"Love is the bane of honor, the death of duty. What is honor compared to a woman's love? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms . . . or the memory of a brother's smile? Wind and words. Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory and our great tragedy."
-George R.R Martin
Ronobir sighed before letting himself fall into the plush leather chair in his office. A week had passed since he had walked out on Mishti and he already felt twenty years older. Things had gotten a little out of control after the Russian blowout and it had taken a lot of time, money, and resources to keep everything undercover and to keep himself and everyone close to him out of prison, which only served to prove that Ronobir was indeed the most important man in the country and that made him untouchable.
Some of the other families in the Italian mafia had been restless because of his perceived lack of control in the Salim situation, but after his fallout and a few shows of power here and there, there was no more doubt that he was the Boss and that anyone who would dare cross his path would suffer his wrath.
Ronobir took the decanter and poured himself a generous amount of whiskey before leaning back on his chair and training his eyes on the window, tumbler in hand.
The young capo had been chasing Salim for as long as he could remember, he had taken over the old feud started by their parents and continued the bloody battle that should have ended the day his little sister was murdered, the day they were supposed to make peace. But it hadn't and a little girl had died because of it, to this day whenever he closed his eyes he could see his little sister's bloodied and dead body, judging them for all the sins they had committed. He wondered if Mishti would see Pari's and Ansh's bodies as he did Sarah's.
But now Salim was dead and so was his entire family, even the poor sister who had been innocent in all that mess, unfortunate, unavoidable collateral damage.
He was finally free of vendettas, free of grudges, free of everything. But he wasn't, not really, because this entire lifestyle was a wheel and the wheel never stopped. When Mishti arrived in his life he had been forced to stand still and look around, she made him reconsider life and somehow she managed to find the man who hid behind the monster.
And now that she was gone he didn't know how to go back to being the man he was before her.
Ronobir cursed mentally as he sipped the whiskey from his tumbler, the alcohol burned down his throat and he relished the feeling; a part of him felt resentment toward her, he knew it was wrong but he couldn't help but blame her for changing him. He knew that technically he was the one who had dragged her into his life but she had been the one who had pushed and probed at every chance trying to find out what lay beneath the façade, Mishti Khanna had ruined him and a part of him hated her for it.
He gripped the glass in his hand, energy buzzing inside him and making him want to smash something when a knock on the door startled him making him notice his fingers that were almost white where they were gripping the glass.
"Fuck!" he muttered before downing the contents, "Come in!"
The door opened to reveal a very sultry Vinita Thappar who was wearing a skin-tight, black mini skirt that made her legs look miles long paired with a white silk blouse that managed to save the outfit from looking completely trashy. "To what do I owe the pleasure, Vinita?" Ronobir asked in annoyance, they had been fuck buddies in the past and did the 'dirty' several times over the years, but he had never truly liked her.
"Daddy sent me to see you," her voice was saccharine sweet and Ronobir had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at her. Surya, her father worked for him and had the habit of parading his daughter like a meat to achieve things.
"Oh yeah, what does he wants this time?" Ronobir asked while raising an eyebrow in the direction of the young girl. Her smile widened making her look feline and walked towards him.
"He wants to see if you want to renegotiate some of the territories you gave him in the last meeting." Vinita dropped herself in his lap and not truly knowing why, he let her, "He wants me to talk you into it."
Ronobir threw his head back and barked a laugh as the girl's fingers busied themselves with the buttons of his shirt, "You and your dad need to learn how to play this game a little bit better."
Her smile widened as if she hadn't heard his words and instead caressed the skin on his chest that she had managed to expose, her nails scraped against his skin and the mere action annoyed him. Ronobir looked down at her and while there was no denying the girl was beautiful and hot as hell he felt nothing.
He had never felt more disgusted with himself than at this moment, "You need to leave Vinita." He took the girl's hand and gripped it in his own as he moved her back to make her stand up.
"What?" surprise and disbelief were etched on her face.
His jaw clenched as he buttoned his shirt, "You heard me, out!" Her mouth opened as she stood there staring at him uncertainly, "I won't repeat myself damn it, get the hell away from here!" His voice was charged with fury and the madness reflected in his eyes was enough to send the girl scrambling away from him.
"You're a jackass!" she muttered before storming out of the office and slamming the door on her way out.
"God damn it!" He took the now-empty glass resting on his desk and threw it across the room as he had wanted to do earlier, his hand found his hair and he tugged it in frustration.
He felt caged, like a wild animal that was counting the days until he could be released. Mishti had been his center, she had grounded him and now he had pushed her away leaving him alone and unstable, but he had done all of that for her, he had to remind himself of that every time his resolve weakened.
As if somehow just the act of thinking about her could conjure her, the girl who was at the center of his torment, showed up at his door just as he was bringing the bottle of whiskey back to his lips.
She stood at the entrance looking as beautiful as ever in a light pink summer dress, and a pair of flats. A couple of bruises marred her otherwise flawless skin and he could see the bandage across her chest through the thin material of her dress.
"What are you doing here?" he threw the words at her as if somehow just speaking them aloud he could make her go away. Mishti remained in her spot as she regarded him with something resembling disdain, Ronobir hated to see that look in her eyes.
"This is my house," she bit out, her chin lifting in that defiant gesture he adored so much, "I'm still your wife, therefore this is my house."
Ronobir laughed mockingly while he brought his hand to his face and scratched his chin faking indifference, "Did I not make myself clear?" His words had a cruel edge to them and for a moment he was taken aback at how similar he sounded to his late father.
Mishti gave him a look full of contempt as she shook her head, "Oh you were crystal clear; by the way, I saw her walking out of here," she said while she gestured with her head towards the door and Ronobir tried to ignore the hint of pain he heard in her voice.
He took the bottle to his lips and drank greedily, "Good. In case you had any doubts."
Mishti let out a mocking laugh, "You are an asshole Ronobir!" she bit out "But I don't buy your stupid act."
Ronobir looked so taken aback by her words that even the bottle remained halfway to his lips, "Excuse me?" he said while raising his brows in her direction.
Mishti took a step closer to him and he instantly moved back, "You're terrified," she whispered as her eyes regarded him sadly. "Deep down you're nothing but a terrified little boy."
Ronobir felt the air clogging his throat at her words as the blood started boiling in his veins at the same, he was so mad at her for daring to come into his house and throw those words at him. Ronobir was not scared, he wasn't weak and he would not allow her to think that "Be careful Mishti," the words were low and measured and were accompanied by a sinister look in his eyes and if she were someone else she would have gotten the hell away from there.
"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" her voice dripped with venom as she walked one step closer to him. When she saw the way he retreated from her she sighed sadly, "But I'm not here to fight with you Ronobir, I came to say goodbye."
"I thought we had done that already," his jaw was clenched as he tried to look anywhere else but her pretty face.
"No, you said it now it's my turn," she stated firmly, "I'm not taking any stupid deal with the police, I am not going into witness protection."
His eyes snapped to her, "Damn it Mishti!" he roared.
"No, you do not get to tell me what to do!" she yelled back at him hating the way her voice broke down at the end, "You broke my heart, Ronobir...I love you like I never thought I could. And you love me too, I know that but I cannot be the only one fighting for this."
Ronobir moved towards her and gripped her upper arms with so much strength she feared he would break them, "You're making a mistake," he bit out scornfully.
"No, I'm not!" Mishti shook her head. "I was born into this world Ronobir; it's time for me to accept it and to finally own it."
His eyes turned sad and the grip on her arms loosened, "You weren't meant for this life," his voice was a mere whisper and she saw the first trace of vulnerability, the same exposure she had seen the moment she was shot and he had cried, flicker in his eyes.
"Neither were you," Mishti raised her hand and touched his cheek softly as she looked at him with sympathy, "You were just a boy, you weren't born to become this...But they made you, they broke you and pieced you back together in the way they saw fit and now here you are. The most feared man in the mafia." Mishti thought about this all the time, she thought about that little boy, the boy that in so many ways Ronobir still was, she thought of him alone and unprotected in a world full of monsters, who managed to turn him into one of them.
She wanted to give him the chance to be different with their children, to be the man he was always meant to be, and to make amends with his past, but she could not do it if he didn't give her the chance.
"Mishti..."
"And I know that it would be impossible for you to step out, I know that once in you can never get out, I know that any children you have will be doomed to this life and still I chose to stay but you sent me away."
His eyes were tortured as he stared at her and for a brief moment Mishti saw the mask slipping away from his face, stripping him bare in front of her loving gaze, "It is the only way for you to be safe."
Mishti nodded, "Perhaps but it is not what I want and I can tell you that because I'm not afraid... but you are." Her hand caressed him again and he couldn't stop leaning instinctively into her hand, craving the warmth she could provide. "There is good inside of you Ronobir but if you can't see it yourself nothing I say or do is going to change your mind." Tears gathered in her eyes as she spoke and the sight of them broke the remains of Ronobir's heart, "A fantasy life is not what I want, I want the real deal."
"You don't know what you're saying," he told her softly. Never in a million years had Ronobir thought he was going to love someone the way he did Mishti, never thought that he would put someone else before himself and now that he had her in front of him he had to fight with the need of wanting to take her into his arms and to send her away at the same time.
"But I do," she said sadly, "I will always love you Ronobir but I can't do this alone; I need you to fight for me."
A choked sound came from his throat before he whispered her name, "Mishti..."
"I'm going back to Mumbai with my parents. I truly hope this isn't the last time I see you." Mishti stood up on her tiptoes and placed her lips softly on his which moved against hers for a couple of seconds before she broke apart, "Ciao Ronobir! (Goodbye Ronobir)" she told him with a small nostalgic smile before turning around and disappearing, shattering his world just the way she had when he first laid eyes on her. Ronobir didn't know how long he stood there, he guessed it was only minutes until his consigliere and his brother appeared at the door.
"You're making the biggest mistake of your life," Rishabh said as he leaned against the outside of the door.
"Get out of here!" Ronobir roared as he turned around and headed once again for the bottle he had left on his desk
"Don't be an idiot, Ronobir!" Rudra said in a hard voice, he never got worked up over anything and seemed about to throw himself at Ronobir and try to make him see reason, "Mishti is the best thing that ever happened to you so man up and go fight for her."
He knew they were right, damn it! Ronobir knew that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him, the one thing in the world that made sense, something that maybe he hadn't known he wanted or needed in the beginning but one he wanted so badly now but also one that he sure as hell didn't deserve. But what they couldn't see was that he wanted to do the best thing by her but she was making it very hard to do, because what was the point of leaving her if she wasn't going to enter the damn witness protection program.
"Damn it Mishti!" he muttered before taking a swig from the bottle. Now his mind swirled with possible scenarios of horrible things that could happen to her just for being his wife and him not being there to protect her.
"You need to fight for her Ronobir," Rudra repeated.
"There's nothing to fight for anymore," Ronobir answered stubbornly.
"You don't truly believe that!"
"But I do. She will be better off without me!"
Rishabh laughed hollowly, "You're going to regret it, Ronobir, until the day you die," the voice of his brother was an insidious thing taking root in his brain.
"Fuck off Rishabh!" he muttered before walking to the door and slamming it on their faces.
With a heavy heart, Mishti entered the airport with Shruti's arm linked through hers, Ananya was at her other side and Sikander was behind them with another of his men taking care of their suitcases.
She had arrived in New York, full of dread and sadness because she was to live with a man she despised and barely knew and now almost a year later she was left with an overwhelming sadness choking her because she was leaving the man she now loved more than life itself.
"Promise me you won't disappear," Shruti whispered with tears glistening in her eyes as they stopped in front of one of the screens to see the scheduled flights.
"I promise! Shruti!" Mishti said smiling kindly at her friend, "I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm going to miss you, Mishtu!" she gripped both of Mishti's hands in hers, "Both of you," she looked at Ananya who smiled back at her. It seemed amazing that in a matter of only a few months, these three girls had managed to create such a tight bond between them.
"We'll miss you too Shruti," Ananya reached out to her and gripped one of her hands as well, "Promise to come to visit us."
"Promise to come to the wedding," Shruti said while looking at both the girls and Mishti chuckled.
"You think I wouldn't?" she raised an eyebrow in the direction of her friend, "I'm your bridesmaid... and I have a bunch of dresses to make."
Shruti giggled amid her tears and hugged Mishti tightly, "I love you, Mishti Khanna." Both girls had gone through a traumatic experience together and that had created an everlasting bond between them.
"And I love you, Shruti Sareen!" Mishti whispered as she felt her throat clogging with emotions. The three girls shared a group hug before saying their last goodbyes. Mishti didn't miss the way Ananya's eyes sparkled when it was time to say goodbye to Sikander, Mishti who thought she would never get along with him found herself tearing up as well when he hugged her goodbye.
Ananya and Mishti walked with tickets in hand to the waiting area and the young woman couldn't help but think of everything she was leaving behind and the things she was taking with her. Her hand moved instinctively to her stomach as she thought about the baby growing inside her.
"I'm sorry Mishtu," Ananya said with a sad face as she eyed her, while her friend didn't know anything about the pregnancy, it was more than obvious that leaving behind Ronobir was taking its toll on Mishti.
Mishti sighed sadly, "I just... I thought..." she didn't finish her sentence because words seemed to get stuck in her throat. I thought he would fight for me was what she wanted to say but she had been wrong, perhaps he didn't love her like he said he did.
"I know," Ananya said, understanding perfectly what her friend wanted to say.
They resumed their walk; Ananya was talking to her but no matter how much Mishti wanted to concentrate on what her friend was saying it seemed to be impossible, the door leading to security appeared in front of them and Mishti felt the weight of a thousand rocks in her stomach at the finality that door represented.
That was of course until her eyes moved to the left and she found her husband leaning against the wall. Arms crossed on his chest and his left foot carelessly placed across the right one, he was wearing a black dress shirt with a pair of jeans and though his hair was disheveled and his eyes red-rimmed he was still the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes upon.
Mishti's heart started beating wildly in her chest at the sight of him and when he pushed away from the wall and moved towards her she felt a thousand butterflies flapping around in her stomach.
"I'll go check on something..." Ananya said teasingly before scurrying away in the direction where they had come from.
Ronobir stood in front of her, tall and imposing as the mafia boss he was, his stance made him appear dangerous but there was a vulnerability in his eyes that only showed when he was with her.
"I was wrong," he said solemnly.
Mishti nodded, "You were"
"I am an idiot"
"You are" a half smile played on her lips
Ronobir raised his hand and cupped her cheek softly, "I love you"
"I know"
Ronobir dropped his forehead to hers, "I'm so sorry Mishti!" His minty breath caressed her face and she almost wanted to weep at the familiarity of it all, the familiarity she had missed the past couple of days. "I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought that you could be happy and stay safe away from me."
Mishti sighed, "Ronobir, you know I love you more than I thought humanly possible. The only way I could be happy is with you." Her hands were gripping the fabric of his shirt at his sides trying to pull him closer to her.
"But I didn't want you to be chained to a life you detest," she could hear the pain in his voice and she could understand how he had got that idea. On more than one occasion, Mishti had complained about the violence in their lives, but that didn't mean she wanted to be without him, if it was with him she could withstand everything and anything.
"I already told you, Ronobir, I don't want the fairytale," she raised herself on her tip toes so she could touch his nose with hers, "I don't want to be oblivious!"
Ronobir made a pained sound, "You're stronger than I am."
Mishti chuckled, "Perhaps!"
"Cheeky!" Ronobir smiled and pinched her cheek playfully before clasping her in a tight hug, her face buried in his neck as his hand gripped her small frame. "I love you. I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to make up to you for what an asshole I was!" he whispered against her hair and not for a second did Mishti doubt that he was telling the truth. She knew her husband and just as she had known he was lying when he told her he didn't love her she knew now that he would never let her go again. "The truth is I am a selfish bastard and I realize my life is too sad without you."
Mishti smiled against the skin of his neck, "My life is sad without you too!"
Ronobir broke apart from her and stared deeply into her eyes as he spoke, "I once promised to never let you go my love, and I will spend every day fulfilling that promise and making sure you never have to doubt me again."
Mishti stared at him with such tenderness it made his heart soar, he couldn't believe that even for a moment he had contemplated the idea of living without that for the rest of his life, "I love you!" she said breathlessly, "But I feel like I'm forgiving you too easily."
Ronobir chuckled as he took her by the waist once again, "Yeah? What do I have to do?"
Mishti faked thinking about it while a wide smile appeared on her lips, "I think it might take me a while to think of a proper way."
Ronobir threw his head back and laughed before moving her closer to his body once again, "We have all the time in the world tesoro mio (my treasure)," he whispered before taking her lips in his and robbing her of her breath with just one touch.
They kissed for what like seemed ages; with every touch of her lips against his, Ronobir swore a part of his soul was healed. He wasn't a good person and he was not going to pretend to be one but he couldn't deny that being with her made him a better man, and made him want to change and be worthy of someone like her.
Mishti pulled away from him and looked down while still being in the circle of his arms, she seemed a little hesitant and something akin to dread crawled inside him.
He took her chin between his fingers and titled her face upwards, "What is it?"
Mishti's fingers busied themselves playing with the buttons on his shirt as she tried to avoid the inevitable revelation she was dreading, "There's something I have to say," she took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant!"
Ronobir blanched and broke apart from her, staggering backward. He felt anxiety coiling in his stomach as he tried to let her words sink in completely, "What?" he asked breathlessly.
Mishti looked up at him nervously while she twisted her hands in front of her, "We're having a baby Ronobir!"
He raked his hand through his hair as he looked at her bewildered, "I-... I don't know what to say!"
Mishti huffed, "Didn't you want like a billion children?!" a frown appeared on her forehead as she stared at him with an offended look.
"Calm down darling!" he chuckled as he moved towards her again, "It's just that I'm processing!"
Mishti sighed and let herself be taken in his arms once again, "I will help you Ronobir" she said softly while she caressed his cheek. She could see the fear lurking underneath his brown eyes and it broke her heart to think of how much this powerful man could doubt himself.
"I'm sure you will," he smiled absently as he let himself be caressed by her loving hands, "I'm scared. Can you believe that?" His stance made him appear as if he didn't care but the catch in his throat let Mishti know he was worried sick.
"Yes, I can," she told him softly.
An emotion she couldn't name passed across his face before he cradled her face between his hands and stared directly into her eyes, "I will be better Mishti. Better than him!"
Mishti felt her heart expanding in her chest at his words, "I know you will!" She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips softly to his, "I believe in you!"
Ronobir opened his mouth to speak but the emotions clogging his throat made him close it again, instead, he nuzzled his nose against her and pressed their foreheads together until he was sure his voice wasn't going to break, "You're the only one who's ventured to see the man beneath the monster" A sad smile appeared on his lips as he regarded her, "You are everything I don't deserve!"
"Maybe... but regardless, you have me," she threw her arms around his neck "From now until forever!"
"I love you" he whispered before kissing her.
"I love you, Ronobir"
And it was in a busy airport that for the first Ronobir Chatterjee allowed himself to believe that happiness was within his reach and that perhaps he didn't have to spend his whole life in the shadows.