Why did u leave me so broken? What have I ever done to you? Ever since I told your mom about your anxiety pills, u have been so fucking distant. What did I ever deserve to be in this position? Are u willing to let go of 19 years of friendship down the drain?
Have I committed such a terrible crime?
So, all those memories were just a lie? Everything u said as well. It hurts so bad, but u wouldn't understand it, because you have people always around you no matter what.
Whenever I was hospitalized, none of you cared a fuck let alone them but even u.
I was there day and night during our surgery cause I was fucking loyal to be with u no matter what. But none of u people showed that type of love to me.
It wasn't fair they treat u so well, and me a distant freak.
WHY AM I TREATED SO DIFFERENTLY!!?
WHY ME!!?
WAS I NOT WORTH IT???
when u used to say, my parents how I was doing mentally. I never questioned you at all. Because I knew u cared for me so much. I thought we were sisters, a family.
But when I did the same about ur anxiety, I was fucking worried. But u overreacted and said u didn't need that care or love or responsibility from me.
You said I had it long term and u weren't that severe but Rach, there is only one meaning to care and I wish u knew that. I loved u so much more than a friend, a family. I loved u like my sister, yet we are from different families.
If u could leave me so bitterly broken, how could I say or think, no one would. Especially us being so close for 18 years.
How could I not think, I wouldn't be abandoned again?
I have no fucking friends here. I have nobody. I have no fucking person here to tell me with a hug that I would be okay.
I hate you so much for this!!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU SO MUCH, THAT I CAN'T STOP CARING OR LOVING YOU. BECAUSE YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.
I GUESS ITS A CURSE TO BE SO LOYAL DESPITE GETTING SO HURT BY U.
I thought we were the weird ones only and u stuck with it.
But then u changed so much that I barely recognize u. You stopped eating and changed our diet to veg. U were so beautiful being 70 kg but now ur 48 kg. You moved on and I am so proud of you.
I could never give the love u were expecting but I have my best by being so fucking loyal. I gave my everything to u. Leaving my family time behind. And being with u.
But u left me bitterly. The pain I could never forget nor forgive. I hate u so much but I can't stop loving u either. Because I am still so fucking worried about how ur doing there on our own.
Your, not the friendl I once knew. The sister I knew died on April 2022...
You lost a friend, a sister, family member for something better. You gained a lot by leaving me behind and I am proud of you.❣️
And I miss you so much. But I am glad u found someone better. Who could love u more than I could ever give u?
So, dear friend. I am sorry but I have to let go of you... For us.