The water was hot against my skin as I entered the shower. Scarlet red poured down my body onto the floor, circling the drain. Cuts burning against the steady drip, my face throbbing. Comprehension of what had unfolded hours prior was nowhere to be found. I knew my brother had died, that much was true, but everything after? I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure that he had been killed by a monster. I wasn't sure if I was in my right mind. Most of all, I couldn't think of how it was possible to live anymore. My brother, the most important thing to me, was brutally murdered by something I couldn't wrap my head around.
I hit my fist against the granite tiles as I again began to cry. My heart ached, my legs hurt, my limbs felt like dead weight. I didn't know what to do at that point. I eventually proceeded to fully wash myself, then I stepped out of the shower and got dressed after drying off.
I opened my door slowly, hoping Chase had left. To my surprise he was still there. His clothes were covered in dirt and had several large blood stains on them. His hair was a tousled mess of darkness, and his face was stained with grime. Upon closer inspection I could tell that he, too, had cried. As I opened the door, he immediately rose to his feet, stepping to the side to allow me to pass by him.
I stared at him for a few moments, "Do you want to take a shower?" I asked him quietly, his attire making him look miserable.
"I will, but can we talk?" I looked at his eyes, lines of pink staining the whites. Why had he been crying? I wasn't sure. I nodded my head in response to his question. He let out a ragged breath and closed his eyes tightly before he spoke. "It's all my fault."
I stepped back inadvertently, as though I'd been hit. "What do you mean?" My voice shook, I tried to keep my voice steady as steady as possible, but I knew that wouldn't happen.
"I-I could have saved him, but things escalated too quickly and we weren't able to catch up with him, and if I had helped him you would've died instead." Disbelief flooded through my veins, my head began to hurt.
"You what?" More anger than I would have liked to show leaked through my words. "You could have saved him?" My voice broke, "And you did nothing? How would you have done anything- I don't understand?"
Chase took a step towards me, "Makayla listen, there's a lot I haven't been able to tell you. I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I just couldn't lose you, not again, not like last time."
"What the hell are you even talking about?" I sent a cold look towards Chase. "I don't even know you. You had a chance to save my brother and you didn't take it?" I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears. "My little brother who just barely turned five today? I've had a life, he hadn't I-" I turned away from him and sprinted from my room into the hall, slamming the door shut behind me.
"No wait- Makayla!" I made my way down the stairs, tears blinding my vision. I almost tripped several times, but as I made it down the steps I heard the familiar noise of hushed voices. Within the kitchen I saw my mother, father, Mrs. Lewis, James along with an unfamiliar man who I assumed to be Mrs. Lewis's husband. All of their eyes were focused on me as I stood there panting with a tear streaked face. Behind me I heard Chase come to a halt as well.
"Makayla what is with all of the ruckus?" My mother asked, her eyes seeming to glow with anger. I furrowed my brows at her statement.
"Ruckus?" My voice quivered in disbelief.
"Well let's see, you slam your door, come barreling down the stairs like a savage bull then proceed to draw attention to yourself. That is no way to act like a lady. Grow up." Anger began to swell inside of me.
"Grow up? Grow up?!? You try raising a child all by yourself from the age of twelve to seventeen, a child that isn't even your own. A child who dies in your arms because he's murdered by who knows what. One that dies on his own birthday at the age of five. Don't tell me to grow up. Out of everyone here, the people who need to grow up the most are you and my father. You didn't even bat an eye at his death. Not that I expect you to care anyway." Everyone in the room went silent, stunned looks all plastered on their faces. My mom gasped at my outburst, no one else made a peep. I opened the front door, shutting it a bit too harshly as I left.
I made my way down the front steps out onto the driveway, footsteps padding behind me. I whipped around angrily, assuming my mother or Chase had followed suit. "What the hell do you want?" I asked with fury in my voice that only seemed to rise when I saw who was behind me.
"Calm down there love, no need to be so hostile," James walked smoothly towards me, hands deep in dark pockets.
"No need to be hostile?" My voice began to shake, "My brother died, my parents don't seem to have a care in the world, Chase said he could have saved him and I-" Salt water streamed down my face. I slowly sank to the rock of the driveway. The weight of everything being too much for me. James ran to my side, fear stricken, as sunk to the ground with me. Reluctantly, pulling me into his embrace.
"I'm sorry, I guess my remark wasn't that funny huh?" He tapped his finger against the driveway stones as he spoke. "I, I really don't know how to deal with these things and I know we just met a little while ago, or I guess just met in terms of what you can remember." With his opposite hand he gently patted my shoulder. "Did Chase tell you anything?" I shook my head against his chest sniffling as I did so. James exhaled loudly. "When you feel like it, let's go on a walk okay? I'll tell you everything, alright?"
I only nodded in response trying to calm my breathing down and stop crying. In a weird way, James made me feel much better than before. When I began to come to my senses I sat up in James's lap. Only just realizing what he's said. "Wait, you know me? And Chase and my parents have been keeping secrets from me?" My heart began to race and seemed to break even more than it already had in that single day. All James could do was nod his head in response. I took in a shaky breath and began to stand. "Let's go on that walk."