Dennis…
The following day, my phone was flooded with text messages from Kulit. It was too many I couldn’t tell if it still random text messages or texts specifically for me. Although there were some that I could identify as for me exactly like, “how are you?”, “Why haven’t you been replying my texts?”, and “are you upset with me?”
I couldn’t find any reason why I should reply to him. He has done nothing wrong to me. Based on our texts last night, I think he was not the guy I had s*x with last summer in Eurotel. And it seemed like he didn’t recognize me at all too.
I know Kulit is a good guy, compared to most guys I met online. In fact, there is nothing wrong with him. Except for one minor thing, he is younger than me. A kid as what I am calling him to Sam. And I have one strict rule on hooking up with someone, NO STUDENTS.
For several days that I was ignoring his texts, it’s frequency were lessen. Also, we were getting busy for the upcoming Acquaintance Party. Sam’s section was practicing almost every day. We were never together on dismissal for days now because they were finishing late. Even during snack hours and dinner, he’s with his students.
Everyone is very busy even the semester had just started.
Jefferson…
The happiest night I ever had since summer was when this unknown number texted me. Because for the first time, someone made a real conversation with me. Even just through text. After thousands of text messages that I had sent, no one made a sincere reply.
I texted the unknown number several times since that night. In my excitement to keep our conversation going, I didn’t remember asking what his name was. All I knew is that he is an accountant.
In fact, the moment I read the word “accountant”, something popped out of my mind. I was trying my best to remember where did I encountered the name. But the thought immediately got lost when the unknown number texted again. I was very happy texting with him. It was funny because I barely know the person I was texting with but I felt very comfortable with him.
I had a feeling that he is unlike most of the person who are rude, ill-mannered and non-sense talking in text. I know this person is different.
After that night, I kept on sending him text messages. Aside from my usual messages, I added some text that are more sincere and personal like “what are you okay? You can talk to me.”. But after the many texts I sent, I barely get any reply from him. I was starting to feel that he might end up like them who ignored me and left alone. I was starting to feel happy again because of that night. But like most nights that comes and goes, maybe I was just expecting for something that is most certainly unreal.
As I was browsing through my inbox and hoping that the unknown number might text me again, one of my classmates made an abrupt greeting on my side. I was a bit surprised with his presence.
“Sorry. Did I startle you?”, he apologized.
“No. Not really.”, I answered while shaking my head. After the embarrassing incident during of Mr. Toledo’s class, no one dared to talk to me. The entire class avoided me; on the corridor, in the men’s room, and even in the cafeteria. No one wanted to be seen with me. This is the first.
“I’m sorry for interrupting you. I am Howard. You’re Ledesma right?”, he smiled introducing himself to me while extending his hands for a handshake.
“You can call me Jefferson.”, I said as I reached for his hands.
There was a moment of silence between us after the handshake. That was the first time I had a talk with someone in this room. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to keep the conversation from going. I buried myself with my phone to avoid this moment but sadly, I think my text mates didn’t even want to talk to me.
“Do you already have assignment for later?”, Howard asked.
I looked at him. Surprised. I never missed any assignment. I scrutinize my notes when I get inside my room. I never sleep with any work remain undone.
“Do we have an assignment?”, I replied with great surprise in my face. Suddenly, Howards smiled at me.
“I was just kidding. You are so serious.”, I great deal of relief washed over me. “You are not speaking with anybody. Even with me. We were seatmates since day one but you haven’t even utter a single word with me.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say.”, I replied shy at Howard.
“That is okay. I am here to talk about anything for you.”, Howard said cheerily.
I stared at him as he laughed at his slightly silly and shallow joke. He is tan and not so good looking guy but he is charming. He is like “Khalel Ramos”, a Filipino actor I know. He is slender and quite taller compared to me. Howard stopped laughing when he noticed that I was staring at him.
“What? Do I have something on my face?”, he inquired.
“No, there’s nothing.”, I immediately replied.
“Jefferson, is it okay if I come with you to lunch later? Or break time? Or dismissal? Do you have somebody with you when you are going home?”, he asked continuously. I tried to reply to any of his question but he immediate asked another just before I open my mouth. “I am sorry. Am I too fast?”,
“Just a little… I don’t have anybody during all of those times. I eat alone. I go home alone.”, I replied to him with a slight pinch in my heart as I stated the usual.
“So, is it fine if I come with you?”, Howard asked on a silly smile.
“I think it’s fine with me. How about you?”, I returned the question.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m the creepy guy in class. Is it okay with you to be seen by them hanging out with me? “, I asked him while pointing out to our classmates who were suddenly staring at us as we speak.
“Don’t be silly. I don’t care about them. What I care about is if you want me to be with you to lunch.”, he said indignantly. “So, we will eat together at lunch later okay?”
I didn’t say anything anymore to him and just nod my head. It was the first time since I got here that someone talked to me. It felt so great. It’s very different compared to text mates.
The first invitation of Howard to go with me for lunch were continued with several more invitations. He came with me when buying my favorite “choco-choco” in the cafeteria.
“Is there something wrong?”, I asked him one time when we were taking a snack in one of the kiosks. He was silent and fidgety.
“No. nothing is wrong. Why did you say that?”, he replied defensively.
“You look pale and your sweating.”, I noticed. “Really, what is wrong?”
“It’s the choco-choco.”, he said hesitantly.
“What’s with the choco-choco?”,
“Every time I drink this, my stomach got upset.”, Howard said while trying to control himself. I forced myself to hide a laugh on his reaction.
“Don’t say anything, I am warning you. And stop laughing”, he commanded me over such uncomfortable situation.
“I am not laughing”, I denied even if it’s very obvious.
“Yes you are!”, Howard exclaimed.
I burst out into laugher. I didn’t hold myself anymore. “Come. Let’s go to the men’s room. Let’s get that over with.”, I said. Trying to sound more casually like nothing is happening.
“I don’t want to. I’m shy. What if someone enter.”, he rejected.
“I will stand outside and watch. Because I’m your friend and I feel like this was my fault.”, I insisted while pulling him by the arm to walk. Good thing, Howard didn’t resist anymore and just followed me to the nearest men’s room.
Every time I was with Howard, I felt like a new chapter was opening in my life at the University. Before, I was very hard to carry myself to come to school. I was unmotivated and I was just waiting for the instructor to finish teaching, I would hurriedly escape to my hideout by the Acacia tree. But now it’s different.
Howard never ran out of stories to tell during our free period. I even managed to share my own stories with him openly. Every morning, I would see him in one of the kiosks outside the University gate waiting for me.
“What are you still doing here? We would be late. ”, I told him one morning after dad dropped me off to school.
“Good morning to you too.”, he replied to me sarcastically.
“Haha. I’m sorry. Good morning Howard.”, I greeted him back while patting him on the shoulder. “Again, why are you still outside?”,
“I am waiting for you. Isn’t it obvious?”, he said. Sulking.
“It’s too early for drama Howard. Let’s go and get inside.”, I told him and grabbed him by the arm. Howard returned my gesture with a smile.
One time, we were chilling on the corridor just outside our classroom when all of a sudden Howard made a loud laugh about something that I said. It was so loud that it caught attention from the surrounding students. Even Mr. Toledo who happened to be leaving his classroom starred at us piercingly. I poked Howard on the side to gesture him that Mr. Toledo was walking towards us.
“Ehem…Ledesma… Locsin… seems like you two are having fun.”, he said to us menacingly.
“I am sorry sir. It won’t happen again.”, said Howard. Mr. Toledo gave us one more stabbing stare. “Your classmates are very busy helping the class for your presentation on the Acquaintance Party. I hope you are doing your share too.”
“Ah…sir”, Howard looked at me like he was begging for help.
“Yes we are sir!”, I intervened. “We are just resting for while sir but we will catch up to them.”
“Is that so? If you really are then perhaps you can tell me where they are practicing right now.”, Mr. Toledo asked.
“In the gym sir!”, Howard exclaimed with such certainty.
“Isn’t it occupied by HUMSS class as of this moment? The class of Mr. Beranda?”, Mr. Toledo said looking at us more suspiciously.
“Ah, actually they’re in quadrangle sir. I remember Valdez changing the venue just now.”, Howard took another shot.
“At the quad? The ROTC was there. They’re practicing their exhibition for the party also.”, Another kill from Mr. Toledo. Howard was about to make one more excuse when he was stopped by already. “Don’t shame yourself anymore Mr. Locsin. We don’t have practice today. Mr. Valdez is still arranging the schedule with the homeowners for our usage of their covered court.”, Mr. Toleda said flatly.
“Is that so?”, Howard uttered shamefully. I stopped myself for laughing.
“I am hoping that when Valdez comes back, you will join the rest of your class to practice.”, He said in a crabby voice. “And not here laughing your hearts out like no one is around.”
“Yes Mr. Toledo.”, we both said in unison.
Just after Mr. Toledo took a turn on the next classroom, I exploded in laughter. I didn’t control myself. Howard was looking at me on flat face. I was not sure if he is upset with me or he was just really embarrassed of what had happened.
He gave me bad look and hastily pulled his bag on the floor. Howard walked out on me.
“Hey, come on. I was just kidding. Don’t get mad at me.”, I called out to him as I was picking up things. Howard did not look back. He kept on strolling away from me. I hang my bag on the shoulder and ran after him.
“Howard I am sorry. Okay. Please don’t get mad at me.”, I called out to him while trying to catch up with his brisk walking. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. It was just funny.”. I kept apologizing to him as he continued to walk away. He never looked back at me. He was ignoring me. Perhaps, he really got embarrassed so badly at what happened.
I stopped following him and apologized for the last time. I told him my sorry and stood still. I might have hurt him for laughing.
Above anyone else, I should be the one who understands what it feels like to be laughed at. I was laughed at and it hurts. I should know how he felt. I shouldn’t act the way I did. I felt bad and I couldn’t blame him for getting mad at me.
I felt my eyes burning. I was about to get in tears. I was afraid that Howard might not come back and leave me. I will be alone again. After several weeks, someone had finally make friends with me and this is what I did.
I pulled a hanky on my pocket and turned around. I didn’t him to see my cry. It was embarrassing. I was wiping my eyes when Howard spoke from behind.
“I was not upset with you.”, He said in a warm and mellow voice.
“I’m sorry.”, I said in tears.
“You don’t have to say sorry. I cannot be mad at you. especially now that I found you.”