I was looking for something! But what was it, who is it? I don't know. I just want to find it. I want to know what it is and who it is. It's like I can't continue to go on without it. Likely hindering me to become who I am. I just don't know.
In an unpredictable world where drinking liquor, smoking cigarettes,and mating I was out of it. I can't be in it, rather I would want to be in it at least it's what I think. But the world won't allow me to. Or maybe It's my world that didn't allow me to.
I lived innocently in my entire highschool life,never thinking of drinking alcohol, sipping cigarettes or even having a girl by my side,"Boring".
I dropped out of college because of boredom thinking I can find a better life this way. Not knowing what my future would lead me to. Started to plow land under the hot sun to be planted with vegetables. I thought it was easy. I can do it but it only makes my life even harder. It was my choice that led me to do what I haven't and didn't want to do. Just to relieve myself from all my problem's. Drowning myself with alcohol. Yes I felt joy but temporary, smoking cigarettes yet nothing happened. It was all wrong. I was wrong the whole time. Only makes my life worse or they say miserable. It really is true that you'll regret it when it's already over.
One cold dark starry night where I found myself drunk smoking trying to figure out those times I wasted doing crazy things in my life, thinking how my future continues with nothing I learn from my past. Wondering if there's something to gain this present to keep me moving forward for my better future.
*Sigh* ....
"I Wish ......…..
A sudden bright light from the sky flashes through my eyes force's me to tightly closing my eye lids. As my eyes were closed I can feel that my body's getting warmer and warmer, minutes after i carefully open my eyes and saw my soroundings were clearly bright as a day when it was cold and dark as i know. I found myself in a place that feels like I've been before, glancing left and right, recognizing the surroundings where I was.
There were three rows of arm desk chair and one table at the very front. The moment I recognized the blackboard is when I realized.
"Why?".Why am I at school?". "I already graduated, didn't I?."Is this for real?.
Lots of questions I ask my self and don't know the answers.Lots of doubt in my head that I don't want to believe in. As I don't want to believe it, I tried to pinch my ears to feel some pain, and tried hold my breath if ever wake up from this so-called dream I'm having.
*Ring...…
*Ring...…
*Ring...…
A sudden school bell rang from outside the building I'm in. Where a 5 '1 tall boy im familiar with appeared outside the room where I'm currently in, entering the front door wearing a blue tshirt with a black pants. Few seconds later two girls entered the room directly going to their assigned chair, one with short hair in a ponytail and one with dyed brown hair who's inch taller than the girl in the ponytail. As I tryed to recognize them, flashes of memories gush through my head remembering something like they were my classmates from high school.
"Yeah! this really is the past, but how!" I mumbled myself.
While I'm busy trying to figure out how I'm at school?. Why am I back?. I didn't realize that the room was filled with people I'm still familiarizing with and some people I recognized.
"Isn't she!? Is he!?"
"Yeah! there's no doubt I'm back"
"That ring was the time for the next subject as far as I can remember". As I'm recalling all my past memories a girl with shoulder long black hair wearing glasses sat beside me. "If I'm not mistaken her name is Clarissa". One of the honorol's in the classroom, then there's me, one of the idiots in the class. Knows nothing but to sleep and escape in class.
Sigh….
Since I'm not yet really sure if it's a dream or maybe it's a nightmare i just smile at her, never thought she would smile back. Makes my mind calm with all the headache I'm having.Just as I'm about to ask her what the next subject is? She and my classmates suddenly stood up, I got agitated so I also stood up.
(All students) "Good Morning Teacher Garry!". He's one of those people who's trying to find the value of their "X" and even including "Y" as their stepping stone yet still no use and couldn't find it's value. In short he's specialize as a math teacher.
He is wearing a yellow varsity uniform like he was in a kind of club or something. He was holding some weird 10 inches long pointy colorless cristal like it's an empty bottle I've only seen in movies while he's entering the classroom.
"Whoa it looks really real!, You can see at the top that it's showing some kind of aura or something.
"Good Morning! you may all sit down, he stated". We all sat down and fucoses our attention to teacher Garry on what topic he's about to teach us his students. I was so curious and turned my focus to the colorless cristal he just placed at the top of the table.
"Okay Class today we are about to find out what affinity you are with".
"What!?..... Affinity? what's the relation of affinities with our subject mumbling myself in shock".