i must be really high or something because i can't comprehend what would ever be going through my mind to break my own number one rule. i heard knocking at my door, but i think it's a hallucination. i try to ignore it, but it won't stop, and i can hear someone yelling from behind it.
"fuck off!" i yell back to them, but my voice just echoes in my own head; i don't even know if i got the words out. i feel like i'm going to throw up.
whoever was out there kept at it for what felt like a few days, but i think it was only a few hours. i don't really know; it all doesn't make sense. i begged them to stop. i didn't want to have to kill them, but i really wanted them to stop. i lazily dragged my body to the door and started ripping the plywood off with my bare hands. my hands are shaking; my fingers started bleeding as i threw the wooden planks to the floor. i think my body is about to give out. is this what an overdose feels like? i don't like it; make it stop. i want it to fucking stop.
"elliot? elliot, what the fuck is happening? i didn't know it was you. are you dying? fuck, i'm here, you're going to be okay."