I love monkeys
---
"Ow." I hear Carmella groan.
"You ok?" I hollar.
"Just peachy." She hollers back.
My room isn't much, a bed with dark green sheets and a comforter. Nothing on the walls, just a wooden bureau at the end of the bed and a closet. I set down my stuff already bored of being alone and walk to where Carmella is sleeping.
"Is that a fucking deer on the wall?" Carmella cocks her head to where the deer's head is coming out of the wall.
"Yeah, I think one of my cousins shot it, maybe Grandpa, but I'm not sure."
"Why on God's green earth would you ever put a deer in a place where someone is trying to sleep?"
"You're in New Hampshire hot shot. We do things like this, my dads' parents have one in their living room."
"So who are give me a run down of family?"
"Chase and Easton are Tamila's kids, Chase is married to Alivia, and Easton is engaged to Liv, though they might be married by now for all I know.
"So who else is going to be at this cookout?"
"Oh God, so many people."
"So, let's begin."
"Ok so, my mom has twin aunts, Rose and Ruby. Ninety percent of the time they dress the same on accident, they look exactly the same. Ruby wears glasses, Rose doesn't, that's the only way you can tell them apart."
"Ok, twins Rose and Ruby, Ruby wears glasses."
"Rose is married to Declan, Ruby's husband died after a long battle with some disease that was slowly killing him."
"Ok Ruby widow, Rose married."
"Ok, then there's my moms' mom, Donna, I call her Nanny. She's married to my Papa who is. . . He had cancer that targeted his brain I wasn't even born at the time, I would tell you, but you'll hear all about his recovery when everyone shows up. But basically, he's been a little messed up in the head ever since and believes in all the government conspiracy and stuff. Just don't say anything political and if he says something incorrect like the earth is flat don't argue and just nod."
"So Papa's a little crazy, but what's Papa's name?"
"Oh right, his name is Henry."
"Ok, so Henry and Donna are your grandparents."
"Yes, now we move on to my moms' generation. So you know my moms' name is Liza, then she has a sister named Kelsey, which no one likes her or her abusive husband. My mom is married to my dad Ben. Kelsey is married to Tommy who abused my cousins so we all hate him. Not even sure if he knows everyone knows he was abusive. Then there is Tamila whos married to Andy, Tamila is Rose's daughter, and then Ruby's kids named Waylen who is married to Margot and he has a sister who lives in Tennessee named Luna who is married to Ezra."
"That's really confusing. So Kelsey's husband is bad, your dad's name is Ben, and Tamila is Rose's kid. Ruby had two Waylen and Luna and Luna live in another state so she won't even be there."
"Yes ok, so then there is my generation. Ok, so there's Me, Charlie, then Kelseys' kids Ellie, Dylan, and Samson whos her stepson, Tamilas' kids Easton and Chase, Waylens' kids Lyra and Milo, and then Luna's son Rowan. Charlie as we both recently found out got married to Iris. Ellie got married to her high school sweetheart Max. Dylan well I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend. Samson, I think he's also never had a girlfriend. You already know about Easton and Chase. Lyra has been dating Quinn for like ever. Milo and Rowan are both single as for as I know."
"Ok ok, So everyone except Milo, Rowan, Dylan, and Samson all have spouses or taken."
"Correcto."
"That wasn't so hard," I say with a shrug.
"Yeah, that's because you haven't met any of them."
"They can't be that bad."
"Oh, just you wait. . ."
----
It's Saturday, the day before the cookout, Carmel and I are about to go for a swim with Waverley.
"Hey pretty girl, you ready for a swim? Uh, are you? Ya? Come on princess." Carmella says running towards the water as Wave chases her. Carmels wears a simple long sleeves black swimsuit with a large back cut out.
I make my way down to the metal dock, it creaks as I step onto it.
"Get your ass down here." Carmella hollers from the other end of the dock. I slowly take another step, skeptical of the dock.
"It's not going to break, pinky swear."
Eventually, I make it the rest of the way, I stand behind Carmel and wrap my hands around her waist, resting my head atop hers.
"It's beautiful out here."
"It's called you're in New Hampshire" She smiles. Wave lets out a high-pitched whine, wagging her tail frantically.
"Get in baby, you can do it. What? You want me to go in first?" Wave jumps and spins in a 'yes' without words. Carmella spins around fast, facing me. She lets out a giggle and begins rocking us back and forth left, right, left, right. She puts her hands on my chest and lets out another laugh.
"What is so funny?" I smile.
"This." She says before pushing off my chest. I stumble backward, run into a pole, and tumble into the water. I resurface gasping for breath after getting a mouth full of water.
"You son of a bitch." I grin. "You're going to pay for this."
She lets out a shriek as I swim faster toward the latter and pull myself out. She runs away from me and Wave chases after her. I bolt towards the cottage and see Carmella go around the back. I go around the other side planning to cut her off. I creep around the side, only to my demise not see her there.
"AHHHH." Someone screams behind me.
"AHHH." I whip around.
"AHHH." Carmella screams back before she breaks out in a laugh.
"I'm going to kill you." Carmel opens her eyes in shock and then runs. She's not very fast while she laughing, nor do I think she has any idea where she's going. I slow my pace to a light jog and I see her running frantically, she definitely can't see where she's going, she's nearly tripped five times. She runs some more, till it looks like she's about to run into a tree.
"Apple! Tree!" Fuck, she can't hear me over her own laughter. She runs faster, laughing more and more.
"Carmel, tree!" Carmella smacks her face into the tree. She falls backward, laughing carelessly with ease.
"Oh my God, are you ok?"
"Completely fine," She says between laughs. I grab her by the waist and throw her over my shoulder.
"Let me down!" She starts kicking her legs trying to catch her breath. I walk down the dock, nearly tripping over Wave.
"Don't kill my dog."
"Never dream of it Apple." I say coming to a stop.
"Don't you dare." Carmel says sternly.
"Don't I dare what?"
"I have a brother, I'm not a dumbass, don't you dare throw-"
"Sorry, too late," I say throwing her off my shoulder and into the lake.
"Bitch." She mutters, treading water. Wave jumps off the dock and lands next to Carmel.
----
"Do we need rules or something for when everyone gets here?" I ask.
"No kissing, and light touching."
"How is that even going to be believable?"
"Figure it out hot shot."
"I have to at least be able to touch you."
"You can just light."
"What does light mean?"
"Like waist hugs, hugs, nothing romantic like no holding hands or placing your hand on my thigh."
"No one's going to believe that."
"Then you'll have to do some pretty amazing acting with your eyes."
----
"Roy!! People are getting here." Carmelle hollers as she walks into the room I'm staying in.
"You're not seriously wearing that are you?" She says giving me a once-over.
"What's wrong with this?" I say looking down at my beige dress pants and dark green short sleeve dress shirt.
"We aren't in the city, were in New Hampshire hot shot, you walk out there like that they'll think your crazy."
"Ok then, what would you like me to wear, my love?"
"My love?"
"They think we're dating, I have to take advantage and call you my love."
"Ok, whatever." She rumbles around in my suitcase a little then pulls out my navy blue swimming shorts and a plain white short sleeve button up. She chucks the ball of clothes at me.
"Leave the shirt unbuttoned." She says with a wink. "If you get to call me my love then I get to see those luscious abs." Then turns and walks back out into the kitchen. After a few minutes, I step out of the room and into the kitchen. There are already three people in the kitchen.
"Hey, babycakes," I say wrapping my arms around Carmella. One of the ladies let out a shrill scream and then places a hand over her heart. She has dirty blonde hair that I suspect is probably naturally brunette by the color of her roots. She looks to be in her mid-fifties,
"For the dear love of God who the hell is that?" says the lady.
"Mom this is Royal, Royal this is my mom Liza." I try my best to keep a steady smile as I stare at Liza but I can't help but feel like I'm giving her a stone-cold 'I hate you' face. I untangle my arms from around Carmel and reach out a hand to greet Liza.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Howard." She hesitantly reaches her hand out and shakes mine.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too Royal."
"Oh and Roy these are my twin great aunts, Ruby and Rose." She wasn't lying the only way to tell them apart is by the glasses.
"It's nice to meet you two," I say with a polite nod. They give me a skeptical look, looking back and forth as if impossible I'm here with Carmella.
"It's good to meet you too," Ruby says.
"Definitely a surprise but it's good to meet you Royal." They each give me a nod and a small smile then go back to cutting up potatoes.
"Where's dad?"
"He's out help shucking the corn." Carmella grabs my hand and begins to pull me toward the door.
"Why don't you stay in here and just let Royal go out there?"
"Mom, I'm not going to send my boyfriend out there by himself with Dad, and Declan they'll chew him up and spit him out."
"Don't be ridiculous, Mel. They won't chew him up and throw him up or whatever you said."
"Fine," She says turning towards me, I muster up my best puppy dog eyes begging her not to make me go meet her dad by myself. "I'm sorry Royal, looks like you gotta do it by yourself."
"Please Apple don't make me."
"Bye," She says opening the door and pushing me out.
"Who the hell is this kid?" I hear someone behind me say.
"If I had to take a guess that would be Car's boyfriend." Her family definitely has some weird nicknames for her.
"Ella got a boyfriend?" the voice says again.
"Yes, she does. Hi, I'm Royal."
"What kind of name is Royal?"
"Lay off Declan."
"What?" The person whose name is Declan says as he lets out a laugh. "You're telling me this kid didn't get the absolute shit beaten out of him for a name like that."
"Sorry kid, he's not really up to date with the new fascination with creative names. I'm Ben and this dumb ass is Declan."
"Carmella's dad and great uncle."
"Indeed."
"I take it you got shoved out here."
"Definitely didn't come out willingly."
"Take a seat son and shuck some corn with us." I grab a camping chair that's leaning against the railing and bring it over to the right of Ben.
"You know how to shuck corn?"
"Oh yeah, I used to do it all the time for my Aunt."
"Your aunt, where're your parents?"
"My mom died when I was around four and my dad left when I was like six and asked Auntie lo to take care of me and so she has."