An Hour Later…
Dakota Roth…
Rolling off his body, panting and sweating as we floated down from the high, we had just experienced. My body felt pleasantly numb. My pussy is satisfyingly sore. And my heart felt more, full than I had ever experienced before.
I don't quite know what happened this time, but something felt different. Like something significant was flowing between us. I know how silly that sounds. I know that it is probably me deflecting. Trying to convince myself that somehow, he feels the same way as I do. Right?
The pleasure of my release seemed intent to ride my veins like some sort of speed-way loop. Around and around as my breathing finally began to return to a less frantic rhythm. For a few short hours the thoughts of Stuart and my mom had been kept at bay. Now reality was sneaking back in, and I feared that my phone would go off while I am lying next to my man.
My man.
I can't deny that the thought of Jeremy being mine makes me feel all giddy and excited on the inside; but we haven't talked about being exclusive, we haven't even defined what we are to each other. But still my heart picks up an erratic beat and my tummy tumbled around like a ship in a storm. I have never felt like this before. Everything feels new and full of potential. I can't help but picture our future - a beautiful little house, a couple of kids and our love bright and fulfilling in ways that I never ever knew was possible. Even this - lying in a bed after a couple of hours of carnal pleasure, I can see this being a part of our everyday lives. Even my dad is happy in my little fantasy.
And just like every time I think of my dad, my little bubble bursts and I sigh because how is my dad ever going to be ok with this?
Realistically, the idea of him ever consenting to this relationship is more likely to result in being disowned and outcast. I guess the question is - can I be with someone that my dad will so vehemently object to? A week ago, I would have said no, I would have been confident in my reply but now that I have had a taste of what flows between me and my dad's best friend, I can honestly say that I am lost. I don't know. "What's got that cute little frown all creased up?" Jeremy asked, turning onto his side so that he is facing me.
"Just thinking about -" shit. My guard always seems to be loose whenever we cum, and I tend to open my mouth without thinking. I don't want to be the first to admit that I think about our future because I am honestly terrified that it will scare him away. I don't want that. I am terrified that it will make him step back from me again and I am just not ready for that – I don't know that I will ever be ready for that.
"About?"
What do I do here?
How do I explain what was running through my mind without sounding like I am expecting this to continue long term?
If I admit what is going through my mind - will he back away from me again?
"'Kota, sweetheart, you can talk to me about anything, you know that right?" Gently he reached for my hand - giving me a tight squeeze as his thumb stroked the inside of my wrist in gentle circles, soothing the frantic beating that drummed against my pulse point. Just that one touch is enough to light my body back up and that is the problem – I am in way over my head with this man and I don't know what the fuck I am even doing.
"I-I- guess I am scared-"
"Of me?"
"Of how you will react," I couldn't miss the way he seemed to blanche like I had struck him before he schooled his expression, and I hate that I caused that; I hate that I have hurt him but surely, he can understand why I am scared of how he will react.
"I know I deserve that - after all that happened between us before but, if you believe nothing else, please believe that this is more than physical for me, this is more than some fling that will end in a few days or weeks," he expressed himself so passionately that once again my heart kicked up with excitement.
"Do-you -" I began as I heard my phone buzzing in my bag across the room, was that Stuart again? Fear gripped my heart for a few seconds – it's ridiculous when you think about it because the man is on the other side of the world and there is no way that he can get to me where I am.
"Do you need to get that?"
"No!" I replied far too quickly but the truth is that I don't want anything to touch us in here, this is our little oasis and if that was Stuart, it isn't like I am in any great hurry to read what insults he is spewing at me now.
"Ok," Jeremy nodded, "you were starting to say something?"
Slowly rolling onto my side so that I was facing him - the sparkle in his eyes reminiscent of the pleasure that had erupted between us still lingered in their normal midnight blue – I could happily sink into those eyes and just drown. The light stubble of facial hair only served as a highlight to his striking features – making him without a doubt the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. And before I could stop myself, or second guess my actions, I reached up and ran my fingers along the length of his jawline and watched in complete rapt attention as his eyes fluttered closed and he sucked a breath deep into his chest - holding it there for a few moments.
The feel of his hand reaching for my own that was resting on the pillow by my head, he gently laced his fingers through mine and gave me his undivided attention.
Ok I can do this. I can be honest and accept that the chips will fall where they will fall. I mean, it would be better to know his intentions before I allow myself to become more attached, right? It is almost the most sensible thing to do - get all our cards on the table to ensure we are on the same page and no crossed wires cause issues for either of us. And yes, I am aware of the different analogies clashing together.
"I was wondering if you ever imagine where this thing between us is going?" Keeping my eyes locked on his as he smiled, a real genuine and relaxed grin that once again set my heart off into a crazy beat.
"I do. I think about it a lot. I guess I was a little worried that if I expressed myself to you, it would scare you off-"
"Same!" I admitted and we both laughed.
It felt good to laugh with him. It felt almost cathartic to just let loose and just laugh at the absurdity of the entire situation.
"Ok so do you want to hear what I think about?" He asked me as we got ourselves back under control.
"Please!"
"I think about how gorgeous you will look walking down the aisle to me in your wedding dress. I think about how beautiful you will look with your belly swollen with our baby. I think about building a life with you in our own home. I think about what an amazing mother you will be-" he suddenly stops as I feel tears stinging my eyes, is this really happening?
Is it really possible that he is thinking long term? No, not long term, life-long is what it sounds like to me and my heart soars because I know without a doubt that that is what I desperately want too.
"I have said too much-"
"No!" I all but yelled at him, "it's not that. I just-"
"What?" He shuffled his body closer to me, his hand coming up to wipe the tear away from my face.
"That is pretty much what I have been thinking about too. I guess there was a part of me that worried that this was purely physical for you, and here I was getting attached - I guess, I worried that you just wanted -"
"I could never just want sex from you sweetheart. I want a life. I want a family. I want to be the only man you ever need,"
"You are!"
This was really happening. I could hardly believe it.
I mean, this is insane. We have only been together a week and the majority of that time has been nothing more than physical. A part of me kept thinking that whatever it was between us would dissipate the more we came together but it was as if the opposite happened. The flame just keeps getting brighter and brighter until I am sure that it is going to burn up everything else in our lives.
Namely my father and the relationships that both of us have with him.
Am I ready to forsake that relationship for Jeremy?
Am I ready to blow up my entire world for Jeremy?
What is going to happen if we tell dad now?
I can't imagine it would be anything good. I mean how could it be? His best friend is bedding his daughter. But it is more than that. It is a connection that we both feel is going to be a life-long commitment. Surely that would make a difference to my dad, right?
"So, what now?" I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, how long are we going to continue doing this behind dad's back?"
"Shit!" He groaned, almost as if he hadn't even thought of the biggest hurdle that we were going to face.
My dad is fiercely loyal and protective. I know that was a deciding factor in us keeping this from him until we decided just how serious this thing between us was. But now that we have both confessed our true wishes and hopes, it feels like maybe the time has come to tell him.
I can't deny that I am a little terrified of how he is going to react. Will I be disowned?
Could I live with that? I mean I have just reconnected with him, and I am risking losing that. But when I look into Jeremy's eyes, I can see the future that we just discussed. Fuck, I can see it so clearly that it almost feels like it is within reach.
The real truth is - both my dad and Jeremy are the two most important men in my life for very different reasons and the thought of losing either one of them fills me with a sense of dread.
Maybe we should take some more time. Just allow ourselves to enjoy what we have at this moment. I know it is the coward's response. I know that I am acting childish and as much as I wish I was the adult I have been forced to be the majority of my life, the truth is - for once in my life, I want to be selfish. I want to enjoy myself without having to worry about consequences and the risk of losing another parent. Is that really so wrong?
A Couple of Hours Later…
Jeremy Danielson…
There is absolutely no way that I can deny what I am feeling for this woman. Not with words and not in the way my body reacts to her. In fact, I am more than a little nervous about going home. Every day my affections grow a little bit more and I am more terrified of Jason catching the looks I can't help casting in her general direction. I fear my feelings are written right across my face and unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be an antidote for that. Aside from my fear of losing her, I am equally terrified of my best friend finding out what we have been upto before we are ready to actually tell him.
Don't get me wrong - I hate lying to him. We have never had secrets between us, and we have never outwardly lied to one another before. But this - what I am building with his daughter, it is so much more than just a fling. It is so much more than just a passing fancy. And I know my best friend - he has been by my side since my divorce, he has watched me plough my way through women like they were disposable - there is no way that he won't believe that that isn't what I am doing with Dakota.
And as I look at her now - lying on her back, the sheet draped teasingly across her otherwise naked form - a little sliver of side boob peaked out from the sheet, the curve of her child-bearing hips, the sexy bend of her leg - this was my woman and I know that I have to be the one to explain what I was like before she walked back into our lives because if I don't and Jason tells her, she will no doubtedly believe him.
"Sweetheart?"
"Mmmm?"
"There is something that I need to talk to you about-"
"Ok!" Slowly, she gripped the sheet to her chest and shuffled around until she was sitting up, her hair all messed up from sex, her cheeks flushed with her satisfaction, her eyes brighter than I have ever seen them, and a beautiful, innocent smile stretched those talented lips.
God, I can't even deny that this woman has given me the best sex I have ever had. Whether it is simply because of who she is and how I feel about her I don't know, all I do know is that I have never had sex that feels so utterly soul-consuming before. It's almost as if we can read each other's minds and give what the other needs when they need it. How could I not love this woman?
"Please bear in mind that this is about my past, and in no way a reflection of how I feel about you,"
"Ok, you are scaring me a little-"
"Oh sweetheart, don't be scared. I just want to be the one to tell you because I have a feeling that your dad will be none-too-happy to be the one to spill my sordid past when he finds out about us," my best friend could be highly vindictive when the need called for it and I wouldn't be surprised if he did indeed try to put a spanner in the works for me. I mean why wouldn't he? I am fucking his only daughter.
I know that I should feel ashamed. I know that I should feel remorse. But I just don't. This woman is everything to me and I can only see our future. I can only feel the love that I feel for her. How can I possibly feel ashamed about that?
"Ok let's hear it then?" She watched me with those big twinkling eyes and for a few precious moments I just basked in their beauty. I didn't know it was possible to feel this attracted to someone before. It is almost as if she has possessed every single part of my body, slipping past my defences before I even realised what was happening.
"Ok, so when my marriage fell apart - I was sort of in a dark place-" I began and she instantly reached for my hand, offering comfort and support, my heart surged with a rush of undiluted love for this compassionate young woman - her need to nurture was so strong that you could see it flashing like a lightning storm in her beautiful eyes, "it isn't something that I am proud of, but I started to drink a lot, I went out every night to bars and picked up different women," this was only going to get worse and I hated the flash of uncertainty that clashed with the empathy that she had only felt moments previously, "I was always honest about what I was after. I never led any of those women on. I honestly, was just interested in one night, a single moment in time where I didn't have to think about Lauren and how things had gone so wrong-"
"What happened with her?" The tone in her voice was mostly soft and encouraging but I could hear the barest hint of jealousy and it made me happy to know that she was as invested in me as I was in her.
"I wanted a family, and she didn't." I admitted honestly, because if we were going to brave the storm known as Jason then we had to be a united front, which meant no secrets, no withholding of details of the past, "when we first met, I assumed that she wanted kids, because in my limited experience with women - I just believed that all women wanted kids -" the look she gave me in that moment made me chuckle, "I know it was incredibly ignorant of me!"
"I'll say," she giggled that soft little tinkle sound that warmed my heart in ways that no other woman has ever made me feel, "you know women are deciding to have children much later in life these days, isn't that what she wanted?"
"No. Or at least she told me that she wasn't interested at all in having children. Now don't get me wrong, I tried to bury what I wanted. I tried to sacrifice my needs for her-" the instant flash of anger in her face gave me pause, "what is it?"
"You should never have to sacrifice what you want in a relationship - that is not how a true partnership works. You find a work around. You find a way to ensure you can find some sort of compromise-"
"And what would the compromise have been in that situation?" I was honestly interested in what she had to say on this matter.
"Well, it would depend on why she didn't want to have kids. I mean there are a lot of reasons why women don't want to have children. I know a lot of the more superficial women fear what being pregnant will do to their bodies. Then there are those who fear that they just don't have that maternal instinct. And there are those who fear that it will just be too painful,"
"You know for someone so young you have an incredibly mature insight into things,"
"Not really, it is just common sense-"
"Don't sell yourself short sweetheart, you are an amazing young woman, and I honestly can't imagine you not being a part of my life now," I admitted, "and I know your dad would do anything to ensure you stay here-"
"Well, I don't plan on leaving. I mean it is hard to imagine being anywhere else at this point,"
"I'm happy to hear that sweetheart,"
"Thank you," she smiled that big wide smile that transformed her beauty to something so much more, "so is that? You sowed some wild oats for a bit?"
"Yeah, that is it pumpkin -" I chuckled but it died off as a memory hit me out of nowhere…
'...Dakota has been wearing her little pumpkin outfit for a week now and there seems to be no point where she plans on taking it off. This kid. I don't think that I could love her more if she was my own kid. My buddy had lucked out with Dakota - she was always happy and giggling. I had never seen her having tantrums or screaming bloody murder that most kids tend to do.
"Uncle Remy?" Her little voice beat through my musings as she tugged on my jean-clad leg.
"Yes pumpkin?" I reached down and scooped her up into my arms and she giggled with delight. There is nothing I wouldn't do for this kid. When it comes time for her to date - me and her dad are not going to make it easy on those horny little assholes. This kid was going to be so protected that she will probably hate us.
"When I am old enough, I am going to marry you!" She said it so matter of factly that I couldn't help but laugh, the earnest tone in her voice. The big smile on her face was the cutest thing in the world.
"I am sure when you are old enough, you will feel differently pumpkin," I boop-ed her on the nose playfully.
"Nuh-huh!" She shook her head…'
…There was absolutely no way in Hell I would have thought that things would change so drastically and that I would ever be the one who now wants to collect on that promise she made all those years ago.
Again, I know that I should feel disgusted with myself and the entire situation but when I look at her now, I just can't seem to bring myself to care. Because I haven't been in her life for fifteen years and that is a long time for someone to grow and change. I am no longer uncle Remy in the same sense that I was all those years ago. In fact, I am only Uncle Remy when we are doing something carnal.
"Well, that isn't so bad!" She announced, completely unaware of the memory that just floored me, "I mean, it isn't something that I would ever do but to each their own and you weren't hurting anyone, you said yourself that you were always upfront and honest about your intentions,"
"I was. I am not about hurting people," I nodded, getting myself back in control, "and I want you to know that this thing between us -" I began, but the vibration of her phone grabbed our attention, but she made no move to fetch it, and when I looked at her she shook her head, "what we have, it is so much more than some fun for me,"
"It is?"
"Yes!" Pulling her so that she was flush against me, her heart beating wildly against my own, as I brushed the hair from her face, "and if I wasn't serious about this, there is no way that I would have made love to you and risked my friendship with your dad,"
"Right, my dad-"
It was like this constant black cloud eclipsing the excitement of finding someone special. And that was what Dakota was - special.
My woman.
I mean, she may be Jason's daughter, but she was my woman. My heart. My soul. My everything. And I would give up my friendship with her dad if it came to it. Because I can live without my friend. I cannot live without her. It really is as simple as that. I am in love with this woman and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for her.