Haruki felt a pang of surprise at the bluntness in Ginger's tone.
He had just apologized, and Ken's response was merely that wasn't fair? Did he expect him to grovel? Was that what they did now?
"Hey, I owned up to being in the wrong already," Haruki said, his tone a mix of disbelief and irritation. "The least you could do is try to understand."
"Then my apologies for inconveniencing you, Haruki," Ginger replied, looking like he was one snort away from rolling his eyes. "Your words have cut to my very core."
"That's so insincere."
"Right, because you're so much more sincere," Ken did roll his eyes this time.
"I was being genuine," Haruki stated calmly. Their parents were out for a quick evening walk, probably gossiping and getting some exercise. Despite their absence as well as the complete privacy he and Ginger currently had, Haru didn't want to start an argument. "Everyone has bad days, you know."
"Let me have mine then."
Really? He's giving me attitude just to get back at me? Haruki scoffed, raised his hands in surrender, and turned to walk away. "You know what? Fine. Maybe I deserve this; I'll leave you alone."
Ken didn't stop him as Haruki retreated to sweep the floors, and they continued their tasks in silence. The tension between them grew, overshadowing their earlier discussion about games and threatening to sour the evening.
Fine, maybe I could have phrased that apology better, Haruki thought, feeling foolish. However, he couldn't just straight up explain why he'd been so irritable earlier; that'd be crazy. Especially now that he kind of had to show support if Kentaro really liked that girl, even if it meant Haru never stood a real chance with him.
Pausing his sweeping, he took a deep breath to compose himself and prepared to offer a proper apology. "Ginger, listen—"
"Do you have a crush on Ayuka?"
Haruki stiffened as all forms of coherent speech died on his tongue, and he slowly turned to face the fiery-haired boy behind the sink, mortified beyond belief.
Ken wasn't looking at him, but he continued speaking calmly while washing his dishes. "I'd get it if you did. She's cute and..."
"What?" Haruki blurted out, cutting him off. When Ginger fell silent for too long, Haru spoke again. "No, seriously, what?"
This time, Ginger turned to look at him, his expression void of emotion. "Isn't she?"
He asked as if any response contradicting the statement would be utter bullshit.
"No— I mean, yes, she's attractive, but me liking her more than a friend?" Haruki shook his head in disbelief, "Why would you think that?"
"It'd certainly explain why you suddenly got all moody with me."
"I wasn't—" he paused at Ginger's offended look and amended, "I don't feel that way about her."
"Sure," Ken snorted, turning back to his dishes. There weren't many left, but knowing him, he'd likely prolong the task hoping Haruki would leave the kitchen first. "That totally explains your disappearing acts whenever she visits and it's just us two," he muttered.
"That's me being considerate. You guys have your secrets and jokes, so I'm always giving you space for that," Haruki's voice tinged with emotion. "A little gratitude would be nice."
"For what?" Ginger shot him a puzzled look, prompting Haruki to snort indignantly.
"For giving you some quality time with the girl you like."
*
Kentaro stared, understandably bewildered. But while he might think Haru's words warranted that kind of stare, the guy himself didn't seem to appreciate it, considering how quickly his expression twisted into displeasure.
"Obsessing over someone you're already interested in? Do you really think I'd do that to you?" Haruki questioned, words laced with a little venom to disguise the hurt. "Do I really seem that low?"
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
"You.... really don't...?" was all Ken managed to ask.
"I don't."
But that didn't make sense. If he didn't feel anything, then why did he get so irritated after that encounter?
Ken watched as he the other's gaze shifted uncomfortably just then, as if he'd read exactly what was on his mind. Only to realize that it was himself who'd actually said those words out loud.
"I can't tell you that," was all Haruki responded with.
"... Why not?"
"Look, I just can't, okay? It'll ruin... I can't tell you," Haru finished lamely, and Ken's expression deadpanned.
Secrets. He didn't realize how much he hated those until Haruki started keeping some. Ken contemplated on his next words, hands moving from the dishes to grip the edge of the sink as he tried to figure out how best to continue this conversation with as little misunderstandings as possible. And he found exactly where to proceed from.
"I don't have a crush on Ayuka, either," he said, grey gaze levelling coolly with the dark brown across from him. "We're friends, and the reason we seem so particularly close is because of some of the things she confides in me with. Things I can kind of relate to, since I've been there before."
The other person looked like he was about to snark when Ken said two words that completely shut him up.
"Family issues, Haru."
".... Oh."
"Yeah, oh." Ginger parroted, then shrugged. "Among other things. A few weeks back, she wanted my opinion on whether or not it'd be okay to share some of her stories with you, and I told her to go ahead whenever she was ready, coz she trusts you and I knew you'd understand. Unfortunately, that was around the time you started running off to who knows where whenever she approached."
"She... Really?"
Kentaro simply nodded, before he continued. "I didn't understand why you kept doing that, honestly, and then today you suddenly snapped and I figured it was because of me. That I was getting in the way or something. That's why I asked about you crushing on her."
"And I already said I don't—"
"Yes, Haru, I know that now. Yet... you're the only one who suddenly gets all evasive whenever she comes around," Kentaro pointed out, fully turning his body to face the other boy, expression a little conflicted, "And that I still don't get. Why is that, Haru? If you... dislike her, just say so."
"I don't dislike her."
"So she just makes you uncomfortable?" Ginger decided to borrow the exact word the girl herself had used.
Haruki seemed like he wanted to look away, but thankfully didn't. "That's not... Can we not talk about this anymore?"
"We have to, otherwise we'll just keep dancing around in circles and start walking on eggshells around each other," Kentaro's gaze turned soft; the kind of gentleness that only happened occasionally. And his voice was even softer, "And I don't like the idea of that with you."
*
... Shit.
Haruki was on the verge of just throwing caution to the wind and telling him. He could just admit his feelings and get it over with; not dwell too much on what would happen after. It'd be over within seconds.
But damn it if he wasn't scared.
The fear of rejection gripped him hard, because yes, it did matter what happened after. It mattered if his best friend started seeing differently, eyeing him with disgust and disappointment for even developing those feelings.
He was too scared to lose Kentaro.
The boy himself was still looking at Haruki imploringly, dying to understand what the issue was so they could move on from this like they always did. Sort out their arguments before they escalated too much.
Was this an argument? No, Haruki didn't like to think it was. They were just talking, yeah. Didn't make it any less uncomfortable, though.
Kentaro's fingers drummed a nervous rhythm against the sink, a telltale sign of his own unease. His furrowed brow betrayed his confusion, silently questioning why this particular subject seemed so difficult for Haruki to talk about.
He probably thought the answer was so easy to say, which it probably was, and that made Haruki's drop his gaze in shame. This was not how the day was supposed to end.
Haruki certainly hadn't planned on it.
"... Okay," the word left Ginger's lips in a sigh, as if he'd finally given up trying to force things, and Haruki felt his heart squeeze. "That was too... I shouldn't have said it like that. You're your own person, and how you feel is up to—"
"I don't dislike her, Ken. I don't think I could bring myself to dislike her, even if I tried," Haruki finally spoke, words quieter than usual, as he cut in before Ken could finish his sentence. He mentally applauded himself for keeping his voice as steady as it was, given the weight of his next words could potentially ruin what they currently had.
Kentaro seemed to know that there was more to say, thus he wasn't quick to interrupt, which Haruki was grateful for even as he stubbornly kept his gaze glued on the floor he still hadn't finished cleaning. Ayuka was such a sweetheart, carefree with others, and impossibly smart. In the future, even if Ken ever did develop feelings for her, it'd be understandable.
Grip tightening on the broom he held, Haru went on, "It's not that she makes me uncomfortable either, but just that I'm a little... jealous."
There, he'd said it. Haruki had finally made his inferiority complex known.
"Of me?" Ken still didn't understand, but that was okay, since Haruki was there to correct him.
"Of her."
*
Jealous of her?
Jealous of Ayuka??
Ken's mind screeched to a halt for a solid minute, everything rushing back as if a flood had been unleashed.
But that would mean— No, wait, Kentaro had to calm the fuck down first. Cool his jets before he made any outrageous assumptions. Jealousy could exist in a platonic context. Yeah, Haru's words could just mean he was a possessive friend. That was common, probably.
But this would be the first time he's ever admitted it, wouldn't it? Had Haru ever been jealous before? Or was Ayuka the first person to make him feel this way? If so, was it because she was a girl? Haru never seemed to have any problem with any male friends Ginger made, so, maybe? But Ken was also friends with Fumiye Hasegawa, yet Haru had never reacted strangely around her. Then again, that girl was closer with Haruki than Ginger himself so any possibilities for jealousy were out. So, what? Did the jealousy only apply if it were female friends that Kentaro personally made? Was that how it worked??
He snapped back to reality when he noticed movement, meeting an unexpectedly insecure gaze across from him. Wait, insecure? Haruki didn't do insecure. Flustered at times, sure, but never insecure unless things were dire. He usually exuded stubborn overconfidence.
Which meant... his admission wasn't so simple after all.
"Why?" Kentaro finally managed to ask, finding his voice, though a little strained.
The older teen averted his eyes again. "Just... because."
"You're lying."
Haruki's lips tightened, then he exhaled heavily, meeting Ken's eyes with a hardened expression. "Look, I already told you what you wanted to know, so why—"
"You didn't finish. Yes, you're jealous of Hagiwara, but why?"
"Are you that full of yourself? Want me to complain about how she gets to spend more time with you at school than I do, five days a week, is that it?"
"If that's the issue, then we both know whose fault that was for my delay. And god-forbid I bring up how you reacted when I wanted to join the same club as you..."
"You mean the club you didn't even want to be in? Oh, please, don't even start," Haruki scoffed, and just like that, they were bickering. Again.
For a very stupid reason this time. Something was definitely off in the air today.
Rubbing his temples, Ginger let out an exasperated sigh. "This is getting us nowhere."
"Why are you so curious, anyway?"
Because I'm hopeful. That's what Ken thought, but he phrased it differently. "Because I just want to confirm something."
"Confirm..." Haruki seemed bewildered, but his sneer suggested a different understanding. "Are you shitting me? Still trying to figure out if I have feelings for Hagiwara or not? Trust me, she's all yours, Nomura."
Now they were on last name terms, which made Ken feel very unsettled as he grimaced physically. "Don't... do that."
Haruki seemed to realize he'd overstepped, averting his eyes in angry silence.
Why was everything going south so quickly? It felt like they had more misunderstandings in a single day than in all the years they'd known each other.
It was as if the vulnerable side of Haruki that had briefly shown itself was now locked away, leaving behind the harsh persona from that afternoon when all this started. Even if Ken wanted to express his feelings, he doubted the person in front of him would be receptive.
Perhaps he should drop the subject now, before they said things they'd regret. He should have just accepted Haru's apology quietly when it was first offered.
Minutes passed in uncomfortable silence, and Kentaro decided not to break it further. Tomorrow was another day. Hopefully, this would all be behind them...
But Haruki seemed to have different plans.
"Ginger."
Ken considered ignoring him out of pettiness, given he was now 'Nomura'. But he couldn't bring himself to, responding quietly, "Hm?"
"You..." Haruki began, then paused, muttering what sounded like a curse under his breath.
The sound made Ken inwardly roll his eyes at what Haruki could possibly be upset about this time. He really wasn't in the mood for another pointless argument.
"Do you really want to know?"
If it wasn't so quiet in the room, Ken might have missed the question.
Just say no and move on. Your brain is too tired for more cryptic responses... Yet Ginger found himself replying simply, "Mm."
Haruki took his time, and Kentaro waited, as he always did. Eventually, the response came.
"It's because..." the older boy seemed to sigh, continuing more softly, "It's because I know she stands a better chance of being with you than I do. That's why I'm so jealous."
A better chance at being with him...? The way Haruki phrased it made it sound like he was finally saying the words Kentaro wanted to hear. But he bet his ginger locks the guy was just being damned cryptic again. Did Haruki even grasp the weight of those words?
"You've gotta be kidding me," gripping the scrub as if it had personally insulted him, Ginger seethed under his breath as he spun around to confront his clueless friend, his voice a mix of frustration and anger. "Seriously? Do you even realize how that sounds—"
And then he saw it.
The flicker of hurt and embarrassment on Haruki's face in response to those words. Words that under normal circumstances meant nothing, but in this moment, they struck hard, revealing to Kentaro that Haruki wasn't casually toying with him.
He had laid it out plain and simple. A shot at being together. Kentaro wasn't naïve. He even liked to think his knowledge of confessions and relationships was better than Haruki's, having done his fair share of homework, so he understood that the context here wasn't about friendship.
Haru had just dropped a bombshell. A romantic one, despite how indirect it'd sounded. And Kentaro had dismissed it without a second thought.
The moment was fleeting as Haruki dropped his gaze abruptly, his dark locks falling over his eyes, shielding his emotions.
But the strained tone betrayed the hurt beneath. "... Sure."
"H-Hey," Kentaro realized his mistake instantaneously, heart pounding so loudly it threatened to rip right out of his chest. "No, wait, Haru... I didn't mean—"
Just then, the front door swung open, causing both boys to jump and turn towards the hallway, where the sound of their mothers' voices echoed.
Yumiko Nomura peeked into the kitchen a moment later, scanning for filth. "You guys still at it?"
"We're almost done," Haruki chirped with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, a fact only Kentaro seemed to notice.
"And don't forget we've got movie night ahead!" Maki's voice carried from the other room. "It's Saturday, folks, and we're staying up past ten."
Yumiko playfully rolled her eyes before turning back to the boys. "You two are the movie buffs, so chop-chop, alright?"
Kentaro barely registered Haru's comeback as he turned back to finish up the dishes, shutting out the chatter around him.
His mind kept rewinding to the moment his friend had bared his feelings, and he winced at the oblivious redhead he'd been just minutes before.
This felt like a nightmare.
~~~~~~