The night seemed to darken even more. The gloomy clouds covered the moonlight, making darkness take hold of this world. The cries of the crickets were unheard, the rivers flowed to their destination with care in the world. It was a peaceful night, one that brought nothing new to the world that was approaching destruction.
The only source of light in this dark world was a house, a small candlelight that illuminated the whole room where Rueben and Sasha were sleeping.
Rueben stared at the ceiling, looking at its wooden designs as he counted the beating of his heart.
3003. 3004….
Holding the knife in his hand as he awaited, nay, hesitated.
He was about to kill her.
His only friend. The only one he had.
It was nerve-racking, terrifying to a fault. Something that a child like him should not experience. Thoughts spiraled in his head, memories of their past, of their friendship, played like a movie inside his head. Hesitation and guilt firmly stopped him from doing what he was planning to do.
He was terrified, frightened.
Should he do this?
Should he really kill her?
He looked to the side and saw her peaceful face, sleeping, feeling safe and protected in Rueben's side. Yet this safe space hid the most dangerous thing, biding its time to pull her out of her safety.
3125. 3126...
He counted.
3454. 3455….
Counted some more.
He turned back to the ceiling, to the place where darkness gathered the most.
His eyes shone dangerously. A flash of crimson flickered.
Then, he struck.
"Rueben?"
Just as he was about to stab her, Sasha woke up.
She got up, seeing Rueben with a knife in the air, making a pose that he was about to strike.
She stared at him.
Rueben's eyes shook as she gave him a smile.
She mouthed words that only he could hear, then he stabbed her.
Wait, did I stab her this way?
He stabbed her again.
No, it wasn't like this.
Then again.
No! This was not it! It was a fork, I stabbed her with a fork..!!
Then again.
Stop! It was not a knife, not a knife!!
And again.
Stop!! Please!! No, No, No!!!!!!!!!
And again.
Please, please!!
Again and again and again and again.
Please, please, please please...
Then he stopped.
Rueben stood up from the bed, staring at the crime he had just committed. Sasha laid down from the bed, with her eyes closed, tears continuously falling from the edges of her eyes.
She….
She had a smile on her face. A smile of content, and sadness.
Rueben stared at her peaceful corpse. His hands shaking, his body trembling, his mind chaos abound.
"Thank you for playing with me for the last time. I love you."
Her words sounded out in his head again.
No, resent me.
Her gaze filled with love, hiding the pain in her eyes.
Please, please hate me.
On the side was a man shrouded with darkness.
Rueben stood at the side, watching everything unfold. His dark brown hair messy, his eyes glowing crimson red as he looked at the two children from within the darkness. Tears falling from his face.
"Please, forgive me, Sasha…."
He knelt down, begging, his hands clasped together.
Rueben let out a small tear, his small body shook as he coiled himself beside Sasha's corpse. The scene played in his head over and over and over and over again. He continued begging, begging for forgiveness.
As the older him looked at him with darkness in his eyes. His face shadowed.
Once more, Rueben was hit.
"Once more, you will remember it clearer. Once more." Behind him was Rueben with blood all over his face, drenching him.
[Resetting Trauma....]
"Once more, you murderer."
Darkness filled them again.
"Rueben, is something wrong?"
Rueben opened his eyes and looked at a little girl beside him. Then he turned his head to the skies and only saw darkness and gloom.
[1st loop complete.]
A voice sounded out.
He rubbed his eyes and softly shook his head.
"No…" He answered Sasha's question.
"No."
***
Sasha looked at the gloomy skies, the clouds thundering, roaring across the heavens. Beyond the horizon felt like paradise awaiting for them, a place that they may call home in the future.
"What do you think the sun looks like?" She turned around to ask Rueben, who was staring at her with a grim look.
Seeing that horrified look, she cocked her head slightly to the side and gave him a confused look on her face.
Rueben only stared at her for a moment, before shaking his head and gave her a shrug of his shoulder.
"I don't know."
Sasha got a bad feeling, her entire back suddenly felt cold. She didn't know why and didn't understand how that happened. She shook off her head and gave him a retort.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I don't really know." He closed her eyes and coiled his arms, "I haven't seen the sun, much less know what it looks like."
"Ehh? Not like that, dummy. I mean what do you imagine the sun looks like?"
Rueben stretched his lips wide as he gave it a thought. "A circle with lights behind it?"
"A circle with light behind it." Sasha gave him a blank look. "Seriously? That's all you can think about?"
"Well, yeah? Don't tell me you imagined that it had a face or something like that, right?"
"...Not really? I imagined that it's a ball of fire and there would be a cat the size of a mountain coiling around the sun."
"A cat." It was Rueben's turn to give her a blank look.
"W-Well, you know that mother told us stories that there was a space cat that landed on the earth? Then that the cat told the humans that it was from beyond our planet and that it lived in the sun? Wouldn't it make sense that the kitty would be circling it….. I don't know, that's what I imagined, okay?"
Sasha tried to explain herself but gave up halfway when Rueben's gaze were drilling into her head, trying to figure out why she had that thought.
"How did you even think of that?"
"I… Don't really know."
"...This is why you should study."
Pouting in resentment, she gave him an angered look on her eyes as Rueben dodge the knives of resentment trying to stab him, "Well okay, mr knowsalot!"
Rueben stared at her, before chuckling, "What if the sun is none of those?"
Annoyed, Sasha answered, "Well, what would it be?"
"Maybe you are the sun."
Baffled, she stared at him, "Im the sun?"
"Yeah, just what if."
She gave it a thought for a moment, then realized, "If im the sun then wouldn't I be bald?"
Rueben nodded his head eagerly.
"..."
Then a pebble was thrown in Rueben's direction, prompting him to run the the nearest tree and climbed up, trying to avoid the pebbles that Sasha was throwing at him with rage.
"What do you mean im bald!?"
Rueben shot back, "Did you look at yourself today? That braid style looks ridiculous! Your big forehead is all for the world to see!"
Sasha gasped in shock, then she held the helms of her dress and stomped towards him, "Rueben Vans Luton!!! I swear to the heavens that I will skin you alive!"
"Says the one who is afraid of blood so much that she cries every time she sees the color red!"
"Says the fool who keeps on tying his shoe incorrectly like a pig!"
"Im a pig?"
"Yeah! With that big tummy of yours!"
"Those two don't even have any connections with each other!"
"They too!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yes uh!"
Soon, the two stopped bickering, they looked at each other in the eyes, before laughing together out loud.
"Hey."
Sasha called out.
Rueben went to her side and sat down with her. They were sitting on a large boulder, large enough to look out of the walls.
"Thank you for staying with me." She gave him a smile as she placed her hand on his head.
"What do you mean?"
Rueben stared at her confused.
"Nothing."
This time, Rueben stabbed her with a rifle. Bashing her body until she died with a peaceful smile on her face.
[Loop Complete. Resetting Trauma….]
The voice sounded out once more.
[2nd loop complete.]
***
Sasha looked at the gloomy skies, the clouds thundering, roaring across the heavens. Beyond the horizon felt like paradise awaiting for them, a place that they may call home in the future. The world seemed darker for now but she hoped that the sun would come out and brighten up the world.
"What do you think the sun looks like?" She turned around to ask Rueben, who was staring at her with a grim look.
Seeing that grim look, she cocked her head slightly to the side and gave him a confused look on her face.
Rueben only stared at her for a moment, before shaking his head and gave her a shrug of his shoulder.
"I don't know."
Sasha got a grim feeling, her entire back suddenly felt cold. She didn't know why and didn't understand how that happened. She shook off her head and gave him a retort.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I really didn't know." A voice sounded out.
"I don't really know." He closed her eyes and coiled his arms, "I haven't seen the sun, much less know what it looks like."
"Ehh? Not like that, dummy. I mean what do you imagine the sun looks like?"
Rueben stretched his lips wide as he gave it a thought. "A circle with lights behind it?"
"A circle with light behind it." Sasha gave him a blank look. "Seriously? That's all you can think about?"
"Well, yeah? Don't tell me you imagined that it had a face or something like that, right?"
"...Not really? I imagined that it's a ball of fire and there would be a cat the size of a mountain coiling around the sun."
"A cat." It was Rueben's turn to give her a blank look.
"Yeah, I did say that."
"W-Well, you know that mother told us stories that there was a space cat that landed on the earth? Then that the cat told the humans that it was from beyond our planet and that it lived in the sun? Wouldn't it make sense that the kitty would be circling it….. I don't know, that's what I imagined, okay?"
Sasha tried to explain herself but gave up halfway when Rueben's gaze were drilling into her head, trying to figure out why she had that thought.
"How did you even think of that?"
"I… Don't really know."
"...This is why you should study."
Pouting in resentment, she gave him an angered look on her eyes as Rueben dodge the knives of resentment trying to stab him, "Well okay, mr knowsalot!"
"You were being very annoying back then. That brought a lot of memories."
Rueben stared at her, before chuckling, "What if the sun is none of those?"
Annoyed, Sasha answered, "Well, what would it be?"
"Maybe you are the sun."
Baffled, she stared at him, "Im the sun?"
"You made me into your sun. Its unfair."
"Yeah, just what if."
She gave it a thought for a moment, then realized, "If im the sun then wouldn't I be bald?"
A woman materialized behind her and gave her a slight nod. "That would really be the case."
Rueben nodded his head eagerly.
"..."
Then a pebble was thrown in Rueben's direction, prompting him to run the the nearest tree and climbed up, trying to avoid the pebbles that Sasha was throwing at him with rage.
"What do you mean im bald!?"
The woman let out a soft chuckle.
Rueben shot back, "Did you look at yourself today? That braid style looks ridiculous! Your big forehead is all for the world to see!"
Sasha gasped in shock, then she held the helms of her dress and stomped towards him, "Rueben Vans Luton!!! I swear to the heavens that I will skin you alive!"
"That really hurt my feelings, you calling me bald, y'know?"
"Says the one who is afraid of blood so much that she cries everytime she sees the color red!"
"Says the fool who keeps on tying his shoe incorrectly like a pig!"
"I'm a pig?"
"Yeah! With that big tummy of yours!"
"Those two don't even have any connections with each other!"
"They too!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yes uh!"
"Yes, they didn't have any connections together, didn't they? Yet I was so proud to tell you that you were correct, hehe. Maybe im a little selfish on that part."
"..."
Soon, the two stopped bickering, they looked at each other in the eyes, before laughing together out loud.
"You know, this isn't your fault." Sasha suddenly said.
"Huh?"
This time, he stabbed her using a small knife.
***
"Everything is predestined, Rueben. From birth and to death, our fates are established."
"..."
"My death was fated to happen, and by your hands. Only by your hands."
"...That's…"
"Mn?"
"Forgive me."
"..."
[399th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time, he clawed her to death.
***
"I already forgave you."
"Hate me."
"...That's unfair, you know?
…
You're playing the victim."
"No…"
"Yes you did."
"..."
[850th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time, he choked her to death.
***
"Rueben, life is fickle, fleeting. In just a moment, life can be extinguished. Nothing can stop that. You have learned nothing, nothing Rueben."
"Yes, I learned nothing…"
"Don't beat yourself up like that. That isn't the boy I loved."
"..."
"You tell yourself that you have to beg for forgiveness, you want me to resent you, to hate you for doing that to me."
She gave him a smile, "I can't just find it in myself to hate you, dummy."
[1360th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time he stab himself to death.
***
"There would be situations in our life when we have to make a choice, each of those choices can lead to different outcomes and consequences. Our every action will lead into new paths and close the other ones." She pulled her hair to the side.
"You made a choice, Rueben. Don't regret it."
"..."
The woman stared at the boy sitting on the chair, his arms coiled around his knees as he let out gasps of tears and snot.
"Its okay, Rueben."
[1990th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time he hung himself.
***
"Are you still going to be like that?"
"..."
"... You're in pain. I can feel it."
"..."
"Didn't Alan teach you that the more you push down your grief, your despair, the stronger it will become when it resurfaces?"
"..."
"You can grieve me, Rueben, but don't hate yourself because of it. It will only do you harm."
[4965th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time he stayed still until he died of hunger.
***
"Stand up."
"..."
"Don't give up again."
".."
"You did well."
[9879th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time he stabbed himself with his arm.
***
"Don't it feel good to just stay like this? For eternity. I know I could if im with you for eternity."
"."
"But you can't. Rueben. You must never become stagnant. Never. Press on. I have faith in you."
"."
"Don't worry, I'll be right here, with you. By your side. Even if eternity passes.
…
I promise."
[10,450th Loop has completed.]
[Resetting Loop…]
This time… he did nothing. And died like nothing.
***
"For how long will you be like this?"
Rueben stared at the woman, her golden hair rising from the gusts of wind. A face that he all so knew. A face so familiar and so beautiful.
The face of Sasha Vel Giroen.
"..."
[11,000th Loop.]
Rueben stayed still. Unmoving. His eyes lost any of its light. He had 9 Arms sprouting from his back as his legs formed like that of deer's hind legs. Fur had already sprouted from his lower half. Antlers grew from his forehead.
And yet Rueben still retained that bit of humanity left within him. A human's appearance.
Rueben still clung to it. That tiny bit of hope. That one loosing string of light. He still clung to it.
"Rueben..."
"."
"Rueben."
Rueben opened his eyes, cold and destitute.
Then tears fell from his face.
"I…. sorry."
The woman smiled and placed her hand on his cheek.
"I already forgave you. Dummy."
"I'm sorry for stabbing you.."
"I forgive you."
"I'm sorry for lying to you.."
"I forgive you."
"I'm sorry I hurt you…"
"Its okay, I forgive you."
"I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise of protecting you…"
"Its fine, I forgive you."
"I'm sorry, truly sorry…"
"Its okay. Its fine. I have forgiven everything."
".…I miss you."
The woman let out a smile, her teeth showing as her entire face blossomed into a beautiful fusion of sunshine and spring. Its light cleansing his tortured soul. Keeping it warm in its embrace, keeping it safe.
"I miss you too."
Rueben let out a tear once more as he shivered, the woman slowly turned into dust and scattered around the void.
The arms that sprouted on his back moved to stab him in the head. His antlers popped off from his forehead and floated around before stabbing its tip into his eyes, digging into it. His legs suddenly grew mouths and began devouring each other.
Rueben lied still, letting everything happen.
Then he was swallowed by the darkness.
He opened his eyes, not filled with despair, grief, sadness, all. But a firm will.
"I have to go." He said.
"Go. Continue forward. Don't stop." A voice sounded out in the darkness.
"I will wait for you here, even if it takes eternity."
Rueben opened his eyes, his crimson red eyes dimmed a little, his hair turned darker, replacing his dark brown hair into an even darker color.
There was no use in regretting a decision he had made years ago. There was no need for him to be guilty of it forever. He did what he thought was right, and that was enough.
He tried to run away from the truth, even wanted to run away and give up on life. He tried to find reasons to live, saving Sara, his mentor's last wish, his friends who told him to live well, he used all those to force himself to live even though he himself wanted to live.
He did that to Sasha so that he can live. He was afraid to die. So scared that he would twist his words and actions just for him to survive and then blame himself for it.
Like a mouse trapped in an opened box, he could have got out but he chose to stay. There were times that he could've got out but just as he was about to be freed, he came back to the box again voluntarily. Afraid of the monsters outside the box would kill him.
But he can't live like that anymore.
He don't want to give up anymore.
I don't want to give up anymore.
"I hate myself and that's okay."
I'll grow to love myself one day, slowly.
He then clenched his fist and leaped towards Hershey, who was sitting on the throne with a stunned look on her doll like face.
He won't remain stagnant. Not anymore and not ever.
Then he stabbed her with the dagger hidden on the gauntlet.
"Hey."
He let out a soft sigh.
"Been a while."
With renewed mentality, shedding his his previous mindset, Rueben became a new person.
A person who will continue onwards, never stopping, never giving up. He won't give up anymore.
"I'm Rueben Vans Luton Mortimer, A Hunter. Pleased to meet you."
Hershey stared at him as she reappeared a few meter away.
Then she gave him a smile, "I'm Hershey Blank, welcome back, Hunter."
A true Hunter was born.