I spent the next few days fumbling with my tasks and trying my hardest to keep up with the expectations of cooking, cleaning and gardening I was expected to do. On those first days, I couldn't finish all my tasks and struggled to climb the stairs each night to reach my bed. I felt disappointed in myself that I left things not done each day but as I slowly progressed and built my own stamina, I noticed I was finishing tasks after a week or so living here, and my exhaustion left after another week. My time was never spent really enjoying myself, but I found the tasks to be agreeable, as long as I wasn't on my hands and knees scrubbing the floors. There were moments where I missed being able to control my own actions or work at my own pace, and I missed my own recreational time of reading or visiting Clara and Abigail, but I always felt grateful knowing by this time I would have been wed and miserable if I stayed in Cromerth. I may have been lonely here but would have been more so if I stayed.
I kept trying to be kind and have small chats with the other servants in the household. Mr. Hugh never stayed long enough with us to talk, only to give orders and return to his lordships tasks, whatever those were. Emily seemed to have already decided to ignore or hate me. She seemed to always bark orders at me or tell me I was doing something wrong more times than noticing I did something right. She was kind to Gavan and Mr. Hugh but never with me. I understood where she was coming from and only hoped she would build some sort of compassion for me.
Gavan was the only one to show any niceties towards me and I was so grateful for his smiles and laughs when we talked, which was not often. He told me he takes care of the livestock, the trees, the hunting and would often have to cut trees as his daily chores. He clued me in that if I offered my fruit in the fall to Emily or if I acted serious about my job in front of Mr. Hugh, I would win over their favor soon and maybe even become friends with him. I enjoyed our quick few minutes of chatting by our bedroom doors, and always felt encouraged or even a small bit of acceptance when he revealed these tidbits to me. I enjoyed his small chats, but realized I didn't know much about him, then again, he didn't know much about me either.
As for his lordship, I never saw him. I would go into his rooms and light his fires, but he was never around. Emily delivered his breakfast tray, though I made it, and I was often very pleased to see that he would normally eat most of what landed on his plate. I took it as a sign that I was probably going to stay, and tried not to dwell that I was on my trial run.
********************
One morning, I rose early due to a bad dream that I was being carted away to become a beggar in a new town. I was having the moral dilemma of if I should stay in bed for the next hour, or start my chores early and maybe have a chance to move slower that day. The pitch black room scared me, so I decided to rise and hopefully get to enjoy the estate without others giving me orders or giving me their stern looks. I dressed quickly and threw back my hair, planning to finish my morning ritual when there was more light to draw from. I quietly snuck out of my room to reach the dried wood to start the fires. I knew it was a risk getting the fires started so early, but I also wanted to snoop in his lordships rooms, and hoped to find some beautiful pieces I didn't have a moment to look at more closely.
I did my rounds, grabbed the firewood, placed them in the fireplace, started a flame, made sure it caught and then went back to do it over again. When I finished starting fires in every room, I quickly hurried to his lordships rooms and started the fire. Watching as it grew in the fireplace, I warmed my hands, though I knew it was going to be a warm day, since I was already sweating from the weight of the wood. Building my confidence, I stepped away from the fire and walked towards his desk, and eyed the letters and books that decorated it. Feeling mischievous, I reached out to put a hand on the book, wondering what words it held, when I heard the creak of the door opening. To my shock, I leapt back in surprise and faced his lordship himself, who appeared just as shocked to have seen me.
Remembering my manners, I curtsied wobbly and rose to rush to the door. Instead of letting me pass, he extended his arm to block my exit. With dread, I knew he probably knew I was snooping.
"Come take a seat Lisbeth" he said with a gruff voice. I took a deep breath and followed directions, though I didn't look up at him.
"You are in here early. I expected my study to be vacant when I arrived. I am very surprised to see you up and about, though maybe more surprised to see you fondling my book." He held it up so I can see. "You can understand that you should not be touching my belongings, unless it is something I have given permission. Am I clear about this?"
Feeling a blush rise to my cheeks, I bowed my head deeper and whispered "Yes m'lord. It won't happen again."
I heard him rise from his seat. "Very good. You may go."
"Sir?" I stood as well but took a deep breath to face him. He stared at me with interest and motioned for me to continue. "I am sorry about this. I just, I saw a book and been missing the opportunity to read. I guess, I got a little curious. I promise, I am grateful to be here and will happily do whatever I can to make up for it."
Not letting down my guard, I looked at his beautiful features and tried to read his thoughts. Letting a small moment of silence pass, he flicked his hand and motioned me to leave. Hurt by the rejection, I walked towards the door, to see Mr. Hugh eyeing me with interest. Motioning me to be quiet, I walked out, only to have him grab my wrist and lead me down into one of the rooms which was closed off. Closing the door behind me, he faced me with an apologetic look on his face.
"What happened in there" he whispered, putting both of his hands on my shoulders.
"I was starting his lordships fire. I saw a book on his desk, and wanted to look at it. I am sorry for overstepping."
"Did you mention you could read to him?"
Startled by the question and the serious look in his eyes, I coughed and then said "I didn't say I am able to but that I missed reading."
He moaned and took his hands off, making me more nervous than I was.
"Shouldn't I have said that I can't read? I thought Matthew mentioned that he wanted a girl to read."
Mr. Hugh moaned again and leaned himself against the door. "Matthew should have stayed out of it. His lordship only wanted a girl who can clean, not one that has had any schooling-"
"It said to run an estate" I snapped, wishing I had my letter with me. "Usually that means someone that is good with numbers and letters."
Mr. Hugh laughed and faced me with kind eyes. "No, my girl, he means run a household by means of cleaning, not his job. I feel awful now. When Matthew returns, you should go back where you came from. This is not a good fit for a girl like you."
Anger swam in my chest as I bellowed out "Why not!"
Shaking his thinning blonde head, he started heading to the door. "His lordship has an interest in the art of discussion, the beauty of scholarly things, interests that a lord has. Based on our unfortunate circumstances that we cannot leave, he craves to talk to others on these things. Even with your ranking, he will ignore the fact that you are only here to clean and will try to make a pet out of you. Before Meredith, he had a girl, Natalie, who also could read. She couldn't maintain his expectations with being his maid, and being his person to fill his loneliness. He kicked her to the curb. Matthew claims that no one will take her in and she sells herself on the street to make ends meet. You seem too sweet of a girl to fall into a trap like that."
My stomach turned as I realized the danger of the situation. "What should I do then?"
He shrugged and opened the door. "Continue to do your duties. I suggest leaving as soon as you are able, before he has the chance to kick you out. Your home is probably better than becoming Natalie." With a bow from his head, he turned away, back to his lordship.
Going the opposite way, I pondered his words. Sure, the lordship knew I desired to read, to learn, but he also appeared to hate me. I assumed he didn't pay attention to my declaration and just wanted me out of his study. Sighing, I went straight to making breakfast and soon forgot the morning disaster until I saw Gavan in the garden.
Watering the sprouting vegetables, Gavan walked over, carrying a scythe with both his hands.
"Didn't see you when I arose this morning" he welcomed as he laid down the scythe and came over to grab the bucket from me.
I wiped the sweat off my brow and was silently thanking him for helping me, my early wake-up call was catching up to me. "I rose quickly. Decided to do my chores early." I said as I followed him through the rows in the garden.
"Doesn't look like you got too far ahead"
"No" I laughed trying to grab the bucket from him, feeling guilty. "I met up with his lordship, then Mr. Hugh and I talked for the first time since I moved here! It was a busy morning"
Gavan pulled the bucket out of my reach and continued watering the crops. "Why I never! About time everyone warmed up to you, though I think we are all glad you are here." He smiled back at me and I felt the tension from this morning rise back up.
"Actually, Mr. Hugh told me I should leave, first chance I have. Apparently, his lordship wasn't supposed to know I could read, and I could be getting myself in big trouble because he wants someone to talk about books with him or something."
Gavan stopped watering plants and looked back at me, for once, no smile was on his cheerful face. "You-you can read?"
I nodded as I reached for the bucket, which was not a struggle to take from his hands. "I hear that is a problem here."
Gavan bit his lip, then turned to step out of the garden. "I never knew her, but Natalie, two girls before you, became a fascination with him and now she is not a 'good girl' if you get my drift. I am sure Mr. Hugh is afraid the same will happen to you."
I followed Gavan out of the garden and patted his arm, something I would never do with a man at home, but it felt right with the one friend I made. "I am not too worried about it Gavan, he hates me and was even mean to me this morning. I think we have nothing to worry about.
The worry still hung in his eyebrows but he smiled and said "you're right, you never know" and grabbed his scythe and headed back to the barn.
The day went smoothly, except for the looks from the other staff, eyeing me like I had warts all over my face. I honestly thought about my conversation and believed what I told Gavan, knowing his lordship did not really care for me and that no amount of knowledge could keep him interested in me.
As I climbed the stairs, planning on reassuring Gavan my thoughts on this morning, I saw him illuminated in his doorway, a frown on his face.
"Gavan" I whispered, as I walked up to him. "Where is the light coming from?"
Without a word, he pointed into my room, which was wide open, to find a candle stand with three candles brightening up my room and a book laid on my bed. Gulping I picked up the green volume and the note attached to it reading:
"Tell me what you think - Lord Duvan"