As he used a pen to cross off the latest item on a very long list, Silas let out a sigh. Unfortunately in the past six months the most exciting thing he'd done was create this list, investing more brainpower into generating it than deciding the items contained did not in fact interest him. This, of course, was his latest endeavor into finding a hobby. Of the 27 items on the list, "Pretend to be a lunatic around family members" actually held his interest for the longest: a whole 6 days.
It had been quite entertaining, but after some time he'd simply been ignored. That, it turned out, was even less enjoyable than his regular existence, so he simply acted sane, and moved on to the next item. He continued a strikingly similar cycle for every item on his list.
Now he lay on his bed, flaming a multitude of companies via social media, of course making sure to use alternate accounts. It was an old reliable and usually could hold his attention for at least an hour, granted he hadn't done it in the past week.
As he composed his most recent scathing, and blatantly false, criticism, a sound rang out in his mind.
[Viable host discovered. Scanning for potential. Potential limit exceeded, refactoring]
[Hello, Silas. I am the "Face Slapping System". For further explanation, please think "Initiate tutorial."]
"What in god's name is going on?", muttered Silas. He was momentarily taken aback by the foreign voice and took much longer to process the actual information contained therein than he usually would. In this temporary haze, he found himself thinking, "Perhaps whatever this is will at least be entertaining. It said I just have to think the words "Initiate tutorial?"
[Tutorial initiated.]
"That counts!?" thought Silas. "This damned system really can read my mind."
[I think "damned system" is quite harsh, but yes, I can read your mind. Though only thoughts directed at me. Let me give a brief summary of my role and abilities. After a thorough scan, you have been determined to have exceedingly high potential for face slapping. I am here to guide you on your path, drawing out your potential and making you a god of face slapping. Through me, you'll receive many missions, some optional, some mandatory, to gain SCT, otherwise known as swollen cheek tokens. You may exchange these tokens to gain skills, stats, or other items in the aim of making you an even more proficient slapper of faces. Do you have any questions]
"Yes, ahem. Exactly how thorough was that scan?" inquired Silas, jumping up from his bed and slowly moving his hand to cover what he believed to be his untouched behind. A concerned look blossomed on his face as the system paused for a few seconds before responding.
[Thorough enough. Now, let's move on to the practical portion of this tutorial.]
A single tear rolled down Silas' face, mourning the sacrifice of his buttocks for this cruel cruel system. The system however, continued on, ignoring it's host's emotional pain.
[System Mission Activated]
Type: Mandatory
Style: Any
Time Limit: None
Mission Description: In any manner you'd like, slap an individual's face.
Rewards: 100 SCT, System Shop, Status Panel
Punishments: None
[Also, these missions are merely an add-on to regular face slapping. You are encouraged to face slap at any opportunity. These will always be graded a basis from F to S. An F will yield 1 SCT, a D will yield 4 SCT, a C will yield 16 SCT, a B will yield 64 SCT, an A will yield 256 SCT, and an S will yield 1,024 SCT. As you can see, each successive grade increases the SCT yielded by four times the previous grade, so strive to achieve the highest rank. And, should a face slap fulfil the mission requirements, it will be marked as completed, and the stated rewards will be distributed. This tutorial is quite lenient, as there is no time limit or punishment for failure, but that will not always be the case.]
Recovered slightly from his trauma, Silas asked, "And what exactly counts as a face slap?"
[Any sharp rebuke or rebuff that comes as a surprise to the recipient. Grades will be subtracted if you stray from that definition.]
"Interesting interesting." An evil grin spread across Silas' face. "And anyone is fair game?"
[Yes. Though, people in higher positions being face slapped will result in a higher grade]
"Amazing. Looks like I've got some faces to slap" Silas quickly walked towards the exit of the room, and the luminescent system mission display faded as he refocused on the world around him. At that moment, he didn't particularly care what the system was, how it worked, or even if it was real. He'd already done much more deranged activities in an attempt to rid himself of his boredom. A simple face slap wouldn't hurt his image any more than he already had.
"But who to slap?" he thought, as he pressed the elevator button once to call it and twice for peace of mind. "The easiest scenario I can think of is getting someone to deny me service, then use my status to slap them into giving me what I want. Ah, yes!" His eyes lit up as a plan began to take shape.
The elevator quickly reached the ground floor, quite a journey from the penthouse on the 100th floor, and let out a ding as it opened. He strode with confident steps out the revolving door and onto the sidewalk. The towering building quickly fell behind him as he set a brisk pace headed north.
He continued for quite some time until he came across his target: a playground with a sandbox. Ignoring the many concerned parents, he hurled himself into the sand with gusto that would put mole to shame. He rolled left, right, up, and down. After fully covering himself in sand, and the dirt deep beneath it, he stood up. Turning to a child to his right, he asked, "How do I look?"
Barely looking up from the booger on his finger, the child replied, "dirty." He proceeded to eat the booger.
Silas cackled with joy. "Excellent" he said. He took off down the sidewalk, ready to enact the rest of his plan. Little did he know, the Mad Sandman was quick becoming the go to scary story for the juvenile crowd of the town.