Shit.
I wasn't familiar with this side of the world yet, but I knew he had to mean I looked awful.
His usually intense eyes softened as they stayed on me. "Are you okay Eva ?".
Are you okay Eva ?
Are you okay Eva ?
That question, and the way he had asked. Like he cared, understanding, and patient. Like he knew I wasn't okay.
Tears began streaking down my cheeks, tracing down my chin. I looked away from him, down to my neatly trimmed toenails.
I must look so pathetic.
"Eva", he called softly.
My shoulders lurched with violent sobs. "I'm okay", the words squeaked from my throat.
"You can talk to me".
My eyes lifted from the ground.
" You don't care about me or anyone else in the church".
A smile cruised along his face. "That I did say, but I know how it feels to be surrounded by your family, but still feel alone".
I sniffed, wiping my tears with the back of my hands.
"Our parents aren't going to be back till evening so, you wanna come over, or should I ?", He suggested.
***
I shouldn't have, I really shouldn't have.
The steps of his porch should've reminded me as I stepped on them of the last time we were together. When he was drinking and worse, smoking.
The same steps he had shamelessly kissed the girl I had called a slut, worse, the few steps down he had trailed kisses down my neck and fondled my breast.
His familiar scent should have warned me why I shouldn't let myself be alone with him, should have reminded me of my attraction to him I was determined to fight.
They actually did, but I brushed them all off. They didn't matter now.
His home structure was the exact replica of mine, the only difference was how our families had decided to decorate our spaces.
While ours had a native vibe to it, theirs was more modern.
"You want ice cream ?", He asked.
I nodded as I walked behind him, then realising he couldn't see me, I muttered a 'yes'.
I followed him into the kitchen, where he pulled out two small plates of ice cream from their refrigerator, and slid one across the counter over to me.
I noted it was chocolate flavor. When was the last time I indulged in the pleasure of having ice cream ?
I unintentionally voiced that out.
I didn't know what I expected him to say to that, but he surprised me by his next words.
"How about we go out ?", He suggested.
I stared at him like he had a second, third, and fourth head. "I can't".
He passed me a spoon, before taking off the cover of his plate of ice cream. Banana flavor I noticed.
"Why not ?".
"My parents ...".
"Aren't home", he finished.
I silently stared at him.
He dipped his spoon into the ice cream, and swooped up a generous amount he threw into his mouth. Licking his lips he said, "I know a place where they sell really delicious burgers. We could go there, aren't you hungry ? ".
I still stared, my brain wheeling around in my head.
"I can show you around from there, do a little exploring of places that aren't church".
I looked down at my plate of ice cream. He sounded so tempting.
" Don't you want to be Eva, and not the resident pastor's daughter for one day ?".
I pulled my gaze back to him.
His eyes drilled into mine. Those eyes that seemed to see what I tried to hide. He knew I wanted that.
" And have fun for once", he added, swooping another spoon of ice cream.
I swallowed to moisten my throat. I really wanted to, I really really wanted to. But what if ...
"Besides, you lost our bet so you owe me".
My brows bunched. "Bet ?".
Another swoop of ice cream in his mouth. "You think I'll forget the girl that confidently boasted of her father's virginity when he married her mother ?".
I heated at the memory.
" What makes you think I lost ?", I asked, not recognizing my voice. All those hours of crying really messed it up.
Another swoop of ice cream. "If Eva had won, she would have dragged me to church with her, and forced me to stay from the early morning prayers till the late night prayers ".
A laugh rose from my throat. " That is very correct. I'll also ask you to join me for choir practice".
"And help you clean out the church".
" And not steal offerings that day", I said, and I immediately noticed the shift in the light playful atmosphere.
I tensed, I didn't want to go back to my house.
Keith's calm expression remained, and I was glad.
A soft smile danced across his face. "I'm not a bad guy Eva. Yeah I've done questionable things but ...", he trailed, "Maybe you'll know me a little better today".
He took another swoop of ice cream. His last bait. A bait I couldn't help but fall for.
"My dad wasn't a virgin", I confessed.
His thick dark brows rose in feign surprise. "Are you serious ?".
We laughed.
"I told you", he commented.
I mimicked him, sounding like one of the village chiefs (title holders) that flooded my grandfather's obi (meeting house) on late Saturday nights. That was such a long time ago.
"I lost the bet, so, I'll do whatever you want for today", I told him.
He chuckled. " You might regret saying that".
***
" kedu nsogbu gị( What's your problem ?)".
"Kedi ndigbi gu", Keith tried to repeat my words, and I laughed.
" What kind of teacher are you Eva ?".
I laughed harder, and turned my head to the right, away from him, so he wouldn't see the tears streaming down my face.
" You're actually kind of good", I told him, when I composed myself.
He chuckled, "And you absolutely suck at teaching".
I giggled. "You have no idea what you sounded like".
" Okay, let me try again. Kedu nsogbu gị (What's your problem ?) ".
My brows rose in surprise." Wow, now that was really good".
I clapped for him, and he stood doing a little twirl that made me laugh harder than I had.
Keith had kept true to his word. We first we got burgers because we were both hungry, and he had driven me around a couple places. It was wonderful to be in a place so different from any of the places I had known. And more wonderful that I got to see places that weren't church.
Because it was getting close to the time our parents got back which was five, Keith had brought us back to the estate, but instead of going back to our different houses, we had come to the unoccupied building at the end of the estate which was the largest building too with a rooftop that overlooked the outskirts of the estate.
"I'll be fluent in Igbo in two days", he declared when he sat.
I chuckled, and took a sip of my drink. "Wishes, and dreams Keith ".
He laughed, and we sat in companionable silence for a while until the light breeze threatened to flash my thighs and everything beneath the dress I didn't want to change out of to the world.
Keith chuckled, as I tucked a heap of the material between my thighs, before shutting them.
"I'm not used to wearing dresses this length", I clarified, not looking at him." My grandma gave it to me, my mother forbade me from ever wearing it".
"It's beautiful", he commented, and I wheeled my head to his direction. " And it suits you".
I heated, and mumbled a thank you.
"Why did your mom forbid you from wearing it ?", He asked.
I placed my hands on my knees." She says only sluts show their bodies like that. That the places covered are reserved for God and my husband".
I was expecting him to laugh, but he asked, " And what do you think ?".
"I like this dress, and I secretly admire a lot of clothes my parents will never let me wear", I answered, " I don't think all of them are indecent. My grandma didn't like the clothes I wear, she always complained and argued with my mom about it. She said my mom should let me dress my age ".
He hummed.
" What do you think ? ", I asked.
One dark brow rose. " You're asking my opinion ?".
I nodded. " Your honest opinion".
"You should listen to your grandma if you agree with her", he stated." Besides, it's your body, you should wear what makes you feel your best".
I rubbed my knees, as my lips stretched in a smile that I forced onto my face. " My parents will kill me".
He scoffed, and looked straight ahead at the view before us. "You need to stop letting them control your life so much".
My forced smile died, and I played with my fingers. " It's not as easy as you can say it".
"They're the reason you were crying. Aren't they ?".
My breath hitched in my throat. He hadn't brought up the moment I had been crying since I left my house to meet him, and I had genuinely thought he had forgotten.
"You're their daughter not their possession".
A tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it off quickly, but he had already noticed.
"I'm sorry, it's not my place", he apologized. " And I'm also sorry for what I said in church last Sunday, I won't say I didn't mean to say it Eva, I'm just sorry for how I did".
I shook my head, and blew my cheeks out. " It's fine, it's not like you're wrong. My grandma and Aunty Grace, my father's younger sister were the only people that saw me as a person, and not the resident pastor's daughter. They genuinely cared for me, and whenever either wasn't around, I felt lonely and miserable. Aunty grace lives in Germany, and my grandma is dead so ..", I sniffed, and tried to rein back my tears.
" I'm so lost, and yes, I don't know who I am. All my life I've only ever known the church, school and the few hours I had in my room. I just ...", I played with my fingers. " I don't want to continue this way. I was excited to come to Canada because of university, and the freedom away from my parents and the church's expectations. I'll serve God to the day I leave the earth, but I want to live too. It's obvious my parents don't care about me".
A pause too long to bear passed by.
" I'm lost too", Keith said, and I faced him. His eyes swirled with emotions that were too many to read. "There was this girl ...", He paused as if contemplating telling me or not.
I said a silent prayer in my heart, that he did.