! Trigger warning self harm mentioned!

Emma's P.O.V

Fire.

Some people are scared of it, maybe their house burned down, maybe when they were younger and didn't know any better they touched it and got burned.

Some are fascinated by it, they like to burn things. Some just like to look at it and get lost in its beauty.

I however am neither, I'm not scared of fire but I'm also not fascinated by it. Just when times get hard and I need an escape I burn myself. It's my form of self-harm, I used to cut but those heal too quickly. It takes a burn about two to three weeks to heal, both my shoulders and upper arms from about midway above my elbow up are covered in burn scars.

My parents don't know, how would I even tell them? "Hey mom and dad when I'm sad I take a lighter to my skin as a distraction," like no I can't just say that.

"So that question I asked you a few weeks ago, have you decided?" my best friend and cousin Gracie asks.

I let out a long sigh, "Sure why not?" I say shrugging, "Yes!" she throws her first up in the air.

Said question was if I'd sing with her in the showcase at school. I took a few things after my mom, like cutting my own hair, loving Mac n cheese, having a great singing voice and I enjoy reading I'm definitely not obsessed like she is.

Gracies gonna play the Piano, so this is gonna be like when my mom and Aunt Vivi did the showcase when they were in school.

Except now instead of it being in November like it was then it's the last week of September, which is next week. "Now I gotta go submit this form," she says pulling up the Google form on her phone.

"God they're so loud," I say referring to all the yelling downstairs. "Well the football team is kinda on a winning streak right now, plus it's always loud our family is huge," she says turning her phone off.

"Your hair is shedding all over you," she says and dusts my chest, I suck in a breath. "What?" Gracie asks looking up at me.

Crap. "Nothing," I say trying to look into her eyes so it's more believable but I fail. "Emma you didn't," she says slouching down, "I didn't intend to, I was just struggling and it was the first place I got to" I try and defend myself.

"Come on Em follow me," she says rolling off her bed and going to her bathroom. I sigh and follow, "let me see it," she says standing like a mom.

I pull down the front of my shirt and there on my collarbone is a fresh burn from last night.

She pulls her purple and white hair up into a ponytail then pulls out the burn creme.

Gracie is the only one in my family that knows I do this. Between her, Matthew, and Mara they've managed to talk me out of adding more to my collection many times. And Gracie always has burn creme to apply to my newest ones so they won't get infected.

Matthew and Mara have been our best friends since like middle school. Almost every weekend we're here at Gracies causing ruckus, we spend the whole weekend here.

As she's applying the creme I look over on the counter and see her THC pen. I reach out and take a huff.

She gets these chronic migraines so her parents let her smoke to help with them. You wouldn't think my uncle, the brain surgeon would condone his teenage daughter to smoke but her doctor suggested it.

So as soon as she became eighteen she got her medical marijuana card. Me, Matthew, and Mara get high because we'll it's fun. I mean we were all getting high before she got her card.

"So I've got some exciting news," she says putting the creme up.

"What?" I ask fanning the area with my hand so the creme will dry. "I have a boyfriend," she says taking her pen from me, "What? I thought you were a lesbian?" she recently just got out of a relationship with a girl she had been dating for almost a year, and the lesbian flag pinned on her wall by her door and the mini one on her keys are really throwing me for a loop.

"Yeah, I dunno what I am. But we stayed up till like five in the morning last night. It started off as like playful sexy talk then it went into full blown sexting and like some pictures may have been exchanged," ew, ew, ew.

"EWWWWWWW, EW, EWW!" I scream putting my hands over my ears and running out of the bathroom and jumping up onto her bed.

"His name is Greysoooon", "EW GRACIE! That's our uncle's name!" I yell jumping once on the bed.

She laughs a little, "Yeah I know but just don't think about that," she continues laughing.

"EWWWWWW", the door opens and her younger brother Ethan stands in the doorway.

"Dad wants to know why you two are screaming?", I look to Gracie and she's trying not to laugh. "No reason," I say and wave him off, "Okay, then he said if it's not serious stop" he closes the door and leaves.

We both stand there then look at each other and bust out laughing.

Ethan then opens the door again, "Dinners ready" he says then leaves. I hop off the bed and put my shoes back on, my mom always wore the same worn out high top converse every day and I guess another thing I got from her is I only own one pair of shoes.

They're Doc Martens max platform boots and I wear them every day no matter what.

I like how tall they make me and how clunky and big they are.

We go downstairs and see our whole family serving their plates in the kitchen and heading to the dining room. This is a weekly thing that's been happening since before we were born, every Friday our family gets together for dinner at someone's house.

Seth and Kaleb my older twin brothers are standing in the living room arguing. After Wyatt was born three years later the twins made their grand entrance, my dad really wanted a girl so they got lucky and less than a year later I was born.

Wyatt is a junior in a college, luckily it's only an hour away so he still lives at home because if I had to deal with Seth and Kaleb's bickering by myself.

"You're just jealous I have a girlfriend and she loves me," Seth says shoving Kaleb, "Say girlfriend one more time," Kaleb growls out at him.

Seth smirks, "Girlfriend." Kaleb lunges and attacks Seth, they roll around on the ground "Girlfriend! Girlfriend! Girlfriend!" Seth yells as he tries to get some hits in.

I just walk on by and grab a plate off the island, "What's going on in there?" Mom asks looking past me to the living room.

"Seth and Kaleb are fighting again" I shrug and fill my plate with food, "Wyatt," Dad sighs placing his plate down. "I'll get Kaleb, you get Seth," Wyatt says following dad to the living room, "You know, it's the fact that they have a system that you know those two fight too much," I say sitting down at the table.

"So why we're you two yelling upstairs?" Uncle Landon asks looking between me and Gracie, she giggles and I gag.