----[???'s perspective]
As I open my eyes, the sun from the window hits my retinas, causing me to instinctively put a hand in front of my face to cover myself.
How long have I been asleep? It feels like an eternity...
-Until you finally wake up, Nishimiya. Come on, stand up and read page thirty-eight of the book!
Oh, damn it. I was in the middle of class.
Uhhh, I don't even have a notebook outside. Wait, what class is this?
I don't understand much of what's going on, and shamefully it comes out of my mouth:
-I'm sorry, teacher... I didn't bring my book...
-Ah?! An apology won't do, I want a report on today's class by this afternoon, I'll be waiting for you in the teacher's lounge!
-But...
-No buts! You need to be more responsible with your classes if you don't want to stay here for the winter holidays!
-Yes, sir.
Crestfallen, I sat back down in my seat. Uh, this was embarrassing.
I pull out at least my notebook and start copying what's on the board as fast as I can. The teacher ends up erasing before I'm even halfway through, though.
It's going to be hard to get a passing grade in modern Japanese if I keep slacking off like this.
As I was crying internally for making such a mistake, someone tapped me on the back, indicating that they wanted me to turn around.
I see out of the corner of my eye the teacher, who just turned his back, and I look behind me.
Who was there was a girl in the same uniform as me, with short light brown hair and light blue eyes. Her name is Maria. Kamado Maria.
She's been my friend since day one, and she's usually the one who wakes me up when I get careless like this.
-I'm sorry, Saika-chan. I couldn't wake you up no matter how hard I tried, I'll lend you my notes later.
Although I'm grateful to her, I get confused in one part.
-Saika? Who's Saika?
-Hey, that's you. Nishimiya Saika, don't tell me you're still groggy from sleeping.
Uh, no, no... this is Maria's joke, of course.
I turn back around, grabbing my backpack, and reaching for my student ID.
Normally I wouldn't have this doubt, but my name is undoubtedly...
[Sakuranomi Academy]
[Student: Nishimiya Saika]
... Saeko...
More confused than ever, I turn to look around...
All my classmates were here... the Mishima twins, Maria... and...
-Is something wrong, Nishi-san?
When I look to my right, my eyes meet those of a boy... Kisaragi Shuri...
-Shuri...
Wait, I... I...
All the memories of that day suddenly flood back, I shot Maria... I despised Shuri, and...
I killed. A. Three. Of. My. Classmates.
What's going on here? Why is everything normal? No one seems to treat me with special contempt like before.
Why is my name Saika now? Who the hell is she?
I'm not understanding anything.
This is impossible. It's impossible. Impossible. It's impossible.
I... a moment ago I was standing in front of Enigma, the Consort of Redhart. And she... killed me.
I'm starting to have trouble breathing. There's just no way.
Is my life a loop? Am I locked in an infinite loop where everything starts all over again with my death on earth?
None of this makes any sense at all.
-Saika-chan?! What's going on?!
Maria realises what's happening to me, but it was too late, I had already lost all the oxygen in my lungs.
I simply fainted on the spot.
----[Some time later]
When I opened my eyes again, I was greeted by the white ceiling of the infirmary...
I still feel dizzy from what happened... but somehow, I feel a little calmer.
-Welcome back, Aika. You had a terrible panic attack.
And here went my peace of mind...
The voice of the devil. A voice I knew perfectly well because it was the one that manifested itself in my worst moments.
All the times I writhed on the floor in pain, all the times I had to cover my bruises and bleeding wounds.
The tacks I endured, the buckets of water that fell on my head, all the times my uniform was stained with food.
Scrapes, cuts, punctures, blows, kicks...
That voice is that of the person who initiated the abuse... but through it all...
She apologised profusely, she couldn't stop the other girls. She always regretted starting to hit me, as it got out of hand.
Even when... I pointed a gun at her... she looked at me, letting a few tears fall as she smiled at me just seconds before pulling the trigger.
I guess I developed Stockholm syndrome. Her apologising was no reason to forgive her, but still, she was sincere in all her apologies.
I couldn't help it if this girl became my first love.
Both before and at this moment, I rushed towards her, grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and reached for her lips.
The scent she carries, the warmth, and the sweetness of her lips. It's all the same.
She was startled by what I just did, as silver tears rolled down my eyes.
I couldn't help but cry, I didn't really think about what I was doing in the past. I let myself be motivated by my revenge urges without thinking about how much I had come to love this girl.
Somehow, I know this is something that happened after Enigma killed me. I can't fully find the answer to this, but... I will enjoy what I couldn't do before.
And her. Kuzunoha Satome. She greeted me with a hug, reciprocating our kiss.
The more our lips brushed, the more I felt the need to go through with this. All my pent up desires had been infused into this lascivious kiss.
Saliva is overflowing from the corners of my lips, but I can't stop myself.
This is my way... to apologise to her...
In my pitiful state, Satome pushed me away. A trickle of saliva was all that joined our mouths, only for a few brief moments.
Satome's face became quite flushed, and his breathing became agitated. I'm the same way. She looks like she wants to restart the kiss, but shakes her head to either side and lifts up a bag she was holding.
-I... I brought you... this... -. She utters rather shyly as she plays with one of her blonde locks.
It's a bottle of juice, and a yakisoba bread. It seems like she came running over here as soon as she noticed that I fainted.
Even this relationship remains the same between us... but who is Saika?
I grab the bag from Satome's hands, and take out the bottle of juice to start drinking it to cool my head.
I've barely managed to wipe the snot off... ugh, I'm showing a very embarrassing side to Satome.
-Thank you, Satome-chan... -. I say, trying not to look her too much in the eyes.
I threw myself at her like a crazy bitch as soon as I woke up, it's normal for me to feel sorry after such a terrible performance.
But she's just as sorry as I am.
I guess it wasn't that long ago that we started dating... that's why she's so embarrassed.
I remember she got to be a lot bolder, haha. Some pretty racy things we did in our alone time.
Stockholm syndrome, uh....
My feelings of love for her haven't disappeared at all.
-You worried me enough, Aika... I skipped a class to be here with you... I've been worried about you...
Satome tells me that with a soft tone. I can't help but smile at the way she's acting. I find it very cute.
-You shouldn't have stayed so long, Satome. I wasn't going to be able to move anyway. I still feel too weak to walk.
-Uhm, but you had the energy to kiss me like that.
She pouts, but she's clearly joking a bit to lighten the embarrassed mood we're in.
It's already December, uh. We're close to taking exams and going on holiday for Christmas.
I wonder if 'Saika' has already taken matters into her own hands... anyway, it doesn't hurt to ask.
-Do you have anything to do for Christmas? I'd like to meet your parents.
-Huh?! Isn't it too early for that?! I mean, they don't even know I'm seeing someone...
-I don't want us to be a couple behind anyone's back. I'd like us to be open in that sense.
-Uh, but... you refused at first... I always wanted to go public...
Ugh, you really are an idiot, 'Saika'. Identical to me.
-I've changed my mind. I want to go public with our relationship, okay? Let everyone know that you're my girlfriend.
-Are you sure? We'd both be coming out of the wardrobe with that....
Satome is a bit hesitant about it. But I said I want to enjoy this in my own way.
-Of course. I don't think anyone will say anything about this.
-I understand... So, can I add you as my couple on social media? Make our photos public?
I grin from ear to ear, and respond enthusiastically:
-Sure!
To which Satome smiles in the same way as me, almost jumping for joy. Although she is a little taller than me, seeing her jumping with excitement touches my heart.
I would have liked to see this expression on her face before... but I never had the courage to be so open with what I feel.
From the bottom of my heart, there is something that sounds like a whisper.
Whisper which says:
I'm sorry.
I couldn't explain the meaning of it to her if I told her directly. Especially now that she's excitedly on her phone while letting the whole world know that we're lesbians.
I like that.
And I seriously regret having shot Satome... if that hadn't happened...
No. If I had been the person I am now, none of what happened in the past would have happened.
As I was churning with guilt in the back of my mind, notifications from Satome tagging me in all of our photos uploaded from a private account were constantly ringing on my phone.
Was I always someone capable of loving another person like this?
... yeah, I guess so...
----[Later]
The departure time came, I didn't spend most of the time in class because of my fainting, even the Japanese teacher took pity on me after what happened and I didn't have to hand in any report.
My friends heard about Satome's publications and congratulated me on my new relationship. But I was too long thinking about what was happening to have listened to them.
I parted from Satome at the train station, so I could only continue my journey home now.
The route from here is just as I remember it. There is no doubt that the streets even remain the same.
I still can't find an answer to my identity, or the reason why I am exactly the same as my former self. Even the glasses are the same.
I've been rambling on about this, but I can't think of anything that connects my relationship with this 'Saika' enough to enter her body as soon as Enigma killed me.
Passing through the neighbourhood shopping district, I suddenly felt a tug on my scarf, which almost made me stumble.
-Ai-chan, it's good to see you here!
An animated voice greets me, from an older woman. I turn to look at her... and confirm that it was my aunt, with whom I live.
I guess some things don't change. I used to meet her quite a lot in these streets too, she enjoys cooking during winter.
-Why didn't you get a husband to help you do the shopping, Oba-chan?
I say jokingly, just as I would say to my aunt in the past. To which she responds by tugging on my right ear.
-Ow, ow, ow! Sorry, I can't help being sarcastic with you!
-For your information I'm happily married, now help me carry the groceries home, you spoiled brat!
-All right, all right!
Eh? Wait, what?
-Oba-chan? You're married? Ehh. Now that's a surprise.
-From three years ago, silly. Hurry home and start making preparations, we're having tonkatsu today.
-Ohhhh, okay. See you later?
-Of course. I have to go pick up the cake first, so be a good girl and take care of my husband while I get there.
Cake?
-I guess it's his birthday today, huh. Okay, I'll start without you. Okay, I'll start without you.
-Of course, Ai-chan.
I guess they don't call me by my name 'Saika', but just call me 'Aika' out of affection. I noticed that because Satome calls me that way.
I see, that's quite an important difference. My aunt is married here.
I guess she must be someone of very good character to be with such a strict person as my aunt is, ehhh.
I'm really happy for her, she's very motivated to celebrate her husband's birthday. Although I wonder what relationship 'Saika' has with that guy.
If she decided to be with my aunt who was basically a single mother, I guess she must have known 'Saika' for a while.
It's not too far from the shopping district to our house, so I get there relatively quickly. But it looks like someone beat me to it because there is a taxi in front of the house.
Oh, it must be my aunt's husband.
I keep walking until I reach the entrance.
From the entrance, a man in an office suit comes out in a hurry. Our gazes meet immediately...
The man smiles at me for a second, before passing me by and going to give the taxi driver money, it seems he didn't have the fare in his pocket.
He apologises to the driver for wasting his time, and walks back more calmly.
-You're back, Aika. I see you ran into Mayuri-san on the way back.
His voice makes my body shudder.
I envy you, 'Saika'. Your life is definitely better than mine in every way.
I drop the groceries, along with my backpack. I can't stop my tears from being blown away by the wind as I rush to embrace this man.
I wanted so badly to deny it, but it's totally impossible.
-Daddy...! Guh... dad... dad...!!!!! I'm sorry for being such a bad daughter to you before! I promise I won't cause you trouble again!
The man my aunt had married was none other than my own father. The same one who in my original world had died when I was just a child.
Emotions that I hadn't let out for years flowed from the bottom of my heart. I can't believe this...
-Are you alright, Aika-chan?! Why are you crying, daughter?!
-I missed you, I missed you so much! I always wanted to see you just once more!
-Uh... I guess you had a bad day... It's alright, Aika. Dad's here for you all the time, okay?
He didn't understand anything I was saying, and that's normal. I prefer it this way.
A world where one of my parents is still alive is a world where I'd definitely love to be. That's why I envy you, Aika.
You're able to see dad...
After calming down. We went into the house, where I started to prepare things for dinner.
But to keep my dad's appetite whetted, I cut him some apples and poured him a glass of soda.
He didn't ask me any more questions as I vented my feelings. He just hugged me quietly, stroking my head, just like he did when I was a child.
This is one of the things I've always wanted. Although I notice that mum is not with us... I am glad that my dad has found love in my next mother figure, who is my aunt.
I am certainly happy that things are this way.
Only there is something that is making me uncomfortable.
-... dad... -. I utter, with some trepidation.
The quickest answer I can get is from this man. I know he wouldn't be able to lie to me.
There can really only be one answer, but I was in doubt if that's what was happening.
-What is it, Aika?
My dad asks me, not knowing what I'm about to question him about.
If I'm wrong it will be weird, but if I'm right...
-Dad, did I have a sister?
I ask. Without seeing my dad's face, as I'm standing behind his back while I'm chopping some vegetables to make a salad.
...
There was an awkward silence regarding my question.
I don't think I said it in a bad way, as if to make him think I won't empathise with him.
-So you had forgotten, Aika... it's normal, since you were a child at the time. Children often cover up their traumas with other memories.
-It's just that... I had a nightmare... one where you and mum died... but I wasn't anywhere, and in that dream I was being called by another name.
-What name...?
-Saeko. They were calling me Saeko. I had never heard that name before.
-!
My dad seemed to get a little upset when he heard what I said, as he stood up from his chair.
He's quite a sensitive man. I know him after all.
I turn to face him, and I can see he's clenching his fists as he bites his lip. I guess I've rekindled his memories of that day.
-I'm sorry for hiding it, okay? Your mum left me because of that accident... sorry, Saika... because of me, Saeko died...
Mum?
Wait, he just said my mum left him. It doesn't look like she has joint custody, she must have signed over all her parental rights to my dad.
That would explain why my aunt got involved with us and now takes my mother's place.
He must have gone through a lot more than me... a divorce, the loss of one of his daughters... and having to raise a child who represses memories of her sister.
Saika may have been upset with her dad, but in her sadness, she sooner or later forgot that and moved on. Forgetting her sister in the process.
I am Saeko...
In my world, mum and dad died... but I have no memory of having a sister.
...
This confirms my theory.
What happens to Saika, is the same thing that happened to me in my world.
This is the alternate universe where Saika is still alive, mum and dad survived. I died.
Saika took my place in this timeline and that's why everyone I knew, knows her in this world. She must be too different from me not to have been harassed by Kuzunoha Satome and her group of friends.
On the other hand, the universe where my parents died... is the one in which Saika also died.
Because of the pain of my parents' death, I must have forgotten about the existence of my twin sister. The weight of the death of my whole family must have been too heavy for a child.
My aunt never mentioned anything about it because she was afraid of hurting me. I didn't want to talk about it much either.
I confined myself to my room most of my free time and only left the house to go to school. I failed in every way.
But Saika was able to shine in everything, and that's why her life is different from mine.
...
I'm sorry I forgot about you, Saika...
With my head held high, I shout:
-That's enough! I don't understand why you decided to show me this. I died. Elise died!
As if they had heard a higher order, the world projected around me stops.
Of course this has to do with the damned world I was reincarnated into.
Everything that happens here is too idealistic for someone like me. I regret the death of my parents, yes.
But I don't want a world where all the problems of my previous life are solved. I hated my life as Saeko, but not so much that I would prefer Saika's over mine.
-Huh?
-Huh?
A new situation had arisen.
Two confused voices sounded in unison as we bumped into each other. This is almost totally impossible...
"Elise' is in front of me. The girl with pale skin, ruby red eyes and golden hair is just as confused as I am.
My memories as Saeko seep in... blending in with Saika and Saeko's childhood as sisters.
I'm sure it's the same for her. All this information must have been revealed at the same time, as she's putting on an expression that's hard to interpret.
I can now say that I'm more 'Saika' than 'Saeko'... even the memories of the timeline that 'Saeko' comes from are here.
How we used to cuddle when we slept, posing in travel photos with our parents... and even my own death as Saika...
Saika was the older sister among the twins... and the first thing that comes out of "Elise's" mouth is...
-Onee-chan...? Is that you...?
-... yes, Sae-chan... I'm Saika.
Unnaturally, Elise moves to my position. She puts her hands on my shoulders and I see her eyes start to glaze over.
Knowing that the person in front of me is my younger sister, I can't help but start sobbing either...
I died too young to see her grow up, I would have wanted to be there for her in her worst moments but I had to die in that damn accident.
-I'm sorry... for not being with you, Sae-chan... I insisted on going to our parents... if I hadn't gone, your life would have been better... -. I say as sobs mingle with my voice.
Elise, don't, Sae-chan. She looks just like me. She's taller than me, but she's still looking at me with that look my younger sister used to give me.
-No, I... I was careless and our family broke up because of that... Onee-chan, I'm sorry for letting you carry the weight of all that...
-You were just a girl... and those people hurt you so much... *sniff*...
-Hic... and you... you had to see how our parents started to hate each other... hic...
-Then... *sniff*, you had to make that decision... ugh... only to die by a higher will... Sae-chan, you've grown so much, my little sister...
-I'm glad that... you've had the life that I couldn't... guh... you've always made me proud, Onee-chan...
With that, we hugged, so tightly that it didn't seem like we were going to let go of each other.
However—.
As always, there's something that had to interrupt this.
-Very touching sisterly reunion. It's time we took things seriously as we are in a difficult situation for everyone.
A third voice was included, suddenly, Sae-chan and I were sitting opposite each other at a table, and in the middle of us was another entity sitting.
A woman in full white, her whole body was white, I couldn't make out her features well but from her voice I know it's a woman.
I thought it wasn't going to be more than that...