Cultivation wasn't as grand as everyone believed; the work needed to progress was tedious, boring, and honestly, enough to drive someone insane.
That's why Cultivators all have some sort of vice; they need a distraction to prevent insanity.
Of course, some take those distractions to the extreme, and while I personally hate Gao Chen, even I have to admit that she could be much worse.
Many Demonic Cultivators who fall into insanity and lust tend to use men or women as Crucibles, little more than a living receptacle of Qi to absorb.
Gao Chen had a manual that worked similar to that, but instead of someone's Qi, which is vital to them, she absorbs someone's energy; the residuals of someone's Qi.
Besides that, she has yet to use that manual on me, and I have a feeling that she won't use it on me ever.
At the very least, not while I am pregnant with her child.
As for me, I had yet to truly discover my vice, but I also rarely cultivate.
Hence why I was now spiraling further and further into my dark, twisted thoughts as I cultivated.
Hours had passed, and the boredom had creeped into my mind, dragging some thoughts along with it.
What will I do if Gao Chen stops giving me this newfound affection after my child is born?
Will I just need to return to my drab, dreary room and slowly wilt away, until death comes for me?
How about if she wishes to keep me by her side?
Can I manage to endure her abuse for the next year? Decade? Century?
Millennia?
Longer?
Is it possible for something to sprout between us?
If I cultivate harder, climb further than most, will she accept me?
Do I want her to accept me?
These thoughts, and more, started to eat away at my mind, slowly but surely numbing my fragmented heart as more and more time passed, dulling my emotions.
As I pondered each individual question, my core was slowly filling up, the dark, murky, and frigid Water Qi slowly gathering inside of my core, that black vapor wafting off the Qi's surface and condensing more droplets, speeding up my cultivation.
I had made two days progress in just a few hours, but my numb heart only fragmented more as the abundance of negative thoughts swirled around in my head, like some kind of twisted, demented cloud.
Feeling someone grab my hand, I gasped as I was thrown from my own mind, those thoughts drifting away, the darkness receding as quickly as it had came.
Blinking a few times, I dragged in breath after breath, before staring at the narrowed eyes of my abuser.
"Yi'er?"
Her voice was steady, and I gulped as she continued to stare at me.
"Y-Yes..?"
My whisper was raspy, my throat parched.
Alternating her gaze between my eyes, she nodded to herself as she said "You were getting a little too close to forming a Heart Demon, little bunny. I could sense the darkness coiling around your heart even from deep inside my own cultivation..."
Still breathing raggedly, I tilted my head in confusion as I stared at her, not comprehending what she was saying.
"Heart Demon? W-Weren't they j-just a myth?"
Snorting, Gao Chen got to her feet before grabbing my hand and pulling me up.
"No, little bunny. They are very real, but very rare. Only someone with a dark mind can form such creatures... Usually, mass murderers or sadistic torturers form them, and even then, only the most twisted..."
Leaning down, she stared deep into my eyes, muttering "So why..?"
Her piercing orange gaze made me freeze.
I really was just a 'little bunny' in front of this woman; her raw strenght was petrifying, and even with no true ill will towards me I froze, completely scared of her.
Stroking her chin, Gao Chen stood back up to her full height, her eyes still fixed to mine.
"Interesting. I'll need to look a little deeper into this, but..."
Reaching up, she cupped my cheek again, her touch soft and warm; I almost found myself nuzzling into it.
This was the warmth that I craved so desperately, but the one providing it...
Gulping, I bit my cheek as Gao Chen pressed her lips against mine, her kiss gentle.
Pulling away, she stroked my cheek one more time before turning, her gray streaked hair shimmering in the fleeting light of dusk.
"Come on, little bunny. Dinner should be ready soon."
Striding away, she didn't wait to see if I was following.
Watching her broad back slowly grow smaller as she made her way to the door, I grit my teeth before rushing forwards, swiftly taking my place behind her.
I hated her.
I did, but...
I hated being alone more, and for the moment, even if it meant suffering more abuse by her hand, I wanted to have someone near me.
To know that I wasn't alone.
Staring at the floor in front of me, my eyes lingered on my stomach, and I raised my hand to tentatively feel my belly.
Maybe I would get the warmth and love I so desperately craved from this little one growing inside of me?
If I cultivated more, grew stronger, would I be able to watch as this child of mine took their first steps?
Spoke their first word?
Started to run, to laugh, to play?
Learned to read, to write, to talk?
Watch as they took their first steps as a Cultivator?
Swung a sword for the first time?
Maybe not a blade, but a hammer, as they forged something new?
Or a mortar and pestle, as they ground an herb to be added into their newest concoction?
Would I be able to oversee all those things?
Turning my eyes back up, I stared hard at Gao Chen's back, making a resolution.
For the first time in my life, I made a true oath; something that I resolved myself to do, even if it killed me.
I WAS going to witness those moments, no matter what.
No one would come between me and my child.
Not.
A.
Single.
Soul.