Father did not answer and his steps led to a place that was not my destination.
"Father was home again but mother was not at home," said the father with short breaths because of his fast walking.
"Continue?" I asked and father was silent but his feet kept going.
Then we stopped at a field.
I saw in front of many people who surrounded something. Does that have anything to do with mom?
And my eyes fixed on one point....
"MUMOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I shouted as I ran to get close to him but was held back by several people circling around the tree.
Mother's face was pale, there was a little drool at the corner of her mouth. His eyes widened with a blank stare. His feet hang no longer touch the ground. Around his neck was a long rope that tied around his neck and hung from a large branch on the tree in front of me.
"A sincere one, Nduk. Let your mother calm down," said the residents.
"Mother... why are you doing this?! Uhg hu hu hu... who will accompany Wulan, Buuuk. Mother, don't go, why are you taking this path!?" I shouted while rebelling because my body was being held by people.
"Don't come close yet, Lan. It's dangerous. Let's just wait for the police," said Pakde Pur's wife--Bude Um.
"Mom... Don't go with me for months, Mom."
"Istighfar, Lan. Istighfar. Don't say that." Some people advised me to be quieter.
My honor was taken by force, now my mother committed suicide. I swear, I will try to find you Afri Setiaji. I will bring you to your knees begging me to save your life.
I will destroy you, as much as possible with your family.
"IBUUUK!"
My body felt weak, the sound of police sirens that started arriving made my heart even more sad. His screech was like a machete hitting my eardrums. The many murmurs of people calling my mother's name added to my brokenness and was at my lowest point.
My vision is blurry, my body is getting weaker.
"Wulan ... Wulaaan!"
My body is weak, my head is heavy.
Blumb!
It's dark and I'm unconscious.
*****
"Lan, Wulan. Wake up, Lan." The call woke me up a little. The scent of eucalyptus oil is sharp on my smell. My toes felt pressed.
Someone was patting my cheek too.
I opened my eyes thinly and blinked. Still half conscious but I know I'm already at home, to be precise in the room in front of my room. My head still feels heavy, my hips hurt, I don't know why.
There was a chanting of the Yasin letter that sounded like a chorus in my house.
"Mother. Where is my mother, De? Where?" I asked Bude who was sitting beside me.
I sat down and held on to the wall trying to get up.
"Where are you going?" asked Bude.
"In the future, I want to see mom. Maybe mom is already breathing again," I said.
"Your mother is already shrouded, Nduk Wulan. Just stay here. Calm yourself," said Bude advising me while holding my hand.
I walked slowly out into the living room. There is a stretched body covered with jarik cloth from head to toe.
I came closer and sat beside the body. I gently pushed the edge of the cloth and then I saw a pale face whose eyes were now closed. The face of a woman who was one body with me when I was in her womb. A white cloth framed his face which was so shady.
"Mom... why did you leave Wulan? And if Wulan wants to tell you, who do you talk to, Mom? Wulan still needs a mother, Mom. Uhg hu hu hu...." I cried until my shoulders shook.
Several policemen were still standing near the door, they were talking with the father. My father seems tired.
I got up, feeling my stomach hurt when I made it stand up. Maybe I'll get my period. My head also feels dizzy.
"What's the matter, sir?" I asked after standing beside father.
"It's okay. Mr. Police is investigating, did your mother purely commit suicide or was murdered. After it was finished, it turned out that your mother was indeed a pure suicide," explained the father.
This means that I fainted for quite a while, even my mother's investigation was completed.
"Come on, Pak Wahyu. We'll bury his body now," said one of the residents to my father.
"Nggih, monggo," answered the father and went towards the mother's body.
I was silent, staring at the scene in front of me that was so heartbreaking. There was an invisible wound that was so painful and deep.
The body that was already stiff was lifted by the father and several people, then carried to be prayed at the prayer room at the end of the road. I have frozen with my heart. My once cheerful soul has gone with mother's corpse.
"Laillaha illallah ... laillaha illallah ...." The sentence was like a trumpet shout that was ready to destroy the heavens and the earth.
"Damn you Afri. I don't accept you doing this to my family," I muttered as I clenched my fists as I watched my mother's body being carried away from my house.
"Wulan, don't act rashly at this time. If you take revenge now, the police will definitely suspect you. You will not be satisfied taking revenge for your family. Let it cool down for a moment, if you want to destroy the Afri family. Choose the right way and the right time. "Remember, your father could suffer a lot if you have something wrong," said Pakde Pur beside me.
"Then what should I do? Is it silent to watch one life go because of the cursed devil's behavior?" I asked softly but with an angry tone.
"No. God will help us, let's calm down first. I also don't accept my younger sibling, I have to leave because of that bastard family," whispered Uncle and then left with the people who carried mother's body.
I closed my eyes and without being able to hold back I sobbed beside the door.
"Mbak Wulan," said Tari who hugged me, then I put my left hand on her shoulder in return.
Day after day. I still harbor a grudge that is so burning in my heart.
I want to destroy the Afri family. Must! He must be as sick or sicker than I am.
Today is the seventh day of the tahlilan recitation for my mother's departure. All the snacks have been prepared by Bude Um and other relatives.
I looked for my sister in front but still can't find it.
Turns out he was still in his room. I entered and stood beside his bed.
"Tar, why don't you join the Koran in front? What are you doing in your room?" I asked.
"I'm getting it, Ma'am. I can't hold the Koran," he answered.
"Okay, up front, you can help prepare snacks for people who come to recite the Koran."
"Yes Miss." Then Tari inched out of bed, I turned to get out of Tari's room. "Oiya, Ma'am. I'm asking for pads, please," continued Tari and stopped my steps.
"Yeah, I haven't bought it yet, Tar. You haven't got it yet, sis."
"Don't get it yet? Usually, Ms. Wulan gets her period before Tari."
Deg!
My chest rumbles, the heat from my back rises to my head.
"Eng ...," gumamku.
"So don't stress too much, Miss."
It's not a matter of stress, but why do I like to eat sour things and until now I haven't had my period?
An incident like this was experienced by Bude Um's child when she was young.
Oh Allah.
Am I...?
"Let's go out, Ma'am. Are you still dead?" joked Tari while taking my hand and I followed him out of the room and sat in the front room with the other siblings.
During the study I could not concentrate. There is a feeling of worry that makes me uncomfortable about the delay in my period.
The study is finally over.
"Later give it to Mus' house, I couldn't come earlier," said Bude to Mr.
"Just let Wulan send it," I said while grabbing the rice parcel thanks to the tahlilan from Bude's hand.
At least I have a reason to go out tonight.
"Yakin?" Bud asked.
"Sure, Bude. Want to buy pads too," I said.
"Oh, if that's the case. Here, wait, yo. Be careful," said Bude.
"Yes," I said and said goodbye.
I went by riding my father's motorcycle. I hurriedly drove the motorbike carefully because the road was still not paved, it was still dirt mixed with gravel and the road atmosphere was quite dark.
Until I got to the road. After I gave the blessed rice to Wak Mus, I immediately returned and stopped by to buy a pregnancy test kit and buy bandages for Tari.
***
Before the dawn call to prayer I woke up, deliberately early. So that you don't know when I do this pregnancy test.
I first read in detail how to use the blue test kit, the complete rules are on the back of the wrapper. I need a used plastic glass of mineral water for urine collection.
After everything was ready, I began to dip the tip of the thin object into the urine that I had collected. Until a few seconds ago I pulled.
The first line appears solid red. My chest beats faster, my hands tremble staring at the thin lines that appear, getting clearer and clearer.
Handsrrr!
Line two?
Am I pregnant with Mas Afri's child?
I stared at the flat object, until my eyes were blurry from the tears that covered it.
Oh God ... what ordeal is this?
I turned around, standing against the bathroom door. Crying naturally in the bathroom.
Why should I bear the child of the person who destroyed my family?
"Uhg hu hu hu ...."
"Lan, Wulan. Are you in the bathroom?" asked someone from outside and I believe it was the father's voice.
I wipe the tears from my face. Then take a few deep breaths to calm down.
"Yes sir," I said.
"Hurry up, you want to get rid of this shit," said the father hurriedly.
Then I dumped my urine and all my equipment into a black plastic bag but not for the test. I put it in my pajama pocket made from this T-shirt.
Click
I opened the bathroom door.
"Too long, meditating, isn't it, Nduk?"
"No, sir. Forgot to bring incense," I joked in response to my father's joke. Even if I'm broken, I want to hide all this by myself. I don't want you to get sick like me.
When I got to the room, I threw myself onto the bed. I repeatedly beat my stomach.
"Why are you in my womb. I never wanted you!" I can't stop crying. Weeping over such a miserable fate.
I rolled sideways to the right then grabbed the bolster at my side for me to hug.
"Even though this is a child that I don't want, this fetus doesn't know anything about the mistakes of its depraved father. Do I have to hurt it to abort it?" I softly monologue.
I just kept on crying non-stop. Until my head feels heavy and sleepy. I fell asleep without the dawn prayer.
****
"Wulan ... Lan. You have a friend, Pita."
I straighten my body to sit. Hoping this morning was just a bad dream. I dug into my pocket and the pregnancy test was real.
"God, it wasn't a bad dream. It was a bad life."
I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and left.
Click
"Are you sleeping? Tumben? Usually dawn at the prayer room? Continue to prepare for the village head's house? Are you sick, Lan?"
"No, sir. Maybe I'm just tired," I replied and quickly put the device back in my pocket before my father knew.
"Okay, wait for Pita, you know. In front."
I nodded and walked to meet my friend who used to go to the same school but our homes are in different districts. People say that we are like twins because of our similarity in the shape of our jaws, noses and lips, but we have different fates.
"Lan," sapa Pita.
"Pita?" balaclava
Then we hugged for a while.
"Come on sit, Pit," I said.
We both sat on rattan chairs in the living room of my house.
"My mother called me yesterday. She said Lek Nik had died, that's why I came back here," said Pita.
"Iya, Pit."
"Patience... sometimes life doesn't have to be all right. What's not good can be your way to be successful, Lan."
"Amen..." I whispered. Then he sighed when he remembered the fetus from Mas Afri's seed that I was carrying.
"Uh, you--"
"MONTH!" call father in a loud and emotional voice.
What's wrong with you?
Continued