Determined to make amends, I stood up and declared, "I'll go talk to her. It's partly my fault, so I have to try to fix it."
Kira and Sam nodded in agreement, and I left the table, heading to her room.
As I walked out of the dining room, my mind was consumed with thoughts of how I was going to face her and what I could possibly say to make things right.
The guilt was almost palpable, weighing heavily on my shoulders. Despite my mistakes, I knew that I cared for her deeply and the thought of losing her was more than I could bear.
I slowly made my way to her door, my footsteps heavy and uncertain. The anticipation was almost too much to bear as I stood outside, trying to gather my thoughts and compose myself. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door.
"Go away Kira. I don't want to talk to anyone." The sound of her voice, laced with pain and sadness, sent a pang of guilt through my chest.
Ignoring her request, I opened the door and stepped inside. "I said..." She stopped mid-sentence as she turned and saw me standing there. "I want to be left alone," she said, her voice low and strained as she turned her face away from me.
I hesitated for a moment, unsure if I should stay or go. "Can I sit for a bit?" I asked, trying to gauge her reaction.
When she didn't respond, I took it as a sign to sit down on the edge of the bed.
The silence was deafening as I tried to find the right words. "Emmm.... about yesterday..." I started nervously, fumbling with my words.
"There's nothing to apologize about," she said, her voice cold and distant.
"But there is. You saw me with Lily, and I know that must have made you mad."
"Why would I be mad? After all, we aren't really dating. It's just some game. And you weren't really conscious anyway, so... no, I'm not mad."
I knew there was more to it than that, and I gently probed for the truth. "Mia, it's obvious you're still mad at me. If it's not the gym incident, then what is it?"
"For lying, okay?" She rose from the bed, her eyes flashing with anger. "For betraying my trust in you."
I was taken aback by her words, my mind racing as I tried to come up with a response. The air was thick with tension as she continued to speak, her voice laced with hurt and betrayal.
"I asked you the other day, your relationship with Lily. You were like.....'we used to be friends' and all that," Mia said, her voice laced with hurt and betrayal.
I was too stunned to say anything at first, my mind racing as I tried to make sense of everything she was saying. 'How could she possibly think that Lily and I were dating? I had been completely honest with her about our relationship,' or so I thought.
"But...." I tried to defend myself, but Mia wasn't finished.
"Hold on young man....lemme finish," she said, her voice shaking. I could tell that she was pouring her heart out, and I knew that I needed to let her finish.
"Guess what? I had a chat with Lily and would you like to know what she told me?" Mia continued.
My thoughts were moving in all directions, and I wasn't prepared for what she said next.
"That the two of you are dating...that you guys are just on a break or something..... that you will soon get tired of me and dump me and come back to her. I didn't want to believe her, but she showed me pictures, solid concrete evidence that you guys were dating and then seeing her on you at the gym," her voice began to break. "..was so heartbreaking." She managed to finish her sentence, tears streaming down her cheeks.
My heart broke at the sight of her crying. I had never wanted to make her cry, and the thought that I had caused her so much pain was unbearable.
"Mia?" I tried to start explaining myself.
She shook her head and held up two fingers to shush me.
"No. I don't want to hear anything from you. Not yet. I'm too upset to listen to you so just leave," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"But Mia, let me explain myself," I pleaded.
"If you aren't going, then I'll just leave you here," she said, standing up from the bed. I stood up as well, trying to hold onto her hands.
"Allow me to calm down. Please," she added, shaking off my grasp.
I had no choice but to watch her leave the room, heading towards Kira's room across the hall. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next.
I sat down on the floor, with my back against her bed, waiting for her to calm down and hoping that I would have the chance to explain myself.
As I ran my fingers through my dark, tangled hair, I tried to come up with a way to persuade her that I was being truthful.
I sat down on the floor, leaning my back against her soft, cream bedspread, feeling a swirl of emotions inside of me: sadness, confusion, frustration, and anger.
I had been alone for quite some time, but this girl had awoken something in me that I didn't think I was capable of feeling again. The thought of letting her go was unbearable.
Alone in her bedroom, I brought out my phone to keep myself occupied but I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. I met a text from my mom asking how my day was going.
One of the things she does when she less busy at work. I had called her early this morning at the hospital, so I just sent her a quick text telling her I was fine.
Then I dialed Sam's number. I knew that I needed his advice at the moment, and I hoped that he would be available to talk. The line connected, and I heard his familiar voice on the other end.
"Hey, Sam," I started, trying to sound as calm as possible.
"Hey mahn.... how're you doing?" he replied, his tone laced with concern.
"I don't know," I replied, feeling a lump form in my throat. "You're still here at Kira's?" I asked, hoping that he was still around.
"Nahhh.... " he replied, "I went over to Phoebe's place almost immediately you left. Figured you might need some time alone with her."
I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. I had hoped that Sam would be available to talk in person, but I knew that I couldn't expect him to always be there for me.
"And how's you and Mia?" he asked, and I could sense that he was picking up on my distress.
"Well...." I started, dragging out the word as I tried to find the right words. "She's still pretty angry. She wouldn't even talk to me," I said, my frustration growing with each word. "What am I supposed to do? Your little prank caused this, you know?"
"Well, you could have just declined. Which you didn't because you were interested too. I only gave you a little push," Sam replied, and I couldn't help but reason with him. He was right, I had been interested in the dare too, but now it seemed like it had backfired.
I sighed, feeling the weight of my confusion and uncertainty pressing down on me. "What do I do?" I asked myself, not realizing that I had spoken the question aloud until Sam replied.
"The only thing you can do is trust your guts, your instincts. What's your mind telling you?" he asked, and I had to stop and think for a moment.
"That's the thing. My mind is torn between making a decision," I replied, my voice filled with frustration.
"See, Ray. I know you. No girl has had an effect on you the way Mia does. I'll advise you go all in with her. Why don't you make this dare period a test period?"
"How?" I asked, not fully grasping the concept of what he was suggesting.
"Date Mia like you are in a real relationship. If all goes well, then fine. If it doesn't go well, then the dare will be over and you two will be back to just yourselves."
"You think that will work?" I asked, hopeful but still uncertain.
"We can't know unless you try. Now, if that's all, I need to get back to Phoebe. We were about going into some crazy shit when you called," Sam said, his voice filled with amusement.
"Alright, thanks a bunch Sam," I said before hanging up, feeling a sense of renewed determination.
As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but think about Sam's advice.
'Go all in.' I thought for a while about what he had said.
'If I go all in, is Mia ready to do the same?' I asked myself, feeling a knot of uncertainty form in my stomach.
Despite my turmoil, I eventually fell into a deep sleep, hoping that when I woke up, everything would be resolved.