I knew that I wasn't destined to be a part of a warm family. I had those thoughts when my name was still Sern. The little cottons falling from the greyish clouds descended to the ground; some came to my coat, while some went to my opened palms.
"Milady, you should wear these gloves," Tasha said. She came from behind, bowing. I looked at her, and her body shivered. Perhaps because of the snow? Or was it because of something else?
"My Lord will never forgive me if you ever catch a cold," she said. I handed her my hands and she removed the small cottons. She rubbed it until I felt a little better.
"There you go, Milady," she said. I don't know why she keeps hanging with me. I don't even know why she had that kind of expression on her face.
I felt tiny tingles around my chest, even if the night was cold.
"Milady here," and now she handed me a handkerchief. I looked at her hands; she wasn't wearing any gloves at all. They were pinkish red, and I couldn't get my mind around how they shivered while holding the white, thin piece of cloth.
She managed to make me wear one, but she herself didn't have one to spare.
My mind wandered from the time I didn't have anything to myself. I wandered around the street on cold nights, no one bothering to ask me if I was all right or if I had any family left to provide me shelter and food. No one.
When I tried looking at happy families during Christmas, I felt envious. I wished to have that kind of warmth, even if it was only for a second, but it never came.
It took me ten years to feel warmth, not by having a family but by having Matthew, a person I could call my saviour.
"Tasha," I said. She gazed at my eyes for a second before turning her vision to the ground.
I sighed.
There's no point in explaining things to her, so I guess I might just wander around the busy streets just to get her one like mine.
"Just follow me and don't ask," I said.
I grabbed her hands and ran as fast as I could. When I spotted a boutique that sells knitted clothes and other materials, I went in and Tasha followed.
"Excuse us," I said as soon as we entered.
I landed on the silences around me. A part of the boutique doesn't have any lamps. There were certain displays around the trays, so I didn't mind the hollow blackness from the edge of the shop.
I tugged Tasha's hands while her other hand kept on holding my arm.
I sighed, even though I felt her coldness. At the very least, that will never last.
"Here," I said, handing her the gloves, When she couldn't say anything, I took a chance to wear the green with small snowman designs on the right corners of the gloves to her hand.
"Milady, but----"
"It's all right, it's on me," I said as we went to the counter.
Confused as I was, I rang the bell. The silence was deafening until one of the black clothes, which was like a wall from the edge of the shop, moved to show a man wearing a black coat and a hat.
"Welcome to Fyland's Boutique Shop, ladies," the man said. His voice had a certain accent, from being high to exuding low at the end of his sentence.
Yet the edges of his lips never left the edges of his ears.
His face wasn't visible since he had this black veil around, contrasting with the colour of the goods they'd been selling within their shop.
I shook off my thoughts and looked into his eyes.
"I want to buy this pair of gloves," I said. I claimed Tasha's hands wearing the gloves, and the man nodded with his eyebrows raised.
"Okay, then that would be a sancrum, Milady." I paid with the small wallet I could find from my dress and grabbed Tasha's hands again.
"Thank you," I said and was about to leave with my maid when the man chuckled.
"Next time Milady, I could show you the other parts of my shop if you're not hurrying."
I turned to look at the person and smiled
"No thanks; I'm not interested anyway. I just came to buy some gloves and that's all," I said as I looked at Tasha and whispered, "Let's go."
Tasha nodded. As soon as we went out of the store, I felt my back shiver as if I sensed someone was spying on me. When I turned to look where it was from, I just sighed when there was no one but people walking around the market.
It must have been just my petty imagination.
"Milady I think we needed to go back, I would be fired if----"
"Don't worry, you have my word; besides, Lucas is just insisting we buy him a cake, right?"
"Yes Milady and I think young master Lucas must have been anxious for the moment," Tasha responded. I didn't pay attention to Lucas earlier because of Tasha's hands.
Now that I think about it, he must have been throwing tantrums at the moment.
When I looked at Tasha's hands, they were not shaking anymore. I don't know, but a part of me felt warm on this snowy night.
"Let's hurry, or else he will just be Lucas, the boy we all know," I said as if I wanted to roll my eyes.
It didn't take us any more than a minute to come back to the place.
"Where did the two of you go?" Lucas asked.
"I just bought Tasha her gloves, and stop interrogating us as if we did something wrong, Lucas," I said, pinching his puffy cheeks until they became red.
His eyes went from mine to the ground, and I just patted his head.
"Don't worry, I'll buy you one next time, all right?"
"Really?"
"Yes, really," I said, chuckling when I noticed him jumping with a few laughs.
"But sister, you've been acting weird since last week; what have you eaten?" Lucas asked me out of the blue and I just sighed.
"Well, I just realised something upon reading a storybook, Lucas."
"What storybook did you read?"
"It's just some random book I found at the library," I said, patting his head again.
"Now let's go eat some cake, shall we?"
"Hmm!"
"Come in, Tasha!" Lucas said and grabbed a hold of the maid's hand while I held the other as we walked inside.
The night might have been too cold for us to come outside, but I felt like it felt warm for the first time in my whole life.
It just felt like Christmas, where I once felt cold but now felt something different. I felt like I was the one who had the family I couldn't have when I was still Sern.
It's warm.
***
Two days passed since our tour of the market that night. Today, I am in the garden, with Lucas on my right side. I sat on my mother's left side, and my father sat across from the table.
Like any normal family, we talked about anything else. My parents talked about my normal lessons with my professors, while we also chatted about Lucas' training in basic swordsmanship.
As the day went by, we enjoyed the tea in the nestle of the trees and the singing birds. Some leaves fell from our sides, and I imagined them as warm glitters like snow, only that they felt warm.
When I first came to my senses and realised that I had reincarnated as the villainess Lady Femy Argold, who was so obsessed with the crown prince, I decided to live out my life free from those shackles.
My parents seemed to be surprised by my sudden change, and even Lucas felt stunned when I noticed him for the first time.
But that is all there is; now they've come to accept my development, and I've come to cherish this family as my own. Sometimes I even wondered why Femy would risk her life loving a person who doesn't even love her.
I don't understand that, maybe because I never felt like that. I never felt in love to the point of having crazy obsessions.
When I lived as Sern in my first life, all I wanted was to have someone who would love me for who I am. I wished for a warm family and a cosy shelter so I wouldn't be able to steal from people and hurt them just to satisfy my means.
After meeting Matthew, I've opened my eyes to new possibilities. He changed me for the better; that's what I've come to know.
He gave me a book to read, and he even taught me how to read and write. That's when I first came to know the storybook "My Lovely Rose."
I pitied the heroine because, just like me, her life was full of miseries, and I despise the villainess. Despite having everything, she still couldn't be satisfied by not having the crown prince.
I know it's childish for me to have these petty emotions, but then, if I don't, what would that make me?
"By the way, my friend Duchess Lyra talked about this park. She said that many nobles often visit the park because of the experience of riding a boat! Should we go, Fred, everyone?"
My mother said it in a high tone of voice, like she was expecting us to say yes. Father sighed, while Lucas chuckled and raised his arms as he came and hugged Mother.
"Yes, Mom, I will!"
"Oh, that's our boy. How about you, Femy?" Mother said with a smile on her face. I sighed just like Father and came to hug her like Lucas.
"Yes, Mom, as you wanted," I said, and I couldn't deny how lucky Femy was to have this kind of loving family. She's so lucky, and yet she took this for granted.
I decided that I have to live this life peacefully, and by doing so, I will help the commoners and never take for granted even the smallest things, because these things made me feel warm.
"So Fred?"
"My lovely wife insisted and our lovely children wanted, so what can I even say to oppose?" Father said it with a sigh, and we all laughed.
From my stay here, I've come to notice that Father never really liked taking a boat, or he would get sick or vomit, but because Mother liked it, he never did anything to oppose her.
This is the kind of family I ever wanted.
The day went by, and night approached.
As I leaned over the balcony, I saw one figure roaming around the hallways, as if the person himself was a guest to whom I don't remember either of my parents introducing me even before I came in here.
The figure is a shadow walking gracefully around the hallways as if he had been here, as if he had owned the place.
Curious as I was, I tried to follow the path leading me to the hallway, the first encounter I had in bringing me to this world.
Carefully, I walked without any sounds, I picked up my shoes and left them to the sides, as I knew the figure was walking ahead of me now that I was behind it.
I tried to follow it and hide every time the figure stopped walking.
I even heard the figure sigh and I gasped to know that it sounded like a young boy's sigh.
"You stop following me, will you?" a deep voice of a young boy spoke in the middle of the dark hallways
I covered my mouth, I never looked at the figure until I saw some shadows ruling over mine.
That's when I gasped. Both of his hands cornered the sides of my head. I heard a loud thud on my back, not realising that it was the wall that crushed my body with this young boy in front of me.
I couldn't move. I couldn't even break away from his tearing gaze.
He had emerald-jewelled eyes, with these mighty waving silver curls he had as the cold breezes kept on swinging our bodies.
"Who are you?" I asked
I heard the young boy sneer, accompanied by his eyes narrowing.
"Just a nightmare that will come your way in the future; remember that, Lady Femy Argold."
"W-why? What did I do wrong? Who are you to say this to me?"
"You are just some piece of trash, an evil lady who would stop at nothing to humiliate those around you. So let's see what you'll do," the young boy leaned in closer and I could feel his warm breath cascading to my ears.
I smelled his intoxicating scent and the freshness of his aura, even though his face seemed like a predator.
"For now, goodbye," he whispered, and with a snap of his fingers, everything became like a blur.
I'm losing consciousness, and the last thing I saw was a familiar figure of a young lady talking to the young boy I have met at this moment.
It was until I fell deeply asleep.
"Ahh!" I exclaimed, trying to catch my breath.
I looked around, and it was still night. I looked at my clothes, and I had already been in my night dress. I wiped the sweat around my forehead and tried to remember everything.
It felt like something was off. I even know that I didn't come to sleep right away, but then I'm already in my nightdress.
I tried to remember what happened after my moments with my family, but I couldn't remember. If I do, my head will continue to hurt like it's splitting into two.
Sighing, I decided to sketch my plan again. This time, I feared that something out of the ordinary would happen, like before.
I feared that not everything in the novel would go accordingly especially since I was feeling a certain thought of losing my memory.
Now if I don't try to behave, and plan to live peacefully, my whole life in this world will turn out to be doomed. That can't happen.
I looked at the letter that Tasha gave to me earlier, and it's the only thing I could decide for now. Since I'll be meeting the imperial family tomorrow, I will try my best to avoid being engaged with the crown prince, Arcien Servile.