'This isn't good' I think to myself as I continue to run this time using my tail to keep my balance and not relying on my own internal scales to keep myself on my feet. Hopefully that can help me stabilise a bit even if it means I have to focus on it more than usual. I make a quick decision and start putting the tablet into quickscan mode before setting it to visual confirmation.
This means it will scan everything around me for a certain item and tell me if it's in my vicinity with a tick or a cross. If it's there I will see a tick if not a cross. So while I'm running I constantly scan my vicinity hoping I find another laser part just in case as I try to escape this situation.
Luckily however I can still smell and I notice that most of the scents are heading in the direction of the explosion including the ones at the entrance. Thanks for being idiots. It means I can get away with minimal effort.
So I continue to run trying to avoid the paths the entrance guards are taking towards my former location. I lost track of them occasionally because of the oil and grime in the junkyard which means I have to be careful and predict their new locations but my hunter's instincts from my feline side make that a breeze.
After running and avoiding the guards for a little while I make it to the entrance. The problem is that I can smell someone running to the entrance. One of the patrol guards I assume. My hearing is still not back but it's getting better already at least which is a good sign. But it also means my balance is still shot and there's no way I'm getting past a guard while focussing on balancing using my tail.
I consider using my nails to just murder the guy for a moment and it gets me a little excited. I could just end him as he walks past. All I'd need to do is stick my hand out. It wouldn't be so bad. In fact it'd be really fun.
With a smile on my face I hide behind one of the junk walls waiting for the man to pass through the archway and straight into my waiting claws. My hunter's instincts kick in and I open my hands in a claw shape as I wait for the scent of my prey to come towards me.
I hear his footsteps come closer. Every step I feel an unstoppable urge. This is finally my time. Time for me to finally have control. I get to decide whether this man lives or dies. How exhilarating. Every time I smell his scent I only recognise it as prey coming towards my inevitable trap. Yes this is the moment. The moment where I finally gain control of someone's life and death.
Then the moment arrives… The man walks up to the archway. His steps are hurried. He's clearly frightened. I can smell the perspiration. The nervous sweat. Is it his or mine? I don't know or care. Maybe my sweat is coming from excitement? I've always wondered that. Why am I excited?
His neck comes into my view. I can see the pulsing of his veins. The very thing that supplies his lifeblood. One slice and that will all be gone. Years of possibility. Gone. Vanished from the world. By me. My claws head towards the juicy target and slice through. It's a pleasant sight to me for some reason. The lifeblood of another. All over the floor. The headless corpse that continues on it's mission. It seems so interesting. So fun.
Yet the next second I see the man running past me. His face is still worried though not as though he's in life threatening danger. His life isn't flashing before his eyes. His head is still attached. His neck is still white rather than red. His vein is still pulsing. His shoes making muffled impact sounds as he runs across the perfectly clean floor.
Before I know why I'm running in the opposite direction. I don't look back. I wouldn't dare. Why? I know why. I've always known why. I will always know why. But right now. I don't care. I'm just going home. Let's go build a robot.
So I run. I run and I run and I run. That's all I'm doing. No one will find me right now. I didn't hurt anyone. I would never hurt anyone. All I'm doing is running. Running my way home. Not my legally registered home of course. I haven't called that home in my internal monologue for some years now. No I'm heading to a home of my own creation. A world of my own. Where no one can find me. Where I can't hurt anyone.
Eventually I reach my little dead end in the maze of junk and open the door with the usual routine. Find the tiny cube, press the button, walk through the door and press the button again. The familiar acts bring me back to myself and I sink to the floor caring very little for what I'm sitting on. I probably would've felt if I sat on a sword or live bio-electric knife so it's fine.
Then I sit there for a while. Doing nothing more than taking deep calming breaths. Over and over again. Repeat familiar motions, it's good for mental health. I repeat that to myself like a mantra as I continue to take deep breaths. Today might've been the closest I've come to changing. What will change I don't know. Will I enjoy it? Will I see myself as a monster? Will I break down? I don't know. Right now I don't care either.
I'm in my home and that is all I need to care about for now. That's all I need to think about. Once again repeating my mantra as I take deep breaths I get my thoughts back in order by checking the parts in my hands.
So I've managed to get my hand on one laser part. Not enough for a safety margin but a minimal criteria for success. Despite all that happened today I succeeded. That's all I need. So I make a small gesture of celebration. I can't bring myself to actually celebrate but this will have to do.
Well I can't do anything more for today. I imagine they're going to be on high alert for a while and I will need to fix any kinks in this part so I don't really need to interact with the junklads any time soon regardless. I guess once I've calmed down a bit and my ears have recovered, I'll clean up and organise everything before heading back to my house.
So after a bit more of just sitting still staring at nothing while contemplating future objectives, I get to cleaning up my home and putting the laser part in the right spot on the floor before exiting my home and heading to the grav tube.
After a little walk through the junkyard and wasteland I make it to the grav tube and hop in the hatch like part of the glass before sitting and waiting to be pulled along this time facing my body in the opposite direction as last time.
I once again see the scenery of the shipyard which is far less busy than it was before. The only ships around at this hour are the military and transport ships. There are barely any civilian ships around and even the ones that are around clearly belong to the upper crust implying that they are part of business meetings or something.
Not many people work just past lunch time in this society. Perhaps that's indicative of the fact that most people don't need to work during hours where one would be having food or perhaps it's more that the whole planet's just too lazy to bother working through those hours.
Any more reflection on this part of the city is cut off as I'm whisked away to the next destination the good part of town. Well I say good but personally I find that it's far more corrupt than even the place we live in. Mainly because the people who don't have money on this planet are the ones who refuse to take part in the corrupt businesses rampant across this part of the star-system.
Interplanetary trade is an almost necessary part of modern business and not being willing to interact with the market in this part of the star-system shows a crumbling economy but when you're supported by the thriving economy at the centre of the star-system having your economy crumble doesn't really matter.
Regardless the opulent display of this part of the city is perhaps an accurate depiction of the people who live in it. The outsides of the mansions and apartment buildings are all black with neon blue lines. It honestly looks quite sci-fi even to someone like me who knows we live in a world where I'm currently being pulled along by artificial gravity in a tube no bigger than two people stacked together.
Despite that they did this deliberately. They want to show off their tech or their affluence. The fact that they can indulge in such showmanship and have the architects not spit in their face is perhaps another show of how corrupt or resigned the city is.
Regardless the sight is removed from view pretty quickly and I once again come upon the plaza. 'Oh home sweet home' Is the exact opposite of what I think as I climb my way out of the grav tube and onto the floor of the plaza before starting my little walk home.
When I get to my house it'll be just past lunch time so I guess I'll have a late lunch again. At least I get lunch this time so that's good. Once I'm done with that, I guess I'll need to prepare myself for when the robot's finished.
I haven't learnt much programming lately and it's rather hard to program an efficient AI apparently so I will likely need to put quite a bit of effort into it. Guess that's my next step in making the robot and since I can't work on the laser part at my house I may as well work on my programming in stead.
This is a good time to work on it since I can't work on it in my house and father's not home so this is likely the most comfortable I'll be at my house for some time. I should make good use of this time since I'll likely find this part of the project quite a bit more unpleasant in the future.
My musings continue until I reach my house completely ignoring the environment around me. Perhaps that is for the better. Regardless I open my door and once again step into the base room of my house. No one's there still obviously.
So I head to the kitchen and think about what I want for lunch. I had toast for breakfast and it's not like I have lunch often so I don't actually have that many lunch options in stock. Well my parents would probably buy them if I asked but I don't know what to ask for. I guess I'll just have a snack or something and I can learn about programming along the way.
So I head to the cupboard and look for a tin of tuna before grabbing one or two of them and heading to my room. A favourite food of mine but usually something people don't have on it's own. Being a catkin though I don't really mind the fishy smell or anything. Actually it's appetising to me and the fact that my taste buds are less developed than humans might also help.
Once I'm in my room I take my eyes to the right wall of my room where my computer is propped up against it. I go to the wall and turn on the electricity switch and then press the button on top of the computer case. This causes an immediate change. The case lights up like Christmas lights and starts whirring to life.
The lights are rather calming and all the stress I didn't know I had accumulated in the day is wiped away as I watch the colours change, dim and flow in unique patterns every time. I've heard that some computer companies argued to put their products under those used for mental care and get tax benefits for that because they set this up based on something called colour therapy.
Despite personally thinking that argument is nonsense considering it's not the main function of the computer, I can't help but acknowledge in this moment that it does have a calming effect of sorts. The way the colours mingle together are so relaxing to watch that I actually forget for a few moments that I need to connect my tablet to the computer.