Time is a curious thing. It stumbles and drags when you are wishing the days away. It flies in flash when you want to savour every last second. For me, it often stood still as though every piece of my world is hung up by invisible strings suspended and unmoving. Since coming to this town, I've been balancing between the highs of wanting to build and enjoy a new form of life, and the lows of wanting it all to come to an end.
I suppose even now I am still lost somewhere between those contradicting desires. It's been a few days since my feud with my best friend -if it could even be called that- and she was refusing to talk, which I couldn't necessarily blame her for. But it still stung to not be able to talk to the one person who'd been so close to me for many years. It's strange to feel like I have no one to turn to again. It takes me back in time to when I'd just moved here, or to three years ago.
"No coffee for me today?" Dominic scooted over so I could take my customary bus seat beside him. I sighed in frustration at myself for forgetting to get him a drink.
"Hey, I'm joking. What's with that look?" He nudged my arm, probably noting the frustration on my face. I whispered an apology and fished out my phone as it pinged.
Be at dinner tonight. 8pm sharp.
-Evil Sister
I rolled my eyes and put the phone away. So much for wanting to have a peaceful day for once. Dom had about three giant paper bags sitting in front of our feet. I turned a questioning gaze at him. He didn't look one bit embarassed as he dove into an extensive explanation about all the items he managed to get at the store for Primrose's birthday from balloons, decorative banners, to candles and paper plates. We agreed that he would be in charge of the planning while I take care of the baking. That was about the only thing I knew to do right, and Dominic was a star at all things organisation and leadership, so between the two of us it worked out just fine.
"You seem more excited about this than Prim would probably be." I commented, amused by his child-like joy.
"It's a big deal to turn seventeen, okay?" He said seriously then trailed off for a bit, his cheeks gaining some color. "It was the first birthday I ever fully celebrated. My mom went all out when she could finally afford to throw me a birthday party. I just thought Prim would like it, since she's locked up in that place four days a week-"
"You're too good for this world." I thought out loud, then shook my head and plastered on a smile. "I'm sure Prim will love it, yeah?"
He mumbled an 'I hope so', still flushed, and turned his head to watch the trees whizz by outside the window.
It wasn't everyday that Dominic Hughes opened up about his personal life or upbringing. Knowing him for two years and counting, I've only had bits and pieces about his childhood and family struggles. Only enough to know that his dad was out of the picture. His mother is a hardworking, loving woman who had provided for him his entire life. Dominic turned out to be one of the greatest guys that I ever met. One can't really question his motives and heart. I often wonder if he ever feels a lot of the ugly and vile things us mere mortals feel. I shook my head of the silly thought. He probably did, but he's too private and nice to divulge much about it.
Prim's birthday rolled around with the end of the summer season, and we agreed to make sure she has a good time. The clinic was buzzing with motion. It seems busier than usual as I saw many faces I don't recognize, possibly because I never work here pn this particular day, or that they're not stay-in patients. Eitherway, the dull pale-pink hallways were packed and a certain hesistantly-jolly atmosphere envelopped the place. Dom dragged me to the back gardens far from the dorms where Prim is staying so we can arrange the little picnic birthday. The sun was high up in the centre of the sky, but a chilly breeze was blowing gently through the leaves and bushes. The weather couldn't be more perfect if one planned it, which, speaking of, I gave Dom a suspicious glance. This guy was too good at these things. Had I planned it, an unforcasted storm would have likely struck out of spite.
Luck clearly has favourites.
Some of the regular kids and visiting adults joined in as time went on to help with the setup and attend the little celebration, but Dom made sure it all stayed under wraps- at least until we had to get Prim on location. His mood was infectious and it felt like a lot of his excitement and joy seeped right into the people around him and lightened the usually dim and foreboding aura tenfold. I was setting up the food table with the strawberry shortcake I baked, cinnamon rolls, and other little snacks I prepared the previous night.
"Do you want me to go grab Prim?" I pulled Dominic aside after fidgeting awkwardly while a couple pretty girls engaged him in conversation.
"Yeah, just send me a text a couple minutes before you arrive so I can alert everyone alright?" He pat my head like a kid and sent me off with a satisfied grin. Sometimes he's more of a child himself than an adult, and as much as it annoyed me, I wouldn't have it any other way.
The clinic building stretched over an impressive piece of land, to the point where I don't think I have even seen half of it in full. I could barely memorize my way around the department where I worked to where Dominic's did, and even then I couldn't promise not to get lost here and there. It was a ten minute walk to the dorms and I hoped Primrose would be either in her room or hanging out in the backyard. I would have to pass through the gardens before accessing the building anyway.
The wooden benches surrounding the little fountain were coated in dust and fallen leaves. Squirrels were playing around the shaded grassy patches, and the french-style fountain surrounded by white and red rose bushes did a terrible job at hiding a teenage couple making out in the back. I figured Prim wasn't around this area so my feet carried me towards the dorms instead. The closer I got, the clearer the voices drifted to my ear. One of which I recognized as Primrose's, except it was high and shaky- furious. Concern rose in my chest as I treaded quicker towards the source.
"I don't care!" She was screaming. "Don't give me your reasons and excuses. Just leave me alone."
A masculine voice had answered in a much calmer, almost defeated manner, but it wasn't loud enough for me to decipher what it was saying back.
"No, I'm not." Prim, with a tear-streaked face and a heartbreaking expression of sadness in her eyes was the sight I was met with just as I arrived at the scene. "You don't realize I'm not that girl anymore. Nothing's ever going to be alright!"
Before I could approach her or make a sound she ran away towards her room. The man cursed under his breath and right then I got a clearer view of his face. I froze for a couple seconds realizing it was the asshole that had bumped into me, the same guy I saw with Madeline at the café. He had taken off after Prim and, despite my confusion, anger registered at the fact that he had upset Prim and made her sad. My feet followed them both. I can't and won't let him get away so easily with his insolence.
Adam, as Dominic had once called him, was pounding on Prim's door repeatedly. I almost believed the broken look of remorse on his face... almost. I pushed him back from the door and inserted myself in between. Taken aback would fail to describe him when he collected himself and took note of my presence.
"What do you think you're doing?" I spat lowly, hoping to de-escalate the commotion to not further spook Prim and not drag any attention to the situation. "Have you lost your mind? This is a clinic! And you're harassing a patient- a teenager nonetheless."
His jaw clenched impossibly and he gritted his teeth with every word that left my mouth. Safe to say he was reciprocating my dagger-shooting glares with the same, if not more, intent to kill. He straightened his posture and glued his fists right to his sides. "This is none of your business. Stay the fuck out of it!"
"Like hell I would!" I snarled right back. "You're going to leave this instant, or I'm calling security to throw you out."
"You're really a nuisance, you know that?" He took a menacing step forward, but I couldn't give him the satisfaction of backing away. He'd be wrong to think that he would easily intimidate me. "Why do you have to insert yourself in my business all the time?"
I was moderately confused since I'd barely seen the guy twice in the past couple of weeks for the first time, yet I am somehow already having a full-blown argument with him and I wasn't planning on backing down. I opened my mouth to retort and was cut-off by the sound of sniffling and muffled sobs from behind the door. My answer crumbled, knowing Prim was crying behind the closed door. It only served to fuel my anger further toward this guy. His expression was hard, but it held a palpable amount of melancholy. It was a look I recongized all too well. Still, I pushed him back again to create as much distance between him and Prim as possible. "Just go, can't you see how much you've already upset her? Is that not enough for you?"
His face was suddenly a mere inch from mine, and I could feel the venom when he gritted the words. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"What is going on here?" I heard Dominic's voice, each of his hands went on mine and Adam's shoulders to pry us far away from each other. The hostility must not have been lost on Dom, because he looked both concerned and confused as he stared between us. "What's with you two, seriously?"
"You should ask him." I backed away from his hold at the same time the other guy did. I pointed at him, then to Prim's door. "Ask him why the hell he's bullying a sixteen year old into tears, that on her birthday as well!"
Dom's brow was creased, but his expression softened in sympathy as he looked at Adam.
Sympathy? He better start explaining because I'm on the verge of smacking some sense into him.
"Lily." Dom sighed, scratching the back of his head. "Calm down, please? This is just a big misunderstanding."
"God, would you just take her away?" The guy spat. "I'm sick of dealing with her already."
"I'm sick of dealing with your shit. Who the hell do you think you are?" I brushed my hair back and threw my hands up in frustration.
"Lily, Adam! Both of you back off. What the fuck?" Dom stepped in again, irritated. "Could you shut up and act like the adults you are for just five minutes?"
We both glared at him but kept our mouths shut nonetheless. Probably because we were drawing unnecessary attention with the annoyed and curious stares we got from the occasional passersby.
Dominic sighed then pointed back to the dark-haired guy behind him. "Adam is Prim's brother."
"I'm sorry, what?" I spluttered in total shock. The expression on Dom's face was serious letting me know he wasn't exactly joking, not that I believed this situation required jokes. Apparently my brain still hasn't processed the new piece of information. It just seemed impossible that this dark, gloomy, angry guy could be even remotely related to sweet little Prim.
"I don't know what's up with you two but could you, for one moment, stop being at each other's throats?" Dom reasoned resignedly, his eyes shifting to Prim's dorm room. Faint muffled sobs could still be heard and it instantly made my anger and confusion fizzle out, leaving me with nothing but concern and sympathy.
"I need to talk to her." Adam adressed Dominic like he was asking for permission, but even when I hated his guts I couldn't exactly deny the guilty look in his eyes.
Dom put his hand to the guy's shoulder once again, giving him a stern look. They seemed to communicate silently and there was no room for me in that conversation. Dom then gave me a pleading look. "Can you check on her for a bit, Lils?"
"Yeah... of course." I said hesitantly, sensing the sudden change in atmosphere, a tension that was much more obvious in Adam's stance. Nonetheless I gently knocked on Prim's door, determined to keep my questions and thoughts to myself. What mattered now was to talk to her and comfort her however I can. I saw the guys out of the corner of my eyes shuffle out of the corridor and out to who knows where, then I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.
"Prim? It's just me, Lily. Can you open the door?" I asked slowly, to not startle her. I heard sniffling and then she went silent for a few seconds in which my panic rose. "Primrose, please let me in."
After an excruciating minute of heavy silence, I could finally hear shuffling feet coming closer and the door lock clicking open. Through the little crack I saw a red, blotchy-faced Prim with tearstains still fresh on her cheeks and her lips pressed tightly shut. It wasn't a pretty sight and it broke my heart because as much as I hated crying in general, I hated seeing her crying even more. It only renewed my anger towards her so-called brother whom she never mentioned before, but I made sure to lock those ugly feelings until later.
"Oh sweetie." I wrapped my arms around her as she let go of the door and clung to me tightly, her shoulders shaking with a new dose of fresh tears. I pat her back and hair and made sure to inch us inside and close the door behind. I could tell she needed a good cry, and there was nothing I could offer better than just staying with her and making sure she knows that she isn't completely alone.
She was already very brave and strong to let me in and consider talking instead of shutting herself away or worse. Prim had made a lot of progress since she arrived at this clinic and I was so proud of her. I couldn't understand what it was like to deal with trauma and depression at such a young age, but everytime I met Prim I was left in awe of her spirit and gained a lot more sympathy for the kids staying here. They were all fighting every day some battle no one was aware of. Whether they were here of their own volition or not, they were all warriors through and through.
"Do you want to talk to me about it?" I asked her quietly, running my fingers through her hair in what I hoped would be a soothing gesture. We sat on her bed, and I had a perfect view of the garden outside with the happy chirping birds and the blue skies that held no trace of clouds.
She took a deep breath and slowly backed out from my hold, wiping at her face and sniffling. I waited patiently and handed her the tissue box beside her bed. She thanked me and looked nervously around, just like a confused and hurt child. I smiled teasingly and wiped her nose for her. "What's the matter snotty princess?"
She gave me the stink eye then blushed furiously. "I'm an ugly crier, okay?"
"Sure you are." I chuckled then ruffled her hair.
"Aren't you supposed to say something like 'Nooo, you're so pretty even your crying face looks like art' or something?" She pouted and grabbed another tissue to wipe her nose and settle comfortably on the duvet.
I raised an amused brow and internally sighed in relief. At least she was smiling and joking. "So?"
"So what?" She fidgeted with her fingers.
"You have a brother I've never heard you mention before." I chose to be straightforward. "He shows up out of the blue, and suddenly you're a crying mess. Is that not cause for concern?"
"Lily." She whined tiredly then flopped backwards onto her matress. I let her collect her thoughts, not like I could force her to talk about anything if she didn't want to. She looked at me hesitantly. "Are you gonna go on about how I'm such a dramatic teenager having a fit and being disrespectful to her older brother?"
Her question was not only outrageous, but so unexpected that I laughed aloud. "Honey, if that guy's attitude is what you've been dealing with all along, I'd be glad to march right out and kick him in the nuts." I cleared my throat and added. "No offense."
She burst into giggles that made her eyes water all over again, but it was nice to see her gain back some of her liveliness. "Oh my god that would be so funny!"
Prim sat up again and collected herself. "He's not half bad I guess. I just... I don't want to talk to him."
I waited for her to explain further even though she seemed to want to end it at that. Eventually, she caught onto my silent questions and looked down at her hands in her lap. "We used to be close. Not anymore though. I haven't seen him in a couple of years, and I'd rather it remain that way."
"Okay." I sighed, and decided not to question it anymore. "Come on, I know just the thing to cheer you up."
"Icecream?" She looked at me confusedly for a second, but followed me out regardless. I sneakily texted Dom that we were heading to the picnic location. Hopefully this will manage to uplift her spirit and make her day all in one.
"Didn't you just binge watch your korean dramas and eat a whole pint of icecream just yesterday?"
"That doesn't count." She retorted indignantly. "Icecream is always a good idea."
"Yeah, with the rate at which you consume it, it's definitely a good idea for diabetes and heart attacks." I gave her a stern look. The girl could eat double her weight in icecream in a day and probably still crave more.
"Sue me!" She threw her hands up and poked her tongue at me. It brought a smile to my face. We continued bickering till we crossed the threshold to the little hidden patch where Dominic and a whole bunch of people jumped out in unison screaming "Happy Birthday Primrose!" and "Surprise!" in our faces.
"Oh my god!!" A shocked Prim by my side suddenly broke into the biggest smile I've ever seen and squealed loudly in excitment. "You guys! What the heck?!"
"Happy birthday kiddo." I ruffled her hair she'd spent the whole way over here brushing. She threw her arms around my neck in a choking hug as she screamed a string of thanks in my ear.
Dominic thankfully pulled her off me and gave her a big hug. I pointed at him. "You should thank him really, he planned the whole thing."
"Did you?" She exclaimed excitedly. "Oh my god you are the best! Thank you!"
Dominic laughed at her enthusiasm despite him being just as buzzed if not more. He directed her towards everyone else who waited to wish her happy birthday and talk to her, leaving the two of us to the side for an isolated moment. I gave him a questioning look. He sighed and ran his fingers back through his hair. "Right, you have questions."
"You think?"
"Prim didn't tell you anything?" He asked hesitantly, looking to where she was chatting with a couple of her friends from the clinic.
"Other than the fact that he is apparently her brother whom she'd rather not talk to? Not much really." I shrugged.
"Well." He sighed deeply. "I don't know if I can tell you much either. I mean, It's not my story to tell afterall."
"Okay, I can respect that." I looked away to the mingling crowd. There is no use in me poking my nose into someone else's drama. It just felt weird to be put in a situation where I want to help Prim but I don't have enough information to come up with an effective method.
"I didn't realize. It wasn't really my intention to hide the fact that Adam is Primrose's big brother. I guess I just didn't think of mentioning it when we bumped into him before." I can tell he feels guilty for not being able to tell me about the two of them.
"Dom, relax." I squeezed his shoulder lightly. "It's not a big deal. I just wanted to know if I should be wary of him since, you know, he got such a reaction from Prim. She was crying her heart out earlier." I was already highly wary and skeptical of the guy before and this situation only solidified my far-from-favorable opinion of him.
Dom shook his head. "Lilianne, no. Honestly, Adam's a good guy. It's just... shit happened that made him the way he is, yeah? We all have our issues. His are just a bit more complicated than usual."
"Are the two of you friends?" I asked curiously. He spoke respectfully of the guy so it wasn't a reach.
"I wouldn't call us friends exactly, but he did me a couple favours whenever I needed it and I'm indebted to him in a way, despite him never asking for any form of payback."
Their history had too many layers that I didn't know I wanted to unveil. I had enough on my plate, and I suppose the wiser decision would be to just drop the subject and forget the questions my curiosity demanded be answered.
So I did just that. For now.