I couldn't take my eyes off the door for what felt like an eternity. My hands fumbled with the blade that was nestled against my lap. The idea of it growing with me was strange. Did it mean the blade could feel what I felt? That it was living? I drew my pointer finger down the length of the blade, not even a scratch was visible against my flesh, it felt dull to the touch.
I ran my finger over the surface once more, this time imaging it cutting and it did just that. I pulled my finger away in an instant, wincing at the fresh cut. Small specks of blood pooled where the dagger had split my skin. I stared at it, the letters engraved on the dagger seemed to glow a deep blue in response to its usage, that dully flickered out a moment later. I stuck my finger in my mouth, hoping to cease the bleeding.
It worked, it really worked. The world I was once a part of had borne its teeth more than once, but this fully solidified the cold truth. I was part of something I couldn't escape, a world I could only recall bits and pieces of. I reached for the tissues that rested on the small table beside me. In a few moments I had coiled the paper around my finger to hopefully cease the bleeding in its entirety.
I removed the comforter that hung near my waist as I flipped my legs over the edge of the bed. I rubbed my eyes as I carefully slid the blade beneath my pillow, aware of any sound I made. I felt a familiar panic already beginning to carve its way into my chest. A week, maybe less was all I had left in order to be ready for a journey I couldn't imagine taking. Chase, James, they had to know, I had to tell them, regardless of the consequences.
My feet drove me forward, into the sparsely lit hallway, my heart felt like it was hammering out of my chest. I was scared, terrified even, they had to know, even if I'd be punished, I couldn't keep this knowledge to myself. I ran down the stairs, nearly slipping on the polished floor as I stood out of breath in the entryway on the first floor. I scanned the area around me, all of the downstairs lights had been turned on creating a golden glow against the walls. The sun had almost completely hidden itself behind the forest outside, through one of the numerous windows I could see how the sky had turned a deep orange riddled with violet.
I turned to Chase's bedroom door beside the railing of the staircase, I hurried my way over to it, opened the door and quickly shut and locked it behind me. As I turned around a startled Chase sat on his bed with a deck of cards, his dark hair covering his forehead. Beside him, a smug looking James, his curls hugging his neck.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that," James chuckled standing up. "You know you could've knocked?" Chase gave James a slightly cold look before his green eyes moved to me.
"Has something happened Makayla?" Chase interrupted James, still sitting in the same spot, he looked as though his bandages had been changed recently as his white shirt was discarded on the floor.
"I-" I felt tears stinging my throat as I took a deep breath, to tell them about the information in the letter. I only kept out details about who it was from to keep my father out of it. "I didn't know if I should tell you both, but it's happening and soon and my mother she-" My voice cracked, once again showing my weakness. I inhaled sharply trying to keep myself together. "She can't know we know, if she finds out, I can only imagine what will happen." Both men looked troubled as they exchanged glances.
"Thank you for telling us Makayla, although it isn't ideal, she picked a perfect time to go," Chase gestured at his bindings that covered his chest. "Regardless, we'll just have to prove her wrong. I won't let anything happen to either of you. I swear it." The brightness in Chase's green eyes had left, all that remained was malice. A chill went through my spine as I stood there trembling.
"The same goes for me," Chase immediately looked at James.
"What?" Chase's face dropped as he looked at his brother.
"Like hell I'd let you take the brunt of it Chase. Have you looked in the mirror lately?" James scratched the back of his neck, it seemed to be something he did when stressed. "Do you think mom would want that?" My chest panged at the image of Mrs. Lewis sobbing in the rain as Chase was brutally whipped. I closed my eyes, willing the image to leave.
"I can't let either of you do that," I choked out. "It isn't your job to protect me." I willed my eyes open finding newfound determination. "If it comes down to it you save yourselves before you save me. You have to. You still have a life left to live, my purpose is gone," I stared at both of them. James had gone completely stiff, his mouth parted ever so slightly. Chase was just as still, but his hands seemed as though they were shaking.
"No Makayla, I can't, I won't let you talk about self-sacrificing bullshit. You don't even remember how to fight," Chase spoke with a harshness that made me take a step back.
"I agree with him, we can't just let you die," James's gaze was soft, fragile.
"Then teach me, bring back my memories, something," I averted my gaze to the floor as my voice died out, my newfound courage already dissipating. "Why save someone you barely know?"
"Because regardless of if you remember us," James spoke with a gentleness I'd never heard him use before. "We remember you, you're still the same girl with ambition we met all those years ago." As he took a step forward, I took another back, meeting his stare.
"I'm not the same person. I have no idea who I was or who I am. So maybe you should heed my advice, I'll save myself before I save either of you." I felt the lie before the words escaped my mouth. I grit my teeth, not quite realizing why my own statement had made my heart feel heavy. James blinked in astonishment while Chase looked away, his hands balling into fists. I was angry, they were treating me like I was a child, as though I could do nothing myself, but that hadn't excused the venom in my voice. "Listen I-"
"Enough," Chase looked defeated paleness creeping into his face.
"Makayla-" James tried to speak, not looking away from me. He reached out to me but I stepped away again, my eyes burning as I unlocked the door. James's hand encircled my wrist as he spoke. "We need to talk this out, we can't just end things like this. Regardless of if you think you know us or not, we're all friends, aren't we?" I felt a tear escape as I looked at him then Chase.
"I think I've said enough," I mumbled as he dropped my wrist, and I left the room.