From that day on, I no longer attended night self-study.
Yin Xiucheng would give me extra lessons at home.
He said he wasn't joking when he hit me, and he would frequently hit my head with a book.
Sometimes I was hit so hard that I cried and complained to him, "You can't hit my head, it will make me stupid!"
He would lean lazily against the head of my bed and say, "Do you have any room to get dumber?"
"Hurry up and recite this, if you don't get this essay memorized, you don't get to eat dinner today."
I looked at the tiny English words in front of me and felt like my brain cells were all dying.
"Can't I just not recite it? This is too hard!"
Yin Xiucheng said while playing a game, "Sure, if you can write it without memorizing it, that's fine. Go ahead and try writing it."
I held my breath and had no choice but to start memorizing one word at a time.
Yin Xiucheng said my foundation was too weak and made me recite words every day, and even made me recite words for the postgraduate entrance exam, a thick volume called the Red Book.
"Can I say that I'm just studying for the college entrance exam?"
He coldly replied, "You're just studying for the college entrance exam if you want to go to Tsinghua University. Otherwise, you think anyone and everyone can just go and waste their time?
"If you can't even memorize this stuff, I advise you to go apologize and admit that you're not worth anything!"
His words agitated me, and I began to memorize words every day
With notes containing words everywhere - in the bathroom, dining room, and even on my bedside. I would start memorizing as soon as I woke up and continue until I fell asleep.
Under this high intensity of study, although I still only had a shallow understanding of English exams, they no longer seemed like a foreign language to me.
"You should know that the most important thing in learning English is the sense of language. The so-called skills are for ordinary people. If you want to go to Tsinghua University, you must make English your second language."
Yin Xiucheng constantly forced me to memorize English news and write English compositions, and I obediently looked at the complex compositions in front of me and memorized them word by word.
After an unknown period of time, I finally managed to memorize it.
Yin Xiucheng checked it and his expression was somewhat painful.
"It's still not enough, the foundation is too weak! But at least it's better than before. You must memorize this book within three months, do you understand?"
I nodded my head and suddenly felt a squeezing and churning sensation in my stomach.
I had forgotten that I hadn't eaten dinner yet.
Yin Xiucheng also heard my stomach growl and chuckled.
"Okay, go eat dinner."
...
The mid-term exam arrived quickly in the midst of these daily studies.
Sitting at the table, I wiped the sweat off my palms with a tissue.
It was time to test the results of my many days of study.
Two months, I had studied day and night, almost becoming a robot that only knew how to study.
I was almost done memorizing the Red Book, and I didn't know how many English compositions I had memorized.
I had done enough math exercises to fill a thick stack, and I had copied two notebooks' worth of notes on politics and history.
What kind of results will I get?
Is it possible to be close to Qiu Ting?
I took a deep breath and started doing the questions.
Some of these questions were familiar to me, and some were not.
Yin Xiucheng refused to give me any hints, saying that he didn't want me to be opportunistic and rely on luck. Some of these questions were similar to ones I had done before, and some left me a bit confused.
I looked at Qiu Ting, who was sitting in the same exam room as me. She was calm and composed as she wrote quickly, and after a moment of thought, she wrote down an answer on the paper.
I was a bit anxious and forced myself not to look at her, focusing instead on starting with the questions I knew.
During past exams, I would just doodle and then turn in a blank paper when the time was up.
Back then, I just thought that the time was dreadfully long, but now I feel like there's not enough time!
I didn't have enough time to carefully think through many of the questions, and when it was time to turn in my paper, I even had one whole question left unfinished!
I looked at Qiu Ting again, and she had already finished and checked her work, and was now closing her eyes to rest.
I gritted my teeth and told myself not to panic, and to make sure to grasp the next subject well!
After the exam, Qiu Ting came over.
She stood in front of me with a bright smile and said in a voice that anyone around us could hear:
"Qiao Ru, you can't cheat on this exam, right?
"I advise you to admit defeat earlier. If you beg me, maybe I won't have to go to the school gate and shout."
I glared at her coldly.
"I advise you not to be too proud too early. Who knows who will be shouting? Besides, we agreed on the final exam, not the mid-term exam. You don't have to rush so urgently."
Her face looked a bit ugly, and then she threw out a sentence: "If you don't give me face, then it's up to you."
...
The mid-term exam used the college entrance exam format, and lasted for a total of three days.
I had never seriously participated in an exam of this intensity, and these three days were almost physically exhausting.
Then came the somewhat long waiting time for the results.
When the results were announced, I realized that I was shaking with nervousness.
But before I could react, all of the papers were handed to me.
The classmates around me exchanged results with each other, and the classroom was noisy. Some people even came to ask me about my results.
But I couldn't hear anything, feeling my increasingly rapid heartbeat, and took out my calculator to add up the scores one by one.
Chinese 98, math 106, English 102, history 94, biology 76, politics 83...
559 points.
A small slip of paper was also handed to me on my desk.
27th in the class, 236th in the grade.
I sank heavily in my heart.
There are 56 people in our class, and 27th place will be in the middle.
There is a vast difference between that and the first place.
At this time, Qiu Ting's results also came out, and she was at the very front, standing there like a group of stars.
Several people were excitedly talking to her.
I tightly held the papers in my hand, and my heart was clenched together.
I don't have to look, I already know Qiuting must be first.
Sure enough, a girl looked at her papers and exclaimed, "683, Qiuting, you're too awesome!"
"Yeah, she's practically a god, getting a 148 in math!"
"This score is good enough for Tsinghua, right? How did Shuhua do?"
"679, second." Shuhua said calmly, smiling towards Qiuting. "I'm impressed, you beat me again."
Qiuting didn't say anything, only quirked her mouth and glanced back at me.
I know she's looking at me.
It's only now that I realize the distance between us is like a chasm. My previous bravado was truly ignorant and fearless.
Even if I study to the point of exhaustion, even in my dreams, there is still a hundred point gap between us.
And I know deep down, those remaining hundred points are the hardest to overcome.
I feel like I really can't surpass her anymore.
In this moment, I clearly heard the sound of my heart breaking.
Maybe I'm just not good enough, maybe I'll never be as good as her, maybe I'm just a waste.
Everything I've done before is just self-indulgent and pointless.
Nearby, Shuhua walked over to me.
He stood in front of my desk, looking down at me with a mixture of disgust and pity.
"Qiaoru, Qiuting says if you apologize to her, she won't pursue this matter.
"Qiuting is very kind, don't cause any more trouble, okay?"
Qiuting also came over, and the surrounding classmates all quietly looked over.
"Qiaoru, congratulations on your improvement.
"But you know, one must accept their mediocrity. Look at how hard you're trying, but your ceiling is here.
"I don't ask for anything else, just apologize to me and I'll forgive you, and this matter will be resolved."
Her expression was so haughty, as if she was giving alms to a beggar.
The self-pity in my heart instantly burned into a raging inferno of anger!
I'm not afraid of others looking down on me.
But if I give in, I'll just be looking down on myself!
I slowly stood up and looked straight into her eyes.
"There are still three months left, it's still unknown who will emerge victorious. Don't be too happy too soon."
"You're still so stubborn," she laughed. "I hope you can still be like this when the time comes."
...
Although I'm not satisfied with my own score, the homeroom teacher and several other teachers all praised me highly.
They happily held my papers and said, "Look at Qiaoru, in just two months, her scores have gone from last place to 27th!"
"What does this show? This shows that hard work leads to success!"
"Everyone should learn from Qiaoru, always strive to improve..."
I stand below, feeling a little torn.
On one hand, I'm proud and satisfied with the progress I've made in such a short time.
On the other hand, I'm also well aware of how far I am from Qiuting.
Three months, a hundred points, two hundred places.
Can I really do it?