LILY'S POV.
I dragged myself through the front door of my house, feeling exhausted and moody. It had been a long, tiring day at school and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget about everything.
As I made my way through the living room, I was greeted by my nanny, Mrs. Jenkins.
"Hello dear, how was your day?" she asked, concern etched on her face.
"It was okay," I mumbled, trying to brush past her.
"What's wrong?" Mrs. Jenkins asked, sensing that something was bothering me. "You seem upset."
"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I just had a long day, that's all."
"Well, why don't you go freshen up and I'll set your dinner on the table," Mrs. Jenkins said, giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze. "You'll feel better after you've eaten something."
I nodded and headed off to the bathroom to take a much-needed bath and change into some comfy clothes.
When I returned to the kitchen, I found that Mrs. Jenkins had set out a delicious-looking plate of my favorite pasta dish. The aroma of the steaming hot food should have made my mouth water, but my appetite was nowhere to be found.
I sat down at the table and tried to eat, but my mind was preoccupied with a million different thoughts and worries.
'Dad has been more busy these days.'
'I'm lonely.'
'Ray is still giving me the cold shoulders and then there's that new bitch who's getting all his attention.'
I picked at my food for a few minutes before giving up and pushing the plate away.
"Is everything alright, dear?" Mrs. Jenkins asked, her voice laced with concern as she noticed that I had barely touched my dinner.
The warm, savory smells of the roast beef and pasta wafted up from my plate, but my stomach was in knots and I couldn't bring myself to eat.
"I'm just not very hungry," I said, forcing a smile despite the heavy weight on my chest. "I think I'm just going to head to bed early tonight."
"Alright, well you let me know if you need anything," Mrs. Jenkins said as I stood up from the table and kissed her soft, wrinkled cheek.
I made my way to my room, a large, cozy space filled with all my favorite things. A plush purple rug stretched out across the floor, and my bookshelves were bursting with novels and trinkets from my travels.
I collapsed onto my soft, comfortable bed and grabbed my phone, scrolling aimlessly through my Instagram feed in an attempt to distract myself from the negative thoughts swirling through my head.
The gentle glow of the screen was the only light in the room, casting shadows on the ceiling as I tried to shake off the feeling of sadness that had settled over me.
As I scrolled through my Instagram feeds, taking in the number of likes and followers that each post had garnered, I couldn't help but sigh.
I used to think that gaining popularity on social media would bring me happiness. But even when I wasn't particularly popular, I still felt an emptiness inside of me.
Now that I had more likes and followers than ever before, that emptiness was still there, unchanged.
It was as if no matter how many people liked my photos or followed my account, I would never truly be satisfied. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something missing in my life, and that no amount of social media validation would fill that void.
Memories from my middle school days began to flood my mind, bringing with them a tidal wave of emotions.
I remembered how I used to be the least popular kid in my class, constantly bullied and humiliated by my peers.
There was a particular day, I was heading to my locker when I heard a group of girls snickering behind me. I turned around and saw them pointing and laughing at me, their eyes filled with cruel amusement.
"What's so funny?" I asked, feeling my cheeks burn with self-consciousness.
"Look at her clothes," one of the girls sneered, her voice dripping with disdain. "She's such a loser."
"Grandma Lilith" they called me and laughed.
I looked down at my outfit, feeling embarrassed. I had always been a little awkward and didn't have the same sense of style as the other kids.
I wore clothes that were a little too big for me, and my hair was always a mess. I knew I didn't fit in, and the constant teasing and ridicule from my peers only served to reinforce that fact.
The nickname also stuck and before you knew it, I hated that school with all my life.
I wanted a fresh start, a chance to reinvent myself and be someone new.
As soon as my dad got back from his trip then, I had gone straight to him and begged him to change my school.
"Please, Daddy," I pleaded. "I can't take it anymore. I want to go to a new school where no one knows me and I can start over."
My dad looked at me with a mixture of concern and hesitation. "I don't know, Lily," he said. "I don't like the idea of pulling you out of school in the middle of the year. It's not good for your education."
"Please, Daddy," I begged. "I'll do better in school, I promise. I just can't stand being here anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating."
My dad looked at me with a mixture of guilt and sadness. He knew how hard it had been for me in middle school, and he didn't want me to suffer anymore.
"Okay," he said finally. "I'll see what I can do. Though you'll have to finish this year and you have to promise me that you'll work hard and do your best at the new school."
I nodded eagerly, overjoyed at the prospect of finally getting a fresh start.
And with the support of my dad, I was eventually able to make a fresh start at Westside High. Determined to leave my past behind, I worked hard to reinvent myself and become a popular, confident student.
I spent hours in front of the mirror, experimenting with different hairstyles and outfits until I found a look that made me feel comfortable and stylish.
I also joined a few extracurricular activities, making new friends and developing a sense of purpose. And while it wasn't always easy, I was proud of the person I had become.
But even as I basked in the glow of my newfound popularity, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. Despite my many accomplishments and friendships, I still felt alone and unloved.
My successful, business-minded father was always away on trips, and when he was home, he seemed too busy to pay much attention to me. I missed the days when he used to tuck me in at night and read me stories.
Ray was the only one who understood my loneliness and had been with me. I just need to show him I'm the same girl he knew 2 years ago. But with Mia ok the way...
I let out a sigh.
These thoughts and memories swirled through my head, weighing heavily on my mind as I lay in bed. I tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, but sleep seemed elusive.
I felt lost and alone, wondering if things would ever get better. Eventually, I drifted off into a restless slumber, still troubled by my doubts and insecurities.