"e-excuse me..." i say entering the bar. it seem more crowded than usual.
"ah! ito-chan! come on!" daisuke suddenly snatch my hand, i stumble letting a confused whimper
he bring me into the back stage, everyone was there.
"ah! ito-chan come on we have to start performing!" mafuyu say, standing up bass already strap around his shoulder
everyone take that que to get ready, mafuyu was already adjust his pegs and kei was waiting.
"b-but i need to pra–"
"lets go" kei drag me, it was a surprise he even talk. but i didnt complain and let him pull me out to the stage.
"HELLO EVERYONE!" everyone in the bar started to look at mafuyu, theyre eyes filled with excitement
"if you didnt know im mafuyu aoki the bassist!"
"and im haruki saito! im the guitarist and this is kei sato he is the drummer!" haruki follows.
"if you havent notice, we have a new member replacing sakura-chan from yesterday performence! yuuko ito as our sexaphonist and not singer!" i clutch my sexaphone tightly as cheers and clap erupt.
'is this how musician feels like?'
"of you are wondering what happen to sakura-chan, she recently went to england to persue her drean to become a famous pianist! everyone give her a clap for goodluck!" once more, the crowd erupt with cheers and loud whistle also mix what mafuyu request–a round of appluse.
"today because we have a new member, we are gonna play a song. but not a regular song, a song that our drummer will sing!" squeels echood making me flinch.
'is it that special?'
"one, two one two three go!" almost everyone was in sync–not me tho. i just stood there like an idiot.
kei started to play a rythm i dont recognize, mafuyu and haruki is the same. as if they are mocking me for not practicing with them.
'if its that how you want to play then fine!' i heighten my hearings, close my eye and imagen the tune was dancing before me.
i saw a light, a tune i suppose. playing the song softly not in a mocking matter, as if they were inviting me.
i hum with them to the song, carefully place my sexaphone to my mouth. remembering the classes i have with auntie.
'practice my breathing...' i breath in and breath out slowly.
'i didnt practice sexaphone for a long time but luckily i take care of my sexaphone..' but still its gonna be hard.
i blow my sexaphone in a tune that stand out but still in a rythm that match the other.
i follow the tune, humming it in my mind.
i keep blowing and keep pressing until i sweat, i feel like im dancing to the beat, my body moves to the melodies.
suddenly i feel something tugging my feet i trip and fall.
i feel the tune fades away and the melodies slip before me.
i quickly catch myself eyes widen, i saw everyone looking with pity and hatred?
i saw that noone is playing and i relizes i play bymyself, and i trip into a wire that seem to connect to kei mic.
i tick– the people think im trying to be in the spotlight.
i quiver under the gaze. kei, mafuyu, and haruki feels diffrent.
"well...that was... and unexpected play from our member!.... give him around of applause..." yet, everyone stay quite. i feel embaress.
'this....this is my only chance...and...and i....i....' my body shivers i messed up, and i know it.
"....lets continue.." we all continue but with me not playing.
"ito....um..." mafuyu ussual energy voice now change, we are in the backstage but crowd was still there drinking and talking
"i know that you are new...and...want to be known but....if kei is singing, please.. just...lower your ego." i imagen a crack forming into my beating heart
'they think im selfish..ha....i should've known' my mouth tug into a bitter smile and nod.
i turn around and go to the back door.
the familiar smell of dissapointed hit my nose, i remember the time that old men fired me.
and today–even if its a small mistake it surely a big one for them–i will cry again in this alley
"hey." i flinch, that same voice that found me.
"uh...hey..daisuke-san.." i say, my voice is more quite this time.
"why...did you do that?" the crack becomes bigger and almost shattered, my heart almost explodes into pieces. and my face clearly shows that.
'even....even daisuke....' tears threatend to spill, but i hold back with a hic looking down.
".....you know, you never catch me as a egoist and self-center person i guess im wrong.." i body shudders almost painly.
"you can go home now, until then focus on trying not being a selfish person. if you cant, im sorry but... your fired" i feel my dream, hope, everything falls by the cracks of my hand.
daisuke enter the back door leaving me behind the alley.
and i broke down–angry tears and regret flows over, my sexaphone clutchs painly into my palms.
'no...no...no no no no!!' i scream in my head knuckles already white.
'why, why i didnt do anything wrong! i just...i just trip on his mic!–' my breathing becomes heavy my nerves is burning.
emotion that i never thought i will expirience came running like a marathon
'His mic...its his fault! he–he ITS HIS FAULT! HIS THE SELFISH ONE! JUST–JUST BECAUSE I TRIP!' im mad. furious, i wanted to scream and shout. rip that kei guy with my bear hand.
instead, my body move to trash the closest thing. i trow the sexaphone.
my face turn to horror after i relizes what ive done, agony and sadness replace the madness.
but when i open my mouth to cry, nothing came.
my body feels like its was being burned and skinned at the same time–so much pain my body went limp as i catch myself with my hand.
i started to puke. food i ate that looks delicious now seem like chunks of trash, my eyes feels like it was bulging out.
my knees hurt from holding myself so as my palm.
it scratches the concrete floor making my already in pain body feels hurrendous.
i feel like i wanna explode– but slowly and painfully.
my eyes shake rapidly as mindless thinking went in my brain
'am i gonna die? but i cant! i need too–' i puke again, now it was not food but chunks of flesh.
'blood...' blood pours out of my mouth
"hah...ah....aaa...." i cant even scream.
my gaze become hazy, thats it im gonna die.
'auntie.....' i remember her soft touch, her warmth even tho i dont remember her appereance much.
how she introduce me in the world of music when mother fought with father, how she teach me all kind of instrument to keep me entertained.
'i want too...i want to play it again....please...just...
just once'
i close my eye letting the reaper took me away
yet he never did.
i blink, i was in a white room.
***
ring! ring!
i pick up my phone bringing it to my ear
"yes boss?" i say trying not to draw attention
"daisuke...why do i see black..." my boss whisper, i froze. i know what he meant i sprint back to the bar
'i shouldnt have go to the convinient store to grab some snack...' i went past kaede. with a swift turn i open and saw him on the ground.
"shit!" i curse looking at him.
"this is not what i predict!" i almost shouted, i hear boss quivering breaths
i gulp "boss he looks...dead" i spoke quietly looking at yuuko in the ground, this is the first in many years i saw a burst like...this
"he is not dead i saw flickering white. check his pulse, his burst is....intense" i gulp, burst are painfull your lucky if you survive
"yes boss.."
"QUICK IDIOT" i ran to the laying body.
i check his pulse, he was still alive which shock me
"he...he is still alive.." i say in disbelief
i hear a slump with a sigh in the other line.
"god...i never felt more relief in years! we're lucky he Is breathing..."
"boss...may i ask why? i mean why he is so important"
"he...is like a empty vessel. but his desire is strong, he is intresting not like the other cases. i bump into him yesterday and....i didnt see his past...i only see his future..i think he is connected to him."
i almost stay still but i calm myself.
"you mean..."
"yes. now carry him to our head quarters"
"yes boss." i say letting boss ending the call. i put my phone to my coat as i look into yuuko one last time before carrying him.
i look around confused, the white room seem plain yet feel magical like i wasnt supposed to be here
"where...am i?" the thoughts seem to be spoken outloud here.
i heard a soft tune, almost familiar
i look around and saw nothing only a hue of shining lights with a melody that strangely i seen.
"yuuko..." i turn around after hearing that voice– that familiar voice.
"a-auntie?"