I have somehow acquainted the habit of waking up an hour later than my usual time. It's 7am now, and I have to hurry to the closet to get ready before it's 8 and then run to the cafe to finish the remaining of my work, which I was too tired to finish last night.
I heard that there's a new cafe, which opened up last week, and we can't leave it out now, can we!?
Absolutely not. Julia Morias tries out every other cafe that there is, in the city.
I walk into my closet and see the dress I wore to Lily's wedding two weeks ago. I finger the fabric and a smile comes up on my lips. She is now out on her honeymoon. They started the morning after and knowing Lily, I know they won't be back before a month at least.
She called last night, and told me how she was enjoying France, visiting wine bars and cabaret shows. She sent me a picture of them kissing on the top of The Eiffel Tower, and today she's gonna be in the "City of Lights"- Paris.
She had this bucket list of things she wanted to do with her partner, so many of which I thought were very cliché but the cliché you would never get bored of reading in a romance novel, no matter how many times you have read it.
I get out of the closet while humming the song :
"City of Stars are you shining just for me...? City of Stars there's so much that I can't see.."
It's one of my favorite songs to ever exist.
'A rush, a glance, a touch, a dance..'
A dance...
My mind suddenly gives me a memory glimpse of some sort and it's so clear in front of my eyes even now. That night at Lily's wedding, the dance we shared, Enzo and I. It stirred up some emotions I had not been thinking about lately.
I had never talked 'constellations' with anyone other than... other than Mike since I was freakin' 10.
I don't know why it all felt so familiar. Heck, I almost kissed him that night.
Yes, almost. But, you didn't Jul, so it's okay. It's cool. You don't go around kissing your neighbours, that too someone you are on a set-up date : a first date with, on your best friend's wedding! Whatever happened to "let's get to know each other better first!"??
Speaking of which, I haven't seen him in 10 days. I saw him the day he was leaving. He vaguely mouthed the words "conference" before he returned to the phone call he was on and got into the elevator and left. He seemed to be in a hurry so I waved him goodbye to which he gave one of his biggest smiles. I felt a wave of warmth rush to the left of the middle of my ribcage.
I refuse to say 'my heart'.
I open the door to see a man infront of Enzo's house. He's wearing some sort of uniform I guess, and is worriedly pressing buttons on his phone, while his other hand carries a parcel.
I look at him for a few seconds before I lock my door.
"Excuse me, Miss?" the man calls out.
"Yeah?" I reply and he points to Enzo's door, "This the house of-" he takes a look at the parcel and continues, "a Dr. Torres?"
"Yes, it is. Can I help you with something? You look worried."
"Um. Yeah, actually. I've been here once before to deliver the same parcel this week. But he wasn't home, then, and...he isn't home now."
"Oh yeah, he's out of town I'm guessing. Did you try calling him?" I ask.
"The number we have is currently switched off, and I don't have any other numbers to call." he shrugs.
Enzo's phone is switched off? Is he alright? Maybe he has multiple numbers, Jul, calm down!
"If you could?" the delivery man steps forward and pushes forward the hand he had the parcel on, towards me.
"You want.. me to receive it?" I make sure I'm getting him right.
"Yes. It's either this or I'll have to return it back to the sender. And if this is something important that would be a trouble to get it back to him again sooner."
"Alright. I understand."
"Here, sign this." he hands me his phone and I sign it with my finger. That was fun!
He hands me the brown packet and leaves. I unlock the door, put it on the table just beside the door and close it.
I stop for a second before reopening the door. Maybe I should put it back in my room. That'd be good.
I take the parcel and put it on the nightstand in my room. "Nah!" I say to myself before I pick it up again to put it inside the drawer below.
It's good that way, or I'd be too distracted thinking what it is and who sent it, if it's right infront of my eyes. I crouch to put it inside the drawer but my eyes fall on the name of the recipient :
"Dr. M. Enzo Torres"
Hmm.. I didn't know he goes by his middle name instead of his first name.
What does the 'M' stand for, anyway?
I get out of my house and leave for the cafe. There's so much work to do and it's almost 9am. I have a deadline in four hours, and if I don't finish it by then, then goodbye to one of my best clients.
. . .
Productive days are the best. You feel like you're making progress in life and everything feels better. The world seems beautiful.
I twirl as it's an empty road back home. It's 6 in the evening and I'm planning to stop by the beach and just be there alone, for an hour or so. It's been over two months since I have been there to clear my head. But tonight, I just want to be at peace.
I reach the beach and wave hello to the woman who sells the best cream buns in the city.
"Hellllloooo! How have you been Mrs. Smith?"
"Oh wonderful, sugar! I'm seeing you after so long. I hope everything's alright?"
"Yes, it is. It's been going really good."
"Hmm. I figured."
"You did?" I ask, surprised by her answer.
"Yes, you told me once that you come to the beach because it helps you clear your head. And if you haven't been here, it means you must have not felt the need for it." she gives me the sweetest smile and I feel my insides going mush. There are these few people who make me feel so safe, and I never back away from letting them know the same. Feeling grateful about someone, and not saying it to them, is not something I do.
"You're the sweetest woman I've ever met, y'know that? You're exactly like this cream bun." I pick up a bun. It's fresh out of the oven. And the smell of it makes my mouth water.
"Yes, my husband keeps saying that every night!" she winks and I cough up the bread I just choked on.
"Mrs. Smith! I wasn't expecting that answer."
She laughs.
"So, if you're here this evening, is everything alright?"
"Yes. Strangely, yes. Today I'm just here because it was a long day. The ocean just makes me feel like it's gonna wash away all things that worries me. And this evening, I just wanted to be comforted by the ocean."
"'Comforted by the ocean'" she repeats.
I smile and nod as I take a huge bite from the bun.
"You're a poetic kid. Always have been!"
We both laugh and I say goodbye after chatting for a few more minutes about her life.
The ocean truly is comforting. The waves whisper in my ears : fairytales...
and I lose myself in that world, leaving away all worries of work, of my life, all the fears of not finding a 'purpose', of not finding the feeling of 'home' ever again.
It all just washes away as I lay on my back, on the sand. There are only a few people around today and it's a good thing.
My mind travels back to the parcel. Enzo's parcel. What could 'M' stand for?
And why the heck is his phone switched off? It's a possibility that he does have multiple numbers.
Yeah, and you don't even have one of them.
How on Earth have you known this guy for almost four months, the guy you admitted that you almost kissed, and still don't have his number?
I roll my eyes on myself and giggle.
. . .
I come back to my apartment and before unlocking my door I stare at his door for a solid minute.
I spent another hour on the balcony.
The usual....
Stargazing and sipping warm honey water. It helps me sleep well at night.
The jar beside my bed on the nightstand is empty. It's been so, for almost a month now. I'm out of peppermint candies. Should I be happy that I haven't had an attack since the last 5-6 weeks, or should I get a refill tomorrow?
Eh, I'll get a refill. I love those candies irrespective of my anxiety. I laugh to myself, before I pick the book I was reading. I try reading more than 2 chapters but my eyes give up on the task. It's a good good night.
Hopefully tomorrow will be the same!