Arc 1~> On Board The Razor
The Razor was a beautiful ship, the Deck of the ship not doing it justice the true beauty of the runic ship as the captain had called it was found in the passageways and cabins, Rowan had first thought the lights that lit up the passageways all day round to be fire light but after some thought on it he realised that non of the crew had the patience to start the fires every single day on this big ship, that had made rowan observe the light a little closer, the first thing he realized was that they emitted no heat and they're light where purely golden and were stable on like candle lights. rowan had later learned that one of the ships abilities where to use mana as light, in just one night rowan had so many shocks that he forgot himself.
There was one thing rowan had discovered this morning as he walked through the passageways. There was a silence, a silence that hung above the razor and it carried a feeling of sadness, rowan had only seen ships Docked in sona but they where never this quiet, he walked around the Chambers most held clothes and other belongings but the owners where never there rowan had not found it weird that the ship had only six crew mate before but last night they had talked about other's of they're crew from memories of happier times, they had cried but they never talked about what happen but at the end of it rowan knew one thing they had all died. Rowan looked into the new room and counted this as the twenty-sixth room that he had found empty. By this time rowan had memorised the layout of the ship from cargo hold to main deck, rowan still wondered what had happend to the crew of this ship but he didn't want to ask them, not like he could even if he wanted to, Rowan could still remember last night when Abara had put him in on track on how far the world had gone, that time he had manage to ask questions without him seeing the judging gazes of Bucker and the captain, at least he felt they where judging him, 'I probably just like talking to one person… yeah' he didn't belive himself of course.
Rowan, could still remember a time when he would hold a conversations with the sailors before they had stop coming to sona, those days he didn't feel any eyes on him he felt they where even happy to listen to him but now he looked at himself for legs to hands and felt ashamed.
Rowan had started making his way to one of the five ladders that lead to the main deck when he heard sobs they where coming from sharps room
"No… I didn't mean to… no, I… I didn't mean to! I… I would never kill a defenceless girl." He said shouting in between sobs. "Please… please you have to forgive me."
Rowna stood there listening, only sharp slept on this level but from the stories about people who used mana Abara had told him about he had no doubt the ship's crewwould be waking up soon. Enhanced hearing down to enhanced regeneration. He walked up towards the deck wondering. 'Is that why? Why he doesn't carry a sword anymore? Just what the hell happend with this crew'
Rowan had thought about many things this morning, but somehow he had kept the thought about people using mana for last, he would think about that when Bones and Bucker duel, glory to the gods if he could last till then, for now he wanted to look at the sky and clear his mind. Rowan knew he spends too much time in his mind but that had made him become very self aware and that had also made him realise that he had become an overthinker and it also made him know the reason why, because of his father, he always tried to say what would perhaps, make his father take pity on him, but it got to a point when if he even talked about the docks he would get beaten, the marks on most of those beatens still remained, because of that he had found himself only having his mind and Smith. Rowan found it easier talking to himslef about things. Rowan had walked up to deck now and sat down looking at the sky, ' maybe being in my head all the time wasn't such a good thing…. Maybe i should have talked to smith about it… I'm… I'm just so tired.' He thought still feeling the sadness but he didn't feel it as strong as other times. Rowan wanted to be like his old self but he didn't even know where to start. 'Maybe I should ask, Bones to teach me the sword, after all, in his own words. 'A swordsman is the most confident man there is'.' And what was rowan after, confidence. 'Ahhh…' Rowan could tell that he had to stop over thinking, but sometimes he found himself thinking without even knowing,and thanks to his self awareness he could tell it was making his problems seem more than they were but he really didn't know how to just stop, and he had tried.
Rowan touched his head and felt his dread, they where long now, so long that they touched the ground where he sat down, he carried a strand from his back and looked at it.
"Ahoy, boi. Do ye want an hair cut." Abara asked, she was still wearing her night garment. Rowan looked at her and for the first time he could belive she was twice his age and could probably be his mother but rowan really didn't care. 'What is age in the face of beauty.' Rowan could not talk to group of people but never one person but he found his tounge glued to the top of his mouth. 'Bloody, matters of the heart.' He thought smiling in his mind, he even almost laughed out.
"What kind of haircut? We only ever carry our dreads on my island." He managed to spit out before she catches on to his reason for his tight lips, he didn't want her catching on.
"Nothing too grand seeing as ye have this snake hairs, no doubt since birth. Am I wrong?" She asked, then paused and look at his hair, all the while walking closer, rowan nodded." That leaves only few options, as I see it. For one caught this snake hairs short, maybe ear length and the other caught it all off."
She looked at him waiting for him to make a decision. Rowna looked to her side to the the sun rising. This might have seemed like a little thing but it was quite a big decision to rowan, this was one of the identity of his island but now he was thinking about cutting it. After his promise to his island, thought's of that brought Rowan's mind asking questions that he didn't want. 'Why do you make promises to people that have made you less of yourself.' Rowan's mind asked, like it wasn't his own mind, Rowan fumbled for an answer and didn't even think about it much at the end before he replied…
"Cut it… cut it all." Rowan said. Abara walked to his back happily and started cutting slowly. She made conversation and rowan replied but his mind wasn't really there. After some minutes his mind started going in loops and he felt like it was making the problem more complex as time passed.
"Abara," he said calling her out of silence, she had stop talking when she noticed his mind was far of somewhere. "Should I make promises to does, who have died while i survive even if they don't deserve it?"
"No, but if there's a reason, maybe." She said with a calm voice. Rowan turned to her and she actually wasn't laughing or preparing any jokes. Rowan Didn't want to lose this moment.
"They where the people, I grew up with even If most of them are blood forsaken dream killers. I just feel guilty, I guess for living and them dying." Rowan Said, he was shocked to find himself coming to conclusions on previous thought that just circled and circled. 'Guilty' he thought, his mind had played around that for so long but now he had just said it out like he knew all along.
"It is right to feel guilty for living, but it is wrong to hold that feeling strongly because what ye should be is thankful. Know this if ye couldn't help them don't feel guilty. And ye can not make promises to everyone that dies just because ye're guilty, only make promises to those who mean something." She said, then paused for a second before continuing. "For me, I knew two people who died close to me when I was around ye'r age. One was my father and the other my mother, I only ever made a promise to my mother to get my father to the heads men and that I did, I felt guilty after that but well life goes on I got over it when I found myself doing things I really wanted. And even at that the only other thing you can promise them is that you'll remember them, that the only thing that really matters."
Rowan knew the guilt he felt for his father's death was close to none, the thing that bothered him was the anger and hate he felt towards the man. The person that actually made him guilty was Smith; he had abandoned the dream he and Smith shared and left the boy to dream it on his own. With the advise Abara gave, he felt his mind more clearer, he felt guilty for the death of the islands residents but only because of him not caring about them that is why he tried to always think about them and his father more than Smith, knowing made him feel more free.
'To Smith I promise this I shall never forget you and the dreams you had to see the blizzards of winters origin' Rowan still felt sad and guilty but this was the kind of sadness that only time healed.
Rowan still wondered what he wanted, he had discovered that he when he actually thought about exploring the world it didn't interest him, that was his mother's dream afterall what did he want? The answer wasn't long he only ever had one true dream since when he was little now that he thought of it, not to explore the world but to be a strong worrier.' And it starts now.' Rowan thought, actually feeling exited for the first time since leaving his island, the sadness and guilt where still there but he was happy still looking only towards the future.
***
After Abara finished cutting Rowan's hair she told him to go to the wash room to look at himself on the mirror there. When Rowan reached the wash room he still couldn't believe his eyes, the room was a large circular room in the middle of the second level and inside it in the middle was a circular bath, it looked like a small sea in rowan eyes but what caught is eyes was the mirror, that occupied the other side of the room opposite the door it was a big thing and was corved to match the looks of the room. Rowan walked into the room not heading straight at the mirror, he first walked to one of the bath cubes at the side of the room where you clean yourself before entering the big water. But he had no plan of entering that, he just wanted the hair of his body. After that he proceeded to look at himself on the mirror and smiled.
"Fuck I look terrible, forget promises and identity I should have kept my locks." Rowan said faking sadness, he scratched his bold head, then walked back to dress up and before heading back onto the main deck. He actually felt more free now before his head had a kind of weight drawing it down but now he felt so free and funny enough he had never felt that supposed weight before. He wore the clothes abara had gave him since he woke up in her small doctors cabin. The first thing he put on was the trousers and then the shirt and then he tied his head with a bandana and then he looked at the mirror.
Looking back at him was a different man, more like a sailor than Rowan. Above his eyebrows the banana covered and then below his long neck was a big dirty green long sleeved tunic, which rowan had tucked In to a leather belly high trousers that ran into knee high boots.
On his way back to the deck Rowan's mind went back to last night and he couldn't help getting excited. Abara had talked about Mana orbs and Dice Heart's, she talked about how the old witches had found a way to trap mana in a kind of orb and make it work like the old core humans used to have in the stories. He remembered her explain it.