It's one thing to be relieved of pain and anxiety brought by hope and it is another thing to have to live with the consequences of your past or actions when hope finally comes. That pain remains and the regret lives on...
Yeah, God helped me by bringing Uncle Charles into the picture, but it didn't change the fact that I was still pregnant.
Each time I flashback to the night at the party, I regret ever going out with Bryan that night.
I wish I had just stayed back, I wish I made Mrs Davis aware before her death, I wish It was all just a dream...but it just wasn't.
Just so it is, whenever we realize our mistakes and we keep lamenting, 'I wish I didn't...' Then, we just have to live with the consequences of our mistakes then.(sighs)
*******************
I felt so relieved when Uncle Charles came in, I couldn't have asked for something better than that at that time.
Two days later, I was discharged and Uncle Charles took me back home. I couldn't imagine going back to the same house, but I had no choice. Starting a new life with a stranger was quite difficult, maybe because he's a man, plus I haven't even met him before.
Weeks went on, it was just Uncle Charles and I in the house. Many times, I have always dreamt and imagined being raped. I couldn't help it anymore. Whenever I am with him, I see him as Bryan. I see a rapist and each time, we are having a discussion, I always cut him off. I wish I could just be left alone in that house, but I couldn't help it. The fact that I still had a place to lay my head and eat is worth managing every experience in the house with Uncle Charles.
As much as he treated me like his sister, I still couldn't warm up closer to him.
Often times, he would say encouraging words like ' Mirabel, you're still precious. Never devalue yourself, don't ever think you can't be the best you have always wanted to be.'
Mira, you're great! I see you becoming a medical doctor. You'll definitely make Mrs Davis proud wherever she is.' He said affirmably.
It's actually encouraging but being with him almost every time gets so annoying.
Days went on and weeks went by, I still couldn't reach Bryan. Each time the night falls, I cry hardly to my pillow and wished things didn't go as it were. I had pictured spending the rest of my life with Bryan, I had become obsessed with him and everything about him. I didn't know how to recuperate from the shock of getting pregnant for him and losing him, all at a time.
All along, I was just deceived, used and dumped!
'Gullible me! ' I mourned as I sat on the couch close to the bed.
Unfortunately, with just one decision I made, I lost many. Two weeks after I was discharged, I got an admission letter from the University I was processing in England, a long time anticipated miracle! I lost Bryan, I lost my virginity, I lost my pride, I lost Bryan whom I held so dear to heart, even Vivian, who kept pushing me to it all had relocated and I was all alone to myself. No friend, no family... absolutely nothing . I lost almost everything that I almost lost myself. I hated my own guts that I couldn't help having suicidal thoughts.
But one thing has kept me going, God and Uncle Charles' words.
Uncle Charles was the 'churchy' type,. I had no choice but to get along. And, sincerely, going to Church helped me to see God's love, and this time, I was Intentional. It wasn't because Uncle Charles made it a ' must ' but because I wanted to know about God for real.
Lucky me, most people in Church thought I was Uncle Charles' wife because my body size gave that 'mature-woman's look and He always covered up for me too.
And as months went by, I got better and encouraged to push my life forward beyond the limitations. I decided to forget everything that had happened and embrace a new life I was set to live.
*****************
Some months later, I had Nova( hope). It was a tough experience I never thought I'd go through as a teenager but I guess I chose my fate because of the decisions I made and fate chose me unavoidably. It was a new life entirely for me as a teen mum but through these times, I learnt and unlearned . . .
And here was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. A new life in Christ guided and directed by His spirit, disciplined and cautious, determined and focused. I woke to a new consciousness of myself, never to make mistakes or get distracted by people and never to get hurt again.
🌹🌹🌹🌹