When hearing those words, I saw something in Kather's face change completely. She seemed as if the pressure of her heart suddenly got lighter after what I said. It felt like the burden had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders.
Kather was visibly relieved that I told her what I was feeling instead of avoiding this subject as most people would do. Though I can't blame her, I would have been just as relieved that all of this thing has sorted out.
At least that is what I wanted to believe until Kather began to say something regarding this issue again. When I thought that it was already over…
"Then why not ask Ellyn about how she still feels about you? You do realize that she's in the capital and I do think that she still loves you just like me for the past 10 years." Kather said. "Would you do it for my sake? Ask her about her feelings towards you" Kather said as she started to plead.
"You are asking me to do this because of that reason… Why would I even want to do that?" I said that to Kather but before she could react, I already continued, "Ellyn isn't the girl that I love, I just wanna be with you! So how she feels doesn't matter in our relationship." I add.
"Of course, I know that! I just… Ellyn is my best friend and I am always with her whenever I am on duty in the capital. You don't know how much she admits her feelings about you to me." Kather said as she looked me straight in the eye.
"But how come I haven't heard about these feelings until now?" I ask Kather.
"Because I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to ruin everything between us." Kather says.
"Ruin everything? How could you possibly ruin anything?" I ask her.
"Because I love you, and I don't want to ruin things. Things are good between you and me, we have each other, and I don't want anybody to have you beside me..." Kather explains, "I know I already betray my friendship towards Ellyn... I just don't want to lose you." Kather answers.
Now I'm confused. Not only by what Kather said but also by how she is reacting. It almost seems like it's a confession that she is unsure of herself. Like it's something that she isn't ready for yet in this relationship.
As she's feeling guilty about betraying her friendship with Ellyn.
Now she feels guilty over having feelings for me. Even though I'm sure she doesn't feel that way now, I wouldn't be blaming her for what she has done as I do understand her reason. Also, she wants to make this right with me. That's how I feel about her. That's part of why she feels guilty as well.
But how does she expect me to act now knowing that something as simple as loving someone makes her feel this guilty?
"Well then, I understand how you feel. I know that Ellyn might have some feelings toward me. But I'm sure we both know that she cares about you very much. But as you already are about to become my wife, that's no longer important to us. If she can't accept that, then fine, there's no need for us to be friends with her. I hope that we can be happy together. But please, try not to force this relationship to be broken apart because of that reason…" I say that to Kather.
My voice is filled with sincerity. And as I look directly at her eyes and smile, I mean every word of it.
Even though I know that Kather really has strong feelings towards me, it just hurts me deeply to hear her saying all of that. To be honest, I don't even care if Ellyn falls for me romantically anymore… It shouldn't matter to me.
However, the fact that she feels guilty about what happened between her and Ellyn means that she still cares whether or not we can continue being in a relationship.
That means she still cares whether or not I will fall in love with her. That's probably one of the reasons why Kather has never gotten over Ellyn.
But I guess there's only one thing that I could do now to ease her feelings. Letting Kather go ain't an option here as I do love her really much. The option that I was talking about was to meet Ellyn herself and tell her the truth about me and Kather.
As for sure Kather wouldn't be able to do so as she was afraid of hurting Ellyn's feelings, since both of them were best friends after all.
Also if the situation does go bad, at least I would be there to support Kather and protect her from any harm.
With that, I tell Kather about it and I agree with her initial request. That was to meet Ellyn personally but on the condition that Kather must be with me at that moment. Though I didn't mention the part about telling the truth as I doubt that Kather would want to go with me if she knows about that.
Because I'm guessing that she might not want to expose Ellyn to anything like that anyway.
Once she finally accepted my decision and nodded her head, I immediately asked for a meeting with Ellyn.
But Kather said that Ellyn is probably a bit busy as she was working for the church. And I might not be able to see her right away. So if can't, we need to retry tomorrow… at least that's what Kather told me about Ellyn's schedule. Since Kather admits that Ellyn's role is quite the important one in the church.
But I quite understand regarding that as Ellyn is working… Though I would still try nonetheless as I do not wish to make Kather continuing feeling this way about herself. As it's not good for her.
Because Kather is usually a bright girl who smiles a lot, and I love that smile of her.