anthony not being a fighter, braced himself in order to try and eat the blow instead of just letting himself be pushed back.
This meant that the full force of the ball of Coop's foot dug in below Anthony's ribs, delivering a powerful blow to the area near his liver. He immediately clutched his midsection as he collapsed backwards into his friends, two of them going down to the ground with him.
The one that didn't fall rushed towards Coop. Cooper dropped his center of gravity slightly to throw the other boy off. He fell for it and went low as well, as if he were going to tackle Coop to the ground. Right before they connected Coop stepped back and raised his body, grabbing the boy by the arm and shoulder.
He let the boy's momentum push him back and to the side for a moment, before he threw his body weight on top of him, driving the young man into the ground.
The wind got knocked out of him instantly. Coop stood and backed away several steps, making eye contact with the two that were standing up after having been knocked over by Anthony. He glared at one and then the other, daring them to continue the fray.
They exchanged glances and chose to instead collect their friends and drag them inside. Anthony was conscious for the most part. He brought his eyes up to Coop's, who couldn't help the grin that came to his face.
He tried to convey all the disdain and contempt he felt for the bastard. He backed away from the entrance, after a few steps he turned around and started jogging. There was no guarantee that they didn't have more friends inside ready to come out and beat the ever-loving shit out of him as comeuppance.
He got three blocks away before he dipped into a store to catch his breath. He walked over to the drink cooler and leaned his forehead against the glass. He felt feverish, and a little giddy. He had wanted to wipe the smug look off that son of a bitch's face for years.
It had taken Anthony bringing up Danielle for him to do something. Coop paused, 'Dany.' Just thinking her name made his stomach tie up in knots. He reached into the cooler and picked out whatever was closest. He walked to the counter partly dazed, the rush from the fight waning.
He paid and thanked the clerk as he walked outside, continuing until he came across a park. He found a bench to sit down on and just tried not to think about it; letting himself calm down as he took sips of his drink.
He couldn't see how to move forward, he tried to work it out in his head.
'I told my best friend I love her, and she acted like I was the scum of the Earth.'
That's not something you'd say to someone you cared about, friend or whatever else, right?. If she didn't feel the same, then say so. But to shame him for daring to think maybe the last fifteen years had led to his feelings being reciprocated? He put his head in his hands, flashing back to their argument.
His eyes watered, forcing him to squeeze them shut and his jaw to set. Thinking about her was a jagged wound he couldn't see closing. Why was it so hard to believe Danielle felt nothing for him? Maybe she'd only stayed friends with him this long because of their close proximity to each other.
'I mean you don't have to love me back, but to think so little of me while spending all that time with me.'
She was always going out of her way for people. Maybe she felt obligated to humor him. She'd become popular even before they'd switched schools. Getting into sports at this school had helped both of them gain confidence and make new friends. But she had flourished while he still sort of floundered.
Maybe she was tired of having him breathing down her neck. She could be annoyed because there was someone she liked, and his confession threatened that.
He couldn't bear the thought. If she didn't love him, and if she didn't want to be his friend anymore, he would accept it. He wasn't so pathetic to beg someone who didn't care about him for scraps of affection.
But he could not stomach having to see her cast him aside like trash, only to laugh and smile at someone else. He'd drop out before that happened, toss himself in a hole and never come out.
He felt crushed by this hopelessness, unable to stop the dark thoughts intruding into his mind. Telling him how unlovable he was. Scolding him for daring to place himself on the same level as her. And finally telling him he would be better off if he just accepted his father's offer.
And then it all clicked inside his mind at once, that was it, wasn't it?
The answer to the question on repeat in his head. 'What do I do now?'
The only reason he had rejected the idea was her. He had balked at the idea of moving so far away from her. When the truth was, as it turned out, she would be a million miles away even if she was standing right next to him.
There was nothing else stopping him from doing it. Other than not seeing his extended family, but this was Japan they were talking about. He was secretly thrilled at the prospect of getting to live there.
His interest in the country had been piqued during the Saturday morning visits with his grandpa. Japan had its own wrestling promotions just like the United States. Much of the American talent cut their teeth overseas in their younger years.
His grandfather was a cinephile at heart and he stoked his young grandson's burgeoning appreciation for Japan by showing him classic cinema, mostly chanbara, films featuring sword work.
Once he got older, he also became engrossed by the animated shows and films that were synonymous with the country. So what reason did he have not to go now? Even if he talked to Danielle right now and she apologized, it wouldn't make it better.
Go back to being her friend knowing how she really saw him? He didn't want to guilt her into being around him. Maybe they had been together too long, and this was burnout from being stuck together for all these years. Despite how hateful she had been, he couldn't stop loving her.
If anything, he cared for himself less based upon her appraisal of his feelings. He had been following her around all this time like a lovesick puppy, hadn't he? Maybe his father was right, and a few years away would allow them perspective, enough to be friends again, at least.
'If we were ever even friends, really.'
He thought it only out of bitterness. He reached into his jacket pocket looking for his phone, unable to find it. He checked his other pocket, before standing up and checking his pants.
He couldn't guess where it may have slipped out. Either the railway, the fight or the run here. He checked the immediate area before giving up and tossing his empty drink bottle in the nearest recycling bin.
He looked around to gather his bearings, orienting himself. His father had meetings Monday, so he left the office later than the rest of the week. He set off in the direction of his fathers office.