Why is that?
You try to sleep for just a few hours each night and see how active you feel. But let's be realistic here. I am an omega. Sex has never been this far from my mind. So it wasn't just fatigue.
To be honest, it took me a few weeks to realize what was really going on. But I finally realized that if I try to untie the Ray knot and some weird stuff happens - as if it has something to do with me - and I can't...
I will never get over that nightmare again.
Being so close but still not being there.
No. No thanks. Don't sign this nonsense again.
That's why I was running from my men. Pretending to sleep before them every night.
It felt pretty crappy.
It's less crap than disappointing though.
"If not, what's your problem?"
Finally, I looked at Marih solemnly and at the still healing flesh on the side of her face and arm. Shiny, shrunken burn wounds take the longest for wolf magic to ease. Weeks passed and he still looks like Freddie Kruger. Or Two-Faced.
But scars aside, he won. It had worn me out.
"If you're not ready to do the job, Marigold, why bother to take the healing spell from me?"
His eyebrows were furrowed. "Because I wanted to help you, Willah Because no matter how happy you convinced yourself, I couldn't stand to see you suffer during that half life. What is so hard to believe in that?"
"It seems to me that if you were serious, you wouldn't have complained so much about memorizing a few herbs. Or taking care of the garden. Or the smell of boiling extracts and tinctures. If you really wanted to help me… you wouldn't be making my life difficult right now. Doing something you signed up for without asking me. I have enough to worry about without trying to scold you for it. If that were the case, I would probably discourage you. I try to stay away from my emotions by running my hand through my hair. Try not to say what is bubbling just below the surface.
But Marih forced this door open. She wanted to know what was behind her.
So I gave it to him. "You took a piece of me, Marih, and you didn't even bother to ask if I would be okay without it."
Wow. I didn't know I felt so strongly about it until I said it out loud.
And that's why I didn't say anything. Just as I thought it could be, all my frustration with all the other situations was mixed with Marih's mere Mariholing.
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted it. I was too tough.
Marih receives a blow and her stance loosens. "Finally. Damn. How long have you been holding on to all this?"
*
Water on the back of a Marih
That's the thing about being a twin.
I would help him bury a body. No forewords or questions. Just like he got it in his chin when I trauma-cast him.
Marih took a deep breath, taking the bundle of herbs to her nose. "Wow, I mostly hoped that if I pissed you off enough, you'd stop using me as an excuse to ignore your problems. Plus, if I told you I was going to buy the healer's robe, you'd try to dissuade me from it."
So you assume you know what's best for me?"
He shakes his head, chin up. "Yes. And in that case, I'm totally right. You convinced yourself that you were happy when everyone else saw that you weren't happy. Then you convinced yourself that you could do it all. While risking your life, have friends and healer magic." His eyes shine with anger. I didn't have it. I wasn't watching you put your life on the line. I did what I had to do. I won't apologize for that, Willah."
my god. When he said it like that...
I paused for a moment, letting his words be heard, before I dropped myself onto the stool on the island. I opened the worm box.
And Marih was just getting started.
"For example, are we going to talk about the living situation? I could probably do my job better if I lived in the healer's lodge instead of coming here every day.
I wrinkle my nose at him. She said she didn't mind walking back and forth because the weather was warming up.
But I can't say that because Ray and Jon are returning from their evening patrol. Not around my property. They've always had two wolves stationed at the edge of the forest since the Danica incident. But they also make sure to patrol the entire land border of the herd at least once a day.
Sometimes twice.
Still, this is progress. It took a whole week for Ray to leave my side after Danica.
For Marih's sake, they both enter quietly, dressed.
Jon kisses the top of my head and slumps into the seat, and Ray places a quick kiss on my lips before heading to the shower.
"Jon called Dibs," he said, my eyes asking the question. Jon and Ray fighting over the shower was fast becoming a nighttime tradition, and Ray Jon went there without a word...
Beautiful but strange.
"And that's something else," Marih continues. "There's no room for the three of you here. And Big Wolf will know what to do only when Danica finally decides to take you to the same mountain as you."
I've been drooling over him ruining my life, but the sociopathic wolf mention finally got a response. "That killer can't get close to me."
Marih and Jon gazeThey gave me a quick glance over my head before turning it to me. Ah, killer shmiller, we all have a load, Willah. Stop playing the moral police."
Hoping for support, I turned to look at Jon, but he just shrugged and raised his hands. "I've learned better not to get caught in the middle of a fight between the two of you."
I pursed my lips at her and turned to Mari. "I'm sorry, but if demarcating a real murder makes me a decent traffic cop, then give me a high-visibility vest."
Marih continues as if I didn't say anything. "Ray and Jon are so attached to you that they don't say anything. So it's up to me to give you some advice. Stop trying to fill my head with useless plant stuff, get yours out of the sand and deal with your own mess, Willh!
"What do you say? Should I accept a murderer as a wife?
"God, you get so intense sometimes. I say you drive it to the Kootenays and leave it there. Everyone assumed you pushed it away until you decided what to do next, but as time goes on, you look worse and get more grumpy. You need to figure it out, baby. At the very least. talk to him."
My stomach falls to the ground. As much as it killed me to admit it to myself, Marih was right. I basically exiled him and then I tried to pretend the problem wasn't real.
"You won't have to do this alone," Jon adds.
Mari shook her head. "Yes, you can call the whole herd to a meeting if that makes you feel more secure."
The idea of holding a pack-wide meeting to sort out my awful friendship situation was almost worse than the awful situation itself.
But I can talk to Danica. I could take that much.
Instead of nodding and thanking Mari or telling her she was right, I changed the subject. "So, do you want to live here?" I'm asking.
He shrugs, greets my non sequitur step by step. "I think it will make my job easier. Plus, I want you to have room for your friends, Willh. To have the life you want. I took the magic of the healer so you could be the omega you always wanted. But you were so stubborn about ignoring everything that you put yourself into uncertainty by refusing to deal with anything. And your maternity about herbs and plants is going to drive me crazy.
"I'm not mothering you."