I wonder once again…
Why am I here? At this lavish place that seems to ooze out rejection from every corner. Celebrating an event I'm not worthy of, a birthday of mine that not many would remember unless reminded. Everyone except Selena. She was the only one who would celebrate this day that was like a constant reminder that I'm not wanted in this world. The only light to my dark world.
It was far too extravagant to use Dalia hall to celebrate just a birthday, especially of someone who hasn't debuted in society or hold any influence or power. Deep down I knew. I knew the reason but I ignored it, convincing myself repeatedly that Selena just wanted to celebrate like a royal should.
But reality can never be what you hope for. It hits you hard. Drags you back to the harsh reality, shoving the truth right at your face without mercer. The calculative look on Selena when she looked down at the nobles from the double curved staircase made of pure marble, I finally accepted it. The truth that this banquet was organized to broaden Selena's social circle, to gain more influence, power and allies to fight for the throne.
Standing at the center of the staircase with my sister on the right, looking down, seeing the same calculative looks directed towards me. Dissecting me and gauging my worth. Each second that passes, further deepens my regret. I shouldn't have let Selena organize this banquet. It's not that I don't want her to succeed in her ambitions, it's just that I didn't want this day that Selena filled with pleasant memories to be tainted like this.
This was not what I anticipated, nor did I ever want it. I wanted to celebrate it the same way as all the previous years I can remember. With just me and Selena, in the small dining room of the Baltic palace, cutting a small cake. That was all I wanted. Just that was enough to fill my small world with happiness.
I truly wanted to celebrate my birthday and really enjoy the little moment of happiness I'd get whenever Selena was around. Socializing with people who are strangers to me who don't acknowledge my existence are the last people I'd want to smile at even if it's fake or be mindful of how I behave and act.
The only reason I'm being mindful of them is for Selena. For her to strengthen her position as a candidate for the heir to the throne and acquire the title 'crown Princess' and for that she needs some powerful allies and this banquet is a rare opportunity to gain those allies.
Am I evil for wishing for the failure of my own sister, because the moment she is crowned, her wings will forever be chained by this kingdom. Unable to soar high in the sky, left with the heavy burden her position will bring. Her dream of traveling and exploring the world will forever be a dream at that point.
And yet, I can never really show how I feel about this. I can never talk her out of it. We're past that point now. She is an heir candidate. Failure leads to consequences. Consequences lead to punishment. There is only one punishment for an heir candidate.
Death.
Either by other heir candidates or the citizens of this kingdom.
I never actually wanted to celebrate my birthday today. I wanted to be with mother, she still hasn't regained consciousness from the sudden collapse yesterday, yet the apprentice doctor forbade anyone from entering except for her daily caretaker, for reasons unknown.
Even though I hate this party, I can't voice out my opinion as that would greatly upset Selena. She put her heart and soul into organizing this banquet to celebrate my 6th birthday and the last thing I'd want to do is hurt her feelings or ruin this opportunity she created. I don't want to disappoint her as she has been the only existence I want to live for, my only pillar of support in the cursed royal family.
"I thank you all for coming tonight on this special occasion to celebrate my dearest younger sister Angelis's 6th birthday" Selena spoke, loud and clear once the orchestra stopped playing, getting everyone's attention on us.
I gracefully bow spreading my dress slightly, full of elegance and an air of aristocratic authority just like how I was taught for hours on my eloquent lessons for the past few months on Selena's recommendation. All in the hopes that I don't become a burden to Selena.
"shall we go down and start the banquet with the first dance?" she asked me, reaching out her hands for me to hold.
I nodded. No words could come out due to the pressuring gaze from the noble almost boring a hole on me. I shrink back, wanting to hide my existence as those cold eyes looked at me as if I'm some sort of garbage or a presence not worthy to be in their eyes.
Selena grabbed my hands the moment she saw me retreating. She guided me carefully down the curved staircase making sure I didn't trip on my dress.
I was wearing a royal blue dress with sleeves covered in patterns made with golden threads. The birthday gift from my sister. A tailor made dress specially for the occasion. It's quite long that the moment I let go of it, it touches the ground covering my feet. Adorned with a beautiful diamond necklace set and the diamond hair piece my mother gave me yesterday to wear. Overall, the simple dress looked royal caliber with the matching jewelry and the half up do with braids.
As we walk down I once again admire the beauty of Dalia hall. The magnificent crystal chandeliers hanging from the sealing as if it would rain diamonds illuminating the place. And just below that chandelier lies a large water fountain. The marble floor tiles reflect the lights highlighting a picture perfect scene. The snow white sculpted Pillar with floral designs. The entire place was an artwork you can't help but admire.
Upon reaching the ground, Selena guided me to the center to start the first dance. We both bowed to each other and when she reached out for my hand, she said " you're too stiff Angelis, you got to relax. This is a day for you to have fun, no matter what others might say"
Her words were like magic, having an instant effect as I relaxed upon hearing them.
We danced happily to the first song played. My heart would stop every time I stepped on her feet. Clearly dancing was not my thing. Yet just like a prince in shining armor ready to save the damsel in distress, she saved me many times from the embarrassment and covered my mistake to help me not to make a fool of myself.