The second she said she hadn't done anything I nearly lost my mind. I flipped out and I know I fucked everything up. I was beyond fucking mad that even when she cried I didn't care. I skipped the rest of class and just took my bike out for a long ride. I spent hours zooming down winding roads half tempting fate to try and take me.
The way I screamed at her kept replaying in my mind. Her scared eyes looking to me for help and I just push her away. Dylan and her walking to class and him typing away in her phone. I knew she wasn't interested in Dylan that way, but it still pissed me off. Jack, on the other hand, I saw her eyes light up at him. Everything that happened this morning and between Ella and I replayed over and over in my head pushing me to go a little faster.
Aaron's and my dad's voice would pop in my head telling me to grow up, take more responsibility, leave my college days behind me. I didn't really party all that much, like Aaron thinks. I like hiding away in my garage or getting my anger out in the ring.
I'm fucking twenty, I don't need to take on the world. I definitely don't need to be worrying about some baby either. I fucked up in so many ways. Even if it turned out worst case scenario I knew it wouldn't really be that bad. I just wasn't ready and didn't want to be forced into having a family.
Ella wasn't forcing me either. She was trying to fix it and I just blew up on her. If anything, it was my fault. She just felt so good to be with I didn't think about anything but getting her naked. I've never been so stupid and careless before. I should had known too. Ella never had sex before and I even thought about this possibility. Like always though I just shut it all out and expected someone else to clean up their mess. This wasn't just Ella's mess though, it was mine too.
As I came to a turn I didn't notice the rain that lightly coated the surface. I leaned in on my bike punching the gas a little more, trying to get the voices out of my head. Then everything went black. My bike skidded and somehow I flew sideways off it into a dirt and grass opening next to the road.
"No!" I screamed trying to get up just as my bike slid right off the edge and down the hill. That was my new girl I just got working again. I limped my way to the side of the road peaking over the edge. "Fuck me!" If I was still on that girl I would had easily died or at the very least broke every bone in my body. I shook my head and went back to the opening and sat in the grass for awhile.
What the fuck am I doing? Riding earlier my mind wouldn't stop spinning with everything in my life and now it was just blank.
"Hey! You good?" Rich just got out of his truck walking over to me.
"Yeah, I guess." I grabbed his hand and picked myself up.
"That looks pretty bad." He pointed to my arm. I glanced down seeing it all ripped open. I didn't even notice. I called Rich to come get me and just blanked out again.
"Not as bad as her." I pointed over the edge to my bike in literal pieces all the way down.
"Fuck, Eros. You're lucky your fucking alive, man."
"Yeah, I guess." I scratched the back of my neck staring at her down there destroyed.
"Come on, I'll take you home." Rich nodded to his truck and I jumped in. We didn't speak the whole ride back to my house. I'm pretty sure he knew I was not in my right mind.
We stepped out the truck just as Ella and Dylan got out of her car. Of course she goes and becomes friends with him. I swear if he gives her any shit to try I'll break his neck. Ella has never done drugs before and she wasn't starting now. I shouldn't even be worrying about her anyways. Ella never let anyone change her and I doubt Dylan's rainbow ass would be the one to corrupt her. Nope, that job has been mine lately.
We both just got out of the car and stood there staring at each other.
"Hey Ella!" Rich shouted walking towards her. Fuck! I forgot they knew each other.
"Hey Rich. It's good to see you again." She smiled sweetly at him. I hated how nice she was to everyone. "This is my friend, Dylan."
"Uh, we actually know each other." Dylan gave Rich a small smile. How the fuck was that even possible? "Hi, officer DuPont." Dylan extended his hand to him. Right, Rich is a cop and probably arrested his punk ass.
"Hey, Dylan. I didn't know you and Ella were friends."
"They aren't. They literally meet last week." I clenched my jaw.
"I thought an officer would keep better company." Dylan spoke to Rich but was looking at me.
"Wow! Some drama going on here. I love rich kid drama." Rich rubbed his hands together and we both glared at him. "What?" He said with a stupid smile.
"Eros!" Ella's worried voice pulled me from my thoughts. "What happened?" Her fingers traced the air above my arm.
"Fell off my bike. Just a big scratch. Barely hurts."
"Really? A big scratch?" Rich teased. "He was crying like a baby when I found him."
"What the fuck? No, I wasn't." I barely said two words to Rich this whole time.
"On the inside, bro. Can you patch him up? He needs some ointment and a huge ass bandaid." Rich's eyes looked like a little kid pleading with Ella. The asshole already pieced together I was in a mood because of her. He thinks he is helping but he wasn't. I was an asshole that walked away when she needed help. I doubt she wants to do anything for me.
"Yeah, we need to wash it out first. There is so much dirt, Eros. Maybe you should see a doctor and get some antibiotics." She examined my arm again. Her fingers lightly pulled at my elbow to get a better look and I was soaking up every inch of her concerned face over my wellbeing. I had people that looked over me but it wasn't the way Ella always cared for me. Maybe she doesn't completely hate me.
"I don't need a doctor." I said low making sure I had no anger in my tone towards her. I fucked up enough I can't pretend to be annoyed with her anymore.
"Ok, come inside then." She waved me in and Dylan rolled his eyes following her. Great! This was going to be interesting.
I leaned against her sink watching her carefully rinse my wound. It did look pretty nasty extending from my elbow up to my shoulder. We didn't speak at first and it was killing me. I was such an asshole to her. Aaron was right to keep me away from her. I would just end up hurting her, like I already did. As badly I feigned for that body I needed to stop taking advantage of it.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper." My voice was barely audible. I rarely apologized to people. Not because I didn't feel the need to, but because I didn't really piss people off unless I wanted to.
"It's fine." She barely smiled not meeting my eyes.
"It's not fine, Ella."
"I know. I just don't want to fight. Everything's all fixed now too. Dylan went to the store for me."
"I should have..."
"It's fine, Eros. I don't want to talk about it." Her tone was short with me. I don't think I ever heard her speak that way before. I finally get her to have an ounce of a back bone and it's because I was a total piece of shit to her. She wrapped my arm still not meeting my eyes. I really fucked up and hated how all this felt between us.
"You're all patched up now."
"Thanks." We caught each other eyes and I saw how she wanted me. Wanted whatever tension between us to disappear. "I'm really sorry..."
"I said it's fine. You should go. Dylan and I had plans."
I nodded my head clenching my jaw. I looked past her and Rich was sitting on her bed with Dylan laughing. They seemed oddly close. Maybe he didn't arrest him.
"Hey, we should get out of here." I nodded towards the door.
"It was good to see you, Dylan." He clapped his hand on his shoulder. "And you Ella, always a pleasure. Thank you for taking care of my boy." He gave her a hug.
"It was nothing. Eros helped me more times than I can count. Consider it a mark in my favor to even the score." She smiled at him and he picked up on the tension between us too.
"See you around."
"See ya."
We walked back to my house completely silent but I knew it was coming.
"What did you do?" He asked.
"Nothing!" I shrugged my shoulders.
"She is pissed."
"It's Ella. She'll get over it." I rolled my eyes.
"Not unless you fix it. Don't be an idiot Eros. She's a good one that you actually like. Don't treat her like a dick to push her away."
Yeah, it was too late for that.
"Rich she hates me so just drop it."
"She doesn't hate you. She's massively disappointed in you. I know women and that look she has is that she expected more from you. Be more for her and fix it."
I didn't want to fix it though. It was better to just walk away.
"How do you know Dylan?"
"Can't talk about police stuff Eros."
"I fucking knew he was a piece of shit." I looked to her window about to lose my shit again. He was up there alone with her.
"Hey, Dylan isn't a bad guy, just shitty home life. Ella is fine with him. Don't do anything stupid!" He warned me.
"Whatever!" I looked back at Rich letting my anger wash away. I needed a drink. This day was turning into shit.
"No whatever, Eros. Dylan's dad is an abusive prick, ok. Every time I've seen him it was Dylan taking care of his family and trying to protect them from his dad. He's a little weird, but he's a good kid and won't hurt Ella. Now that I could get fired for saying that, don't do anything stupid." He pointed at me then jumped in his truck.
I wasn't expecting that. Made sense why he jumped to Ella's rescue earlier. He probably thinks I abuse her too. Fuck! This day spun way out of control.
"See you tonight?" Rich tapped his truck then reversed out.
"See you tonight." I waved to him.
Fuck, we have the Christmas lighting in town tonight. I fucking hated this day. Every year we did this as a family. Christmas was my mom's favorite time of year and we never missed the event downtown. When she first left I begged my dad to take me. After a couple years I realized she wasn't coming back and hated the entire month of December ever since.