Hello, just a little heads up I don't if I should or shouldn't put a tw but I am going to just in case. There is some minor talk about suicide nothing major.
I'm terrified that I messed up last night.
—
I'm sitting in Carmella's living room when all her friends come in.
"Welcome to the TV show 'Is He Good Enough For Her'. Where we test if men are good enough to date Carmel. Today's contestant is Royal Temples. Right off the bat we have red flag number one that is she is only staying here for three months and will leave here heart broken when she comes home. Odds are against you already my friend." Eden says in an announcer's voice.
"Do you know the sidewalk rule?" Rena asks.
"Yes?"
"1-1 all tied up." Ocean says.
"Do you want kids?" Clara asks.
"I think so."
"Errrrr, red flag, Carmella hates the idea of giving birth." E says
"We could adopt?" I offer.
"Oooo willing to change for her."
"2-1 green flag in the lead."
"Her favorite color."
"Dusty rose pink."
"3-1 green still leading, surprisingly."
"Favorite book?"
"Everyday."
"Ok ok, trope she hates."
"Anything to do with pregnancy and incest."
"Damn, 5-1"
"Favorite food?"
"Watermelon and Funyuns."
"If she ever gets pregnant would you allow her to get an abortion?"
"Obviously, I'm not going to force her to have kids."
"Good."
"May I ask a question?"
"Sure chico amante." I need to learn Spanish.
"You do realize we're not even dating nor have we even talked about it."
"Él es ciego." Eden says
"Tan extremadamente ciego." Rena utters.
"Están enamorados el uno del otro!"
"Sí sí sí."
"Anyways back to you mister."
"Would she have a good life here if you somehow convinced her to stay?"
"I think so?"
"Hmmmm, I don't know, she wouldn't have us and we're pretty important."
"So no?"
"Hmmmmm, I don't know, it's a question for her."
"What do you like about her?"
"Everything..." I answer almost immediately.
"And what's everything?"
"Her smile, her laugh, her eyes, the way she talks, how she looks when she's jealous, her very expressive facial features."
"What's the book that made her fall in love with reading?"
"From Blood and Ash."
"What's the book that still to this day makes her mad?"
"I don't know, we only met each other, what? four, five days ago."
"The answer is Love and Other Words, she says that Elliot has a crazy imagination."
"Never read it."
"Do you read?"
"Yeah."
"Ooooo damn, I can't even find a red flag."
They ask me questions for another twenty minutes or so.
"Didn't I tell you guys not to go mama bear mode on him? And what did you do? Go mama bear mode on him. Oh please tell me you didn't do the TV show!?" Carmella says walking into the room.
"We didn't do the TV show."
"Liars." I say.
"Zip your pie hole." Rena says through clenched teeth.
"¿Pasó?"
"Sí, con gran éxito."
"Congratulations you passed."
"Does that mean I'm your boyfriend now?"
"No."
"You guys got my hopes up." I say with a fake pout.
"Get over it chico amante."
"Gosh I'm sorry for them. You want to go outside and talk or something."
I feel like I've just been called to the principal's office.
"Yeah sure."
"Behave you two." Ocean calls out after us.
"You have some very um what's the word? protective friends."
"They mean well I promise."
"No doubt in my mind thinks that they wouldn't give you the moon and stars if it was possible."
"I would do the same."
"How long have you all been friends?" I say avoiding the real reason she wants to talk.
"Almost ten years as a group but we didn't all start as a group. First it was Clara, we've been best friends since Pre-K so like eighteen almost nineteen years. Then it was Eden, she moved to my town in second grade and we instantly became best friends and for a while it was just the three of us against the world. Then in sixth grade E was homeschooled, so we didn't see her at all that whole year. And that's when Serena moved. So Rena was kind of our friend but for the most part it was just me and Clara plus sometimes Jay and Abigail would hang out with us for break. I think Rena wanted to be a part of the 'popular' group. My group and the other girl group would all come together as a group and sit together but I honestly hated most of them. But then in seventh grade that was well. . .
It was amazing and fun but it was also hell. Teachers absolute perfection they were funny and Mrs. B and Mr. K were like best friends. Mrs. Farr reminded me of Grammie. And Mrs. Hart was really young and funny and just really understood how to make science fun for us. Then there were the sexest teenage boys who would make fun of Rena because of her laugh. And when we had PE would basically not let the girls play basketball with them because they were quote on quote 'trash'. Which trust me, E could beat every one of them in 1v1.
Anyways, I'm getting side tracked. Ocean and Serene really became a part of the group in seventh grade. Well not until like half way through the year. Cause long story short Clara Eden and I were all close to this boy but then he said he was moving, made all of us cry for like three hour. We still laugh about that to this day. Then our school was like 'what a brilliant idea it would be if literally half way through the year we just, you know, switched some kids around.' So at this point the group has taken in Rena so we've been friends for eleven years, I think. And so when they switched kids around they took the boy that we were friends with, that's a whole other story. He turned into a bitch went from literally calling every night till like midnight to completely ghosting us.
We would try to talk to him in the hall and he just wouldn't respond. So that went on for like a week or two and so Eden and I blocked him on snap and he asked friends to add me and E to a group chat with him and he'd apologized a ton. But I don't know I just couldn't bring myself to accept that he wouldn't do it again. I trusted him so much and he broke that without a second thought. If he could do that, I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't do it again.
And so that's when Ocean came into the picture. And so we've been a group ever since. God if you were to have met us back then."
"I bet I would have liked you just the same." I say.
"Nah, Ocean was depressed and had anger issues plus is lesbian, Eden was depressed, I was depressed, Clara had anxiety through the roof. Then you just had Rena who joked about everything. We were in a guidance class or some shit and we were talking about suicide and we all looked at Ocean and tried not to laugh because they had made a few attempts before and the teacher looked at us and said something like 'this is not a laughing matter.' At that point we were all dead. We got sent to the principal's office which, funny enough, was Clara's dad who was not happy to see his daughter there.
Ah, side tracked again that wasn't even the thing I was going to tell you, I was going to tell you an inside joke. So we were sitting in that class and she was talking about the golden gate bridge and how it was like the number one jump place or something. And so after that class Clara said 'yall want to have Evan fly his plane to the golden gate bridge and we can all jump'. Evan was basically my on again off again boyfriend. We dated god like four or five times in middle school to high school. He wanted to go into the Air Force that's why Clara said he could drop us off.
So basically we were all depressed fucks on a sinking ship living our goddamn lifes."
"How could that have been an amazing year if every one of you were literally suicidal?"
"Because we would just make jokes about it. I don't even know how we were even depressed. We acted like we were fucking Greek Gods and that you should be on your knees for us. Anything less was an outrage."
"Truly amazing."
"I feel like I know nothing about you."
"You can learn later, we have important business to discuss."
"Yeah I guess you're right."
"How do we do this?"
"Do what, clearly this would never work."
"Yeah clearly." I mumble.
"I think it was a mistake, everyone makes mistakes. I was a little not there and so were you."
I had one sip of wine. I was completely there. "Yeah you're right." I say instead.
"I think we just stay platonic friends. It would never work, I'll be leaving in three months and well, you'll stay here. But goodness you're going to have to stop flirting or this platonic friendship won't work."
"We can be friends but I won't stop flirting and I will tell you when you look pretty or cute or fuckable." Friends, just fucking friends.
"Ok then, let's head back, maybe you can tell me about yourself this time." She gives me an awkward smile.