Check the author's note at the end of the chapter for what Vasha looks like.
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Vasha
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I know I can be impulsive sometimes but Aether could've at least taken my side on this. It's not entirely my fault that I can't process certain emotions and end up lashing out to avoid sensory overload and breakdown. I was not wired like other people at birth and then it was just my luck that I was born from such a terrible excuse of a father. Goddess knows I hate that man and if he wasn't dead already I would kill him again.
I know all parents have their bad and redeeming qualities but this man had zero good qualities and a truckload of bullshit and trauma to give.
Sometimes I think back to that first night I started resenting him even when I didn't want to. I've tried to move past it but there's only so much an emotionally absent child can forget when you get attached to something that makes you feel, something that gives you emotions you understand, and to have it taken away that way? If you were in my shoes you would understand.
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Vasha's POV (11 years old)
I sat cross-legged reading these stupid history books Father has been forcing on me for the past year in his study. Father was standing right outside the door with Mr Favian, my tutor. I hate Mr. Favian because of the things he says to me when we're alone and he's supposed to be tutoring me. He would usually call me words like 'freak' or 'abomination' but they never got me angry. Not until Father called Mama a bad word when he was angry one night with Mr Favian present and I told Father to stop, that was when Mr. Favian gave me a creepy smile before leaving that night. Ever since then, he's been calling Mama bad words, and when I tell Father he would just dismiss me and say I was lying. It's ok though, Father is going to allow me to see Mama today and I can also see Peanut. I like Peanut a lot. He makes Mama laugh and smile all the time so Peanut is good.
Father walks in after another thirty minutes and tells me to go get ready to see Mama. I carefully arrange the books back on the small reading table in the corner and arrange them properly with all the pens on the right side and the books on the left side. I thank Father before leaving rushing up to my room for a quick shower and using the oil Mama gave me on my hair, she says it makes me smell like a field of flowers and she likes it. Father says it makes me smell like a girl and that I should stop wearing it but I don't want to because Mama likes it so much. I dressed in a short-fronted tailcoat and fitted waistcoat over a plain, white linen shirt and tight-fitting pantaloons and put my hair in a low bun like Mama taught me to do and l went to go meet Father. I knocked twice and waited for him to tell me to come in before I pushed the door open and walked in.
"I'm ready to go now, Father," I said, trying not to sound too eager.
"What have I told you about that horrid-smelling oil you put in your hair? I'm going to throw it out if you don't stop using it. It makes you smell like a girl and men who smell like girls aren't real men" he said, looking highly displeased and irritated. His nose twitched with a dark look on his face.
"I'm sorry for my incompetence Father, it won't happen again" I apologized quickly before he would change his mind about letting me go see Mama.
He beckoned Savior from the corner of his study with his hand. I hadn't noticed him but it was because he had a way of masking his scent and blending into the walls.
"Take him to his mother and have him back here first thing in the morning. Be sure to give them a reasonable distance so they can enjoy their time together. I don't plan on letting him see her again anytime soon" Father instructed without looking away from me and a shiver went up my spine. Father always looked at me like he didn't like me but Mama said I'm thinking too much about it and that Father loves me.
Uncle Savior walks behind me, puts his hand firmly on my shoulders, and tells me to hold steady right before I feel the air whoosh past us.
When I opened my eyes we were in Mama's garden and I let out a squeal, rushing out from Uncle Savior's hold and running the path that leads to a pretty fountain. I hear a bark and Peanut comes running at me, wagging his tail and Mama's pretty laugh follows as she walks toward us. I pet Peanut a little and run to Mama, hugging her tight and grabbing onto her clothes because I miss her so much. I hate leaving her. Mama picks me up and I feel embarrassed because I'm a big boy and big boys don't get picked up but Mama likes picking me up. I spend the day playing with Mama and she reads me a story before we go to bed in her room.
I wake up the next morning to the sound of Mama's door getting kicked open and a scream rips through the air from somewhere in the house. Mr. Favian drags me from the bed and scowls at the flower pajamas I have on. 'useless freak' he mumbles and drags me out with a bruising grip on my arm to the living room. There's a girl passed out on the floor covered in blood and my mind freezes for a second. Anya, that's Anya. I would know my sister's hair anywhere. I turn towards Father sitting in a chair by the window and he scowls at me. "Bring him to me, Favian" Father instructs and I'm dragged forward until I'm standing in front of him. "What rubbish do you have on? Is this how a man is supposed to dress?" he asks and when I don't answer he tugs me to him by the collar and rips the shirt from my body. "This is the last time you will wear something like this." he bites the words at me.
Mother walks in from the back door and pauses when her eyes land on Anya, she looks up at Father and I before she takes a deep breath and walks toward Anya. She gently scoops her up in her arms and tries to walk upstairs but Father stops her. "And where do you think you're going with that useless daughter of yours," he asks looking pissed.
"You came into my home unannounced and killed my maid in waiting as if that wasn't enough, you went ahead to kill my daughter, tell me, Anatoly, is this how a guest should behave? Your name does not fit your disgusting character. Let me lay my dead child in a comfortable bed and I will be right back" Mama says and walks away with Anya.
Dead child? Is Anya dead?